Is this normal?

(20 Posts)
LittlePeaPod Mon 22-Apr-13 22:26:59

New to MN.  Just wondering if feeling like this is normal?  Found out we were pregnant (would have been our first DC) in February. Unexpected but so dearly wanted by DF and I.   Had a MC early March 2013 and I was devastated.  DF a total rock and I love and respect him more than ever.  We are continuing ttc and I really want to ttc.  But I am feeling:

- scared that maybe I will never conceive again and that was my last chance (I am 37 in a couple weeks)
- scared that even if we do my body may not be able to carry babies to term
- so worried if We conceive I will mc again

Are these feelings normal?  How did other MN feel after such a devastating experience?

Staying positive and having natural pre pregnancy vitamins, trying to eat healthy and getting acupuncture / attending yoga / keeping fit (i gave always done these things they help me work through thins) to help with my mental and physical well-being.

Bakingtins Mon 22-Apr-13 22:32:02

All normal. I'm sorry you lost your baby. Miscarriage can be a devastating experience and whilst it's normal to want to be pregnant again and somehow put it right, it's also normal to be terrified of the prospect of becoming vulnerable to it happening again. The stats are on your side after one MC for a healthy pregnancy next time, but I know you don't want stats, you want a crystal ball before you commit yourself again.
Come and join this thread - full of women going through the same process. Company lightens the load.

LadyFlumpalot Mon 22-Apr-13 22:40:32

All normal. I miscarried last November at 11 weeks. I conceived again in December and am 19 weeks tomorrow.

The doctor told me that 1:3 pregnancies end in a miscarriage, and out of those there are many millions that go on to concieve and carry to full term afterwards. You are in good company.

It is entirely normal to feel very cut up about it. Even when you think you are ok, it can get you. I randomly had a memory about the shoes I wore to hospital and burst into noisy snotty tears the other day.

Please talk to people about it. It surprised me how many other women out there had their own experience, and how lovely everyone was.

LittlePeaPod Mon 22-Apr-13 22:44:36

Thank you Bakingtin. I will come to other thread but still a little nervous joining threads.

LittlePeaPod Mon 22-Apr-13 22:47:16

Thank you LadyFlum. I am really upset tonight and can't stop crying. DF is away and don't understand what's wrong with me. I have been ok for last few weeks till now.

steppemum Mon 22-Apr-13 22:57:16

so sorry you experienced this, it is rubbish isn't it?

I had a mc when I was 34, then had ds when I was 35. Then 2 mcs and then dd1 and finally a mc and dd2 when I was 40!

It was a rollercoaster, but the first, even though it was very early, was the most shocking, because until then I had 'assumed' that you got pregnant and then had a baby. It had never occurred to me that you might mc. I remember that it suddenly made it all seem very fragile, and unlikely and I worried that I would never have a baby.

3 larger than life dcs proves that is not the case. But each pregnancy was really scary for me, as I never knew how far I would get.

Early scans to show a heartbeat was very important reassurance.

LittlePeaPod Mon 22-Apr-13 23:06:44

That's so true. I was so naive, I thought everything would be alright. My sister in law is pregnant and I am so happy for her and don't want her feeling bad and not enjoy/celebrate her pregancy bu at the same time I get upset when I see her. Please understand I do not begrudge her pregancy. Today has bee the worst day since the week we lost our baby. Sorry for rambling and banging on about myself..

steppemum Tue 23-Apr-13 00:25:47

Pea - don't apologise. it is a rough time. When my friend got pregnant shortly after I did with ds, I was being cautious and careful, and not wanting to tell everyone. She was telling the world with delighted enthusiasm. I was so pleased for her, but I sort of wanted to tell her 'don't be so happy, just be careful, it might not last...' Of course I didn't but her naivety was heart breaking.

I have a friend TTC, and we go to a big church. Last sunday everyone was in summery clothes and suddenly you could see lots of pregnant bumps. there are a lot of babies due in the next 5 months. My friend came over to me and gave me a hug and just said in my ear 'I need a hug, there are a lot of pregnant women and I am finding it so hard' I gave her a big hug and then she was able to go off and be 'normal' with everyone.

It is just rubbish.

my SIL has 2 dds. They are both a bit older than my dds. They were both conceived at the same time as 2 of my mcs. One of my neices was born a few days before my due date. that was hard - but by then I was pregnant with dd1!

Bakingtins Tue 23-Apr-13 07:55:33

My most recent MC was early March and I'm struggling more now than I did at the time. It's a tough stage when everyone else expects you to have moved on but you are still hurting.
You need a place where you can "ramble and bang on" in order to be able to function normally the rest of the time - just like steppemum's friend, it's important to have places where you can be real about your feelings. This is one of them - ramble as much as you like.

