Ectopic pregnancy support thread

(860 Posts)
tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 18-Mar-12 18:15:29

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock hmm)

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC sad.

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have wine, brew and thanks

RancerDoo Thu 29-Mar-12 20:36:51

Hi all, i wanted to add a positive story for those of you fretting about future fertility.

I had two ectopics in a six month period a few years ago. The first was treated with methotrexate, which left me with a damaged tube and then i had the second one on the same side. The second time i had the surgery, and about four months after that had a normal pregnancy. What a relief! I have read that about 30 percent of the time tubes pick up eggs from the opposite ovary, and that is certainly what happened to me. DD2 came from my right ovary and was picked up by my left tube. Interestingly, my second ectopic came from my left ovary but was picked up by my dodgy tube. So it seems a lot of swapping goes on, which is why the loss of one tube is not always as catastrophic as it can feel.

Someone asked about chlamydia. I have since had a blood test for chlamydia antibodies (negative) and my surgeon said i had no signs of PID. Relevant risk factors for me were that i have smoked in the past and that i have had abdominal surgery (a previous c section) but actually i suspect that maybe it happened because i am in my 30s and my tubes are a bit weary! I guess it only takes one little bit of the tube getting a bit damaged for this to happen. Just nature not being perfect.

I know it is horribly hard, and such a mix of emotions. I veered wildly from relief that i was alive, to being furious, to being disappointed, to sobbing at my desk. I think i must have read a huge proportion of the info on the net (mostly when i should have been working - whoops!) which shows how bloody obsessed i was. And when a good friend told me she was pregant i burst into tears, to my eternal shame. But it does get better, its just one hell of a shock. Hugs to all of you who are going through this. And i have my fingers crossed for those of you who are ttc.

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 30-Mar-12 10:37:40

Thanks rancerdoo I really needed a positive thought today. I'm in no state to TTC but hopefully that will change. I think I'll always regret it if I don't even try (when I'm ready)

iloveberries Fri 30-Mar-12 19:37:57

Thanks ranceroo I also needed a positive story. Thanks for sharing. I feel in my heart I will have another baby, or maybe 2 if i am really lucky, but it just all seems so far away and deep down I am so scared. Poor you having 2 ectopics, but hey - they got rid of that crappy tube and it seemed to work after that! How old is your DC?

I had a friend over today who is going to start TTC for #3 but is waiting a couple of months because she "really doesn't want a december baby". I sat through gritted teeth (she knows whats happened with me so i thought it was a bit insensitive to say that.)

Tas - are you ok? Well, of course you're not ok - silly thing of me to ask... but how are you feeling about things?

I feel ok when i am in my own home with DH and DS but whenever I'm out there are (of course) loads of mums with toddlers and babies or toddler and bumps and i went to the park yesterday and 2 strangers asked me "when are you going to have another one"? I know they're just making swingside chat but i just wanted to say "When my f***ing body stops letting me down".

Rant over - sorry....

Hope you're all having a glass of something nice tonight! x

joby21 Sat 31-Mar-12 06:56:39

berries, i know what you mean about other people! At work loads of people are pregnant, inckuding 2 who started ttc about the same time as we did. I am frequently being asked when am i having babies and then have to explain that'll happen once i'm over tge ectopic. Cue embarassed silence!

It does get easier though, ican now answer that question without crying!!

gomurray Mon 02-Apr-12 21:11:01

Ladies, so sorry for your sad losses and indeed the double blow of reduced fertility for some of you.

I have not had an EP but would like some advice if possible. I had a MMC in Dec at 20 weeks (had to deliver baby which was dreadful), so I can empathise with your losses. My body has finally started 'working' again and am in a bit of a panic as had brown watery blood today - I am only 6dpo and have no idea whether it is possible for EP symptoms to start this early ? I have read on the ectopic.org.uk site that signs can present themselves from 4 weeks onwards so am wondering if I am worrying over nothing. Do you know whether the bleeding would continue if it were an EP as it appears to have stopped now. I had implantation bleeding with my previous 2 PGs but after 9dpo and not as brown IYKWIM. Hope someone can help as am worrying myself sick.

