Ectopic pregnancy support thread

(861 Posts)
tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 18-Mar-12 18:15:29

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock hmm)

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC sad.

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have wine, brew and thanks

iloveberries Sun 15-Apr-12 08:28:43

Tired - congratulations on finding out you are pregnant again. That is exciting (though of course I can see why you are so worried). Have you done another test yet? I will be thinking of you and hoping it is a NON eventful pregnancy. Keep us posted.

I am having a bit of a down few days. I had been doing quite well. It's 5 weeks today since i had the op and I've been back at work 2 weeks which is actually a welcome distraction. I haven't had my period yet so of course am worried that this means something else is wrong. I had also got my head into a positive space of "I'll have another baby, it's just a matter of time" but now i don't feel like that. I just feel really sad. When I had DS i made friends which 5 other women and we all started TTC number 2 around the same time. Now 3 of them have had their DC2s and the other 2 are due in May and July and I just feel a horrible feeling that they have succeeded and I have failed. and because stupid AF hasn't arrived yet I can't even try again. I know it's not a contest but seeing them all is just a constant painful reminder that it hasn't happened for us.

Sorry for the rant, I try talking to DH and he is lovely about it but I know he finds it hard hearing/seeing me upset and he's so positive he just tells me everything will be fine.

It would have been my scan this week so i feel sad that instead of telling people my good news I am just no further on this crap TTC journey, infact i am now in a worse position as i only have one tube sad

It totally sucks

joby21 Tue 17-Apr-12 10:47:10

tired Congratulations on the bfp. Keeping fingers crossed for a smooth and trouble free pregnancy for you.

berries Sorry to hear you're having a low time. My last major meltdown coincided with my period arriving so fingers crossed yours is just round the corner!

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 18-Apr-12 21:58:48

tired congrats on the BFP, hope all is going well.

I've been on holiday this Easter, which has been a great tonic, I've finally kicked the nasty bug I couldn't shift and I feel pretty much back to normal.

berries I know what you mean about all your friends having DC2, most of mine do. I think there will ups and downs, being aware of that seems to make the down bit easier. Hope you're feeling better now. I would agree with joby, I think PMT can be quite rubbish after EP/MC, mine was.

In about 6 wks, it'll be my due date for the MMC, I so wanted to be pg for then, but sadly that's unlikely now. I think we'll TTC but with no expectations, treat it as if DD will be an only child. I'm a little bit more accepting of that idea now.

iloveberries Thu 19-Apr-12 09:08:43

well AF arrived this morning... bizarre feeling to be pleased about it after spending the last year TTC.

Milestones are horrible aren't they tas. A work friend announced her pregnancy yesterday and of course her due date is just when mine would have been. I just felt happy for her though and then when she told me it had been a long time coming and they'd wondered if it would ever happen it made me realise that SOOOOO many people go through ups and downs TTC.

How is everyone else doing? Hope you're ok tired

tiredandiwanttogotobed Sun 22-Apr-12 21:11:47

Thanks for your concern berries, joby and tas. Everything's not going to plan...did another test last Tues and it was a definate BFP, however that night began to bleed on and off for 3 out of 4 days after. Got a scan next Wednesday but not optimistic. I'm now feeling very p!$$ed off and angry-why me?!

berries Stay strong, it is only 7 weeks since your EP, the emotions about your EP will get easier...

tas glad you're feeling better, I'm also beginning to feel that DS will be an only child.

In 3 months the EP baby would have been due, not sure how I feel but am definately feeling awkward around colleagues who are due at that time...

joby21 Mon 23-Apr-12 12:24:15

oh bugger tired so sorry to hear about the bleeding. Keeping everything crossed that this pregnancy is a sticky one.

My ep would have been due in august. I have a couple of friends due at the same time and am actually ok with them. I think.because i had symptoms if an ectopic from very early on so knew that pregnancy would never be viable so.never really thought about it having a due date, if that makes sense. However, i have 2 friends who started ttc at the same time as i did and they are both pregnant and i do find it a bit hard chatting to them.

Hope everyone is surviving and looking after themselves xx

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 23-Apr-12 20:16:42

tired fingers crossed, apparently bleeding in early pg is so common but you can't help but worry. Hope the scan brings good news (is that in 2 days time or next week?)

