Ectopic pregnancy support thread

(834 Posts)
tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 18-Mar-12 18:15:29

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock hmm)

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC sad.

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have wine, brew and thanks

iloveberries Sun 18-Mar-12 18:31:54

Hello tasmanian - good idea to start this thread. Thank you.

So sorry to hear about your 2 losses but comforted to have someone to talk to who will understand.

Here's me: Married to lovely DH and have 2 year old DS. TTC#2 since June 2011. Very early m/c (chemical pregnancy?) in August. Ectopic this week at 7 weeks pregnant. Tube removed. Devastated at loss of baby but, and i don't know if this makes me heartless, i am more devastated at the impact on my future fertility. I know miscarriage is horrendous but at least you are comforted by the fact it doesn't affect future fertility. (at least that's what i believe to be true??) I just feel like i've been doubly robbed. Some days I can't bear the thought of TTC again and some days I want to start TTC again as soon as possible but they've told me to wait 3 months.....

Tasmanian - You have really been through the mill haven't you with a mmc and then this? and TEN DAYS??? That is shocking? I really wanted the metho too but HCG was at 7500 so apparently too high so tube had to go. Surgeon says the other one looks good so that is some comfort. How old is your DD? We are lucky to already have one DC aren't we. I don't know how i would have got through this week without DH and DS. Do you have any RL friends who you can talk to? How is your DH coping?

Nice to 'meet' you x

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 19-Mar-12 16:37:19

hi iloveberries glad its not just me on my own here!!!

Yes I really feel like I've been through the mill, 1st day back at work and after 5 hrs I was almost asleep at my desk. Luckily I have a very understanding boss, so I went home.

I feel the same as you about future fertility - I hadn't really accepted this baby as real, so I'm not grieving like I did with the mmc. I knew as soon as I had the BFP something was very wrong. I was hoping it was a mc, can hardly believe my life had come to that - hoping for a mc!!!! I'm much more stressed about the future and it happening again. Though the surgeon said the other tube looked fine.

I also feel the same about TTC again - one moment I WANT ANOTHER BABY NOW!!! and then the next I can't bear the thought of the stress.

I'm starting to dream about it all now, for the 1st time, well remembering it anyway. I dreamt that the doctor had left a plastic bag in me after the mmc, that's why I had an ectopic!!!

Yes, my DD is a constant (well almost constant!) source of joy to me. She's 3 now. My DH is ok, coping well with work stress plus squawking grumpy wife!! My RL friends are good to talk to, but havent had an ectopic so obviously don't really understand. I also don't want to monopolise every moment with my woes, so make the effort to ask them about their life and talk about their stuff as well. Helps to get a perspective on life as well. I haven't told people at work, though they know I had surgery.

How are you doing today?

toobreathless Mon 19-Mar-12 19:52:06

Hello.

Mine was a while ago, we agreed to start TTC after DH returned from Afghanistan in 2010. We missed the first pill my pill packet & conceived. I had an ectopic at 5 weeks in June 2010 & had my left tube removed while DH was away.

I was lucky enough to conceive the month he returned & had DD in April 2011. The two due dates ended up being only three months apart. I was told that given my young age my fertility wouldn't be affected.

Hoping this brings some hope to others. We are starting to think about number two & I am a bit scared about the possibility of another ectopic & therefore infertility. This is despite being reassured that having had a 'normal' pregnancy following an EP (and no risk factors) my risk of a further EP is the same as for anyone else (1%.)

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 19-Mar-12 20:26:10

hi toobreathless, sorry to hear about your ectopic, it must have been hard with your DH away. But lovely news that you had your DD so soon after. How early was your 1st scan?

MaureenMLove Mon 19-Mar-12 20:51:35

<<Adds herself to a clique, she's wishes didn't exist>>

I'm in. I've had two. sad First one in 2001, thought it was just (ha ha) a miscarriage and almost 2 weeks later, when my HCG levels still weren't going down quick enough and numerous painful internals, they decided to do an exploratory keyhole. Sadly, they found a mass and I lost one of my tubes.

PG again, 4 months later and I had several stomach pains etc. Straight to hospital and they diagonised apendicits. After a long night in hospital, with my breathing getting worse, they did an emergency op and I lost the other tube.

