MMC... In limbo/waiting

[lendi]

Had out first IVF/ICSI at end Nov and had a BFP on 14 Dec but at first scan on 3rd Jan all they could see was an empty sac. Was devastated and have spent last 10 days coming to terms with it all. Having stopped the progesterone pessaries that were prescribed post IVF I expected I may start to bleed and have been waiting for the last 12 days. But no bleeding and no pain.
Went to EPAU yesterday and in rescan sac is not empty but contains small yolk sac and possible 2mm fetal pole, no heartbeat. I am not reassured by this as should be 9 weeks pregnant yesterday and it is obvious to me that the pregancy isn't viable. However they want me to have a rescan in 7-10 days to check nothing has developed and as my previous scan was at ivf clinic I think they need 2 to compare. They can't offer medical/surgical management until they have done this.
I feel I have done my crying and just want the bleeding etc to be over but nothing is happening.
How have others coped with waiting to miscarry after mmc? How long did you have to wait? Did you go back to work whilst waiting?
Have already been off work for almost 2 weeks and would be ready to go back emotionally but dread the thought of starting to bleed at work. Any help/stories appreciated.

[Bakingtins]

I haven't had a MMC - have always had bleeding as the first sign, but just wanted to say I'm sorry you are in this horrible limbo. They have to be sure they are not ending a viable pregnancy if someone has their dates muddled, but it does seem cruel if you are sure that there is no chance you conceived naturally after the IVF. It is an extra kick in the teeth when a pregnancy was hard-won in the first place. We lost a baby in September that took a year of TTC
Hard to know what to do about work. I am someone who finds everything easier to deal with if I'm busy so have gone in whenever I've been physically able to, even if emotionally fragile. I can put my 'work hat' on and have a break from it all. You would probably get some warning cramps etc before starting to bleed, but I'd go prepared with night time pads etc in your bag just in case. Presumably if you did start to bleed you'd be able to go home straight away? If you had another week until a scan then some time to recover physically from an ERPC or medical management (up to another 2 weeks off) would that be a problem with your employer?

[ksrwr]

hi lendi, it sounds like you are in a horrific position, and i'm sorry.
i am in a similar position, in that i was due to be 10 weeks pregnant today, but at a scan on Friday i was told the foetus stopped developing at 6 weeks.
so in theory its been gone for 4 weeks, but still my body hasn't got rid of it.
i am so desperate now to have the miscarriage and get it all over and done with, so that i can get myself back to normal again. the limbo is really horrible.
i haven't missed any work, as i dont have any physical issues, if i start bleeding heavily/cramping i will obviously stay home, in fact i want that to happen as i really dont want to go down the surgical route. am a wuss.
so i too would like to share the answers to your question - how long do you have to wait for hte miscarriage to happen??
take care

[lendi]

Thanks for your messages bakingtins and ksrwr. Work are being really supportive actually and know the whole story of what has happened. It's more that I worry about not being there and that I'm letting people down. Never usually off sick and also work shifts (in hospital) so feel guilty that people will be having to cover for me. Having said that as I have a job with a lot of responsibility and can be very busy and pressured I don't think it is wise to go back until I can mangage fully.
Ksrwr- sorry you are also in this position. It's rubbish isn't it. I too don't fancy having an ERPC as worried about possible damage to uterine lining which may compound fertility probs further. Will defo go for medical management once it is available as I can't stand the waiting. Hope it works otherwise will end up having to have ERPC anyway.

[MagdalenVanstone]

Hello, I'm so sorry.

I have had 3 MMC now, and the waiting is one of the worst bits, although there are a lot of worse bits, really, aren't there?

Please don't feel guilty about work if you possibly can- if one of your colleagues was hit by a bus and broke their leg you wouldn't begrudge them time of sick and covering for them. I'd take the broken leg in preference, every time. This is a horrid thing to have to go through, you are right to give yourself time.

I've had two ERPC's and whilst I'm scared about potential damage, if it keeps going much longer I'd be tempted to reconsider this option as at least it means you get a date when you know it will be over, and sometime the psychological harm of waiting can get too much.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[CaliBee]

Hello lendi....our situations are so similar. TTC for a year before taking clomid for one month. BFP on 12/12/12 ,,,thought that was a good omen. Anyway after the tiniest amount of blood stained discharge i had a scan on New Years Eve where I should have been about 6+3...this showed only an empty sac. A nightmare of a 7 day wait showed the development of a yolk sac last Monday and I was booked in for a third scan next Monday. Sadly I dont think I'm going to make it that far as I started to bleed lightly today. I have overgoogled and have found so many diferent outcomes for this.
The waiting is horrendous , the stress it has caused me is showing itself physically now with coldsores and struggling to catch a full breath (common for me when stressed). I have actually caved and have a private scan booked for tomorrow..if I make it that far. Big hugs...I know just how you feel x

[lendi]

Thanks ladies, it is sort if reassuring to know that other people can relate to all this from personal experience, but I'm sorry that others have been/ are in same situation.
It's strange how common all at his seems to be when you start asking.
I know how you feel about the waiting around for scans.. Doesn't help that whilst anything grows inside your hormones are still whizzing around making you feel even more emotional/ fragile.
Anyone had medical rather than surgical management? How long did you bleed for afterwards?

[lendi]

Calibee- don't blame you for booking private scan- it's agony waiting... Hope you get an answer soon.. I know exactly how you feel too. Take care

[LittleMissSnowShine]

hi lendi - had mmc last summer and waiting is def the worst part. I'd had an early scan at hospital at 7 weeks and everything seemed fine, then a light bleed over a few days around 9 weeks but when I went for my booking scan at 10.5 weeks the heartbeat was gone. I opted for erpc / surgical management so can't help with your question on medical management but just wanted to say how absolutely shit it is that this happens and wish you well for getting through the next week until you go back to hospital again.

[CaliBee]

My private scan diagnosed a mmc.
I still have my epau scan on Monday where I should be able to discuss management. I would prefer to wait for it to happen naturally and hopefully if mother nature is kind this will happen by then (I've already been spotting since yesterday)
So I'm waitng with you lendi

[lendi]

Calibee - sorry to hear it is definately a mmc. No more uncertainty at least. Hope you can let go and start to get over this horrible bit of the fertility rollercoaster. I hope nature is kind and you are able to put this behind you soon. See what happens in next few days and what EPAU options are when you go back. X

[Bakingtins]

Calibee I'm sorry you've had a MMC confirmed. Hope you do MC naturally if this is your preference. I think sometimes once your brain knows for definite the pregnancy is over then your body is released to let go of it. We're here if you need somewhere to vent over the unfairness of it all.

[CaliBee]

Thankyou bakingtins ..after much thought overnight I have decided that I would like the surgical management. However it looks like it may be next week before I can be "fitted in" so the torture continues for a while longer

[spiderlight]

So sorry :(

I had a MMC diagnosed at aten-week scan; baby had stopped developing at five weeks. I started bleeding four days after the scan and the sac passed on the ninth day of bleeding. I bled for about two weeks after that and am still not quite trusting my body not to start bleeding again (this all happened in the week or so before Christmas).

Thinking of you.