Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

(657 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

comeonbishbosh Wed 16-Nov-11 10:58:13

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

ColdCottage Sat 22-Oct-16 15:28:35

Sorry, I also meant sorry for your loss too. I'm so sorry its been so emotionally painful for you. I have no idea how I will feel when it happens. Up until now I just feel a bit numb about it. Hugs x

ColdCottage Sat 22-Oct-16 15:26:42

Thank you rmx3.
I can't imagine waiting 6 or more weeks for it to happen.
My logical brain says that the surgical option is the right one for me. I've had a number of ops under general anesthetic so that doesn't worry me its the 1/30,000 chance of a hysterectomy that worries me after I was one of a tiny minority who fall pg on the coil. My logical brain knows they aren't connected and my gut tells me to just wait it out naturally but I'm not sure how many weeks I could wait as I'd worry about infection.

rmx3 Sat 22-Oct-16 14:29:42

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. I felt just as you did. I found out on a Monday I would lose the baby. I was having zero symptoms. I started having anxiety and nightmares and just felt like it was taking over me. I was just waiting for it to happen and it was awful. I started to miscarry on Thursday. So just a few days after I found out. It's been a terrible experience. Not a ton of pain, but just the experience in general is awful. I have seen some people go for a 12 week appointment and found out baby stopped growing at 8 weeks and still hadn't miscarried. Everyone's body is so different. At my appointment baby should have been 6w6d and I showed 5w. So from time baby stopped growing I guess it took my body almost 2 weeks to start to miscarry. Sending you best wishes and warm hugs. Be prepared to stay at home several days and get lots of rest and fluids.

ColdCottage Sat 22-Oct-16 13:24:53

I found out 10 days ago that the heartbeat had stopped and pregnancy shrunk to 4.5mm.
(long story short, I was on the coil but very sick so took test got a shock BFP and had a scan to check for coil at 6 weeks, had 2 more scans each showing heartbeat at 7+4 then 4th scan at 8+4 confirmed no coil but also no heartbeat).
Head still in shock that I was pregnant, risks of coil and coil removal then loss.
Anyway I wanted ask how long people waited for mc to happen after they found out? I'm having dreams/nightmares that it happens but no signs at all in real life apart from no more pg symptoms (apart from the odd morning I've been sick). I feel like a ticking time bomb. Thanks.

Thingymaboob Sat 22-Oct-16 13:19:34

Most bleeding done with now. I really feel that I have to go back on Monday. I've got a really important course on Thursday / Friday which gives me a qualification vital to my job role. Costs £600 and my work will lose that money if I cancel. Got a really stressful day on Monday. Not sure how I'm going to cope.

rmx3 Fri 21-Oct-16 21:39:59

I'm currently on the tail end of a natural mc at 6.5 weeks. Mine has not been textbook as I knew on Monday I would likely miscarry. All levels were too low. So I spent days in anxiety and fear of when it would start and how bad it would be. I lost so much sleep. Then 3 days ago I started brown and then the next day pink and the 3rd day it came. Passing clots and a lot of blood. I never really had pain until about 12 hours after losing a lot of clots and such. I started to cramp but super mild. Today I've passed the sac and more clots. Bleeding is still heavy, but no pain. I haven't had to take a single pain pill of any sorts, but highly recommend NOT being alone. I've wanted someone with me the entire time. Being alone felt scary as I didn't know what to expect. I never filled a pad with blood and would just have a "urge" and would go to the loo for 5 minutes and be done. Then maybe would need to go back 15 minutes later. Wasn't bad. I know everyone experiences are so different. It's so hard to know. Biggest thing is if you know in advance to start extra hydration and stay extra hydrated during the mc. You lose a lot of blood and need to not be dehydrated or imbalanced. I kept taking my prenatal vitamins to replenish the iron I was losing too. Big hugs and best wishes to you all.

Nixie8 Thu 20-Oct-16 10:48:44

I took a week off, don't rush it x

Derbyday Thu 20-Oct-16 08:39:04

I'm much better thanks. Other than the 3 hours of excruciating pain on Tuesday it's been relatively ok. The bleeding has been really very minimal which is a surprise. I was going to go back to work today but figured another day off wouldn't hurt.

Nixie8 Wed 19-Oct-16 19:01:09

Hey Derby,
Hope you are feeling lots better now

Girlwithnotattoos Tue 18-Oct-16 20:11:00

I would suggest that if the bleeding is so bad that you need to stay say on the toilet for hours or soaks through a pad in less than 30 minutes you should go to A & E. I know this because when I had mc2 I literally couldn't move from the toilet and rang the hospital (I'd had a scan earlier and knew to expect mc) they ordered me in and there I stayed until I'd had an emergency d&c. It turned out what I thought was heavy bleeding was in fact a haemorrhage! I ended up severely anaemic and nearly had to have a transfusion. After the D&C everything was normal and when I had mc3&4 I opted for d&c immediately and found it to be much less traumatic. A mc is awful enough without having to deal with the the horrendous physical effects.

somethingfromnothing Tue 18-Oct-16 19:51:46

Oh derby that sounds awful! I hope it all happens quickly for you. That's rubbish about A&E, they shouldn't have left you in pain like that!

