Ectopic pregnancy support thread

(818 Posts)
tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 18-Mar-12 18:15:29

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock hmm)

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC sad.

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have wine, brew and thanks

Tearyeyes Sat 02-Nov-13 11:28:53

Anybody out there listening i need 2 talk 2 some1 pls reply

tasmaniandevilchaser Sat 02-Nov-13 16:40:23

Hi tearyeyes how are you feeling now? It's hard not to have support from your DH, is there anyone else you can talk to?

tasmaniandevilchaser Sat 02-Nov-13 16:41:07

It's a bit quiet on here now, but I'm around, off load as and when you need to x

Tearyeyes Sat 02-Nov-13 19:45:53

Hi tas thanks 4 responding im not good at all it seems like ppl whom i try 2 talk 2 dont understand me at all and im frustrated cos the dh does'nt seem 2 c how bad i feel he even abuse me emotionally where can i find counselling maybe dat wil help? Things are bad i cry a lot i try 2 hide my pain bt its too much and my operation scar its stil painful a lot is dat normal sorry im long

Tearyeyes Sat 02-Nov-13 19:48:00

Im thankful i found this page talking 2 u may heal me

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 03-Nov-13 08:14:37

teary you need to go to your GP tomorrow, they will be able to check your scar and they should have an idea of where to go for counselling in your area. I went to one based at my hospital first, then I found a group of psychotherapists. Don't be afraid to try one out and not continue if you don't 'gel'. I tried a couple before I found one I liked. You should ask if they have experience in pg loss and also emotional abuse. Have you posted on the 'relationships' board about your DH? I don't have any experience with emotional abuse, but there are many people on there that can help. It sounds like you have too much to deal with right now, what can you do right now to take care of yourself and relax?

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 03-Nov-13 08:17:13

How long ago was your op? Open surgery takes about 6 weeks to heal. I found when I ovulated everything hurt more. Did you have a follow up appt at the hospital? Best to see your GP if you're worried.

Tearyeyes Tue 05-Nov-13 19:13:46

Hi tas i'll go 2 gp and maybe he'll help me and refer me 2 counselling and emotionally im worse last week they tried 2 give us counselling after i tried commiting suicide things were better bt 2 days later it was back 2 square 1 the abuse started worse part he's cheating and shows me photos of her galfrind saying she's his frnds wife asking me if she's beautiful this is 2 much 4 me 1st was 2 ectopics nw this "crying"

browneyedgal Tue 05-Nov-13 21:08:11

Hi babybluebell,
I am sorry that you had to go through this pain. I understand because my situation is nearly the same as yours. I was 43 when I had my first pregnancy. I didn't realize I was pregnant at first. My period was 7 days late and when it started I had terrible cramps (worse than any cramp I ever experienced). It got worse by the day. I went to the A&E twice. The first was because I collapsed with the most excruciating abdominal pain. At my request, the first A&E did a pregnancy test which returned positive. I had some sort of instinctive feeling that I might be pregnant despite the odds. They then thought I had a miscarriage and sent me home with a packet of Co-codamol, basically I had to just get on with it.
3 days later the second A&E sent me home knowing that I am pregnant with bleeding and abdominal pain but arranged an ultrasound scan with the Early Pregnancy Unit (EPU) 3 days later. A nurse from the EPU phoned me the next day and informed me that my blood test came back and the hCG level was "looking good" meaning that I wasn't miscarrying.
I was aware of my pregnancy for about 6 days and I love my baby from the moment I knew he was there. I stroked my belly and talked to him every day telling him to hang in there and medical help would come soon. He did. I saw his heartbeat on the ultrasound. It really broke my heart when the sonographer said that she had bad news for me and my husband.
I was immediately admitted to a ward and an emergency operation scheduled within 7 hours of the scan. The consultant spoke to me and made it clear that if I do not consent to the procedure that I will eventually die. He said that it now has become an emergency due to the size of the embryo and my tube could rupture anytime. All I could think of in my head was, "my baby is still alive, I saw his heartbeat, he is still hanging on trying to live and trying to grow, he would die if the surgeons remove him!" My baby was around 7 to 7.5 weeks.
I went into surgery at 4pm and woke up at 7pm but was too out of it from the drugs to feel anything for the first 24 hours. I have been secretly shedding tears when I became more lucid. My husband sleeps in a different room after I was discharged from hospital because my dogs love to jump onto the bed and I can't afford to be jumped on after my surgery. My husband now sleeps with the dogs.
I don't cry in front of anyone, I do it when I am alone in bed or in the shower. Like you, babybluebell, this episode represents the end of my dreams. I don't think I can conceive again because I lost one tube and the other tube is affected by scar tissue (the consultant says). I understand exactly how you feel. I am still grieving and crying alone. It is nearly 2 weeks ago since my surgery on 10/24. I found great solace in doing little things to remember my little one (e.g. I bought long burning tea lights and burn one every evening to remember him).
I doubt the emotional pain will ever go away especially if this is your first baby and probably your last. My heart goes out to you. I understand the pain you feel. Lots of hugs to you. Take care of yourself. xxx