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 03-Apr-12 11:00:16

hi gomurray so sorry about your late MMC. I don't know about your bleeding, I had some bleeding around the time my period was due. I imagine your body is still getting back to normal. I would test around the time your AF is due, and if it's positive, you could get an early scan (they can scan when your HCG levels are around 1500). Statistically speaking it's very unlikely to be an EP, around 1%, but I know you won't be feeling very lucky right now. I think being pg or even TTC must be very stressful after your experience. Take care x

berries thanks, I'm still up and down, but just can't shake this horrible virus, which is really wearing me down. DH has booked a last minute holiday over Easter, which I hope will give us all a rest. I can totally empathise with being ok at home but finding it hard out and about - there are flipping babies and pg women everywhere!!!! I keep seeing heavily pg women smoking, usually around my house, and I just feel sick when I see them sad, especially as I'd have a lovely bump like theirs if I hadn't had the MMC. I'm also surprised your friend could say that about TTC#3, though she probably didn't mean to be so insensitive, she just doesn't get it. People just don't think.

joby I love you're so honest at work, I think people will only stop saying annoying things when they get some immediate feedback!

Ninjacat Tue 03-Apr-12 17:06:05

Looks like I have joined your camp.
Can I just curl up in the corner and cry for a bit?
Laperoscopy (sp?) on Saturday.
Something removed from left tube but tube saved.
Feel awful.
Could really do with a helping hand.
Can't stop crying and the shoulder pain just wont budge.

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 03-Apr-12 17:17:53

oh my love, yes curl up, have a wine or brew. It's very good and normal to cry, it's a truly awful experience.

I had the shoulder pain afterwards as well, my surgeon or nurse (all a bit hazy) said it was the diaphragm being irritated and it passed in a couple of days. If it isn't getting better in a day or two, I'd get it checked out, if only for your peace of mind.

It does get better, but you need lots of time. My one thing I'd do differently is eat really well, as my immune system has really taken a beating with all the stress. Get someone to bring you lots of lovely, healthy food. Do you have anyone to look after you?

Ninjacat Tue 03-Apr-12 17:24:54

Thank you Tasmania.
My inlaws are here looking after the ds's and a friend is coming to cook tonight.
I'm just in shock I think.
Sorry that you have had to go through this too but it does help me to know you do come out the other side.

gomurray Tue 03-Apr-12 20:36:02

tasmanian thank you so much for your response. I am calmer today as bleeding has stopped. Am just going to wait and test at the weekend. I may call MW if I get BFP and explain my concerns but I'm pretty sure I'll be fobbed off.

Good luck to you all with your recovery. I can assure you that the pain gets easier with time xx

joby21 Wed 04-Apr-12 08:00:17

Ninja, sorry to hear your news. Hope you are being kind to yourself. Have you tried peppermint water for the shoulder pain? That can sometimes really help. It is normal to feel emotional. I am 3 months post surgery and i can promise it does get easier. If you work, don't be tempted to go back early, take painkillers as you need them and get other people to look after you. Don't be embarassed to ask for help.

Tas, i just felt being open about stuff was tge right thing for me. Lots of people knew we were trying, also they were wondering where i'd been for 5 weeks! I decided i had nothing to ashamed or embarrassed about, so why not tell people! It's actually been good as i've had lots of positive stories and have been surprised bu the number of people who've had an ectopic. It also means people have had a chance to ask all those daft questions that they've always wondered about!

nextphase Wed 04-Apr-12 08:36:05

Ladies,
I'm so sorry you have all been through the torture which is an EP.
Just one more positive story for you.
My first pregnancy was ectopic, and resulted in my left tube being removed.
Since then I have had 2 successful pregnancy's, both conceived within 2 cycles.
Wishing you all the best with your recoveries and TTC journeys

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 04-Apr-12 16:27:52

Thanks nextphase, it's lovely to hear your story.

I think you're right joby, I've never met anyone who's had an ectopic, but if people don't talk about it, then how would you ever know?

I'm feeling very run down, but I realised today I haven't cried much lately, I think I'm slowly moving on.

joby21 Wed 04-Apr-12 16:35:50

Sorry to hear you're feeling run down but good to hear you feel like you're moving on! Just to warn you to still be kind to yourself. I ended up having another melt down about 2 months post op, which actually coincided with me about to get my period!

There have been lots of people at work who have had an ectopic or know someone who has! All the stories are "I had an ectopic and now i've got 2 children"!

