Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

(322 Posts)
comeonbishbosh Wed 16-Nov-11 10:58:13

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

bakingtins Mon 26-Jan-15 12:04:48

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Emteedubs Fri 23-Jan-15 16:02:33

I just wanted to say a massive thank you to all you ladies who have contributed to this post - I cannot begin to describe what a help and comfort it has been to both me and DH over the past 5 days.

Currently going through my first mc, which was not the hoped for end to my first pregnancy. After spotting on Saturday turned to bleeding on Sunday, the Gynae ward at the local hospital checked me out and got me booked in for a scan on Monday morning. The scan showed a 5-6 week sac, but I knew my dates and should have been 8+6. The nurse was incredible - gentle, kind ... But honest and didn't want to give me false hope which would have been so easy for her to do. They could give me anything other than a scan appointment for this Monday coming, and a leaflet telling me what my choices would be if they found no development. Nice to know that might have had choices, but by Monday evening all choice had gone and I knew we were losing the baby.

Between 20 min sessions on the loo every 15 mins or so between 2am-7am I tried to google what a 'normal' natural miscarriage would be like as the info I had been given was very sketchy and vague. Other forums seemed to be endless horror stories of blood transfusions but I couldn't believe this happened to everyone and just needed something that was like the nurse at my scan - kind, gentle but honest.

Ladies you came up trumps. I had a horrible night on Monday (by the sounds of it quite a middle of the road experience but still hardly pleasant) and the past four days have been a bit roller coaster-like both physically and mentally. But I have felt that I can get through it and find a new normal. The support and advice that has been passed down through the years on this thread have been invaluable. Thank you.

My tip to anyone else finding this post and needing it is show it to your OH or someone who is there supporting you through it. DH read it and it helped him to as he could understand a bit more what was happening to me/ us ... And he also was less freaked out when I started talking about the size of the clots I was passing!

So sorry for all the losses before, and to those that are reading this now, my thoughts are with you. But thank you again for this thread that was exactly what I needed xx

bakingtins Wed 14-Jan-15 23:24:40

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fjg77 Sun 11-Jan-15 21:46:58

Dear All,

Thank you for the honesty and practicality on this thread. It has been a lifeline over the last few weeks.

My experience is not too dissimilar to those before.

For me - I was letting my close family know I was pregnant on christmas eve, I was about 11 weeks so thought - almost past the first hurdle. How wrong was I.

Fast forward to boxing day, I find myself in the EPU with those ghastly words of threatened MC. On the positive side I was told that my cervix was still closed and that the spotting was likely to have been cervical erosion. I wasn't convinced but was offered a scan just in case, however had to phone back the following day (as it was boxing day and no scans). My 12 week scan was to be in a week but I needed reassurance everything was ok so I rang the next morning for a scan. Didn't get one for Saturday but they were kind and gave me one for Sunday 28th Jan.

I immediately knew something was wrong, when I was questioned how far along I was. When I replied 11+6 she looked concerned. She then said that the womb was tilted the wrong way and wanted to do an internal scan. It was then I was told that the sac measured 6 weeks and they could see nothing in it. Off to the room. Told there was a new protocol and that they would re-scan in 2 weeks. I was devastated, there was no way that my dates were out. We had been TTC for a year, I wanted it over but they wouldn't do anything more as the sac measured so small.

Personally I was more annoyed that my body for some reason fought on for such a long time - if it MC at 6 weeks then I could have moved on already. I was also personally relieved that I had never heard a heartbeat.

That aside, the waiting game was awful. I started to bleed on New Years Day, but only light period style bleeding. On the evening of 5th January I woke with awful cramps but the bleeding was still maintaining its steady light flow.

All that changed on the evening of 6th January, this is when this thread became a lifline and my MC started in earnest. At 1am until 5am, I passed tissue and the sac. I slept from 5.30 - 7.00am and was weak for the day. Thinking it was over - I mentally started to deal with it. My body took care of itself.

However the scan on Friday was to tell a different story, it was an incomplete miscarriage. I couldn't believe how this was possible given the sheer amount that I passed but it was. I was worse after this appointment than the other as I was dragged straight back into the hell I thought I was out of. They anticipated that it would be about the same amount left. Medical, Surgical, Vacuum or Natural. Having never had a general I was torn between having a finite date of it being over and the middle ground of the tablets. In the end I have booked in for an EPRC on Wednesday. However in the back of my mind I feel that I wont make it to Wednesday as think that I may have passed the remaining tissue over the last couple of days with 2 heavy bouts of bleeding and tissue equaling about 4 hours.