LittlePeaPod Tue 23-Apr-13 18:50:52

Stepmum that's how I feel. We went to a 40th on Saturday and I encourage my sister in law to be happy and everyone was. Ingratiating her and I was sever satiated but kept quite. It would have been unfair o breakdown.

Bakingtins - I am so sorry for your lose. You are right it is tough and So sorry for your pain. Unless people have suffered a lose they don't really understand how it feels. And some of the most hurtful comments are the ones intended to make you feel better. Eg "it's natures way because there must have been something wrong". Well you know what nature can go @@@@ right off....... That's what I really want to say to that one....

Thank you for listening to me particularly last night, I was so upset and it hit me out of the blue. DF and i are ttc at the moment and the fear, grief for our lose and hurt just overwhelmed me yesterday. Feeling better today. Thank you again for your kindness.

Honey786 Tue 23-Apr-13 22:58:17

Hi LittlePea, I'm so sorry for ur loss. It is the most devastating thing to experience. I also had a mc with my first pregnancy in march and it broke my heart.

It is normal to feel like u r, I'm feeling exactly the same. We r ttc again but feel like it will never happen as it took me over 4yrs to concieve! I also worry that if I'm constantly thinking about getting pregnant and stressing about it (which I can't help), it will also affect my chances of concieving! For this reason I'm trying to be strong and positive but it's so difficult. Some days I can't help but cry myself to sleep. I can understand how you feel, you're doing the right thing and staying positive.

It also makes you realise how fragile a pregnancy can be and lucky people r to be able to have a full term pregnancy without ever experiencing a miscarraige.

I'm sorry I can't give u any other advice but I just wanted to post u a message to say that I'm thinking of you and sending u a lot of love xxx

LittlePeaPod Wed 24-Apr-13 16:45:57

Hi Honey, thank you for your message and sorry to hear your news. It's just rubbish for all of us. I can relate to everything everyone has said and I can definitely relate to your point about feeling like it will never happen. Yes I agree that we need to stay positive and try not to stress. It worries me that worrying will affect my chances too. It's a bit of an upsetting cycle.

I really hope you and your DP get a BFP quickly. I hope we can all get a BFP quickly.

My thoughts are with you and your DP… thanks

LittlePeaPod Wed 01-May-13 05:59:22

Hi all. I just wanted to thank everyone for their lovely comments and support on this thread. I also want to let you know that we had some good news yesterday. We got a BFP (4+2) today.

Although really happy and excited. I am really scared and nervous. Fingers crossed all goes well this time.

Rockchick1984 Wed 01-May-13 12:28:42

Congratulations Pea!!!

squizita Wed 01-May-13 14:28:21

These feelings are totally normal. So sorry to hear of your loss. flowers

There is a good thread over on the pregnancy board about TTC & pregnancy after MC (your age is 100% NOT TOO OLD for most women and is in fact the average birth age in parts of some UK cities... the media, even some well meaning parts, grossly exaggerate how early we lose fertility).

I would also recommend the phone helpline at the miscarriage association and their message boards. Go on their pregnant after miscarriage board, scroll through the birth announcements- plenty in late 30s to early 40s!

Startliteangel Wed 01-May-13 16:02:20

Hi little pea so sorry for your loss...I had my 1st mc 20 years ago..send home from hospital and told "just one of these things" fast forward to 2013and 6 MC later DH and I have decided to try again at the age of 43 ..we where blessed with our DD 12 years ago...so miracles do happen ..all the very best of luck for the future..x

LittlePeaPod Wed 01-May-13 16:29:48

Squizita and Startliteangel - thank you for your comments. Really sorry to hear about your losses Startliteangel, its so hard. Although I still get upset about the mc which occured in March I am also really pleased we got a BFP (4+2). Really happy but so nervous and worried that it may happen again. Trying to stay level headed and prepare myself for whatever may happen. BUT I am keeping my fingers, teos and everything crossed that this little pea will be ok. Still in shock that we are pregnant again. As you can see from my op note I really didn't think it would happen and not so fast. Still have the other two worries but need to be positive.

DF and I are keeping our fingers crossed that everything works out this time.

Thank you so much again thanks

Bakingtins Thu 02-May-13 14:40:51

Congratulations Littlepea Hope it all goes well.

Shellywelly1973 Thu 02-May-13 17:40:17

Congratulations!!!

Best of luck.

LittlePeaPod Thu 02-May-13 19:29:40

Thank you Bakingtin and Shelly..

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