Did anyone else freak out a bit when actually starting to have sex after the ectopic? I had a hard time blocking out crazy thoughts - this could kill you, you could have another ectopic etc etc. I do want to have another baby, but after the MMC I don't trust that my hormones will support another pg, even if it ends up in the right place.

joby21 Mon 23-Apr-12 20:23:58

yep. was a complete mess the first time we had sex post ectopic! It does get easier to block out the crazy stuff!

iloveberries Mon 23-Apr-12 20:59:46

fucking hell.... EPs, MMCs, MCs, Chemicals..... it's a bloody minefield trying to have a baby isn't it and totally horrible that bad things happen to so many women.

sorry - just my observation from this thread. You all seem like such nice people, why did this happen to us all? I know, you can't think like that but it is hard isn't it.

tired - COMPLETELY understand why you're freaking out but as the others have said early bleeding happens to 1/3rd of women who take babies home at the end of their pregnancies so keeping everything crossed for you. keep us posted. You are very brave to keep going smile

Rough time here - cousin announced pregnancy at the weekend and of course she's due same time i would have been (I'm at the announcing time for october babies so hopefully that's it now???) Fortunatey she texted so i was able to reply back appropriately excitedly whilst sobbing my heart out. Obviously delighted for her but just hard as we're close so i'll be seeing lots of her, sharing milestones etc and i know it will be tough as i'll be thinking "I should be having my 20 week scan", "i should be having my baby" etc etc... how can i snap out of that???

Then of course I logged onto Facebook this morning to be greeted by yet another scan picture of another friend's 2nd baby... again delighted but seeing it was like taking a bullet sad

And to round off the day I got a picture message of a friend's 2nd baby who arrived today. Her and I had our DC1s together and started TTC #2 at the same time.

How I am still sober after all this i do not know.

Went to doc this morning to talk about a few things and told her about the EP (new doc as i moved house recently). When I told her i wanted another baby but they'd taken my tube she did a sharp intake of breath and a face as if to say "good luck with that".... oh ggrgrrrrrr, why is it so bloody difficult????

Rant over but just wanted to talk to someone.....

tiredandiwanttogotobed Mon 23-Apr-12 23:13:05

Hi folks

Thanks for looking on the bright side for me, my scan is this Wednesday after my night shift on Tuesday. I'll be so tired that I'll be crying either way!

Tas and Joby I didn't really get too panicky when I started TTC post EP (but I could be classed as one of life's risk takers 'cos I ride motorbikes and have tattoos!) but the EP definately changed my attitude as to what and who is important in my life, my "career" is now just a job and time with family and friends is a priority.

Berries I know exactly how you feel, I'd rather see PG announcements on Facebook 'cos at least then I haven't got to blink away tears and force a smileenvy.

I think some GP's are very insensitive to things like this; I had a locum tell me "PG? What do you want to have another one of those?!" and my GP (when I was trying to get an early scan) say "I completely understand your anxieties..." I felt like shouting "Well stop reciting the GP's communication skills handbook and start bloody listening, then!!!!?"angry

Thanks for listening...my hubby's very caring in a blokey-want-to-fix-it-practical kind of way but he's not good with hormonal/tearful/emotional/worrying ladies so he struggles to understand how I feel.

Chat soon thanks

iloveberries Tue 24-Apr-12 07:54:03

tired - it sounds like our DHs are the same. They want to help but they just aren't wired in the same way as us are they!

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and praying for your healthy pregnancy. (I'm not really religious but i do have a word with anyone who might be listening these days!)

My attitude has changed too. I think that's the only positive to come out of my EP. I feel I 'get' more what is important and what will make me happy and that is DH and DS. Even contemplating becoming a stay at home mum now which was unheard of for me before now!!

Good luck tomorrow tired

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 24-Apr-12 20:34:03

berries I don't know how we 'just snap out of it' when seeing scan photos/hearing people announce their pregnancy.

I still feel a bit bitter when I see bumps around the 8mth mark, as that's where I'd be without the MMC. I remember showing my scan photo for DD at work in naive enthusiasm, and one colleague's face crumpling a bit. I thought later, shit she's got adopted children, she must have had her own journey with all this crap. I think it just takes time. I already feel better than I did before. I can talk about it now without crying.