As I said in the beginning - thank you to all those who have posted before me. What I took from this thread is
* don't underestimate the quantity of what you loose, however don't be afraid to phone EPU at any time of the night (I did at 3am).
* I read on this thread about using nappies instead of sanitary pads. These were a godsend. I felt contained and thought it possible to sleep.

As I write I think it I may now have had a complete MC, heres to always dreaming. However as a previous poster said - I need closure so either way It will be over by Wednesday. At what would should have been 14 + 2

Hears to moving on and starting to TTC.

mollym14 Sun 11-Jan-15 18:29:54

Sorry to all who find themselves here. This thread was really useful to me when I was two days into my miscarriage so I wanted to share my story so that maybe it can help someone going through a similar experience.

At 9 weeks I went for an early private scan. The size of the embryo was fine and there was a good strong heartbeat. The sonographer said all was well but when I got home I realised that the measurements were showing a very small sac, and the papers I found online indicated that the chances of survival were very small. I rang the fetal medicine centre (where I had the scan) and when I (eventually) got to talk to the doctor, she admitted that yes, there was a high risk and that if I had any bleeding I should go straight to the hospital.

Fast forward a week and DH and I are home for Christmas. On the Tuesday before Christmas I had some spotting (mostly brown, but sometimes a little bit of red when wiping) and went to the local maternity hospital where they did a trans-abdominal scan and found no heartbeat. Although the doctor said she couldn’t diagnose without an internal scan (which wasn’t available until the following Monday), DH and I knew for sure because of the fact that the baby was now smaller than a week previously, and of course the lack of a heartbeat when there previously had one. We were naturally very upset, but in a way we were a little bit more prepared than maybe most people would be because of having known about the small sac.

To summarise the physical experience of my natural mc:
day 1: light, mostly brown spotting. Very light, occasional cramping.
day 2: light bleeding + passing clots, moderate cramping
day 3: moderate bleeding + clots, painful and almost constant cramping up until I passed the sac
day 4: moderate bleeding, some internal discomfort
day 5-7: light bleeding, no pain
days 8-11: spotting, no pain

Based on the great advice from this forum I bought maternity pads but didn’t end up needing them. The bleeding was lighter than a normal period for me. Also based on the experiences described here I was sort of expecting the mini-labour before passing the sac (although this was pregnancy #1 for me so I’m not really qualified to compare!). If I hadn’t have known what was going to happen I would have been pretty scared but as it was I was able to keep calm (most of the time).

Basically on day 3 (which happened to be Christmas day- talk about timing) I was in quite a lot of pain all day, alternating ibuprofen & paracetemol every two hours. By the evening (10pm) I was even more sore, kind of bouncing up and down on the chair to try to relieve the pressure that was building. I went to bed but was very unconformable, moving around onto all fours to try and get some relief. There were very regular trips to the loo when I passed some medium clots and then (heartbreakingly) the baby, which wasn’t completely intact. This was the only time I really and truly broke down (and woke everyone who was already asleep).

I then decamped to the downstairs loo- I knew things were coming to a head and while my sister and mum were very supportive, (DH was with his family in a different part of the country- also bad timing as of course he would have wanted to be with me if we had have known this was going to happen that night), I just really wanted to be alone. I basically sat on the loo for the next few hours as that was the most comfortable place to be weirdly. If you are facing the same situation I would bring in water or another drink, a hot water bottle, your phone (so you can request more water or a refreshed hot water bottle, or pads or whatever), and something to distract you. I got through a whole load of magazines that my mum had been keeping for me. TMI alert- not sure if this common but I poo’d a huge amount during this time. At about 3am I passed what must have been the sac, it felt like it was the size of a peach but disappeared down the toilet so I never saw it. After that I felt instant and huge relief. It was quite amazing- almost like euphoria- and I’m pretty sure it must have been a rush of hormones. There was hardly any cramping after that, but for the next day or two it was sore inside when I sat down or stood up- I presume the cervix.