Thankfully, I had already got a DD, but our dreams of 3, was not to be.

Your stories are all still so very raw, but I can tell you, it does get easier and we are a very happy threesome.smile

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 19-Mar-12 20:58:53

hi maureen thanks, that's just what I needed to hear. I wonder if I might need to accept the idea that I'll just have one child. I'll always regret it if we don't try but I know it might not work out.

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 19-Mar-12 20:59:53

Oh do any of you know why you had an ectopic? I still think why? They said both tubes looked ok. Did you have any tests for PID or chlamydia after?

MaureenMLove Mon 19-Mar-12 21:06:22

No, no explanation at all.

iloveberries Mon 19-Mar-12 21:17:16

Oh Maureen, that sucks. How shit it must have been for you to go through that twice. BUT as you say you have DD and one DC is SUCH a blessing to anyone but especially when you have been through something like this. I am a bit worried I might totally smother DS now for the rest of his life as i am ridiculously grateful for him.

Isn't it funny how you say 'just' a m/c and tasmanian was also 'hoping' for a m/c. When I was having my 2nd scan at 7 weeks the doctor said she was 'hoping' for a m/c for me and I realised I was also desperately 'hoping' for a m/c. That just goes against anything we normally feel doesn't it. I'm not taking anything away from the tragdey of m/c BTW, just that it doesn't leave you with decreased fertility.

Hi there too - sorry you have had to go through this as well but well done on your DD - coming up for one year, what a lovely age!! So you mention you're 'young' - how young is young?? I am 31 and doc told me i have plenty of time. In fact they all kept talking about "when you're pregnant next time" NOT "if you're pregnant again" - but i guess that is a psychological thing too isn't it. Is your DH still away or living back with you? TTC with someone serving must be hard.

I don't know why i had ectopic. Never had abortion, never had STDs/PID. Used to smoke occasionally so been beating myself up that maybe it was that but doc says you have to be a heavy smoker for years for that to cause it and it would have been evident in both tubes (fortunately other one looks ok) so I think I was just 'unlucky'.

Today I feel ok. I don't feel like TTC at all again. It's too scary. BUT I know I desperately want another DC and that is what i have to try to get there.

Nice to 'meet' you all

MaureenMLove Mon 19-Mar-12 21:27:28

I'm a tough old bird and I didn't dwell on what had happened for too long. I'm too much of a realist, I suppose. Had other traumatic experiences in my past, which meant I had to keep it real, iyswim.

I had a 6 year old for a start, who needed my attention! I would have loved more obviously, but there is a rather lovely calm that falls over my house, far sooner than all my friends who have 2 or more! grin

DD is 16 now and it's rather nice knowing that whatever trauma we're going through with exams or boyfriends or general teenage angst, I haven't got in the back of my mind, that I'll have to do it again with other kids! wink

That might also be my age, of course! grin

toobreathless Mon 19-Mar-12 23:47:55

Iloveberries: I am 28, had my ectopic at 26. No obvious reason, just one of those things. You are right DD is one in April & I agree it is a lovely age.

Tasman: I had scans at 5 weeks, 6 weeks and serial HCG measurements with my DD. These weren't offered as routine but I had vague pains everywhere which I am almost certain were simply anxiety. GP sent me to the EPAU though & they did the works. It was comforting at the time.

MaureemMLove; glad you have made peace with your situation. You sound like a very strong women.

toobreathless Mon 19-Mar-12 23:52:56

Oooops. Damm iPhone!

So soon Tasman, sending you strength. Hoping you are healing physically after the op & being kind to yourself. Are you back at work? Xx

iloveberries Tue 20-Mar-12 08:25:22

Just wanted to share some positive stories....

I have told my closest friends what happened to me. I wanted them to understand why i wasn't my normal self and i wanted to be able to talk about it with them. Through them I now know of 5 women who had ectopics and had tubes removed and all went on to have healthy children naturally.... oh and now i know too so that makes 6!!

Just some positivity for a tuesday morning for you xx

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 20-Mar-12 20:24:35

Hi everyone, iloveberries thanks for your positive stories.