Tearyeyes Wed 06-Nov-13 04:58:48

Hi my dearest frnd thanks a lot 4 sharing ur trauma i feel much better hoping u all heal i wish we did'nt have this scars cos everytime i c and feel it everything comes back bt GOD WILL HEAL US take care

Bakingtins Thu 14-Nov-13 21:34:12

bumped for feather

bushmills Thu 28-Nov-13 13:54:56

This sounds awful and I don't mean it to, but I am so glad to have found this thread. No-one really understands what it is like to have an ectopic. I had a horrible time at the start of 2013 and one which has caused us to write a letter to the hospital because they nearly cost me my life. It's only now, 10 months on, that I can write this and not feel angry, sad, absolutely devastated, confused etc etc. Sorry if this goes on a bit, I think now is the time for me to talk about it openly and not feel overwhelming grief.

Christmas 2012 had all the EP symptoms, bleeding, cramps, shoulder tip pain etc and my GP referred me to EPU who couldn't give me an appointment for 2 1/2 days! When they scanned me (just over 6wks) they told me that I'd either already miscarried or was possibly never pregnant at all! Awful lady. I asked her about my tubes, to which she responded I am the professional and I have done my job properly and checked your tubes! I was immediately referred to a MW who told me that it was doubtful I was ever pregnant, despite 4 positive tests! At this point I should have been sent for bloods, but I wasn't.

This wrong decision changed the rest of my life.

3 weeks later, still bleeding and cramping and feeling dreadful, falling asleep at the drop of a hat all day, I collapsed at 3am at home. Thank goodness i woke my husband up just before, as I was in so much pain. I was rushed to hospital by ambulance for an emergency operation to remove my left ruptured tube and have 3L blood transfusion. The worst part was my husband and daughter were brought in before the operation 'just in case'. I will never ever forget that. I had just over 3L blood in my abdomen and was told that I only had another 2/3 left before I wouldn't have made it. A week later I was discharged and had 6 weeks off.

What helped me was a lot of crying and talking and trying to come to terms with other things in my live. Time really is a healer.

Sadly I suffered a MC at 10 1/2 weeks a few weeks ago and had an ERPC and with support from MN I'm doing ok. I have an extremely supportive GP who has made a huge difference to me and made me feel like all is not lost.

Sorry for a long email, it's been good to put it down 'on paper' what went on at the start of 2013. My advice to everyone, talk and cry x

Tearyeyes Thu 28-Nov-13 23:44:01

Hi im doing much more better just wishing that GOD can do a miracle and restore my tubes so that i can conceive again

Countmyblessings Wed 04-Dec-13 14:06:56

Hi all just passing through so glad this thread is still active and I'm people are here sharing uplifting and healing!
As I say before when I was on this thread I found great comfort in the fact of not being alone and the pain seemed like it would last forever but I am blessed and dispite the odds I did go on to have my beautiful girl! With hand holding from some of my lovely ladies I got to know through here!
Please keep posting and sharing as it will help the " dealing & healing" process!
Blessings to u all x

mimosa80 Wed 04-Dec-13 16:29:23

Hi everyone. It's sad that we are all here but glad that there is a support network for us.

This is my story- Its been 4 weeks since my ectopic pregnancy surgery. I was pregnancy at 5 and a half weeks with pain and bleeding so went to my GP requesting an early scan. Got a call saying the scan would be in 8 days! I said I wanted it earlier but told it wasn't possible. After a week of pain, calling 111 twice, speaking to different GPs about my symptoms, being repeatedly told that it was a stomach bug- I ended up in A&E. After an excruciating 8 hour wait in A&E I got a scan which showed a rupture in my left tube and internal bleeding. Had surgery straight away to remove the ectopic and my tube, lost 2 units of blood and woke up feeling like my heart had been ripped out.

