Be glad when its all over - missed (silent) miscarriage

(57 Posts)
Beardy24 Sat 20-Oct-12 00:09:37

Well I can't believe I am sat here writing this, as I am doing it with great sadness, but if I help one other person in my situation feel like someone else has been where they are then it has done its job...

We had been trying for a baby for a year, being 24 and healthy i didn't think it would take more than a couple of months and have to admit that seeing the majority of my friends get pregnant straight away or within a few months, we really were starting to feel the strain...we found out 5 1/2 weeks ago that we are pregnant. I'll never forget my partners face when I emerged from the toilet clutching at a positive pregnancy test and told him he was going to be a daddy...

Within a couple of days of finding out I was pregnant, I started to have cramps, worse than period pains, like sharp stabbing pains that lasted a few seconds then disappeared...after speaking with my doctor it came apparent that these may have just been pregnancy pains\bedding in pains...Later that night I went to hospital due to the severity and was admitted onto the ward...I had blood tests which showed low ECG levels (625) and was told I'd have a scan first thing and that this may have been ectopic...I had the scan and all that was seen was a gestational sac (tiny) but was normal for the amount of weeks I was and the godsend was that it wasn't an ectopic...I then had another blood test 2 days later (got discharged from the ward) and my bloods had gone up to 1780...everything was going in the right direction but they still needed to scan me...

7 days later I had another scan which showed a sac which had grown significantly since the last scan...10 days later a scan which showed my precious bean, a larger sac and a yolk sac...no heartbeat...they couldn't discharge me until a HB was seen, things were still progressing and I was told it isn't unusual not to see a HB at early 6/7 weeks...

Monday just gone, 10 days later, I went for another scan...the sonographer said there was a bubble above the sac which wasn't there the week before which she thought was a bleed...my bean still wasn't showing a HB and the sac hadn't grown much...I then went back to the early preg unit and was told things aren't progressing as they should and there comes a time when things aren't looking positive and have to say all these scans aren't showing signs of a viable pregnancy...she asked me if I wanted to go home and wait for a MC, have an Op or have medical management for the miscarriage...I could barely breathe, let alone decide this...I couldn't believe it was only the same morning I was convinced I'd be discharged due to them finally seeing the HB, I was so mad with myself for allowing myself to get excited...

It's now 4 days later and I have only just decided to go for the op...I asked them to book me in next week so I have at least got the rest of this week to get my head round it and give it a chance to happen normally...I'm booked in for the op a week today...I have requested another scan early next week due to the fact I haven't bled through this pregnancy and I don't think id forgive myself if I didn't have another scan before I have the op...even though I have sort of accepted the fact this pregnancy isn't going to have a happy outcome...

I'm so scared to have the op, never had an op in my life...but I can't leave it longer than next Friday, its been 4 days so far and it's killing me...still feeling pregnant isn't helping either...

I don't know about trying again, feel as if I have been put off so to speak, I don't think I could do this to myself and my partner all over again...maybe I will feel differently once I can start to move forward...

Feel for all you ladies who are going through a miscarriage or have had a miscarriage in the past, it's the single worst thing I have ever experienced...

MerseyMama Sun 21-Oct-12 10:35:51

Am so sorry, hugs xxx

Beardy24 Sun 21-Oct-12 12:37:24

That's a good way to think of it, a procedure rather than an op...so sorry to everyone on this thread who has been through the same thing...not long till Friday and hopefully I feel like I can breathe again x

messtins Mon 22-Oct-12 13:51:53

I'm so sorry you've lost your baby. I had a MMC in 2009 and a similar experience to you in that I had lots of scans and everything was going ok..going ok.. baby has a heartbeat... oh no it doesn't sad. In the end I did MC naturally but the weeks of uncertainty left me in very poor shape emotionally to deal with the loss. I had another MC in September this year but it was apparent very quickly which way it was going and I had medical management. In many ways I've got over that better because I didn't feel dragged over the coals emotionally, and because having been there before I hadn't completely emotionally committed to the baby the moment I saw a line on the test.
I've also had 2 healthy children, I'm sure it is of no comfort to you at the moment to hear that you can try again, but you are in a good position for things to work out for you in the end. Take all the time you need to grieve for the baby you so wanted. Will be thinking of you on Friday.