On the following Monday I had an internal scan which confirmed that everything had been passed. As I was still spotting on the following Wednesday (day 7) I had to have an anti-D shot as I am rhesus negative and this was to protect future pregnancies. It felt annoying to have another thing to worry about (as if having a mc wasn’t enough) but once it was done it was done.

Others have said it on this forum about feeling a sense of pride or achievement after having a natural mc and I do empathise with that. While it was a completely surreal experience, it felt like my body knew what it was doing and was following its natural course. Three weeks on I am physically feeling normal and very hopeful that I will have a healthy baby someday.

Tallulaxx Wed 07-Jan-15 14:24:01

Thanks for this thread it's helping me get my head around miscarrying. I have two beautiful and healthy girls and pregnant with third. After some spotting with old blood I thought it was best to get checked out had my hcg levels taken 2 days apart went from 100-150 then 6 days later had another blood test only went up to 452 had a scan to be told it's a pregnancy of unknown location I should be six weeks now but I've been told I need to go back in on Monday for bloods and scan. I was basically told it's not viable and I will miscarry. They don't thinks it's ectopic as womb closed and thick so god knows where the sac is ��. So I'm sitting here in limbo land devastated not knowing what's going on waiting to miscarry. Had a couple of days of work as crying all the time. Still haven't started bleeding no pain nothing so worried I've taken time off when I still have the miscarriage to come. I need closure ��

Edwige Sun 04-Jan-15 08:18:34

Wifey, sorry for your loss. Hope the management went OK in the end. We lost our 5th at the same time. RUBBISH. Feel better soon m'dear.

Wifeyclaire Wed 24-Dec-14 18:13:46

Totally deverstated went for a scan 2day but no heart beat had pain for a couple of day this is my 8th loss but Iv always had to have surgery as my body never does it naturally but doc wanna wait and see I'm scared it hurts

bakingtins Sat 20-Dec-14 12:12:29

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HazelBeth Mon 15-Dec-14 13:45:05

Thank you everyone for this thread, it kept me sane while I was going through my mc over the previous two evenings. I thought I would share my experiences as well. I started bleeding over 3 weeks ago, when I was only about 4 weeks along. I had multiple scans (5 in total) which showed a sac but no fetal pole or yolk, pairing this with the bleeding I just knew this was a blighted ovum and that I was going to miscarry. However the EPU had to keep rescanning as the sac needed to measure 25mm in order to diagnose a blighted ovum and it was only at 19mm at the last scan. I'm due to be scanned next Friday and then they would discuss medical or surgical management but obviously this won't be necessary. Do you think I should still go to the scan to ensure that everything has passed?

If I ever has the misfortune of going through this again I think I would opt for surgical management. In the three weeks of bleeding I was scared to go out in case I had the mc while I was out or it started on the train or somewhere quite awkward. With the surgery at least it's a weight off your shoulders and you aren't in limbo.

So Saturday night I had the majority of the mc, I took paracetamol and ibuprofen and used a heated shiatsu pillow on my stomach, I use this during my periods as well and it seems to help with the cramps. The pains were like intense period pains but they went on for a lot longer than my usual period pains, lasting for about 4-5 hours despite the painkillers. Though I had passed lots of clots I knew that I had not passed the sac but I managed to fall asleep in the midst of things. When I woke up on Sunday, the bleeding and the clots had stopped but I cancelled all my plans and stayed home because I just knew the rest would be on it's way soon. It wasn't until the evening that the cramps started up again, this time it was very brief, maybe half an hour but the volume of clots and blood was incredible and I passed the sac (I have a fairly gruesome picture of the sac if anyone is interested). It is difficult to know when it is necessary to go to hospital, I think if you can manage the pain then you are fine to be at home but I think if you are feeling faint or pass out then you really need to seek medical attention. Luckily for me the blood loss slowed and I was able to just go to bed.

Thanks again to everyone who has shared their experiences. Before I went through this I was clueless about what was involved in a miscarriage. I don't think enough information is made available and sources like this are so valuable!

bakingtins Wed 10-Dec-14 10:30:59

Bump for elvi.

