Is it normal to feel this way?

[pumpkinsweetie]

I had a positive poas on wednesday 13th feb, my last AF started 10th January.
I had got pregnant on the pill & my pregnancy was very unsuspected. Non the less i started to get quite excited about the prospect of becoming a mummy again.
On Saturday i started spotting, i put it down to implantation bleeding. Even upon phoning the Epu they more or less said they thought that what it was and told me they cannot scan me as to early & to wait until Tue take another poas, if it's still positive to come in.
The bleeding got worse, rather like a menstrual period, but cramps much worse and i've lost small clots aswell. I just no in my heart i've had a miscarriage, they cannot be all this blood and still a baby there

I feel really sad & down, my dh has been taking care of the dc and helping me out, but i feel no-one understands how i feel. I feel like a fraud as my baby would have only have been 5wks and i know others go through much worse.
I just can't shake off how sad i feel, how ever early along i was, i feel as though i have lost a baby & i just want to grieve but feel as though i can't allow myself as others may potray it as silly iyswim.
Been resting & pretending to myself on Tue everything will be fine and baby will still be in there, but in reality i know all this bleeding can never mean anything positive

My nipples are still tingling like i'm still pregnant & feel so angry at this as mother nature is fooling me into a false sense of security.
Couldn't stop crying when i went to bed last night and i'm sick of the sight of blood everytime i go to the toilet.

I want to know how long the blood will last, but i know thats an uncertainty no-one can answer and i know my dh will not agree ttc again as this was an accident & we already have 4dc and financial problems.

Everywhere i look, on fb, tv people have scan pics, new babies, even my Sky box started pre-recording obem last night-deleted it can't face watching it and i even recieved my free book from mn this morning which a story about a midwife!

I know my baby wasn't meant to be, but i can't help feeling upset about what wasn't. My due date would have been 17-10-13, 3 days before my late brothers birthday, when that day comes, i will still remember my little one that isn't here.

Sorry so long, just need to get my emotions out and see if it's all normal x

[pumpkinsweetie]

Bump x

[Bakingtins]

I'm really sorry you think you've lost your baby pumpkin and of course all of what you are feeling is normal. It is possible to bleed a lot and for things to still be ok, but heavy bleeding + cramps doesn't sound very positive so I think you are better to prepare yourself for bad news.
If a miscarriage is confirmed, of course you need to grieve for the baby and for the life that you'd imagined for your enlarged family. Never feel silly for loving that little bean. it might help to plan something now to say goodbye (plant a tree, release a balloon, buy a piece of memorial jewellery) and also something to remember baby on the EDD.
It's horrible when you miscarry and suddenly there are bumps sprouting everywhere. Feeling jealous is a normal part of the grieving process. In fact, however you feel on any given day is ok, you need to allow yourself to work through any emotions this throws up and not worry what anyone else thinks.
Take it gently - we'll be here if you need your hand held on Tuesday.

[delilahbelle]

pumpkin life isn't fair is it? Look after yourself, and know that other people understand how you feel x

[pumpkinsweetie]

Thankyou both of you

[pumpkinsweetie]

Couldn't wait until Tue, wanted to know whether there is any hope...there isn't pregnancy tests are now showing negative, so i have definetly lost my bean
Going out with friends tonight, as bleeding has nearly stopped and can't hide myself forever.
Dh doesn't want to try for another baby, that i will have to accept & move on from this in time
Thankyou for everyone on this board who have helped me this week, it means a lot

[Bakingtins]

I'm sorry, Pumpkin. We're here if you need to vent.

[Shellywelly1973]

You sound like me from the moment of bfp i fast forward...so my year was planned out. My edd was 10/9. 2of my dcs bdays are6/9&8/9. Next yr i was planning a massive party for the 3 of them.

I had planned the christening etc...

On Fri i ordered maternity clothes as we are going on holiday in May.

I am shocked by the depth of sadness i feel. My heart is broken. I get where your coming from.
Hope you had a good night last night, bet it did you good to get out.

Take care.

[pumpkinsweetie]

Thankyou Shelley, i'm glad my feelings are normal.
Was starting to worry i was over-analyzing things as there are people out there that experience much worse. But i now see that my feelings are all valid.

It was good to get out, feel refreshed but it has also saddened me somewhat as last week i was pre-planning what excuses i would come up with for not drinking alchol, when now everyone knows as i needed their support.
Sorry for your loss, it isn't easy