It is completely devastating and very tough to accept- I went back to work after 2 weeks but finding it incredibly hard. I saw a gynaecologist yesterday who told me the chances of a repeat EP and how the EP has affected my fertility- I found this news devastating, although DH thinks it is positive (he is right- its not all doom and gloom but it is hard for me to see it in a positive light). I was sitting in the maternity ward yesterday surrounded by pregnant women and babies feeling so jealous and sad, which is terrible- I know i have no right to feel like this.

Just seeing who is in the same boat so we can support each other, and any success stories of pregnancy after an EP?

Thank you for listening.

Countmyblessings Thu 05-Dec-13 17:50:14

Mimosa - I'm so sorry that you had to endure such terrible treatment and lack of sympathy to how you was feeling!
I'm not sure if you read through this thread but I graduated from having 2 ectopic 1 MMC tubes removed and feeling that I would never hold another child to be sitting here today with my 9 month old girl who is my miracle baby!
The sadness the loss the worry and concerns doesn't go away but it does get easier and you wake up 1 day knowing you have turned a corner!
Hand holding and hugs to you all!

Rhi84 Mon 09-Dec-13 21:35:44

Hi all,

I am new here, feels weird to have registered to Mumsnet now I am not expecting or a mummy but I have spent most of today reading this thread after having a really emotional day yesterday!

My story, I got married on the 5th November, after a quick 2 day honeymoon I arrived back home and wasn't feeling well so on the 8th I took a pregnancy test to find out I was pregnant - my and my husband were over the moon. We had been trying for 8 months but after 12 years on the pill my periods were about 50 days apart and I felt relieved my body could get pregnant!! Had 5 days of walking on cloud 9 and then started to bleed very lightly, relaxed all weekend and my best friend convinced me it was implantation bleeding. After 4 days of bleeding I went to EPU , told too early to scan (hcg 500) & went back 2 days later for bloods, told all positive as bloods doubled (1000) but progesterone low so they decided to try to scan and talk about taking tablets to help pregnancy, felt relieved - 4 hours later rushed to hospital as had unbearable cramps and bleeding and rushed into resus - drip, painkillers etc and it was there that I passed a large tissue (still never been told what it was) confirmed miscarriage and product was taken away to be tested. The whole thing was so traumatic and I howled like I've never heard before when I finally got home. Went for scan following day, told everything passed - ensured miscarriage is so common next time will be fine. Next day had to have bloods again and HCG had gone up yet again so suspected ectopic, hcg kept rising and had an emergency scan 48 hours later - no pregnancy found in womb but consultant said I definitely hadn't miscarried as there could be a normal baby developing or it could be ectopic. Her saying normal pregnancy freaked me out completely. The next day I had another emergency scan which after 30 minutes showed an ectopic in my left tube. Took methotrexate the next day however on Friday 29th I was asked to come in for a second shot as numbers still very high (5500). Went for a scan and was told there was fluid on my stomach but the lady said that was fine I could have the 2nd shot - the head nurse thankfully pops her head in and hears about fluid on the stomach , examines scan and after talking to the consultant I'm told there is no option but to operate as they think tube is rupturing. I was in total shock. 6 hours later I wake up from the operation with my husband and mum by my side, the had removed the pregnancy along with my left tube which was bleeding and rupturing as they were doing the surgery. I had no time to think much about it all. I kind of think I am lucky I did experience what we thought was a miscarriage because we had already started to grieve.

Anyway, 10 days after my operation I am doing well physically and emotionally (today!!) but last week I felt like if been hit by a bus and have cried pretty much every day since the 7th November!! Yesterday I thought I was doing better and feeling positive and then I realised I was sitting with tears streaming down my face and cried for about an hour non stop - then on and off all night. Today I have woken up feeling so much better and now the pain has gone I intend to give myself little tasks / aims every day.

I still have no idea what actually happened when I thought I wad miscarrying, I've been told it is possible I had 2 eggs, 1 I miscarried that was in the womb and the other the ectopic pregnancy. I felt really silly but I had no idea that if it was a miscarriage that it would be so painful - like contractions and that it would look like a large clump of tissue the size of 2 conkers even though I was so early (4.5 weeks and then probably 6 weeks at time of surgery)

I just wanted to share my story so anyone else out there can have a read and might find it helpful - also so I can come on here when I'm not feeling so positive (probably tomorrow , who knows!)