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 04-Apr-12 23:20:33

Tasmanian I hope you're enjoying your Easter break smile and hope you feel better soon x

Ninja The pain should ease in a few days (it is caused by the diaphragm being irritated), painkillers and positioning cushions and pillows worked for me. Try to put yourself first, if you can get time on your own that can help too. I had people around me for the first week and was trying to "get back to normal" the week after. It was after about two weeks that emotionally it hit me, causing me to spend a few days in floods of tears. Fortunately I have a good GP, who'd signed me off work for 6 weeks.

Gomurray Fingers crossed for you x

Joby I also get a bit fed up with people asking me if I'll have anymore kids, "cos did you know, so and so's pregnant?" Which, TBH I am pleased for them but I still find upsetting to have it in my face-does this sound really envy? So yes, I also tell them that I would have had more kids if it hadn't been for a pre-cancerous scare, EP or miscarriage. It tends to get the coffee room gossip changed...

Iloveberries I think it was about 4 wks when everything returned to normal, but everyone's different, some people it's 6 wks.

Here's to us all wine or brew and thanks for listening and all the stories of hope. Have a happy Easter smile

Ninjacat Thu 05-Apr-12 10:47:59

Thank you for your support and advice.
I'm feeling a little less sorry for myself today having returned from EPC.
Got my blood tests back from monday and they are 42!
Another test today but really hope that's it now.

iloveberries Sun 08-Apr-12 19:24:45

Hi Ladies, especially hello to the 'new' posters. Crap that you had to find yourself on this board but hope that it's a good place to vent.

Tas how's that virus coming along? I have also seen 2 heavily pregnant women smoking this week. I wanted to punch them both in the face. Selfish fu**ing cows who don't know how lucky they are. It's really hard not to imagine 'what if?' isn't it... i would be just coming up to my scan if i hadn't had the EP sad

Ninja sad to see your post. How are you getting on? I don't have any advice on the shoulder pain. The 'good' (crap choice of word i know as nothing is good right now) news is that you had your tube saved. Did the surgeon let you know what condition it is in. Hope you have lots of support from DP and family.

gomurray - Sorry to hear you are having a worrying time. I am afraid i have no advice as i had no bleeding. If you can afford £50 for a private scan it would be worth it to put your mind at rest i think?

nextphase - THANK YOU. Stories like yours really keep me going.

joby and tired - how are you both doing?

Things here are okay i suppose. I feel ok about what happened as (and i hope this doesn't sound awful) statistically i knew at some point in my baby-making-days it was likely i would lose a pregnancy. I just feel gutted about that f'ing tube!!!! and so worried about DS being an only as i feel very strongly that i don't want that. I want to start TTC again as soon as I am allowed as it took me a while to fall last time (2 periods/3months to wait i was told) but I am still waiting for my first period to arrive. It's 4 weeks today since surgery and I had bad stomach cramps this week so i was hoping AF would arrive this week. (There's a sentence I've not said since I was about 20!!) But nothing. I just want to know i am 'working' again sad

DH has 'forgotten' about it whereas I can't. Every time i pee i see that stupid scar and every time i see a baby i'm reminded i may never hold my own baby. I am so lucky to have my lovely DS but I can't stop wishing I was 11 weeks pregnant instead of 0 weeks pregnant, not allowed to start TTC yet and one tube down.

Chocolate eggs might help dull the pain!

joby21 Sun 08-Apr-12 22:23:39

Berries, chocolate eggs are definitely the way forward!

I am now 3 1/2 months post surgery. I too was resigned to losing a pregnancy, never thought it would be my first pregnancy or i'd end in emergency surgery having a tube removed!

I am also sure your dh hasn't forgotten. After about 4 weeks my dh wasn't talking about it all and actually it's only in the last week or so i told him about waking up in recivery and traumas i had with my drip. I think he found it quite hard to know what to say and also i think he was worried about upsetting me by bringing everything up again (although, like you, i was pretty much thinking about it all constantly anyway!

You are only 4 weeks post op. It"s not very long at all so keep looking after yourself!

Anyway, i am not doing too bad at the mo. i am still getting pain which i m a wee bit concerned about so am thinking once the bank hol and my night shifts next week are over and done with i m going to have to get it sorted. I'm also much more dizzy and light headed since having the op so a bit worried i maybe anaemic, either that or the ep has turned me into a complete hypochondriac which is indeed an option!