Beardy24 Mon 22-Oct-12 15:13:09

Thank you for your post messtins, it brought a tear to my eye sad I can't believe how lovely the messages have been on here from people who don't know me...

I went for my pre-op today and i had to sign forms for the baby (or tissues as they put it) to be cremated/insinerated or taken home with me...I didn't even think I'd have to think about those things, shocked and upset...The nurse told me we can start trying straight away...feel as if I need Friday out of the way before even thinking about it...

Lovely to hear you have 2 children despite what you have been through with your mc's xx

greengoose Mon 22-Oct-12 16:08:28

Hi op. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm going through my third MC at the moment, had one MMC and one early MC previously, and one D&C. The procedure is not nearly as bad as the thought of it. I felt fine to go home within an hour, and wasn't sore afterwards. Only light period like bleeding. Letting it happen naturally, if you should start before Fri is more painful, but because your bean was so tiny it may not be much more than a very heavy period with crampy feelings. Everyone is different though.
Your body has not failed you know. I think many woman feel this when we MC. It's important to know that the pregnancy was very likely to be not viable, and your body did the right thing. I know that's horrible, but the thing is, it would more than likely know exactly what to do with a viable pregnancy, if you do try again. Good luck whatever you decide, and take it easy for a while. Xxx

Beardy24 Mon 22-Oct-12 18:10:47

Sorry to hear of your mcs greengoose, I can't imagine how you feel after having 3...Us ladies must find the strength from somewhere...

I just feel like such a rubbish woman at the minute, after trying for a year then this happening, just keep thinking what is wrong with me?!

Funny I was just saying to my partner that the baby mustn't have been healthy otherwise my body wouldn't have terminated the pregnancy...

Seem to be having some cramps this evening, had a bit of backache all week but today has been the first time I've experienced cramps...scared...don't know if I can decide whether I'd rather it happen naturally or if I really want things to wait till Friday xxx

greengoose Mon 22-Oct-12 19:42:11

Try not to be scared love, I know it's easy to say and not to do, but you will be ok. If you are getting cramps then things might be going to happen naturally. From a practical point of view, it would be sensible to have at hand some maternity sanitary pads, or the really big nightime ones. You can go through quite a lot, so get a few packs. If you wear g-strings, you need some big pants to put them in too! Leggings make everything far more secure and comfy. Paracetamol is best to take, and probably enough, and a hot water bottle is lovely. Some DVDs or books to keep your mind occupied are also good! (chocolate is advisable)!
You will be absolutely fine, really. If you have any worries, or questions, or just need some virtual hand holding we are here for that.
We do find strength from somewhere, women are amazing. I have two boys, and I also had a little girl in April who died when she was six days old. Although this broke my heart, we keep going, and you know what, having kids is such a miracle that it is well worth the struggle to make them. Honest. Things will get easier. Take care. Xxx

Beardy24 Mon 22-Oct-12 20:42:52

I've been wearing sanitary pads since last Monday just incase, seems silly but want to feel secure.

I am so sorry to hear of your struggles, puts things into perspective when you speak with people who have been through so much worse than yourself currently or in the past...

I haven't had any more pains since earlier...maybe it's the start of things to come...just glad I've got an amazing partner to share this nasty experience with me...and of course all you lovely ladies on here xxx

I'm so sorry about your loss sad

I lost my baby boy Riley-Lee at 23 weeks on 6th April. I had 2 D&C's after loosing him over two months, neither of them worked and passed some after birth over 3months later and got pregnant within the month after that.

I then had an early m/c at 8 weeks in August... I still feel so ill, doctors wont sort me out ive lost two stone some have no respect. I'm only 18, defiantly waiting to heal properly now.. finish college and go to uni.

I hope you heal properly and I'm really aorry to hear what you have been through, its a horrible thing to hear sad.

Stay strong :-)

Beardy24 Mon 22-Oct-12 22:58:35

RileyLeeHargreaves2012 I'm so sorry to hear of your heartbreaking story, I can't believe what you must have been through and still going through, and still only 18...I hope college and uni goes well for you and brings you some comfort. I can't wait to get back to work, just petrified of something happening whilst I'm there and not being near to home...