I am so so scared to try again, which won't be for at least 3 months because of the metho shot but mainly I am scared it will happen again.

Anyway a quote a friend send me yesterday that might help others.

"New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings".

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 10-Dec-13 10:52:52

hi rhi, mimosa and bushmills, glad that you found this thread and that it is helpful, it was born in a terrible time for me, from a conversation with iloveberries. I'm so glad something good has come of that awful time. and hi again to teary.

teary glad that you are feeling better, people say time does heal and they are right

bushmills and mimosa I'm so shocked at the terrible medical care you received, bush, I'm glad you wrote a complaint, did you get a reply?

rhi congrats on your wedding, though I imagine you've had other things on your mind since then! I love your quote, I think it is very true. I think setting little goals every day is a really good idea. It does help but don't overdo it, I got every bug and lurgy going after my surgery, I got quite run down. Little steps!

To who asked for success stories, I have a wriggly 6 month old DS rolling about on the floor right now. I had a MMC just before the EP, so I really thought I was broken and couldn't have any more children. Don't give up hope just yet.

Countmyblessings Tue 10-Dec-13 18:58:33

Big Hug & hand holding been where you are Rhi! Scared of trying again! It's heartbreaking to have such a happy thing turn into pain sadness and heartache!
But hold on to the fact you have a supporting husband that is also dealing with the loss! And you have another tube which means you do have a chance of conceiving a healthy pregnancy/baby!
Hold on to tomorrow's! And your pain will subside not forgotten not erased but won't hurt so much!
As I have said and watching my lil miracle fast asleep in her cot!

Countmyblessings Tue 10-Dec-13 19:03:15

Pls I didn't mean to sound patronising in what I said!
Rhi- as I know you've heard it over and over!
I have 3 angels watching over us! And they will always be with me etched on my heart! Footsteps that are in tune with my beating heart!

Rhi84 Tue 10-Dec-13 21:37:53

Tas and Count - thank you for your lovely comforting messages, I can see from this thread what a horrid journey you both went through and it makes my heart happy that you both went on the have gorgeous, healthy babies after such trauma. Today has mainly been a very good day, although during my afternoon nap I did have a nightmare which involved a nurse prodding my stomach and asking me what my scars were and why I've cut my own baby out of my stomach when it was fine, when I woke up I burst out crying and my stomach hurt as I was obviously tensing my muscles through my sleep - I'm hoping this doesn't become a regular thing?!

It is my nature to always see the positives but this is by far the hardest and most painful thing that I've ever gone through. Thankfully my husband and I, although newly married have been together since we were 19 (11 years) so know each other inside out and will grow even stronger because of this I am sure. I have a nice life and generally live in a happy bubble so this experience has really knocked me, a reminder that things like this will come and grab hold of you out of the blue, I intend to hold on for dear life and get through it a stronger person. We will have a healthy baby, I can't think any other way right now. Luckily I have the benefit of volunteering at a hospice every weekend so constantly talk to the patients about grieving, because of this I am not afraid to cry.

Life works in mysterious ways - whilst I have been losing a baby these last 3 weeks, my brother was secretly going through his second session of IVF and making a baby, on Friday they finally got a positive result - 4 years of trying. This should give hope to anyone that has to go down that route. We will be blessed with a baby next year in the family after all.

After the operation I was not expecting such pain! I was walking so bent over I honestly thought they'd pulled all my muscles too tight and that I would never be able to walk standing up straight again!! Annoyingly I got a urine infection after the operation and now the antibiotics have stopped I feel like I am getting thrush!! Anyway hopefully my GP can help me with that.

I am surprised I don't need any bloods taken or checked, I was basically told they won't follow up until I fall pregnant again! I'm worried that because of being on the pill for 11 years and having irregular periods for the 7 months I came off it prior to this happening that they will continue to be even more irregular now this has happened! I was told I had low progesterone when I got my second lot of bloods back - is this what happens with all ectopics or should I be taking something to ensure it isn't low for future pregnancies? Never even knew what progesterone was before this! Pretty sure they didn't go into much detail all those years back at school!

Anyway - hugs to everyone going through this or having been through it , us women really are incredible.

