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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

ANOTHER fb pregnancy announcement

37 replies

firefli · 25/04/2012 20:14

Thanks for sharing your scan photo. It rubbed salt in an already painful wound. You are a joyous pregnant woman, I am a saddo, wearing my pjs and drinking, while listening to the same sad song over and over again. My great grandpa will probably announce he's pregnant before I do.

Since I couldn't actually leave that as a comment on fb I just clicked like :(

The actual girl in question is perfectly nice and has every right to share her news. I just need somewhere safe to vent.

OP posts:

Report

puds11 · 25/04/2012 20:15

You can vent here hun! FB is the devils work. I'm very sorry for your loss, but i can promise you that your great grandpops won't get pregnant

Lynzw75 · 25/04/2012 20:37

I know what you mean, I have pregnant friends and friends who've just had babies and I can't seem to wish them well or tell them how beautiful their newborn is because I never even had chance to announce my pregnancy. Miscarriage certainly makes you a very bitter person.

FoofFighter · 25/04/2012 22:02

Someone put a scan pic up of their baby due the day after our's would have been due. It's not her fault but it physically hurt

I just said congratulations...

CleverClog · 25/04/2012 22:20

Just found out my sister-in-law is pregnant and due in mid-October which is when I should have been due... Just to add to the other 3 of my lovely friends also due then. Life can really kick you in the teeth can't it?! There are now so many of them i think I'm starting to adjust...

I reckon it won't be long before we are all smugly rubbing our fat (and by fat I mean pregnant of course!) bellies xxx

RubyrooUK · 25/04/2012 22:21

I think saying congratulations or "like" is the right thing to do OP. Because one day hopefully it will be you (or me) announcing some happy news.

I've had two miscarriages so far and when I did - happily - have my DS, I didn't put up any scan photos or any mention until he was born as I was too terrified. But then I wanted to share him with family and friends, so I did put up pictures.

I hope I didn't upset anyone with my photos of my newborn but hopefully if someone felt that way, they just hid my updates. Because it took me three years and horrible procedures and heartbreak to get him so I wanted to share his pictures with some people who don't live close by.

I think losing a baby is really hard and of course we are sensitive to anything about pregnancy and births because of our own situation. But you are right, this is a good place to vent about it. You can vent away here without upsetting people you like (who may in fact have experienced losses themselves). I've used Mumsnet for a fair bit of venting over the years.......

onedaysandy · 26/04/2012 07:57

This happened to me yesterday too - a scan photo of a baby due within days of what should have been my due date. It is a very physical hurt isn't it? I envy the joyful confidence that seems to go along with making an announcement like that.

onedaysandy · 26/04/2012 08:05

Oh and Rubyroo I'm sure we'd all share lovely newborn photos, and hopefully all will.

soveryfedup · 26/04/2012 11:45

Ah FB is shit. I did put pics of my DS up (too many, such a twat) but in my defence I live away from my friends, family and DH's family so no bugger would have seen him grow up elsewise. I know one of my friends has de-friended me over it (have recently found out she wasn't my friend any more and that she has fertility issues... I don't think it is a coincidence).

I have a couple of friends I have recently hidden because their statuses are wildly ignorant of anyone else's feelings about their pregnancy and new parenting experiences. With my next (fingers crossed) DC I shall shut the fuck up and just text pics.

My worst feeling over this mc is over one of my closest friends who is just starting her third trimester but doesn't even parent the DS she does have - I do (to stop him bullying my DS)! What will she do with two children? I'm not jealous, just pissed off and irritated and know this is because of my mc as really, her life and children are absolutely none of my business!

harrietlichman · 26/04/2012 14:03

it's so very hard - my SIL and my cousin are both expecting. My mum didn't know I wasn't pregnant and doesn't know I have miscarried, and she keeps ringing me with updates about SIL and DC. Everything she says is like a knife in my heart. All I can do is say 'great' and try and change the subject as subtley as possible, when what I really want to do it howl 'what about me and my baby?!?'

KnitterNotTwitter · 26/04/2012 14:07

I've sort of had the reverse. I'm currently PG and have had people saying/implying that I'm so lucky and smug about it. What they don't know is that I've lost my last three pregnancies so am actually just extremely grateful. The judgyness hurts and makes me feel guilty for finally getting to the point where it looks like I'm actually going to get a baby out of this.

FoofFighter · 26/04/2012 14:12

We know we are being unreasonable, KNT and it's why we're doing it in here rather than out in public. If people are doing it to your face that's plain nasty and mean

The friend I talked about above has had an ectopic in the past with a tube removed so I know she hasn't had it easy either. But it still doesn't stop the twangs of pain when i see what my baby should have looked like this week

KnitterNotTwitter · 26/04/2012 15:03

I know - was just trying to present the other side... FWIW I have six 'red letter days' now... the dates of each of my losses and their due dates. My other 'thing' is people who have had more than one child while I've been trying to get this one. No-one's life is as easy as it looks from the outside

I'm sure that the way we can't talk about losses and/or TTC generally makes this all harder for everyone - people who don't know about your struggles assume that it is easy for you.

