To see a doctor?(14 Posts)
Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry for your losses and sorry that you are feeling like this, thinking that it was your fault.
But really, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Sorry for the all caps, but I really feel like shouting that out loudly, so that people hear and don't say things like, "Are you stressed, are you taking your vitamins?" to you.
The suggestions to read up on causes of miscarriage is a very good one and will definitely help you step away from the idea that you may have caused this.
I've known people who were highly stressed right through their pregnancies and who worked long hours -- they had healthy babies. If stress could cause a miscarriage, there'd probably be a much higher miscarriage rate than there is.
I've struggled over and over again, wondering if I could have done anything to prevent losing my baby, but there really wasn't anything. It is down to luck and circumstances, most often not at all in our control. The lack of control is one of the hardest things to come to terms with, but once I managed to accept that some of the time, I stopped blaming myself.
To add to the other comments, this is not your fault at all.
Do go to the doctor, if only because it is good for them to have a record so that any future investigations can be done, if necessary.
But it is not your fault at all. I have had miscarriages and I have one DS and am pregnant (25 weeks) with DS2. The miscarriage I had before this pregnancy, I was doing everything perfectly - vitamins, not a sip of wine, no caffeine, healthy eating, not-too-stressful job....it still went wrong.
This pregnancy I was so sure when I got pregnant that I would lose it, I didn't invest so much in doing everything perfectly. I did take vitamins with extra folic acid for the first trimester and I didn't drink more than a sip of wine. But I carried on with lovely coffee, ate loads of crap and the last couple of weeks I've worked 8am-12am some days as my work is so stressful. It's pretty much all what you're told not to do. And as far as I know, all is well.
Of course you should take care of yourself in pregnancy and eating well is important but many babies are born even without ideal pregnancies preceding them.
You have just been horribly horribly unlucky. So do see the doctor but don't beat yourself up anymore.
People always want there to be an explanation for something awful like losing a baby - "oh she was too stressed" - but that's humans for you. It doesn't mean you did a thing wrong.
I just asked as I had a ds with no trouble before the mcs started, people tend to think there can't be anything 'wrong' as you've already had a child, and I don't think that is the case. Have met a lot of people through these boards who have one child then rmc. For some people it might be a blood-clotting issue, or an auto-immune one. And of course you can have chromosomal abnormalities, though it is very unlucky if you have had 3 of these.
You've had a horrible time and I really hope you get some good news soon. Neither miscarriage was down to anything you did, do try to accept that as it is true!
Yes, I have a dd. I am also approaching my late 30s so starting to worry a bit on that score... off to the Drs then!
I'll have a look at the Lesley Reagan book thanks for the tip off.
I meant to say, I found reading books about miscarriage (lesley reagan has a good one) help to get you away from the 'it was stress', 'I was overdoing it' or whatever your personal fear is as a cause, and look for some real answers.
Daisybell, do you already have a dc?
I would definitely get this mc recorded, my GP agreed to refer me for tests after 'just' two as I was in late 30s. I eventually received treatment and have had ds2.
It is very hard for you I know.
X posts with Geekster, I'm so sorry to hear of your losses too.
I agree with the little things flooring you. Last time I found it most difficult when I got to what would have been 12 weeks and everyone else started their happy announcements. I've got all that to go through again soon.
But the 'you just need to have another maternity leave, when are you having another one?' things very difficult this time.
thank you again
Really sorry for your losses.
I think going to the gp could be a good idea just to talk things through. They may also be able to do some initial tests (I know they say they don't til 3 but they may be able to do some blood tests just to check hormone levels)
Thank you for your reply, I'm so sorry for your loss too. I found my mmc intensely emotionally painful, its still very raw. But this second one has been less intense and more depressing...
Thanks for your wise words too, in my heart I know it isn't my fault but sometimes the irrational brain takes over! I'll go and talk to my friendly gp and see what she advises.
Thank you again.
I'm so sorry for your losses Dasiy. I will tell you one thing it is not your fault, it's nothing you did or didn't do. People telling you that you are stressed and going on about vitamins does not help at all. If stress caused miscarriage no one would ever go on to have a baby after a miscarriage. I know how horrible it is and just when you think you are coping something comes along and you feel back to square one. There are no right or wrong answers to how you should feel. Might be worth speaking to your Doctor to get all your options. If its of any consolation I had six miscarriages before finally having our dd in March, so don't give up hope yet.
Daisy I am so sorry just realised I never said I am sorry for your losses I know that words dont really take away the pain but wanted you to know anyway
I have just recently gone through mc (12 weeks) and I think what your feeling is normal. I would say though stress and vitamins have nothing to do with it and it isn't your fault. I would go along and see your gp anyway often I have heard they will only investigate after 3 mc in a row but it might be worth chatting to them about what you are feeling so you can get some reassurance from them.
Is it time to go to the Drs?
I had a second consecutive mc 4 weeks ago. The first was twins, lost at 9 weeks back in June and I had an erpc. The second was spontaneous at about 5+3 weeks. I didn't go to the Drs at the time.
I finally snapped back when told yet again that getting pregnant and going on maternity leave would solve all my problems (I announced I had no problems getting pregnant it was the saying pregnant that was the issue ) .
I felt better for about a nano second until the friend started going on "was I taking all my vitamins, am I stressed"
The only thing that has stopped me going insane after tip second mc is thinking that it's not my fault and I couldn't have changed the outcome. But I'm now thinking it was my fault
Is it my fault? Is there more I should be doing? Could the Dr help?
Thank you for letting me vent
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