How long did you have off work during/after your MC?

(27 Posts)
MonthlyWishesCameTrue Sun 30-Dec-12 13:02:39

Currently miscarrying and wondered how long you took off work during the miscarriage and afterwards when you were still feeling ill / recovering emotionally / physically?
Have to phone up work tomorrow to let them know and would be good to have a rough idea. I was thinking a week? As still passing clots at the moment.

My job isn't one where I have to worry about being passed over for promotion if they find out I'm ttc / likely to have a baby in the future.


3sthenew2 Wed 09-Jan-13 20:00:28

I told my line manager today and she was brilliant. I'm keeping a low profile for a couple of days and have asked that she doesn't tell any one else as I don't want this to effect my work with the new mums, although I'm not sure how much support I'll be with my head so full of thoughts.
My sister is also about to have a baby any day so I can't tell my family what's happened as I don't want to cast a shadow over their celebrations. I'm working hard at putting on a brave face. Thanks for your advice Black I'm preparing myself should it hit me what's happened. I've had a much better day today, yesterday was hard.
Ironically, I'm co ordinating a new counselling service in work, think I might be the first client!

mindosa Wed 09-Jan-13 11:37:04

There is no right answer, just what is right for you.

1 day off work but it was at 8 weeks, no medical intervention necessary and I felt the need to get back to normal.

Personally I believe in moving forward but for others that just mightnt be the right move

jumpingjackhash Wed 09-Jan-13 11:34:18

3isthenew2 just read your comment, I'm sorry.

If you're bleeding then stay home as long as you can, if you're not bleeding they will offer you medication or an ERPC (either under local or general anaesthetic) - the medication can take 24hrs to kick in iirc, so if you get that on Friday, you'll want to put your feet up for a few days I'd imagine.

An ERPC will mean a couple of days in bed at least.

Blackholes, do you feel like you want to go back to work next week? I found that a few days after my mcs I 'felt fine' and went back to work - I was really hit by so much grief (it feels very self-indulgent to say that) later on.

My second mc was in September, and I still get times when I feel incredibly sad (and bitter). I started to see a counsellor about a month afterwards, as I was shocked about how I was feeling. I recommend it, if only to have someone totally unconnected to the immediate situation to listen and hand tissues. My counsellor has really helped me put my feelings into perspective (a perspective which surprised me, as she 'gave me permission' to feel like this - don't mean that to sound wanky!).

jumpingjackhash Wed 09-Jan-13 11:27:17

So sorry you're going through this Monthly

Both of mine were different - first started on a Saturday so I took Monday off as it was still quite 'physical', back in work on the Tuesday - I grossly underestimated how fragile I was emotionally and wish I'd taken longer (especially as one of the women on my team was quite heavily pg and kept moaning about it).

Second time I found out I'd lost the baby at a scan, then was sent home from the clinic to 'let nature take its course' sad - I took that afternoon off work and the following day to just cry (both pgs were IVF, so I felt so incredibly let down after all that battle to get there). 3 weeks later I had an ERPC and a couple of days off. Again think I went back to work too soon as it took all I had not to just break-down in tears. I didn't learn.

My advice would be to take longer than you first think you'll need - it's shit, if you're like me you'll try to put a brave face on. Don't, there are no medals - take the time you feel you need.

BlackholesAndRevelations Wed 09-Jan-13 11:19:27

3sthrnew2 there's a good possibility you're in shock and seem ok but that it'll hit you later. That's what happened to me; I even thought I'd be ok to go into work today (8 days after mc) but now I'm not even sure if I can go back next week. Take time off, especially as you're bleeding at the mo. Hopefully it'll be a natural mc and in that case you really REALLY need to be at home. Much love and hugs to you sad

On another note, was just wondering when people felt ok to go back to work? I could have next week too but not sure if I should or not... The thought of work right now is making me want to cry; will I feel different by Monday?! How can you possibly know these things?!

13Iggis Tue 08-Jan-13 23:32:23

3sthenew2 - very sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I don't think I could have coped in a job with babies - I hope you will be fine but if you aren't coping please take a decent amount of time off to start healing.
I don't know the answer to your question - I can't see why they would need to perform an intervention (ERPC?) right away, and also they may not have slots free for a few days. If no-one with more knowledge answers, you could start a thread as you'll get more 'traffic'. I do think someone at your work needs to know to support you though.

3sthenew2 Tue 08-Jan-13 20:46:38

Just looking through the boards of what to expect as I'm current miscarrying at 8 weeks & have gone to work today but think I'm being a little in realistic. Going for a scan on Friday to check everything out and am due to work Saturday. Does anyone know if I need medical intervention, will it be straight away? I think I might need to warn my boss incase they need cover. I don't want my colleagues to know as I work with babies & new mums so will make them all feel awkward around me.

BlackholesAndRevelations Fri 04-Jan-13 00:45:19

I keep thinking I'm ok and that I should go into work, but then something triggers me to feel really sad again. Tried to do a bit of work tonight but found it tough going. Am signed off for two weeks but think I'll just self certify for a few days. It's impossible to know how I'm going to feel, though sad

JBrd Fri 04-Jan-13 00:36:10

I'm also currently going through mc - I self-certified for the week before Christmas when I started bleeding, and have got a sick note for this week. I'm going to see how I feel over the weekend and then decide if I'll take another week off or not. I feel so incredibly tired and drained, just want to sleep, and just looking at the work emails that have started to arrive, I don't think I can handle this yet...

