Be glad when its all over - missed (silent) miscarriage

(57 Posts)
Beardy24 Sat 20-Oct-12 00:09:37

Well I can't believe I am sat here writing this, as I am doing it with great sadness, but if I help one other person in my situation feel like someone else has been where they are then it has done its job...

We had been trying for a baby for a year, being 24 and healthy i didn't think it would take more than a couple of months and have to admit that seeing the majority of my friends get pregnant straight away or within a few months, we really were starting to feel the strain...we found out 5 1/2 weeks ago that we are pregnant. I'll never forget my partners face when I emerged from the toilet clutching at a positive pregnancy test and told him he was going to be a daddy...

Within a couple of days of finding out I was pregnant, I started to have cramps, worse than period pains, like sharp stabbing pains that lasted a few seconds then disappeared...after speaking with my doctor it came apparent that these may have just been pregnancy pains\bedding in pains...Later that night I went to hospital due to the severity and was admitted onto the ward...I had blood tests which showed low ECG levels (625) and was told I'd have a scan first thing and that this may have been ectopic...I had the scan and all that was seen was a gestational sac (tiny) but was normal for the amount of weeks I was and the godsend was that it wasn't an ectopic...I then had another blood test 2 days later (got discharged from the ward) and my bloods had gone up to 1780...everything was going in the right direction but they still needed to scan me...

7 days later I had another scan which showed a sac which had grown significantly since the last scan...10 days later a scan which showed my precious bean, a larger sac and a yolk sac...no heartbeat...they couldn't discharge me until a HB was seen, things were still progressing and I was told it isn't unusual not to see a HB at early 6/7 weeks...

Monday just gone, 10 days later, I went for another scan...the sonographer said there was a bubble above the sac which wasn't there the week before which she thought was a bleed...my bean still wasn't showing a HB and the sac hadn't grown much...I then went back to the early preg unit and was told things aren't progressing as they should and there comes a time when things aren't looking positive and have to say all these scans aren't showing signs of a viable pregnancy...she asked me if I wanted to go home and wait for a MC, have an Op or have medical management for the miscarriage...I could barely breathe, let alone decide this...I couldn't believe it was only the same morning I was convinced I'd be discharged due to them finally seeing the HB, I was so mad with myself for allowing myself to get excited...

It's now 4 days later and I have only just decided to go for the op...I asked them to book me in next week so I have at least got the rest of this week to get my head round it and give it a chance to happen normally...I'm booked in for the op a week today...I have requested another scan early next week due to the fact I haven't bled through this pregnancy and I don't think id forgive myself if I didn't have another scan before I have the op...even though I have sort of accepted the fact this pregnancy isn't going to have a happy outcome...

I'm so scared to have the op, never had an op in my life...but I can't leave it longer than next Friday, its been 4 days so far and it's killing me...still feeling pregnant isn't helping either...

I don't know about trying again, feel as if I have been put off so to speak, I don't think I could do this to myself and my partner all over again...maybe I will feel differently once I can start to move forward...

Feel for all you ladies who are going through a miscarriage or have had a miscarriage in the past, it's the single worst thing I have ever experienced...

MrsJohnDeere Thu 25-Oct-12 21:28:13

Hope it goes well for you Beardy. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Fwiw, mine was 6 days ago and today, for the first time, I feel fine (well, physically, the emotional stuff is a whole different matter).

Be kind to yourself and take care.

messtins Fri 26-Oct-12 08:26:59

Thinking of you today Beardy

greengoose Fri 26-Oct-12 10:02:02

BEARDY, thinking of you today. I hope you are home by this evening being fussed over and eating something comforting! Take the time you need to recover. All the best for the future. Xxx

mumnosbest Fri 26-Oct-12 10:20:33

so sorry beardy and all the others who've been through this. i had my mmc over 5 yrs ago and whilst time really does help, reading your post makes it feel like yesterday.

at the time my worries were whether this meant i couldn't carry to term. i now have 3 dcs, sometimes babies just don't develop and its nothing to do with you. through talking to friends ive realised just how common mmc are. I also worried i was being a bit ott as it was still such early days. the thing is as soon as you know you're pg you imagine that child and your joint future so whether you were 6wks or 26wks you need to allow yourself time to grieve and spoil yourself and dp.
youre still young and dont need to worry about future plans yet.
hope the op was ok xxx

StrawbsAndCream Fri 26-Oct-12 11:48:39

Thinking of you today Beardy, hope you are feeling ok, let us know how you get on. Lots of love xxx

Beardy24 Thu 08-Nov-12 00:50:01

Hi everyone I had the op as planned, was nowhere near as bad as I thought it might be, hardly any bleeding afterwards, not too much pain and went home the same night.
Currently still spotting slightly and going back to work next Monday...on reduced hours for the first week and ease myself in gently. Can't wait to get back to normality, been a hermit for the past 4 weeks. Feeling okay about things, still getting teary out of nowhere but generally feeling better. Now I don't have sore boobs I feel so much better. Strange but true!

Looking forward to having my period and starting all over again, really hope things work out next time x thanks for your posts, haven't been on for a couple of weeks, really have had some me time x

greengoose Tue 13-Nov-12 00:18:15

Glad you are ok Beardy. I agree it helps to get back to 'normal'. I hope work is gentle for you, and things work out whatever you decide re ttc in the future. X

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now