Silent Miscarriage has broken my heart x

[ohara2011]

I'd had very slight bleeding so decided to go for an early scan at 8wks, the scan showed no growth from 7 weeks, I re booked a 2nd scan for the wk after but still no development. My partner and I wanted to make sure the hospital hadn't made a mistake so we decided to leave it two wks and have another scan but worst fears had been confirmed no growth or heartbeat.
I had what is known as a silent miscarriage were the baby hadn't survived but hadn't yet left the womb, We had to decide what the next stage would be.
We were told about medical management which sounded the safest way, it was a tablet 48hrs before being admitted to hospital for 3 stages of tablets which would allow the miscarriage to happen.
I admit if I had know what lay ahead I would have through the D&C option.
The tablets would cause what I was told would be period pains but when going through it the midwives said il be feeling contractions and my body would tell me to push so in other words labour. It was both painful and emotional through the entire 2days. It was the hardest 2days of my life we were re living the moment we were told we had lost our baby all over again. Its been 3 days and I can't stop crying or blaming myself I have a 7yr old who has been my rock and I don't know what I would have done without her or my partner.

Anyone who has or is experiencing this will understand the pain and loss I just wanted to but this on to make people aware to fully look into the medical management before deciding.

[Moominsarescary]

I had the same with my first mc but opted for a d&c, I'm sorry for your loss x

[LAbaby]

I'm so sorry, for you, your partner and your daughter.

[ohara2011]

Thank you both x just keeping why me which im sure everyone does.

[Dinosaurdrip]

I'm so sorry you're going through this! I am going through the same, I went for a scan on Tuesday where my 8 week pregnancy was measuring just 6 weeks and there was no heartbeat! They are scanning again this Tuesday but I've already assumed the worst because they had already dated me 2 weeks earlier at a previous scan so there is no way I can be this much out with my dates. The midwife at epau advised that as I already had 2 children I should be able to do it all naturally! I'm not sure I can cope with this though and was thinking I might be better with a d&c.

Again I'm so sorry for you and your families loss. Xxx

[ohara2011]

Thank u Dinosaurdrip for reply im sorry to hear about yr loss also, its so hard x i dont think naturally would be the best way if i cud choose again the D&c wud be my option. Passin the contents over the 2 days was so hard every time i went to push i was lookin for it. Its so hard on both yourself and ur partner x i think u should should do what is best for you xx im thinkin of u and hope u get through u best u can x

[SleepyFergus]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. A missed miscarriage is particulary painful when you have no idea there is a problem until you go for a scan.

I suffered a MMC in 2008 and opted for the natural way, no D&C. Yes it is emotionally painful, and physically hard going. But for me it was very cathartic and I believe helped me deal with what happened and start to heal. I didn't like the idea of what a D&C is and looking back, I'm glad I opted for a natural mc.

No right answer of course, completely every individuals decision.

Good luck for the future. I went on to have a DD a year later, and am pregnant again. I hope good fortune comes your way v soon.

[glitterbug18]

Ladies so sorry for your losses and thoughts are with you and your families. Just wanted to share my experiences.................

I have just got back from hospital after D&C. This was my first pregnancy.

I had bleeding and cramps (sods law when out the country and on a relaxing city break!). Went to EPU yesterday and scan showed I was measuring about 7 wks, which was about right by my dates, but unfortunately no heartbeat.

After advice from my family and discussing options with my DH I decided that going in to have the surgery was the best option for us.

I went in today and had a further scan after bleeding most of yesterday, it showed the majority had already passed, but they still wanted to do the procedure to make sure everything had gone. Personally I did not have terrible cramps, but even after the operation I was up and about quickly. They gave me anti sickness tablets and pain killers, which has seemingly helped a lot.

I know it is a very personal decision and I was nervous and a bit tearful just before and just after the operation. But I just wanted to post to let others know my experiences. I am now trying to look forwards and thank my tiny budha for being kind and going quickly when things weren't right.