Like the others said, everyone is different and deals differently with mc, don't put any pressure on yourself and worry about work.

bringonyourwreckingball Thu 03-Jan-13 15:53:03

Very early mc, I started to miscarry on the Monday, back at work the following Monday. The physical part was over quite quickly though. In retrospect I should have taken longer but needed the distraction.

stmalo Thu 03-Jan-13 14:36:15

my first time (14.5wks) I wasn't told to take any time off and I never asked about it, I tried to go back to work 3 days after erpc and just couldn't cope. ended up taking another few days off and went back, but really didn't manage very well for a few weeks.

The second time (8wks) I was told to take a week off!
I have to say I ignored this and went straight back to work and was ok.

Everyone is different and you have to do what feels right for you.

13Iggis Wed 02-Jan-13 19:04:26

I have had off: one week, 3 weeks, 1 month, and 2 days respectively (the 2 day one I had one more week back at work and then summer holidays). In all cases I started to feel more able to work once the physical stuff was finished. I have never been able to work whilst waiting to miscarry, for example.
Take as long as you need, and then a bit longer. To my shame I remember being surprised at an acquaintance 'needing' 2 weeks off after a mc. (I was sure taught a lesson there!)

Tw1nkle Wed 02-Jan-13 15:35:47

2 weeks - then I had another 2 weeks a couple of weeks later when I had to have an ERPC.
You need to take as long as YOU need - the hospital/dr should support you with notes etc.
Take care, and sorry for your loss, it's a difficult time.

twentythirteen Wed 02-Jan-13 15:28:33

Last time I had two weeks off and a further two weeks on a phased return, so just in for a few hours catcing up on emails. I bled for two months though and was depressed debilitatingly for about 3 months.

This time I took three weeks, back for one, then nearly 3 weeks off over the holdiays. I recovered physically and emotionally much more quickly but feel I need to look after myself properly.

I'd suggest you do a phased return and really plan how and where you will send your time, the return can be really hard. I felt emotionally fine, had not cried for days, had been laughing, etc., went back to work and was thrown immediately by my manager sitting me down to ask what help I might need if any and I lost it and had to go home. By the time I got home I realised I needed more control over the situation and what to expect so I sent in an email saying what I would be doing and that I would not be talking about the mc. I was fine after that.

GuppieK Sun 30-Dec-12 19:40:36

Took a couple of days off for my first but think it happened at a weekend. I was six and a half weeks pregnant. My third one was at 8 weeks and the lovely midwife at the EPC signed me off for a week. She said I should rest and if I feel up to it meet friends for lunch... I felt physically I could have gone back after a few days once I'd passed everything but emotionally you can need longer and, sod it, you deserve a bit of time out. I'd recommend not rushing back until you feel close to normal.

CaseyShraeger Sun 30-Dec-12 16:02:35

I had just over a week with the first one (ERPC). After that I felt that moping around at home was doing me more harm than good. I didn't take any time with the others (both early and "natural") although one of them was just before Christmas so I was off work anyway.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sun 30-Dec-12 15:53:16

There is no honour in toughing it out, and if you work in a hospital your colleagues need you to be ready to go back to work

Bakingtins Sun 30-Dec-12 14:55:43

I'd say a week minimum. I had a week off after first MC, this time round I actually only missed 1 day but as I'm P/T it was 5 days after that I actually went to work again. I have a friend who took much longer off after each of her 2 MCs, it helped me to be busy, but everyone is different. I have to say I think in terms of months for emotional recovery and that's obviously not practical in terms of time off, so I'd base it on how you are feeling physically.

Dexidoo Sun 30-Dec-12 14:53:30

I miscarried at 6 weeks on a bank holiday Monday and went to work as normal on Tuesday. By that point it was just like a heavy period. Emotionally it wasn't a clever thing to do though, it caught up with me later, but missing work would have dropped colleagues in it

MonthlyWishesCameTrue Sun 30-Dec-12 14:48:58

I'm only 6 weeks so not as horrendous as other people's mc

MonthlyWishesCameTrue Sun 30-Dec-12 14:48:03

Thanks, maybe will tell them longer. Have been in hospital for the day the last 2 days and was due back this evening for further bloods but started bleeding heavily. Just didn't expect to feel so ill with it.

I work in a hospital so all or nothing really, glad that everyone had time off, feel "justified" now. Was worried everyone would say they had no time off!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sun 30-Dec-12 14:40:32

For my first, I took 2 Weeks

For my 2nd, I tried going back at 2 Weeks and quickly realised it wasn't enough

I would tell your employers 2 Weeks minimum but you are still not sure, to give you bit of space to change your mind

All the best

Jollyb Sun 30-Dec-12 14:40:28

Totally depends on how medically difficult the MC was, how you are feeling and what your job is.. I didn't take any time off when I had a very early MC which was probably a mistake. I had 10 days off when I had an ERPC . I'm pregnant again but had a large bleed at 6 weeks - I took around 2 weeks off as was so stressed by the whole episode - I also didn't want to go back to work whilst I was still bleeding.

As a PP said I don't think it would be unreasonable to take longer. I only work 3 days a week but if I was full time I'd probably have needed to take more time. My early MC and the ERPC were very straightforward too but if I had had a drawn out MC I wouldn't have returned until I was sure it was over.

Sorry you're going through this and take as long as you need to allow yourself to recover physically and emotionally.

I had just over two weeks off, scan was mid week, ERPC was end of the week and then had two weeks off. But at this point I would say play it by ear and take care of yourself.

MrsJohnDeere Sun 30-Dec-12 14:30:04

I would say you need a good 2 weeks off. Perhaps longer for the emotional crap.

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