What happens with a misscarrige/stillborn?

(54 Posts)
FrillsandLaces Mon 18-Feb-13 20:29:46

Hya, I found out last week at my 20 week scan that my little boy has pelvic renal dilatation. I went for another scan which showed it was really severe. His kidneys nd bladder are to big for his tiny body. His water was low aswell.

A further scan today showed that his water is even lower and will get lower and lower. One of his kidneys had cysts on it and was completly packed out, the other is barely working. His bladder id that big it is in his chest where is lungs should be.

I have another scan in 3 weeks but he is likely to have died by then. My scan is just really to see if he is still alive. Either way there is nothing that can be done for him and he is going to die.

If he hasn't died by my next scan I will be having a termination, it is my only option. He isnt going to survive. Sorry to ramble on just needed to get that off my chest.

My question is, if I have a misscarrige before the scan what happens with a miscarrige? If I have a termination they will stop his heartbeat. What will happen? Will I go into what will be labour? Will I have to give birth to a dead baby? Will they let me hold him? Will they let me stay with him for a while?

I am 21 weeks and if he doesn't die in the next 3 weeks I will be 24 weeks pregnant by the time I have to terminate him. Just to be clear I do not want to do this, there is nothing they can do for my baby and I am absolutly devastaed. Im 21 and this is my first child. I was so looking forward to meeting him.

Even as im writing this I feel as though im talking about Someone else. It all seems surreal. I can't believe I am never going to meet my son alive, im never going to hear his first words watch him learn to walk and talk.

my partner is as devastaed as I am, I have no idea how to support him, I can barely process what is happening myself.

Sorry to ramble. I just need to get it off my chest. What will happen if I misscarry him? As in my body and him? And same if I have a termination?

Thanks for reading x

LittleTulip Tue 01-Oct-13 21:40:18

Have PM you Blue

FrillsandLaces Wed 02-Oct-13 10:55:29

LittleTulip, Thank you. Im full of nerves but Its going to be like this till i know everythings ok. Im so sorry about your son, its awful isnt it, i hope your doing the best you can xxx

BlueSky, Thank you, yes lots of mixed emotions. Im happy but im sad at the same time and im so worried. It is so scary, my dp didnt want to start again with either pregnancies after we had our son. But they both still happened. I wanted to try again straight away, not to replace my son because he cant be replaced but my days have been empty since he died. Nothings ever been the same. I look back and realise how naive i was.

Ive hear about rainbow babies,

I hope your both doing as well as you can be and thank you for reading x x x

Shellywelly1973 Wed 02-Oct-13 11:08:57

Congratulations Frills!

I remember this thread as I was so distraught at thevtime of your original post after losing my own baby.

Im now 23 weeks pregnant.

I literally had a panic attack when my pregnancy test came up positive.

I've coped by saying constantly- 'right now this very moment im still pregnant'. Every hour of every day that passes gives me hope. Don't get me wrong, I was so stressed going for my 12 week scan that I couldn't actually speak to sonographer.

Take care of yourself. Live in the moment. I really hope everything works out for you.

Best wishes. X

FrillsandLaces Wed 02-Oct-13 19:45:23

Thank you shelly and congratulations! My test was very faint, but its there! I keep checking it because I keep thinking ive just got it wrong! Yes I keep telling myself that im pregnant right now, im so worried. Even if I reach 12 weeks the worry won't go away because it could still go wrong.

Its strange, before i found out I was pregnant with my son I had an awful dream that I gave birth to a premature baby that died, as it turned out my son was premature and he passed away, 3 weeks ago I had a lovely dream where I gave birth to twin boys and everyone thought they were going to die but they didnt, its daft but im hoping my dreams are right and baby is fine, think ill have a heart attack if there's two lol.

I keep getting niggles which i know is normal but i keep running to toilet to check im not bleeding, i suppose that's normal to worry though isnt it.

Thank you and a massive congratulations smile x x x

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