I have learnt over the last few weeks that some doctors/nurses are so compassionate and others really aren't...

I really hope you feel better soon x

StrawbsAndCream Mon 22-Oct-12 23:44:58

Beardy I'm so sorry, it really is so so rubbish. Everyone here is brill with amazing advice so you've come to the right place x
I had an erpc last month, after finding out at our first scan at nearly 13 weeks that there was no heartbeat and the baby had stopped growing at 8+4, we had no idea but I did have a feeling before the scan it wasn't going to be good. You just feel numb at the time don't you? I just couldn't believe it was actually happening to me, I still can't really.
The op is absolutely fine, I went into hosp in the morning, they took blood etc and i signed forms which you already have done, you get given a gown and some (really attractive) compression socks and tags on your wrist and ankle. Everybody is lovely and I was well taken care of, they pop a pessary near your cervix about an hour before you go down, you are in and out of theatre in an hour, I was back on the ward with lots of morphine :-), I had to stay over night in the end but you probably won't have to, allow yourself a lot of time to recover, I had 2 weeks off work but I could have done with longer, emotionally more than anything.
Sorry if I've gone in to too much detail, you probably won't want to think about it but I had no clue going in what was going to happen and I wish I had known before hand. They will give you antibiotics at the hospital and some nice strong paracetamol.

We were ttc for 19 months before we got our bfp, I'm 20 so even a bit younger than you, it really is awful, the worst feeling in the world, but it does get easier with time, i can only just talk about it without being a blubbering mess. We have just started ttc again, just taking it easy really.

I will be thinking of you hun, and please ask any questions you like, we are all here for support, take good care of yourself and make sure you are waited on hand and foot! Xxxx

Beardy24 Tue 23-Oct-12 01:17:35

StrawbsAndCream so very sorry to hear of your loss, its just not fair is it?
I too felt numb when they told me things weren't progressing...For a second even thought she must have got it wrong...in a way I feel blessed that I had these scans from being 4 weeks onwards..but in another sense it just gave me false hope as things seemed to be going well..I would have been 10 weeks this Thursday and baby stopped growing at about 6 weeks they think.

Thanks for giving me a bit more of an insight into what's going to happen on Friday, I am so scared...it doesn't sound half as bad as I thought it was going to be..Will I get painkillers/morphine without asking or does it depend on pain??

Best of luck with ttc, just take it easy as you say...[flowers]
There will be no more ovulation tests/ovulation calanders/being sat on the loo with a test the day my period is due when we start ttc again;my plan is to be much more relaxed about it all this time...

Xx

Beardy24 Tue 23-Oct-12 01:18:16

That should have been thanks
Xx

StrawbsAndCream Tue 23-Oct-12 10:37:41

It really isn't Beardy, when I went for my scan (at 11.30pm as i had barely there brown discharge but just wanted a scan really!!) a lady had gone in before me who had been chain smoking outside - and obviously her baby was absolutely fine, I just thought how is that fair? I've not been drinking bloody tea for god's sake!! (no offence to smokers at all) :-)
I know what you mean about thinking she had it wrong.. I sat up and looked at the screen and could definitely see a little baby but just no heartbeat, the sonographer even tried to give me hope by saying 'well we will send you to the epu as this machine isn't as sensitive, you never know' I said to her, if there is no heartbeat at nearly 9 weeks it isn't going to magically start beating again?! And she just said 'no your right' .. Bizarre!

It must have been awful for you to not know what would happen for weeks :-( I can't imagine that bless you, aw I'm still living my life through weeks at the moment too, I'd be 19+4 today so would be finding out the sex soon! Even though 2 psychic friends who never usually talk about things have pulled me to one side and said they just had to tell me if I wanted to know..They both said baby was a girl, but who knows!