EmilyM1987 Thu 27-Nov-14 11:45:44

Mountaingirl01 - what did the nurses at EPU advise? I was 6 weeks also and although I bled heavily it wasn't the amount to soak through onto my clothes. As long as you prepare yourself with long, chunky pads and make your toilet visits more regular. Unfortunately you can't use tampons so you will need to use pads. Stock up on paracetamol and pack a hot water bottle for your trip to France. You may want to tell your friend especially if you have bigs plans as these could be effected. My weekend and this week have involved lots of rest.
I suppose each lady is different, and I can only advise from my experience.
Take care.

mountaingirl01 Thu 27-Nov-14 11:08:18

Thank you all for your stories.
I started bleeding on Monday which would have been 6+3, brown at first then red and clotty. Not a huge amount though, I filled about 1 pad. I went to epu about 4 pm and was scanned. There was no obvious sac just a 'mess of blood and clots' at the top of the screen. I have been bleeding red ever since but only really when I wipe (a fair bit then). My hcg levels have gone from 650 on Monday to 230 yesterday. Should I be expecting a huge bleed within the next few days? I'm scared, I hate using pads, I'm due to fly to France to see a friend on saturday , I just don't know what to expect. This is all just so horrific.

EmilyM1987 Tue 25-Nov-14 18:16:18

Thank you to all for sharing your own experiences, this really is such a great and helpful thread.
I'd like to share my experience with you all having been empowered to do so after reading so many of the messages above.
Today I have had my complete miscarriage confirmed. I mc'd naturally close to being 6 weeks pregnant.
It all started on Thursday afternoon with a very light brown discharge when wiping after the toilet, no pain apart from a dull ache which I'd had a few days never thinking too much of it.
Friday afternoon and I started to lightly spot red blood, due to this being my 1st pregnancy I thought best to call NHS direct who advised me to see my gp.
Luckily I saw the gp late Friday evening and after taking my blood pressure and hearing the change of brown to red blood she thought it best to refer me to the EPU at my local hospital for an early scan. With it being Friday evening EPU were closed and the GP could only leave an answer phone message for them to receive on Monday am.
Friday night at home is when the bleeding became heavy and clots and tissue started to be past. I was woken at 1am in agony with abdominal pain, I took paracetamol, used a hot water bottle and breathed through the pain. I thought about going to A&E but the thought of moving was too much.
I bled heavily into Saturday and Sunday passing big pieces of tissue which would sink to the bottom of the toilet. All I could do was stare in shock, what was my body doing. Deep down I knew this wasn't how a pregnancy should be.
Sunday afternoon I felt drained having not had an appetite, I was pale with no energy and my back was aching so much. The hot water bottle which had been massively helping the abdominal pain was now used to ease the back pain. I ate a bag of salty crisps which seemed to help bring me round and kept on drinking plenty of water.
Monday am came and I desperately wanted the phone to ring. I was still bleeding, and was used to wearing sanitary towels and big knickers again!
EPU called and asked me to come for a scan at half11 Tuesday (today).
This morning the bleeding had reduced, returned to resemble brown discharge again with a dull ache across my stomach.
3 nurses saw me at the EPU, they advised I'd need an internal scan. The scan wasn't painful and lasted 15 minutes.
After which they confirmed I had mc naturally which was the most natural way for my body.
A negative pregnancy test using my urine confirmed it.
The nurses did comment that my womb & ovaries looked healthy which as this was my first pregnancy is good to hear.
In 11 days I've gone from finding out I was pregnant to being told I had mc.
One minute I'm staring into space feeling numb, the next making myself busy by sorting washing and the next crying or getting angry.
I'll echo what many of the messages above say, to all the women who have posted, thank you for sharing. And to those reading and wondering 'is this happening to me' as I was thinking only a few days ago, I'm sorry for the pain and uncertainty you are suffering. I hope you get your answers soon.
Much love to all xx

SuperGlue Tue 25-Nov-14 17:29:06

Hello all,
this is such a sad thread laying out all these irreplacable losses. I had a complete miscarriage at home at 7am yesterday morning. I was 11wks 5 days but we discovered at a dating scan at 9wks 1 day that very sadly we had a slow growing embryo and there was little chance of things turning out ok. We were originally sent away for 12 days to see if there would be any growth and there was, so we were then sent away to wait a further 7 days to measure any further growth, 6 days into that second wait, I miscarried at home.

