Advice Please - MMC - How long to wait??

[startingovernow]

Hi, I had a MMC diagnosed by scan at 12.3wks. Was told baby had died at 8.4 wks. Was given options of D&C, medical management or leaving nature take it's course. This was on 28th Dec but have not miscarried yet. Am due in for another scan in the morning but think the purpose of the scan was more to check that I was after passing everything if miscarriage occured.

I had really hoped that nature would have taken it's course but not feel I will have to look at either MM or D&C.

I feel really confused about what to do, part of me really wants to wait as I feel this option might be me more closure. However reading the stories on here has also been a real eye opener as I hadn't really realised what was involved in miscarrying naturally. I'm worried about the sac getting stuck or severe blood loss etc after reading this happening to others.

I know nobody can tell me what to do but I was just looking for some advice as I feel presurised into making a decision. Also I may be wrong on this but I feel other people are very uncomfortable at the idea of me still having baby inside and would prefer me to have it over with. I don't want to have any regrets though so I feel it's very important for me to make the right decision for myself. This was my last baby so I don't feel the need to protect my womb for future pregnancies etc but feel that makes this decision even more important for me.

[Softlysoftly]

Oh bless you I'm so sorry. I had an mmc with my first and opted for the natural route, I suppose part of me wanted them to be wrong.

I didn't feel it was wrong to wait or to have baby still inside me and I also wanted to "feel it" as you do so totally understand. And yes though they were supportive my family felt it was wrong id been "left that way" when it was really my choice. Please don't be swayed by that do what feels right.

Having said that mine took only a week to happen and clots did get stuck leading to Haemorrhage. I was ill for a while, oddly though given the choice I would still go back and make the same decision.

I think you have to follow your feelings and use the appointment, not to be pushed into anything, but to check if it's medically safe to wait. Then you and you alone make your emotional choice.

Good luck with whatever choice you make xx

[startingovernow]

Oh thank you so much for your reply softly & also thank you for sharing your own story. Yes, you are right & you have managed to say what I was trying to express, I feel a need to feel it. I know my baby has died & I feel at peace about that now but it's like I'm saying goodbye or getting time to let go. I'm sorry that you had to go through this too Softly X

[Softlysoftly]

That's okay, I'm okay with it now, I'm sorry you are going through it and you say this is your last which must be hard.

Science is a wonderful thing but mother nature's very powerful and the sterility of ending the lost pregnancy while right for some is wrong for others. If you want some hand holding post appointment feel free to pm me xxx

[startingovernow]

Oh Softly thank you so much for your kind support. Yes, I know I won't ever be having another baby so really feel the need to do the right thing for myself emotionally. I am blessed to have three beautiful dc's and I feel so so grateful to have them but this is still a huge loss to me. I feel that even though my little baby was only with me for a short while it has had a huge huge impact on my life.

Thank you again for your kindness & sending you back lots of positive energy for your own journey. X

[resipsa]

Sorry you're in this position. I was in March. It sucks. I went for the surgical option as I couldn't bear the belly and symptoms any longer. It was quick and painless. My cycle restarted properly about 2 months later. I worry about the possibility (irrational as no evidence of it) of some uterine damage caused by the ERPC but otherwise am glad I did it that way. That said, it's a personal choice. Hope you work out soon what's best for you.

[StuntNun]

I was given two miropristol tablets. I took them in the evening and the next morning my waters broke and the baby and everything else just slipped out later that day after some cramps pains. It wasn't too bad. I just wanted my pregnancy to be over after finding out at 12 weeks that the baby had died at 8 weeks.

Please look after yourself and give yourself permission to grieve properly. Hopefully you will conceive again quickly. I MCd on 2 Dec 2011 and got pregnant again in Feb 2012. I am lying in bed with my eight-week-old baby in my arms and I love him more than anything after losing his sister. It's a hard thing to go through MC, especially a MMC but it isn't the end of everything. Get through this, take time to recover, and try again. You may be more fertile after being pregnant and conceive again more quickly.

I hope you don't feel I'm being insensitive. I just wanted to let you know there's a light at the end of the tunnel after the ordeal you're going through now. It happens to a lot of women but you don't realise how common it is until it happens to to you.

[resipsa]

Stunt congrats! Am v !

[resipsa]

Sorry starting didn't mean to hijack or be insensitive but stunt's post does, I hope, show you that you will get through this and out the other side.

[Bakingtins]

Hi startingover I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. I've had natural MC at 10 weeks and medical MC at 8 weeks, plus effectively an ERPC after my son was born for retained placenta. Both MC I've ended up in hospital for heavy bleeding and had a lot of poking and prodding, the whole experience was physically very distressing, whereas the ERPC was straightforward (though without the emotional baggage). I have not really seen a baby/sac either time (amongst the torrents of clots) so have not had that feeling of saying goodbye. What has given me that sense of closure was a little ceremony to say goodbye and plant a tree in memory of the baby. My friend had a MMC and swore by going out and furiously digging her allotment to start things off naturally - it may be that gardening is your friend either way In your shoes I would choose to have an ERPC (and would have chosen that for 2nd MC, it wasn't offered because I was already bleeding but still had sac present when scanned)
I don't think you should consider feelings of anyone other than you and your DH in all this though, if you feel you need to wait and let your body recognise the pregnancy has failed and MC naturally then that's what you should do.