No the erpc really isn't bad at all, i had paracetamol before I went down but that was only because I had the pessary in me for 4 hrs when it's only meant to be 1 hr, as the theatre was running late. I started contracting and needed something for it but it was only like bad period pain and that won't happen to you! There is no pain after the hour it's actually meant to be in for so don't worry. You go down to the anaesthetic room, the person giving you it will have already come to see you to say hi and explain it to you. They were all lovely..making me laugh even! In the end it took the man about 5 attempts as I have the smallest veins ever.. He uses a children's needle in the end! Embarrassing! So first they put in a painkiller which I think was morphine.. It makes you feel a bit drunk its great, they will also attach you to heart monitors, they are just a few stickers on your chest and side, then they put in the anaesthetic and the next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery, I did have a bit of pain, bit like period pain when I woke up, the lady will ask you if you are ok and if you need painkiller, I said yes so she put some more morphine through the cannula, between that and the oxygen they give you, I was having the time of my life! Haha, I was high as a kite, my mum and DF were amazed when I came up how happy I was, they took a picture of me to send to worried family!

I had to stay over night as my op was late (8.30pm) because of the delay but you probably will have to stay a couple of hours, you will have to keep your lovely socks on for a bit and go for a wee, someone will come and give you antibiotics if that's what happens at your hospital, and do a discharge form with you, the gynaecologist looking after you will be the one to say you can go home. The morphine did wear off after a while with me and I did feel a bit rough, but 'down there' wise it is fine, I was clean, they had put a giant pad under me, I didn't feel like I'd had an op in that respect, and there was not much bleeding, just like a period, mine did last very lightly for about 2 weeks-ish maybe more. Have as much time off work/anything as you need and just laze on the sofa watching rubbish tv! Your hormone levels will drop quickly and you may feel awful or you may feel ok. I cried at the drop of a hat and still do now really, but it does get alot easier, the grief aswell is very hard. For me personally it didn't hit me until about 2 weeks ago, the realisation of what actually happened, I think I had just been floating along by not really admitting to it. But all my family especially my mum and DF have been fantastic, I have noticed it has start to hit him aswell but he will try to avoid getting upset as to not upset me, bless him. Make sure you are surrounded by family and friends, I don't think I was by myself for about 4 weeks afterwards, And when I was alone I just sobbed and sobbed, still do now - mainly in my car!

StrawbsAndCream Tue 23-Oct-12 10:44:28

It really isn't Beardy, when I went for my scan (at 11.30pm as i had barely there brown discharge but just wanted a scan really!!) a lady had gone in before me who had been chain smoking outside - and obviously her baby was absolutely fine, I just thought how is that fair? I've not been drinking bloody tea for god's sake!! (no offence to smokers at all) :-)
I know what you mean about thinking she had it wrong.. I sat up and looked at the screen and could definitely see a little baby but just no heartbeat, the sonographer even tried to give me hope by saying 'well we will send you to the epu as this machine isn't as sensitive, you never know' I said to her, if there is no heartbeat at nearly 9 weeks it isn't going to magically start beating again?! And she just said 'no your right' .. Bizarre!

It must have been awful for you to not know what would happen for weeks :-( I can't imagine that bless you, aw I'm still living my life through weeks at the moment too, I'd be 19+4 today so would be finding out the sex soon! Even though 2 psychic friends who never usually talk about things have pulled me to one side and said they just had to tell me if I wanted to know..They both said baby was a girl, but who knows!

No the erpc really isn't bad at all, i had paracetamol before I went down but that was only because I had the pessary in me for 4 hrs when it's only meant to be 1 hr, as the theatre was running late. I started contracting and needed something for it but it was only like bad period pain and that won't happen to you! There is no pain after the hour it's actually meant to be in for so don't worry. You go down to the anaesthetic room, the person giving you it will have already come to see you to say hi and explain it to you. They were all lovely..making me laugh even! In the end it took the man about 5 attempts as I have the smallest veins ever.. He uses a children's needle in the end! Embarrassing! So first they put in a painkiller which I think was morphine.. It makes you feel a bit drunk its great, they will also attach you to heart monitors, they are just a few stickers on your chest and side, then they put in the anaesthetic and the next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery, I did have a bit of pain, bit like period pain when I woke up, the lady will ask you if you are ok and if you need painkiller, I said yes so she put some more morphine through the cannula, between that and the oxygen they give you, I was having the time of my life! Haha, I was high as a kite, my mum and DF were amazed when I came up how happy I was, they took a picture of me to send to worried family!