As you can imagine I had a lot of time on my hands during these waiting periods and I did a lot of reading here on MN and I sort of read this thread but to be perfectly honest the first page or two scared me witless of what might be to come for me. I had to stop reading.

It all seemed so horrific that I was determined to go in and have the d&c done rather than face handling it at home myself. I was terrified by the stories of needing to sit on the toilet for 3 -4 hours and needing to wear nappies etc. The EPU warned us that if the bleeding was worse than a regular heavy period to come straight to maternity A&E. We live almost an hour from the maternity hospital and have a 9yr old dd and no family closer than 150 miles away. So you can imagine how scared I was of it all.

I had an appointment for the EPU for a scan at 11am yesterday, Monday, but on saturday evening at about 5pm I had some spotting - panic and horror from me, despite knowing it could happen at any moment.

My very good friend took dd for a sleep over and I hoped that if it as going to happen that way it would happen while she was away. It did not.

The spotting progresses to light but consistent bleeding all day sunday. DD came home at about 6pm and by then I had quite strong pains in very low abdomen so I lay on the sofa with a hot water bottle and watched x factor with her.

I felt quite nauseous and did not feel like eating dinner which dh had cooked for us all. He put dd to bed at 8.30pm and I stayed on the sofa. I was moderately uncomfortable and the bleeding had now increased to the level of a regular period.

I took 2 painkiller and went to bed at about 11.30pm. I was very restless though and could not get comfortable and my mind was racing so asked dh to go to spare room so I could toss and turn without disturbing him or feeling like I needed to lie still etc. I did not sleep. Pains grew worse, like quite intense period pains, but nothing like as severe as contractions giving birth to dd.

I must have drifted off to sleep sometime between 4-5am but woke suddenly at 6am, registered that the pain was now sort of building to a cresendo and easing off repeatedly and that the bleeding seemed heavier. I went to the toilet to check and passed a large clot there. Changed pads and went back to bed. About 20mins later needed to change the pad again, another largish clot and increased pain. Dh had heard me in the loo and come back to our bed by then. He went to rub my back which normally I love but I did not like being touched. I felt like I had withdrawn into myself somehow and could only focus on what was happening inside me if that makes sense.

At 7 am I felt the urge to go back to the bathroom and as soon as I sat down something big whooshed out of me, giving me a real fright, I sort of gasped and started to shake and cry all at the same time. It was the most disconcerting sensation ever to feel a large thing just fall out of your body. I was fairly sure it was the sac but did not investigate too far.

I was shivering and shaking when I went back to bed and dh cuddled me and I straight away felt very different. I can't describe it except to say it felt like the storm had passed. I continued to have pains and at 8am got up t change pads again, passed another few large lots but immediately felt better and the bleeding eased of considerably. At 8.30am I was sorting dd's hair for school! Dh droped her in and we went to the hospital for 11am.

The scan confirmed that I had had a complete miscarriage and by that stage the bleeding was light though I was veyr pale and tired.

I went to bed in the afternoon yesterday but despite feeling wiped out I could not sleep. I had 2 glasses of wine last night with dh and thought that would tip me over the edge of sleep but I slept badly last night too and woke today feeling very flat and energyless.

I guess I was 'lucky' to have had the experience I did, it was by no means pleasant but it was not as horrific as I had imagined. I used regular sanitary pads, long length ones and when in bed during the worst of the bleeding I doubled them, placing them length to length to make them long at the back. I needed to change them about every 30-40 mins for about 2 hours but that was it. I took regular painkillers, whatever dh found in the cupboard but I took about 8 of them over 12 -16 hours.

I feel very bruised inside toady and have been getting period like pains on and off but the bleeding is moderate, like a regular period towards the end.

Even though I had been dreading it all, I think I am glad now that it happened the way it did. Good luck to anyone waiting in this dreadful position. And I hope this post helps to set some fear a little bit at bay.

Smallthings79 Sat 22-Nov-14 18:01:37

I think another practicality worth mentioning is the fact that a day or two after your MC your hormones are likely to crash. Today (1 day post ERPC) has been the worst day for me emotionally since finding out about my MC. It feels similar to the baby blues, only I've got no baby :-(

So, get tissues in, be nice to yourself and be prepared to feel very up and down. It sucks.