Work is ok toobreathless, thanks, I'm just there in body really, not getting anything particularly useful done. My memory is terrible, and have been exhausted, but thankfully work are quite relaxed and I've been doing slightly shorter days.

maureen sorry I didn't even say sorry for your losses, just fired questions at you! I'm not really myself atm. It's really good to hear from someone further on. I'm normally quite good at picking myself up and carrying on, but I'm just so knackered, maybe it was the operation - I've not had one before.

dontlaugh Tue 20-Mar-12 22:02:22

Hi everyone,
sorry to hear all your stories, and here's mine. I have 2 dc and we ttc number 3 last year. It was "just" a miscarriage at 7 weeks, so went through that , although felt the pregnancy wasn't right from the beginning so I didn't feel the crushing loss some women feel (that sounds heartless, but I hope it comes across ok). Then conceived again nearly straight away but started bleeding again, so like some on here thought it was "just" another miscarriage. However, HCG rising and eventually EP diagnosed 7 days after initial presentation. Too late for metho, they said, so tube removed. Tasmanian I completely understand what you mean about future fertility, I could deal with the loss of the baby as I understood an ectopic can never survive but the thought that I had lost a tube that could potentially have been saved nearly sunk me. It took a huge huge amount out of me, and my DH, and if ONE MORE MEDIC told me I would probably go on to have a healthy pregnancy, I would have hurt them physically. I told them as much as well, so thankfully they stopped that nonsense. I had to deal with the loss of my pregnancy, my tube and my potential fertility, the last thing I wanted to hear was that I would get pregnant again.
I am so sorry that everyone here has gone through this, it's shit.
I am pregnant again and doing well, but I do still wish I had my 2 tubes - mainly because it transpired I didn't need to lose mine, as no rupture and low HCG levels initially meant I could have had metho but faffing around by medics meant I missed the boat. However, if this is any consolation to anyone, and it may not be, as it wasn't for me at the time, the rate of EP reoccurring after meth treatment or salpingotomy is higher than in those who have a straightforward tube removal (salpingectomy). Take comfort from that at some stage, if not right now.
There was no reason for my EP, no history of anything, so just one of those things.
I did point out to DP his sperm needed sat nav if we were to try again, although I do have a black sense of humour, especially in trying times. smile
It took me about 4 months to move out of my black mood over it all, and really I needed every day of it.

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 21-Mar-12 20:34:32

thanks dontlaugh for your story, sorry you've been through all that crap. But great news that you are pregnant now.

I did laugh when you said you said you'd hurt them physically! I feel quite bitter when I think about all those medics who told me that after the mmc - and I had a flipping ectopic!!!

I also had a lot of faffing around and could have had the metho, but it wasn't in stock and then they messed up the order, so ended up in surgery. Part of me thinks I should talk to PALS (not necessarily complain). But actually I'm glad the tube is gone, it was f**ked and liable to mess me around again.

I'm reassured to hear that you had a while feeling low about it, I keep thinking I want to be back to normal, but it's taking a while, not quite there yet. I had some acupuncture yesterday and I do feel a lot better after that - sleeping better.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Fri 23-Mar-12 00:46:13

Hi all

It gives me some hope to hear positive stories. Here's mine (not positive yet).
I have one DS aged 4. When DS was 2, I had a severely abnormal smear test. After the loop biopsy, I had to have 6 monthly smears for a year, then yearly. I wanted to wait for the first yearly smear to be ok before TTC again. Last July it was clear, so I came off the pill.

By the beginning of Dec 2011 I was 7wks pregnant smile then unfortunately I woke one morning with severe left lower abdo pain, I went to my local hospital, had an emergency transfer by ambulance to the "big" hospital 45 miles from my home. I'd had a ruptured EP with internal bleeding, had emergency surgery to remove my tube. It was rather traumatic and rather painful.

Anyway beginning of March 2012 I had a mildly positive pregnancy test, I didn't feel pregnant, so I wasn't optimistic plus very worried in case it was another EP. Unfortunately at 5 wks I bled heavily, my GP suspected a miscarriage and I've just had the scan and blood tests to confirm I'm not pregnant sad

The thing is, I'm 39 now so am very aware my fertility is waning, and I've only got one tube. Don't get me wrong, I'm very lucky to have a wonderful DH, DS and good friends etc. I'm also lucky to be alive 'cos I could have died after EP.

The only way I can deal with this is to keep "looking on the bright side" and by trying to find new hobbies to take my mind off things.