[Irishmammybread]

hi startingover, so sorry to hear about your mmc, it's heartbreaking to go for a scan expecting to see a little heartbeat and finding out the baby has died.
I've had three natural miscarriages this year, with the first I started bleeding and by the time the EPU scanned me the next week the baby had gone but sac was still there.As I was bleeding heavily by then I was told there was a good chance I would progress to miscarry myself. It was another few days before the sac was passed, the pains did increase and it was more like mild contractions than the "period pains" as I'd been told to expect but in a strange way I wanted to go through it.
The next one was at 6 weeks and that was more like a heavy period.
With my third I was having frequent scans and despite seeing a strong heartbeat and normal growth initially we found out at 10 weeks that the baby had died at 8w6d. I wasn't bleeding and still felt pregnant. I opted to wait and see if I would miscarry naturally. My two DD didn't know I was pregnant this time, they had been so upset when we lost the first we were waiting until we were sure everything was ok before telling them. I didn't want to have to explain going into hospital during the summer hols. It was strange carrying on with a dead baby on board and I know some people thought it was a strange decision to make but it seemed like the right thing to do. I was told there wasn't risk of infection.
It was a further two weeks before I started with cramps building up over a few days and then a sudden gush of blood and clots to start things off, the morning I was due back at the EPU. When I was scanned the pregnancy was still there but I was given to choice of intervention or to give it more time. 2 days later I passed sac etc, once again painful but bearable. I didn't see the baby either time but the placenta was very obvious.
It was quite a prolonged process with my first and third miscarriages, bleeding continued for a while and I had to have repeated scans over 4 weeks at the EPU before they were happy things were complete, from what I've heard of erpcs, it seems to resolve things a lot more quickly than natural management.
Ultimately it probably depends on what the medical staff advise and how you feel. If it had been suggested intervention was better for me healthwise I definitely would have chosen that option.
x

[JBrd]

So sorry that you are in this position, startingover, it is such an emotional rollercoaster.

I also had a mc just before Christmas and wanted to do the natural/expectant management, which the EPU fully supported.
However, after almost 4 weeks of constant bleeding, it still hadn't happened, and I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally.
After having passed some big pieces of tissue and clots, I had thought that it had all taken its course, but a scan on Wednesday showed that the empty sac was still there. I had a long chat with the EPU, and they would've been happy to wait and see for another week, but also gave me the choice for surgical and medical management.

I thought long and hard about this, but in the end decided that something had to happen now - I had gotten to the point where I just wanted to be able to draw a line, to know that it was over. At least as far as my body is concerned, I think the emotional side of things will take longer...
I had the surgical ERPC yesterday, and I feel tired, but relieved that it's done. No more uncertainty, no more waiting. No more worrying 'what am I going to see' when going to the toilet.
It was a very straightforward procedure, very quick, very little pain afterwards. I only had to take some paracetamol yesterday, but am pain-free today, and hardly any bleeding so far. I will be taking next week off , but I think if I wanted to, I could manage to go to work on Monday.

It is such a personal choice, and I wish you that you'll make the one that you will be happy with! Remember that dealing with a mc is a grieving process, and everyone grieves differently.

[StuntNun]

How are things going StartingOver?

[startingovernow]

Sorry I didn't come back to the thread but I've been wiped out & processing the grief/loss. I would like to say a huge thanks to everyone who posted & thank you so much for sharing your own experiences.

My scan last fri showed that the sac is beginning to change shape & so is beginning to break down. However the Dr said that the natural process could still take a long time. She recommended taking the medical management tablets and gave them to me to take home in case I decided to go this route.

I was going to take them on Mon night but at the last minute decided not to as I have dd's birthday tomorrow & she has a party planned for the w'end & I was afraid that if the timing went wrong I could end up miscarrying at the w'end & then possibly in hospital too. Went to my own Dr today to seek a second opinion & I've come to the decision that I will take the tablets over the w'end. I'm glad I waited this long (6wks) to allow nature to take it's course & I also feel at peace now with my decision & feel better prepared for taking the tablets.

Thanks again to everyone for sharing your experiences & this journey with me. Your support was very helpful. Sending lots of positive vibes to everyone & hope that you will all find peace & happiness. X

[startingovernow]

Hi, just wanted to check if anyone had any experience of Medical Management failure? I've tried it twice now over the past two weeks, four different lots of tablets & still it hasn't brought on miscarriage!! It's a month now since I found out about MMC & baby had died 4 wks previously so all in all now it's two months and still no miscarriage!! Feel like I'm in some sort of weird limbo!! Anyone have any experience of MM failing?? I haven't come accross anything & thought it was pretty guaranteed to work. Dr's assurred me that the second treatment would almost definately be a success!! Still waiting though.....