Onwards2014 Fri 21-Nov-14 15:42:40

thanks smallthings

Smallthings79 Fri 21-Nov-14 15:38:54

I had my 12 week scan on Tuesday and found out I'd had a MMC. The babies (looked like it wast twins) died between 6-7 weeks. I'd had no bleeding or cramping what so ever, however I had commented to a few people that I just didn't feel pregnant. I kind of put it down to running around after my 10 month old and not having much time to think about it though.

I was given the option of booking an ERPC there and then as I was very certain of my dates. I've just returned from the hospital today having had the procedure.

The evening after the scan I started to bleed and cramp (pretty lightly though). It only seemed to last for a few hours at around the same time every night. I though that I might miscarry naturally before I got in for the op today so here's what I did to prepare:

1: I followed lots of the practical advice already given in this thread regarding having pads, towels, wipes, etc, ready.

2. I showered, blow dried my hair and tied it up out of the way, put nice body cream and spray on, applied a little make up and painted my nails. I figured that if I did end up going through it at home I didn't want to look in the mirror and see a total wreck, or spend hours staring at my chipped toenails while I was on the loo or smell myself as I sweated through the worst. It's not a vanity thing, but leading up to it I was in a very pragmatic frame of mind and I tried to think of myself going through it in the same way as I would think of a very good friend. I asked myself what could I do to make it easier on myself?

Thankfully the bleeding remained light and I was able to make it for the ERPC this morning. The hospital staff were great, the procedure itself has been fine and now that I'm home I feel a little sore, drained and woozy but I'm glad it's over and I can start looking forward. For me I needed some closure ASAP.

In terms of my attitude to what has happened I'm trying to view it in the following way:

1: It's my first MC. I'm lucky enough to have a beautiful DD whom I carried without issue. During my scan the staff checked my womb and ovaries and everything looks fine. This bodes well for future pregnancies.
2: To MC is obviously very common. It's a horrible experiance to go through (especially as I thought I was out of the woods) but it doesn't mean I can't go on to have more children. I don't see the point in being pessimistic.
3: I like to think that the little soul(s) who would have been born,had all gone ok, will still show up in my life. Either as my next pregnancy (they just have to wait a little longer for me to build them a nice home) or as grandchildren, family members, etc. What's meant for you won't pass you by.
4: the best way I can honour the pregnancy is to look after myself, look after my loved ones and work towards being the best person I can be. That way if I am blessed with more children they'll be coming into this World with a 'got it together' mummy who is fit, healthy and ready to give them the love they so deserve.

To all the women who have posted, thank you for your stories and advice. To those reading this, I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you can find a way to look forward with hope.

Onwards2014 Thu 20-Nov-14 20:19:18

I just wanted to say how helpful this thread has been. Especially the minor points such as getting decent pads - now is not the time to be thrifty!

Also involving DH. It's his loss too.

I've had loads of support, and a few stupid comments but on the whole I feel ok-ish at the moment.

This thread is helpful at allowing me to feel normal, so thank you x

MissMumbles Tue 18-Nov-14 20:44:03

Hi I just wanted to thank you all for this thread and add in a bit of extra info to this thread, which is so, so useful. the tips on here gave me the confidence to go for expectant management for the miscarriage of my blighted ovum..I thought that at the most it was nine weeks, hard to say as it was an ivf embryo transfer of a three day embryo on August 20th, but I had a cardio version on sept 5 th, about two days after the two week wait...next thing I know I still had a positive reading but sadly by sept 30 th it was clearly an anembryonic pregancy with no life signs. I didn't realise that if you go for EM, which is understandable after all the drugs and needles and procedures of ivf, there will be a time gap before the body decides to expel all the Er...stuff...Mine didn't begin until October 25 th!i was working all that time and I felt a bit out of sorts, but with hindsight I would have had the ERPC earlier. This is because my half term was trashed by my is carriage, which was powerful and produced loads of clips...it was painful when the spasms happened and only tramadol took the pain away when it spiked at the end of day one...there I was, feeling smug that i had managed it all at home, and I returned to work a week later, did two weeks....the. This last Sunday it started again! I'd learned from these forums that the miscarriage can take longer, but hadn't read that it shouldn't really take more than a week if it's going to work properly doing it naturally. So I knew things were wrong, DH had revved the car to take me to hospital, and I then passed a huge grapefruit sized clot, quite uncontrollably. It sounds gross but I always felt better immediately after a clot passed, but it confirmed that all was not well! I have heart rhythm issues too, so took my betablockers and headed off to A and e. I would urge anyone who feels a bit off colour AFTER they think they have completed their miscarriage to think again and head over to hospital, ideally booked in by a GP, but if you feel I'll out of hours, as I did, get straight there. In my case, I saw that there was a lot of unpassed matter on my TV scan...I had an ERPC op the next day, and they told me afterwards that the gestational sac had NOT passed, the things was still in there and throwing out hormones. I'd thought that my tiredness was heart related, it was more likely these hormones chucked out by the sac. they also said there was loads of other large clots, big ones, that couldn't get through my half open cervix. I'd lost two units of blood, fainted from low blood pressure, shed a massive clot, and was half deleriius in A and E until I got my drip hooked up. Imagine if that had happened a day later at work...But it looked to me that it had completed, and, beating in mind that the sac hadn't passed, I think I was really lucky.Here are my tips:

What I'd do differently next time

1 Maybe start off with expectant management but get a scan in as soon as humanly possible ...that way you will know if all the products are out. With my, they'd shifted down, so the top of my uterus was fine bit I was under a day away from a hideous amount of blood loss which, according to the scan, my body wouldn't have been able to handle, especially with a heart condition like mine. they call it watchful for a reason!
2 warn your boss that it can stop and start mine doesn't really get it. At least with an ERPC you control the time off that you will need a lot more, as long as there are no complications. I feel ok from my ERPC and think there are fewer complications than the possible carnage which could have resulted from doing EM at home and not realising that I hadn't completed.
3 if you can't get your hands on Opiate painkillers such as
Tramadol I would NOT do EM at home. there is Point of muscle spasm which needs hardcore pain relief, in my opinion. Not worth going through this, I feel.
4 If you do it at home, use Tena Lady pass...normal ones just do not cut the mustard. Clean howls also handy. drink lots of pints of water.
5 you could try EM at home to shed the top section of the products, then get a scan, then decide whether to get the rest aspirated in hospital. I didn't hurt after my op because I feel, my body had passed a lot earlier, so it was fifty fifty. Possibly it might have hurt more to get the lit removed at the start, but you have to weigh it up. the easiest way is an ETPC because the actual process is pretty disgusting, even with no foetus, and I ended up needing surgery anyway. I narrowly missed a collapse and severe blood loss in public. ERPC would have prevented this risk...I guess if you can afford to go privately, you'd have total control over the entire process, but my NHS ERPC was done at 12 noon and I was back at home by 5.

Big hugs to all going through this. Listen to your body...if you feel out of sorts, even if there's no cramping, get a scan or to to a and e. I didn't listen enough and have had a lucky escape.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Thu 13-Nov-14 18:27:16

Thank you for bumping and thank you everyone for your honesty.

bakingtins Thu 13-Nov-14 17:53:32

Bump

Chocolateorange12345 Tue 11-Nov-14 05:02:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsdiddlydoo Mon 03-Nov-14 18:12:18

This thread has helped me once already this year. And now it helps again. Thank you. I hope it happens quicker this time. Miscarriage should be spoken of more. Its such a lonely experience. Don't know what I would do without mn.

blondy1 Wed 29-Oct-14 13:02:14

Very helpful thread thanks. Started miscarriage yesterday at 10 weeks. Big shock as still had morning sickness the day before. Was fine leaving the house and within 10 minutes had to pull over due to severe cramps. Was close to a hospital so drove to a and e. Was still hopeful it was a threatened miscarriage but then in a and e felt a big wooshit and blood stared pouring out. Was a low point to be standing half naked in a toilet bleeding all over the floor whilst a nurse washed my legs ( though she was very nice). Was eventually taken to epac and scan confirmed no baby. I was having quite bad cramps so consultant examined me as they though I might need a d and c. He pulled out clots and the baby which was stuck just at the entrance to my cervix and after that pain improved. I'm home today wallowing sad
Told all my friends who have been great.
currently in the angry phase of grief. Angry with the baby for leaving us as we have a happy family and it would have been loved. Also don't know that I can face going through morning sickness again. Love to all of you who have been through this and unfortunately to anyone who has to do this in the future x

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