Hugs to you all

lola4lee · 26/04/2012 16:27

I know what you mean I have just had another fb "we're pregnant" I always try to tell myself that they could have struggled and I don't know that it was easy, but when you're telling everyone on fb (most "friends" on fb aren't really friends are they) at 8 wks I very much doubt you have had problems.
It's not always the way but with my recent one as she was only someone I went to primary school with and haven't even emailed ever on fb I just deleted her, it was the easiest way.
x

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 26/04/2012 16:29

I feel terrible now. I announced this pregnancy with scan photo on fb. I didn't mean to upset anyone, was just so happy I wanted to share

KnitterNotTwitter · 26/04/2012 16:37

When I was at my 'darkest' a friend tried to hide her pregnancy from me and in many ways that felt worse. I was happy for them (but still sad for us) and I didn't begrudge them their baby I just wanted my own.

fish congratulations :)

FoofFighter · 26/04/2012 16:41

lola you cannot possibly know that anyone announcing under 8 weeks has not had problems themselves though. I was ttc for 5yrs and have now also had a mc and I would still be telling people when I got pregnant.

Fish, don't worry about it, it is our problem to handle not yours!

Quenelle · 26/04/2012 16:42

Same here. I would have been due soon and two of my friends, and a friend of a friend, have just had their babies. Another has just announced she's pregnant. And a neighbour is due soon too.

I knew getting through this period would be hard but it really has been tough. What makes it worse is that I was so lonely when I had DS, none of my friends had babies and I had trouble making new friends, and I was so excited that this time I would be sharing pregnancy and the newborn days with others, and the baby would have little friends to grow up alongside.

None of them knew I was pregnant and I would never tell them now, it wouldn't be fair, so I just have to be really pleased for them. And I am, I would hate for them to go through it.

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 26/04/2012 16:43

Still though, would hate to cause upset. My dsis had 4 IVF rounds before getting we beautiful boy and I know the hell she went through. Am very

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 26/04/2012 16:44

Her beautiful boy, obviously

Lynzw75 · 26/04/2012 17:25

I can go one worse. I've just had my second scan to confirm that no products have been retained and everything has gone back to normal. I went to work following this feeling quite happy as I have avoided the D+C and can TTC once again. My boss pulled me aside when I got in and told me she was pregnant!! To be fair she was in tears telling me and felt really bad. I was really happy for her and showed that but deep down I'm really gutted and I'm trying to hold back the awful thoughts that keep slipping into my mind. I just hope I also fall pregnant soon.

Dillydollydaydream · 26/04/2012 17:31

Hopefully there'll be good news for all of us soon.
There does seem lots of babies and pregnancy announcements at the moment, but maybe I just notice it more?
I am very pleased for my friends and I hadn't told anyone I was pregnant so they're not to know I'd be upset. It does frustrate me a bit when they post at 34 weeks saying they're fed up being pregnant and want the baby out.

DarthVaderIsMyRealDaddy · 26/04/2012 18:23

So, it's not a FB announcement, but my boss has emailed my colleagues telling them erm... Exactly why I am off work. I can't work out what I think about it. Or how I face people when I go back. Sorry to hijack. Reading this thread and thinking 'ouch' just reminds me....

molly3478 · 26/04/2012 18:28

lola - I have had 2 miscarriages but announced my pregnancies really early on. Just because they announce it early doesnt mean they havent lost babies they are probably just excited

welliesandpyjamas · 26/04/2012 18:31

I can now talk happily with, and be happy for, a mum in DS1's class who had almost the same due date as me (next week). It took a while before I didn't just feel upset every time I saw her growing belly. But they were my issues, not hers.

And wrt FB, I haven't posted a thing about this pregnancy on there. Firstly, and mainly, because a dear friend of mine lost her one day old baby recently and it would be highly insensitive of me to go babbling on about each step of pregnancy. And secondly, because I am too flippin scared of writing anything downn in case I jinx things. But before the MC it would never have occured to me not to mention it on FB...so by that rationale I would not take other people's posts to heart.

Hebiegebies · 26/04/2012 18:53

I can see how it's difficult for us who have not conceived again after a mc, and it's good to let rip on a safe thread like this.

For those of you who are reading this who are pregnant and are on Facebook, can I just give one plea,

Please don't have your scan picture as your profile pic?

I can click like and have a tear or two if I see your happy news, but seeing your scan every time you post about anything hurts

Flip

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