My Dcs are 4 and 6. I was pretty sure that I didn't want any more. Ds2 was/is very hard work and has just started school. I was looking forward to having a bit of me time, to travelling again, etc. I had a little nagging doubt, but was 90% sure I didn't want any more. Dh was very keen to have more, much more than me.
Fast forward to the summer holidays when I realise I am pg. Totally unexpected. Actually thought I had started the menopause (am 4, periods had pretty much stopped). My first reaction was s**t, I cried for days, I even thought about a termination. But I came round to the idea, and we started making plans for the future.
Then at the 12 week scan I found I'd had a MMC, and I had to have an ERPC. I cried a lot afterwards amd now, although I absolutely will not be TTCing again, I feel really sad that that is it. Seeing baby clothes that will never be worn again or toys that won't be played with upsets me. I don't have a problem with seeing friends' babies, but I'm still struggling with seeing random babies and pg ladies out and about.. So stupid!
You don't sound in the slightest bit mad! My first pg ended like this and it was horrid (now have 2dcs). I think giving yourself some time to feel grieve and start to heal sounds very sensible. Who says you can't feel lots of different things at once? Does anything other than age make you suspect you are running out of time? Can't a GP do a blood test to check hormone levels? You need to take time to decide what is best for your family. FWIW my two are 6 + years apart and it's been lovely. Your family. Your choice! Good luck with whatever you decide.
Just hoping for some other views/experiences... I had a MMC 2 months ago at 7ish wks and I am still very confused about how I feel about it all. The pregnancy wasn't planned, we already have 1 DS who is 6 and although I had always wanted another DC, circumstances had meant that we just had never felt the time was right to have another one (money, lack of space at home etc). I was actually starting to get to the point where I was thinking - do I really want to go back to nappies etc at this stage in my life (i'm getting closer to 40!!) So, it was a huge surprise to get pregnant and both mine and DP's reaction was 'shit - what do we do now?' We are just so tight for money all the time that I was so worried we couldn't cope. DP was great and although he was obviously worried too he just kept reassuring me we'd be fine. I was a mess to be honest and was in tears quite a few times just worrying about how we'd cope, how DS would cope, but as the weeks went on I started to feel a tiny bit excited about being pregnant. We had only just told our parents and closest friends about it when I had the MMC. I ended up having a ERPC and had to tell work about it which I found really hard. And here I am now. I was really upset when I found out I had miscarried, I found the day in the hospital for the ERPC traumatic and I was pretty fragile for about a week after but now I feel... well, I don't know. I'm sad it never worked out, I'm looking at babies and wishing they were mine. I'm guilty because I just wasn't feeling the same way about being pregnant as I was when I was pregnant with DS (who incidentally was also unplanned - makes me sound so irresponsible, but I'm really not..much) I'm worried that might have been my last time being pregnant, I'm worried that that might happen again if I do get pregnant again. DP and I have agreed that we wont even think about whether we want to try again until next year, and I'm worried then it will all be the same as now and I wont have a clue what to do. I must sound mad. I don't expect anyone will have answers for me, but actually it's helped me just to write this down.