Hope you are all feeling a bit lesd rubbish and are being looked after x

iloveberries Mon 09-Apr-12 06:37:37

No - he had actually forgotten!! He kept buggering off to do DIY leaving me sitting alone and I had to tell him I needed him to be with me and DS and it had only been a few weeks, I was still hurting and just wanted some quality family time. He was really apologetic and nice about it all, said he hadn't realised I was still hurting and he had forgotten about it all. I suppose because I don't walk around crying the whole time he thought i had too.....

joby - how long was it before you got your AF after surgery? (if you can remember?)

joby21 Mon 09-Apr-12 09:24:47

oh! that is different then!

My AF came about 4 weeks post op and have been like clockwork since! I was only 6 weeks pregnant though, if that makes any difference!

Ninjacat Mon 09-Apr-12 11:56:41

Hello.

I have been discharged from EPU. Bloods were down to 11 on Thursday.

AB's for wound as I was stupid and put anti septic on it but didn't read the label first - NEVER USE UNDILUTED blush

Apparently it makes no difference to your fertility if you keep your tube, lose your tube or have the drugs according to the mw that saw me (i'm sure you have all heard it before but just in case it makes anyone feel better I thought I'd repeat it)

I go back to work tomorrow. Very scared but probably better than the hypochondria that takes over if I let myself dwell on what's happened.

I agree that I was resolved about having "just" a mc as it was so early and I could think of it as a late period but feel quite floored that my body let me down and too terrified to think of trying again (yes one week after op is prob not even the time to worry about such things) in case it should happen again.

Hope the choc eggs are still doing the trick.

messalina Wed 11-Apr-12 15:32:48

I do think going back to work after an EP is a wonderful tonic. Mine ruptured a 8 weeks and I needed emergency surgery to remove it and the tube. But I was back at work after 48 hours and just being back to normal made me forget about it. That and a few large glasses of wine! But maybe I was far too cavalier about it. I just know I hated being in hospital and being treated like an invalid. Being at home not working just made me bored and irritable. I was quite annoyed when I went on the EP trust website (to check a statistic) and read that I might need six weeks off work and that it might take months to recover emotionally. That actually made me feel worse. I wondered whether I was weird to feel no emotional distress.

messalina Wed 11-Apr-12 15:36:31

I guess it makes a massive difference a) how old one is b) whether one has a DC already c) how long one has beeing TTC d) how fertile you perceive yourself to be d) how much you wanted the baby. Perhaps I felt fine about it because I had been unsure about having another DC in the first place and also knew that I had high fertility level. I actually remember thinking when I first realised something was wrong that I would far rather lose the pregnancy than for 2 friends to lose theirs (not sure I really believe in God but remember silently wishing that if someone had to lose their pregnancy that it were me and not 2 other people). And that was because I knew they would find their loss incredibly painful. I knew I wouldn't.

joby21 Thu 12-Apr-12 07:49:41

I know there was no way i could have gone back to work at 48hrs. I still felt like shit, was in a lot of pain and struggled to stand up! My job is also quite physical and involves long shifts.

I think it is definitely an individual thing and what works for 1 person may not work for the next person.

For me, 5 weeks off was perfect. Any less i woulfn't have coped, any more i would have gone crazy!

The ectopic trust website is a useful site, but i agree about it can make you feel weurd gor not being emotiinal enough. I was gutted that my furst pregnancy ended with emergency surgery in the middle of the night but actually it wasn't a huge surprise. I knew something wasn't right so was resigned to that pregnancy not working out. I can imagine it might hit you harder if it's a total bolt from the blue....

tiredandiwanttogotobed Thu 12-Apr-12 23:56:19

I agree with Joby that everyone's different and I also have a very physically and emotionally demanding job with long shifts; I wouldn't have been safe being back at work too soon.

iloveberries thanks for asking, I'm ok.

However....I've just found out I'm pregnant again. Not a BFP like when I had my DS, very worryingly it was only a faint positive (like the one I had before my EP and before my miscarriage) so I'm not excited yet. I'll be doing another test in a few days hopefully it'll be a definate positive-it might put my mind at ease, 'cos every twinge and ache I'm thinking "is it another EP or miscarriage?" confused

Anyway, I'm off on holiday tomorrow so hopefully can forget about it all for a week... watch this space...

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