Derbyday Tue 18-Oct-16 18:06:17

I've just left A&E. The pain was off the charts and I was desperate for something to take the edge off. They took so long to offer me morphine that it had eased off, so we had a wasted trip.

Bleeding started at 2 along with the mega pain. Not too much blood so far and certainly no need to sit on the loo whilst it pours out. Maybe that will come later. I would never choose this option again though.

Nixie8 Tue 18-Oct-16 16:45:00

Hi Something,
I know your head starts to think all sorts and you worry about every little thing. I worried about infection too and phoned my epu and spoke to a nurse, they were really good and went through my concerns with me; when I phoned on the next day they asked if I wanted to come in and have a chat. Sometimes reassurance from a professional can help. Give them a ring,it might help.
Everything I have read about surgical management would suggest most of the bleeding gets dealt with on the day, if that helps. Take big care and lean on those around you.

somethingfromnothing Tue 18-Oct-16 16:34:16

Hope you are all doing okay ladies. I had surgical management yesterday and I'm not bleeding that heavily today. I sort of expected more blood and I'm now worrying that I might have an infection. Argh I hate all this, it's just one worry after the next!

Nixie8 Tue 18-Oct-16 15:39:22

Hi Charlie,
I had medical management last week , hospital gave me 4 pills in one go and began bleeding and cramping in the car on the way home. Unlike my first mc , where I passed it all in one go, I passed this time in chunks. I was in quite a lot of pain for the first 6 hours and was also sick, so keep a bowl by your bed too. I had the sweats too, so ibuprofen helped lots. The cramping lessened then but continued on and off for a few days. I think people react differently, but I would make sure you keep someone with you as can be quite overwhelming if you are alone. They expect the worst to be over in first 24 hours. Try not to worry and don't forget to give yourself time to deal with things emotionally too. It's my first day back at work today, but the hospital signed me off for two weeks- you need to give yourself time. Look after yourself and lean on those around you x

CharlieWeasley Tue 18-Oct-16 15:02:43

Thanks - just trying to get myself prepared!

Derbyday Tue 18-Oct-16 13:29:54

Charlie, my clinic give all 4 pills in one go. I had mine at 11 today and whilst I have AF pains there's no blood yet. I was told to expect it to happen by tonight.

CharlieWeasley Tue 18-Oct-16 11:41:21

Hi - just after a bit of advice. I had blighted ovum confirmed just Friday (I'm 10 weeks) and have been sent home for a week to wait for it to happen naturally. There have been no signs so far so I've been reading the information the hospital gave me. I'm thinking of opting for medical management. Our hospital give you the tablet then send you home. Then about your 48 hours later for the pessaries. Can anyone tell me - will everything start once I have the tablet or will that just cause cramps?

Derbyday Mon 17-Oct-16 10:49:51

Thanks Nix. He's flying back tonight and I have no intention of letting him leave me! I'm hoping it's over quickly.

Nixie8 Mon 17-Oct-16 10:27:11

Hi Derbyday,
I had medical management last Monday and I would keep your partner with you. The nurses inserted the pills and sent us straight home and already in the car I started experiencing cramps. I stupidly told my husband to go to work once we had got home but would have been much better off if he had stayed with me. The first few hours can be quite intense so make sure u take pain killers and the pills also made me sick. I slept when I could and was over the worst by the evening. Give yourself time to recover physically and mentally. Will be thinking of you

Derbyday Mon 17-Oct-16 10:07:54

False alarm last night. Clinic just called and my HCG is static so I'm having medical management. Would have been today but DP is away so will likely be tomorrow now as you have to have someone with you.

Sah1987 Sun 16-Oct-16 22:18:43

Thank you, I have posted there. X

somethingfromnothing Sun 16-Oct-16 21:47:56

sah pregnancy after miscarriage is so difficult. You should take a look at the thread in pregnancy about staying positive in pregnancy after a mc. There's lots of women on it around your stage of pregnancy. Wishing you well with your scan flowers

Nixie8 Sun 16-Oct-16 21:47:50

Sah1987, good luck! I know it must be impossible not to worry but with each passing day your little one gets stronger. Your post gives us all hope. Thank you

Nixie8 Sun 16-Oct-16 21:43:41

Be kind to yourself Derby and lean on those around you, if your hubby can't be there I am sure there are lots of lovely people around you that would be happy to look after you now. Take big care xx

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