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 12-Dec-13 12:32:44

hi rhi I hope you are feeling better now and your GP has given you something for the thrush. I had nightmares after my EP, sounds very normal, and it did pass. Hope that you don't have many more. It sounds like you are letting it all out and are comfortable with grieving, together with a supportive husband, you are very lucky. I know what you mean about life suddenly grabbing you, it reminds you that you never know what is round the corner, so enjoy the good things while they last and be grateful for them! I find I am much more thankful for the good things in life - loving family, good health - I appreciate them much more now. And congrats on becoming an aunty, I hope you find great joy with your niece/nephew.

I think I had a 6 week follow up after my op, just to confirm to me it was an ectopic pg, but they didn't do much, possibly I POAS, but I suppose you could do that at home to confirm they removed everything.

I was advised to keep a close eye on my cycle from then on, so that when I got pg, I could go early and be monitored and scanned. A bit tricky when you're irregular (as I was) but if you know when you ovulate (looking at the EWCM) and you know your luteal phase (same every month) then it's not too bad. My progesterone was low with the EP, I think it's a symptom of the EP rather than a problem with you. When I got pg again it was much higher. Wishing you a speedy recovery and lots of luck when you TTC again x

Hessy Thu 26-Dec-13 12:20:51

Hello, hoping someone can answer this. I had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy three days ago. The keyhole surgery to remove foetus and part of the Fallopian tube. I am still very sore on the three scars, which is to be expected.

However, I'm also bleeding vaginally. At first it was dark spotting, now a fair amount of bright red blood. I'm sure this is normal but none of the doctors or nurses mentioned it, only the scars. Is this normal?

And do you know, is it from the surgery (the cuts) or is it effectively the lining of the womb coming away as per a mc?

Thanks in advance.

Rhi84 Fri 27-Dec-13 00:45:30

Hi Hessy, I am sorry to hear you have had to go through this, I hope you are resting well and you have people around you to take care of you. Like you I started having vaginal bleeding 3 days after my operation and it became bright red, heavy and continued for about 4 days, I was told that it is normal although no one explained to me why it happens other than it isn't a period! I would say that unless it gets really heavy or the pain becomes a lot worse rather than better then it is completely fine. In case no one mentioned to you (and I doubt you would want to after your surgery) use pads and not tampons.

I hope you start feeling a bit better soon, if it makes you feel better to know, I was in a lot more pain than I expected the first 4 days but from then on in every day got better pain wise and also emotionally too, although I had a cry pretty much every day for 2 weeks after surgery and this really helped me to deal with it rather than keep it all in.

Anyway I my op was 4 weeks ago tomorrow and I had my pregnancy and left Fallopian tube removed so any support you want or questions feel free to ask!!

Take things really easy and slowly, I did and pretty much lay down or was on the sofa for the entire first week and only did little things the second week, don't rush.

Thinking of you

Rhi

Hi everyone smile

I just wanted to add a quick update...

My surgery was just over 6 months ago in June 2013 when I had emergency surgery to remove my right tube which had been badly ruptured by an 8 week ectopic pregnancy. I had internal bleeding too and was very lucky it wasn't even worse as my hcg levels were extremely high, in the 30,000 range.

The most traumatic experience and few weeks of my life.

Anyway after about 6 weeks me and me DH started trying again, every month that went by without a BFP was like a knife to the heart. I felt ovulation pains every month on my 'tubeless side' as I always have felt them on my right side, and practically convinced myself that my left side didn't work at all and I was never going to get pregnant ever again. I got lower each month, cried all the time, started having flashbacks to my surgery and eventually got put on antidepressants at the end of October for 30 days to start with. They did help my mood, a lot, and I was no longer crying every day. We continued ttc as normal and on Nov 21st I got a BFP. I could not believe it. I truly never thought I'd be able to get pregnant again. Then the worry of another ectopic starts to creep in...

I have had two scans, an NHS one at 6 weeks and a private one at 8 weeks. Both confirmed a pregnancy in the right location with a beating heart. I am now 10 weeks and praying everyday that this pregnancy works out, counting the days until my next scan.

I just wanted to share, and again show that there IS hope after an ectopic...and a normal pregnancy afterwards is quite possible. Because I know how it feels to think your fertility is ruined, and I know just how important and encouraging it is to read other people's stories who have been in the same situation.

I hope everyone who (unfortunately) needs to read and use this thread gets all the support that they need and I wish everybody lots of good luck for the future.

thanksthanksthanks

Xxx

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