I've decided to carry on TTC for another few months, then stop. My DS is more and more independent and I ask myself if I want to carry on TTC into my 40's then have a big age gap between kids? I also don't think I could go on having disappointment and upset for years, 'cos every month my hopes are raised only for me to be disappointed.

Keep your fingers crossed, sorry it's so long!

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 23-Mar-12 20:11:55

hi tired, sorry you've had such a rough time. I can sympathise with your situation, I'm also about that age. I am trying to accustom myself to the idea DD might be an only child, but I can't give up hope just yet. Take care x

tiredandiwanttogotobed Fri 23-Mar-12 22:12:39

Tasmanian I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. I think if you can accustom yourself to DD being an only child while keeping TTC, if you do have a BFP and pregnancy it's a bonus. Good luck x

joby21 Tue 27-Mar-12 22:51:48

hey. am coming to this a wee bit late. I had my first pregnancy just before christmas. This sadly turned out to be an ectopic. I was 6weeks pregnant and ended up in emergency surgery at 11pm as they thought it was rupturing. However i was actually miscarrying out the end of my tube. I had my right tube removed which was all a bit weird! The docs said my tube was stuck behind my uterus but could not say if that is what caused the ectopic or if the fact it was ectopic caused it to be stuck, if that makes sense.

I ended up having 5 weeks iff work. Physically i could probably have gine back after 3 weeks but mentally i could not even think about it.

We are now semi ttc, in much the same laid back manner as we did for the ectopic! However i am alternating between terror at the thought if being pregnant, desperation to be pregnant and relief that i'm not pregnant!

iloveberries Wed 28-Mar-12 07:23:18

Hi Ladies,

don't laugh - congratulations on your pregnancy - i am happy to hear that you have got there despite going through everything you went through.

tired - Sorry to hear you have also been through the double blow of mc and Ectopic. Life is cruel sometimes isn't it. I can also empathise with your and tasmanian's concerns about an only child. There are many positives but I desperately want a sibling for my DS. BUT - Thank god we all have one DC. That is something to be really grateful for.

joby - so sorry to hear about your ectopic too. How are you doing now? I can totally understand your TTC feelings, I am feeling the same and we're not even trying as i haven't had a period yet.

How long did you ladies take to have your 1st period after tube removal? I never thought i would be desperate for my period to come. I'm covered in spots and having some CM which i usually have before period (sorry if TMI, CM chat seems fair game on Mumsnet!) so I'm hoping it comes soon so at least I know things are getting back to working...

Thinking of you all. It f***ing sucks doesn't it.....

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 28-Mar-12 19:12:18

yes it does f**king suck! You're absolutely right!

Hi joby, thanks for popping in! 5 weeks off work sounds very sensible, I was in work today, but ended up sobbing on a very kind colleague's shoulder. Not my normal style at all, I normally hold it together. The ectopic was the big blob of shit on a really shitty year. And last night I had a very upsetting altercation with a close family member, it was really not what I need right now. Sometimes I just want to close my eyes and shut out the world and hope it all goes away.

I totally understand about alternating between terror, desperation and relief! Though my first AF after ectopic hasn't yet arrived, I think I ovulated at the w/e so it should be here in about a week. That will make it about 6 wks.

Hope you're all enjoying some sunshine, I'm heading off to make a very large G&T (heavy on the G!)

joby21 Thu 29-Mar-12 14:16:31

Tas, i think a large G n T sounds like an excellent plan! Hope that helped make the shitty day slightly less shitty.

I had my first AF about 4 weeks post surgery and have been pretty regular since then.

I definitely needed the 5 weeks off. Work were good to me. I worked reduced hours for a couple of weeks and my managers made sure i didn't have to do anything too stressful! I still had a lot of wobbly moments but managed to survive. And actually think it was good for me to get back to work as i was starting to just sit and dwell on it all so being back at work and being busy distracted me and helped get me out of the dwelling cycle i'd got in to.

Hope that makes sense, am post night shift so brain a bit mushy!!

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 29-Mar-12 20:17:18

Yes, I know what you mean about work helping, I feel the most normal at work usually, think it's the distraction. Such a bummer today, not feeling well, nauseous and like I've got a virus coming. Beautiful day and had to stay inside for most of it. Feel like DD has been watching a lot of CBeebies lately blush

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