Stunned at your GP's reaction to TTC, stupid cow.

tired good luck with the scan, hope it all goes well. Keep us posted.

I was already very clear on what is important in my life before the EP. I have always put family and friends before work. It's just a job, a job I like a lot, but still a job. Not sure what the EP has contributed to my life, an awareness that life is very shit sometimes, but you just carry on. No, wait I knew that one already! Maybe that life is just random. No, knew that one already. Sigh. I'll let you know when I realise what it is!

iloveberries Tue 24-Apr-12 20:56:16

yes, I was pretty ignorant about how hard it can be for people to have kids.... i mean i knew it didn't come easy to everyone but i don't think i really appreciated the emotions. I know I am more empathetic now and when (i am being positive) baby #2 comes there will be no loud FB announcements, no posting of scan picture and no ranting and raving about how hideous morning sickness is.

tired thinking of you and your scan tomorrow.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 25-Apr-12 16:47:44

Miscarried.

sad

Got an appointment with consultant who specialises in early miscarriages. Asked (the very kind) nurse specialist "why?" and she said "unfortunately it's probably your age"

Bugger.

Will send DH out to buy wine and lots of it...!

Losingitall Wed 25-Apr-12 16:51:02

Hi all.

Anyone had a cervical ectopic? Never found anyone yet that did. Mine was some years ago but would love to chat to someone who went through the same thing.
X

TwoIfBySea Wed 25-Apr-12 17:09:50

I had mine Feb 8th 1999 and still think about it now. Started bleeding (no pain) on Friday, went to A&E which was full of drunk people and me sitting crying. As I couldn't get a scan until the Monday hmm I spent all weekend upset, (now ex) h went off with his friends but I stayed at home.

Monday came, scan done and by Tuesday lunchtime I was no longer an expectant mother. When they went in it had just burst apparently so it was lucky timing it happened then and not over the weekend. I felt awful and worse when, as I was having a little cry in bed afterward, the ward sister came up and gave me a row saying if I was in pain I should say something! I wasn't bothered about the pain, this was a pain I couldn't medicate.

Luckily, despite the sister and staff nurses being less than understanding the auxilliary nurses were as was one of the young doctors. I was told later that, although I was 27 I had as much chance of getting pregnant as a 40 year old so would need help to conceive. I decided not to yet in December 2001 I had my naturally conceived twins so two fingers up to them!

I was offered no counselling as "at least it wasn't a miscarriage". I still, even now, feel anger and sorrow at the loss of a much wanted baby.

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 25-Apr-12 17:45:34

oh tired that is shit. So sorry sad. People of all ages have miscarriages, I hate it when they say things like that. Definitely time for wine and blue cheese. This probably isn't very helpful but are they definitely sure? If you were about ?6wks, can they see much anyway? Or are they going by blood tests?

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 25-Apr-12 17:51:37

actually berries that is a very good point, I have learnt that not everyone who can't have a baby wants your scan pic waved around the office. I will DEFINITELY be a lot more sensitive to announcing if I'm lucky enough to have another baby.

hi losing hope someone comes along who's had one, (I'm assuming you've been on EPT website).

two congrats on your twins, what lovely luck! Medical staff can say such crappy things, I think being treated so shabbily contributes considerably to how well we recover and deal with these awful experiences. I'm not surprised you still remember it with anger and sorrow. I'll never forget these last 6 mths.

iloveberries Wed 25-Apr-12 19:13:15

Oh tired i am so sorry.

totally shit.

there is nothing else to say is there?

thinking of you thanks

Come here to rant, chat, moan and tell the truth whenever you feel like it. It sucks. I am gutted for you. Hope your DH and DS can provide you with lots of love.

sorry losing - that's one i haven't heard of! Feel free to join us here if you'd like though??

two agree that it's not something you forget. I winced yesterday at a toddler group when i heard someone call their son the name i had earmarked for the DS I was carrying (convinced it was a DS!) It is really hard.

Feeling a bit more positive here today.... I was thinking stats and if the stats which I've been told and googled myself are to be believed then 65% of women have a healthy pregnancy within a year of ectopic. I was comparing that against 100% but then of course 100% of women with 2 tubes don't conceive within the year, 85% actually.... so really the odds aren't that drastically reduced... well that's what I am telling myself anyway!!

