back again - another miscarriage ...

(13 Posts)
stmalo Fri 30-Nov-12 15:00:32

thank you pink forever xxx

Pinkforever Thu 29-Nov-12 17:00:52

Delivering your baby in the toilet?-that is truly one of the saddest things I have ever read on here and I am so sorry you were treated so shabbily.

I think that over weight people are the new smokers-they are the target of everyones ire. My sister recently had a baby and she was treated like an idiot because she is very over weight. It was a disgrace.

I think going in with a more aggressive attitude is the way to go. Also make sure you follow up with an email or letter to make sure that you are not contradicted again.

I found any time I felt I was being obstructed I would write straight to my consultant or head midwife and I would invariably get what I wanted!

Good luck!

stmalo Wed 28-Nov-12 20:15:57

thank you pinkforever, it's good to know there is light at the end of tunnel xx

stmalo Wed 28-Nov-12 20:13:52

thank you 'desperate about weight', I'm sorry to hear about your losses too, and I'm sorry you're having a hard time with weight, it is a real battle and one that I'm winning at the moment - but who knows how long for!! Right now I could do with a massive bar of Galaxy!

I think you're right about shouting loudest to get heard, and I'm determined to go to the GP with a no messing attitude!
At the time of the last m/c I believed what I was told about my weight by the consultant - she was so dismissive and rude it was unbelievable and I was devasted that in effect it was my fault for being fat, I said as much to the consultant when she was banging on about my weight and how she could print off statistics to prove it etc She insisted she hadn't said it was my fault, I asked a lot of questions - a huge list, but she was so dismissive that myself and my husband were furious by the time we left. One of the most disgusting things about it was that in A&E she had told me that a histology report on the baby would be done, but when we had the follow up appointment she claimed she never said that..... I was also given asprin which was questioned in a&e about 6 times, and when we asked about this she said I'd misheard...
To cut a long story short my own gp had suggested I lose weight to a bmi of 30, but in the back of my mind I thought that if I got to a bmi of 30 and then had a second loss, I still wouldn't know if it was because I was overweight or not .... So I stuck religiously to the diet got to my goal weight, found out I was pregnant, and the outcome is the same, all be it this is 8 weeks and not 14.5 weeks. My family went mad at the time and said it was nothing to do with my weight .. and probably it isn't.
I have an appointment with my gp next week, so I'll be interested to see firstly what she has to say, as she doesn't know about how our consultant appointment went last time, and she doesn't know about my weight loss and we will be demanding a referral for tests.
I think the whole weight issue is a nightmare, I was treated so differently in A&E and in hospital than the first time, this time the staff were nice, actually quite comforting and very understanding.
The first time I was 14.5 weeks (and over 17stone), I'd been in pain all morning and my waters broke, by the time I got to A&E I was in agony, and explained my waters broke, they looked at me like I was stupid and asked if I was sure I hadn't just wet myself shock - they took me seriously much later when I delivered the baby in the A&E toilet.
So I think I'll probably stick with the diet / maintaining for now, just so that weight can't be something they mistakenly blame, though at the moment I'm beating myself up wondering if I was eating enough this time!!
Thank you again for saying the tests you've had done, and best of luck for the future xxxx

Pinkforever Wed 28-Nov-12 19:52:34

Op I remember your op because I posted on it at the time that it was a load of old bollocks that your weight had caused your first miscarriage-they were just trying to fob you off. I am really angry on your behalf.

I am so sorry to hear you have lost another baby-thats very sad for you. But please try and remember that your chances of having a baby are still very good. I had 6 losses-inlcuding 3 late losses-and I now have 3 dcs.

I wish you all the best for the furture and hope that in time you will be posting to let us know that you have a lovely baby.

desperateaboutweight Wed 28-Nov-12 16:53:07

Hi OP, i'm so sorry about your second loss.

As you can see from my current NName I'm currently on the weight loss treadmill as well. Congratulations on your weight loss, that must have taken an awful lot of work.

I lost my first baby at 5 months in January and was slightly chubby (size 14) but not very. Since then i've had two more PG's which have both also ended in MC and I have put on 5 stone over the 3 pg's and sitting on the sofa crying inbetween.

Why did they think the first loss was definitely caused by your weight? How did they know? Are you sure they weren't just being lazy and assuming this?

From my experience recently, many doctors treat you very,very badly when you are seriously overweight. This time last year I was a size 14, I am now a size 24, the difference in the way they look at me, talk to me etc is often astounding.

I think because I have put so much weight on so quickly within the period of a year this is very obvious to me in a way that it might not be for someone who has always been so overweight/overweight for such a long time.

I think it was outrageous that they didn't do any proper testing over your first loss, which was not technically, a first trimester loss. I would be very, very angry in your shoes. You have done absolutely everything you could to get a healthy pregnancy, and if it turns out you have an underlying issue they could have treated in this PG they should be shot for their indifference.