Next year is a fresh start and we will try again. For now I will be eating and drinking lovely things and getting back on track. I am definitely not trying to be blasé or flippant, just wanting to try to and be as positive as possible (if that makes sense)

I am wishing all on this thread a speedy recovery physically and in time emotionally. Be gentle on yourselves and take your time, best wishes, xxx

[bemybebe]

I had a miscarriage at 7.5 weeks and preterm labour at 24+1 8 months later (both still very fresh experiences). My miscarriage was much more painful (physically) as I was in agony pretty much for 2 days. Emotionally it was much harder than I could ever imagine before it happened to me, although loosing my dd at 23 days beat that experience again.

I am very sorry for your tragic loss and I wish you to master all the strength to help you through this. Our babies are still our babies no matter how small they are. I hope you have a lot of understanding and support in RL.

[glitterbug18]

oh bemybebe so so sorry for your losses.

I can only imagine what a rough few years you have had. I wish you all the luck and strength to keep plodding on and getting through the best way you can.

I totally agree that however small/young babies are they are still just that and deserve time and respect. Everyones way is so personal to them, there partners and families.

xxx

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

I'm so sorry for all of your losses, heartbreaking is a very good way to describe it. I was totally heartbroken by my mmc, I found out at my 12 wk scan. I was in total shock for at least a week.

I realise I was very lucky with my medical management, it didn't hurt, but I did have some painkillers half way through. It was all done in a day. The hospital did say I could have pethidine if I wanted, they were very understanding when I voiced my worries about the pain. I had a natural miscarriage years ago and it hurt a lot. I didn't realise I was pregnant until I passed the baby so hadn't sought any medical help or painkillers bar Nurofen (which really didn't cut it!)

I felt similarly to Sleepyfergus, that I needed to finish it myself and go through the process this time with the mmc, the medical management was the right thing for me, though I can totally understand why people would want the ERPC (D&C).

Be very kind to yourself ohara and surround yourself with kind and sympathetic people, who will acknowledge your baby and your loss. xxx

[ohara2011]

Just been reading everyone's messages, what we have all been through is heart breaking, Thank you for all the comforting words and I wish everyone the same and hope we can all go on to remember our little ones in our own way.

Its been 5 days now and I still haven't stopped crying and thinking about what might have been. I have decided to create a little memory box with a blanket and maybe a teddy bear. I don't have much to go on but I am looking for something special that I can remember my little one by so he or she will always be near by..

Thank you all, you have helped me by expressing your stories, knowing i'm not alone and having the advice and support from you all means more that you can know x

[Moominsarescary]

I think thats a lovely idea, I wish I'd created a memory box for the two earlier mc I had, both at 8 weeks. I mc again in September at 20 weeks, I had a baby boy called Jacob and we have a memory box for him that gives me alot of comfort. On a happier note I have 3 beautiful ds's that I have had inbetween the mc xx

[Dinosaurdrip]

Ohara I think that's a beautiful idea, I was thinking along similar lines.

I'm so sorry that you have all been through this heartache but have found it a comfort in some ways to read all your stories. So thank you for sharing.
I'm still in limbo I guess, not really sure what to expect or when to expect it. I was kinda thinking that as my brain knew it was over my body would realise pretty quickly too. This does not seem to be the case though.

Guess I can only wait it out. Take care all of you. Xxx

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

a memory box is such a lovely idea, I just have a plastic wallet at the mo, with the scan photo ( the sonographer enlarged it so it's A5 size, which was a lovely thought), a couple of cards friends sent, and a couple of poems I printed out with a nice border round them. I need to get a nicer container for them.

Hope that it all goes smoothly for you Dinosaur,

[BoffinMum]

I did a memory box but found it upset me so much every time I came across it I had to get rid of it, much to DH's astonishment. I don't think I'll ever be over it all but I don't feel miserable, and I have moved on. The main thing is to take good care of your health in the aftermath as it's actually more debilitating than childbirth can be, paradoxically. You'll be fine, just be gentle on yourself.

[Countmyblessings]

Ohara2011 and all the mothers who have lost also -sorry for your loss - losing a baby never is right! at 2 weeks, 12 weeks or 24 weeks+
I pray what ever you decide is right for you, I like tasmindc found out at 12 weeks scan and was clueless anything was wrong! i had the ERPC for i couldnt imagine the pains i would have to go through and then have nothing to show afterwards being asleep and waking up to go home to my family and mourn was the best way forwards for me - now just a few weeks away from my due date, im now feeling very sad! 2011 will hold lovely memories and also sad ones i pray 2012 is good to us all!