I lost track on this thread - is anyone TTC again yet?

tired - again i am so sorry for the loss. Hope you have people you can talk to but if not we are here xx

joby21 Wed 25-Apr-12 20:57:24

tired so sorry to hear your news. Hope you are being looked after xx

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 25-Apr-12 21:38:55

Cheers folks. Luckily I've had lots of kind words from friends, family and you guys which has helped. Even DH has given me a hug!

I have managed to stay off the wine but am looking forward to some nice gooey camembert..!

Losing What happened to you with your cervical ectopic? Have you managed to have kids since?

Two I'm glad you had a positive outcome smile I'd like to think that the attitude of healthcare staff has improved but as you prove, all it takes is one thoughtless comment to make the pain worse...

Tas I had a blood test my hcg has come back as 6 (less than 5 is negative) which considering I had a BFP last week means I'm not PG and looking on the bright side also means not an EP.

Berries I think I'll continue TTC for a while, but haven't properly discussed this with DH yet, although he has agreed to come to the hospital appt with me...

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 27-Apr-12 13:26:15

Ah yes tired that's pretty conclusive. Hope you're feeling ok today.

I'm feeling rubbish today - I went to soft play with DD and was surrounded, literally surrounded by women with bumps. It was like a horror film, you look one way - bump! - quickly look the other way - more bumps! - look away but yes - more bumps in that direction too! It's just a few weeks til the due date for my MMC and I am starting to realise I could have had a new born baby in my arms around now sad. I never really thought of the EP as a baby (didn't dare to hope too much after the MMC).

Hope everyone else is having a better day. x

tiredandiwanttogotobed Fri 27-Apr-12 23:03:19

Thanks Tas I'm not too bad today, planning on going to work as normal tomorrow, it helps to keep my mind off things if I'm busy. Yes it's not just bumps everywhere you go but in every newspaper/tv programme etc too!

I know it's stupid but does anyone else sometimes think "What have I done to deserve this?" or "What am I doing wrong with my DS that means I don't deserve another DC?" or "Am I a bad person and that's why I'm not allowed more kids?" I know it's probably all part of the greiving process but sometimes I think I'm going mad thinking it... sad

tasmaniandevilchaser Sat 28-Apr-12 10:34:28

tired YES all the time, I see people with more than one child and think "why not me?". It's just the random nature of life though. And in my case my DH making us wait to TTC #1 and then wait again to TTC#2. Can you tell I'm feeling a bit bitter today?! I try and turn the thought round to 'thank god I've got DD, we're so lucky to have her'.

Hope your day at work goes ok. There is a lot to be said for just getting on with life.

iloveberries Mon 30-Apr-12 07:14:43

oh tas - your trip to the softplay sounds like my life. It is horrible isn't it. I had DS with 5 others in my NCT group and they all have DC2 now. In that case I do feel "what's wrong with me?" and sad for DS that he doesn't have a 'baby' sad

tired I don't so much feel as if i've done something wrong that i only get DS but i do feel "why is it so easy for everyone else?" which i know is a bit self pitying of me but i can't help that! I think it's a lesson to me to really appreciate my children. I say children (instead of child) as i really do believe i will have another one. I have to believe that.

I'm glad you are getting lots of RL support tired. Hope your hosp appt goes well.

Well We had our first sex since the EP yesterday. I had been a bit worried about how i would feel but it was a very impromptu afternoon bonk so no time to think about it! Probably the best way! I know I am close to OV so it was very tempting to not use condoms who am i kidding i'd get pregnant in month 1 but i followed the advice of the gynae and made DH rubber up (much to his dismay!) We are going to start TTC again next month but I'm abandoning all conception aids except pregnacare. I got obsessed with TTC before and was using CBFM and basically using DH like a sperm bank, poor love. So I think i'll take a more relaxed approach this time!

We're supposed to be saving for some work on our house but we've decided to take a holiday in sept/oct when the EP baby would have been due. With my cousin's baby due then I think it will be a tough time so a holiday with my boys to plan and look forward to will be just the ticket I think.

How is everyone else doing? Tas - are you guys still TTC?

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