I had to stay over night as my op was late (8.30pm) because of the delay but you probably will have to stay a couple of hours, you will have to keep your lovely socks on for a bit and go for a wee, someone will come and give you antibiotics if that's what happens at your hospital, and do a discharge form with you, the gynaecologist looking after you will be the one to say you can go home. The morphine did wear off after a while with me and I did feel a bit rough, but 'down there' wise it is fine, I was clean, they had put a giant pad under me, I didn't feel like I'd had an op in that respect, and there was not much bleeding, just like a period, mine did last very lightly for about 2 weeks-ish maybe more. Have as much time off work/anything as you need and just laze on the sofa watching rubbish tv! Your hormone levels will drop quickly and you may feel awful or you may feel ok. I cried at the drop of a hat and still do now really, but it does get alot easier, the grief aswell is very hard. For me personally it didn't hit me until about 2 weeks ago, the realisation of what actually happened, I think I had just been floating along by not really admitting to it. But all my family especially my mum and DF have been fantastic, I have noticed it has start to hit him aswell but he will try to avoid getting upset as to not upset me, bless him. Make sure you are surrounded by family and friends, I don't think I was by myself for about 4 weeks afterwards, And when I was alone I just sobbed and sobbed, still do now - mainly in my car!

Regarding ttc, I am doing just that, as that was how we conceived first time, I pretty much gave up and said do you know what I just cannot be assed for this anymore! A month of amazing carefree sex (sorry!) and I was pregnant! So just going with the flow, what will be will be!

Wow sorry for the bloody long post! Woops!

I hope you are ok today - as can be, thanks to you too, and feel free to ask anything else or if you just need to chat it out! xxxxxx

StrawbsAndCream Tue 23-Oct-12 10:45:11

(haven't a clue what I did there!!)

Only try again when you geel your body is ready.

Thank you, I couldnt have done it without my family and boyfriend hes 25 :-).

If you need me I'm here smile

Beardy24 Tue 23-Oct-12 22:00:24

StrawbsAndCream aw thank you for your post, it has helped me so much xxx

Beardy24 Tue 23-Oct-12 22:05:32

RileyLeeHargreaves2012 I haven't told my mums side of the family, I'm not really close to them and could do without the pestering at the moment...I've been off work since last Monday and not one of my friends have called round to see me. I understand they all work and have families but they don't work weekends, any excuse not to travel 30 miles (we moved away a year ago) I'm so angry about it...

Found out this evening via my dad that his sisters daughter has miscarried today, she didn't know she was pregnant and it happened in the shower...I grew up with her I'm very upset by it, strange its happened round the same time as me too...she's the same age as me, her first pregnancy.

Glad you have lovely family around you, my dad & mother in law (to be) have been my rocks xx

MrsJohnDeere Wed 24-Oct-12 15:39:02

How are you holding up today Beardy?

I see where your coming from, the last thing you want is people asking how you are all the time makes you feel worse.

All my family new because how far gone i was my little brother aged 8 and twin brother and sister 5 have said to me everyday since i lost riley they miss him. My 8 year old brother has nightmares and crys alot about it, sometimes he errs or poos the bed. Its horrible to see how much its affected them, they have changed A LOT!

If you ever need support come on here there a lovely bunch :-). Go much some chocolate helps me haha. X

Also really sorry to her about your dads, sisters daughter its horrid sad. When I lost riley my boyfriends auntie miscarried the same day at 13 weeks due to the same thing. Make sure you both stay strong :-)

Beardy24 Wed 24-Oct-12 19:54:34

MrsJohnDeere I'm okay today thank you, will be feeling better when Friday is here, seems to be dragging...Still having occasional cramps and got a sore back but other than that...Hope your okay too xx

Beardy24 Wed 24-Oct-12 19:57:20

RileyLeeHargreaves2012 thank you, I'm eating a magnum as we speak xx

Beardy24 Thu 25-Oct-12 21:01:00

Well, it's nearly Friday...Ive given it nearly 2 weeks for the MC to happen and other than a few cramps and backache I've had nothing...I'm scared about the op but I'm hoping ill start to feel a little bit more like myself after tomorrow is over and done with...Thanks for all your support over the last couple of weeks xx

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