I have learnt to take no shit. Its a shame I have to go into appointments in such a combative frame of mind, but I have learnt to my dismay that in the NHS it is the squeaky hinge that gets the oil. It is dreadful, dreadful to have to be demanding and pushy in front of these people when your heart is broken and they are supposed to be looking after you, and I hate it. BUT I have had a lot more tests done since I decided not to be fobbed off any more. I turn up with lists of questions and make them answer ALL of them, whether they like it or not. Its just another appointment to them, but its my life.

Briefly we have had genetic testing (karotyping of our chromosomes), clotting disorder test including hughes syndrome & factor V Leiden, thyroid function tests and genetic testing on the last baby.

I truly hope you get your healthy baby very soon.

specialknickers Wed 28-Nov-12 16:35:28

I think maybe it's because normally they don't find anything wrong.. that's my guess anyway. Unfortunately it really often is just one of those things and there's naff all anyone can do about it. Heartbreaking though that is. Don't loose hope though stmalo, you're only 40 and you really still do have plenty of time, whatever you might hear.

stmalo Wed 28-Nov-12 08:51:00

Thanks specialknickers, and I'm sorry they haven't found a cause for you.
you're right, I've found there seem to be lots of things they just don't tell you or don't know. We have been reading a lot about what's available, but it's really difficult to find out what's available in your postcode. A friend has also suggested that we offer to pay for a referral, but initially not the tests, to see if we can speed the process up. So I guess a the moment it's down to the GP, and if there is no joy there, we will have to start looking at going private. I don't understand NHS policy on 3 miscarriages before investigating, I know it's to do with funding etc, but surely it costs more to treat someone 3 times in A&E and an overnight stay and all the follow ups and scans after a miscarriage, than it does for a few tests/blood tests.

specialknickers Tue 27-Nov-12 15:17:15

Stmalo I'm so sorry to hear about your losses and I think you've every right to be angry at the way you've been treated. Please check protocols at your local hospital - ours tests (not for much, no genetic testing unfortunately) after the second miscarriage if you're over 40. We only knew that because after my second miscarriage we once had to wait for 90 minutes to see a doctor at the EPU and my DH read all the notices on the walls... when we finally did see the embarrassingly clueless doctor she had no idea and had to chase around several consultants before she admitted that yes, we could have tests.

Unfortunately, they didn't show anything (they rarely do) so the cause of my repeated miscarriages is still unknown, but at least someone made some small effort to find out what had gone wrong.

Geekster Mon 26-Nov-12 21:22:00

Your welcome, glad I could be of some help.

stmalo Mon 26-Nov-12 21:08:53

thanks geekster - most appreciated.

Geekster Mon 26-Nov-12 21:06:53

Sorry to hear about your losses. We had tests done for clotting factors and also genetic testing which we both had done. They also did an internal scan to make sure everything okay there too. Make sure you push for them to test you. We found perseverance paid off. We were referd to our local hospital after three miscarriages and they found that one of my husbands chromosomes was upside down just one in one pair and the most likely outcome would be early mc if that one paired up, so fifty fifty chance. Then we had another three and insisted on being refered again. This time we went to st Mary's in London and the upshot was I had to take daily aspirin once I found out I was pregnant. I did this the next time and as a result our dd was born in march when I was nearly 40. They later told me that they recommend anyone over the age of 35 who has repeated miscarriages to take aspirin once they have a positive test, so might be worth asking about.

The medical profession can be bad at not being very sympathetic,and say ah well you can just try again, so harness that anger and insist on some help.

Good luck for the future xx

stmalo Mon 26-Nov-12 20:40:06

I posted here 19 months ago - I had a miscarriage at 14.5 weeks, I was devastated and it affected me very badly, I was 17st 10lbs and was told in no unceratin terms that it was due to my weight. I joined weight watchers, and I'm now 10stone 3.5lbs, we'd been trying again, but on Saturday ended up in A&E and miscarried approximatly 7-8 weeks pregnant - I hadn't even booked in with a midwife yet, was due to do that this week.
So I'm feeling really angry, I've wasted 18 months getting to a 'normal' size so I can have a 'normal' pregnancy, and I just feel like it's been a complete waste of time and effort, and rather than them looking for a reason for the 14.5 week miscarriage they just went - oh well she's fat.
And again all I'm being told is that I can try again - whoooppee, am I meant to be comforted by this - I don't think so. I'm serioulsy peeved with this suck it and see approach to modern medicine. have an appointment booked with gp to talk about what to do next (tests etc) - as I'm now 40, was 38 with last mc, and I'm running out of time.
Can anyone offer any advice about what tests to specifically ask for?

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