Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

(297 Posts)
comeonbishbosh Wed 16-Nov-11 10:58:13

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

jellyandcake Fri 14-Jun-13 17:55:38

Sorry Fox. I saw your post on the antenatal thread but didn't want to post in there again. I think we've experienced the same thing and it's really shit. I just feel like I'm having a heavy and slightly painful period. Although it's so early on I am still so sad. I am finding it hard to summon up any enthusiasm for any of our upcoming plans as I'd envisaged being pregnant for all of them. I just got too excited too early and was stupidly unprepared. Hope you have found being at work OK and are feeling as well as is possible.

chickenstock Sat 15-Jun-13 20:48:39

All these posts are so sad. I spent 3 hours in a&e today hoping that bleeding was just one of those things, as it was with my daughter. But no, pregnancy tests are now negative, and bleeding has increased. Def a miscarriage. I've turned to wine and cuddles with dd. It's the lost hope that doctors etc don't seem to understand. Good luck to everyone moving on from this horrible experience x

DogandBeth Sun 16-Jun-13 16:10:36

Sorry to hear that chicken, it sucks doesn't it. Xx

Ladybee Thu 04-Jul-13 08:16:42

Bumping this. Sadly I need it as a reminder.

marie456 Wed 10-Jul-13 13:50:37

Am grateful for this thread. I should be 5 + 4 today but started bleeding yesterday after spotting all of the previous day. After 8 months ttc #1 it really is devastating. Am waiting for the GP to ring back with a date for a scan next week just to confirm what we all already know. I guess its just to make sure theres no 'product' (as they call it) left behind. So far it's been just like a normal period. Few little clots but that's all.

brec247 Fri 12-Jul-13 17:01:56

This advice has been useful for me so thank you.I miscarried a week ago at 9 weeks and it was worse than I ever imagined.I'm feeling exhausted now and quite nauseous every now and then.I would say to take practical help where it is offered and really look after yourself physically with a bit of pampering and rest.Still up and down emotionally :-( x

Vicb123 Fri 12-Jul-13 20:36:20

Hey. Just wanted to write my mc info. Everyone seems to have had horrific mc in comparison. Not been great to go thru but mine has just been bleed for the last wk. cramps last Sunday with loss of "baby" Sunday night. Lots of crying but no heavy bleeding where I couldn't leave the loo etc. I think I need to count myself very lucky!!

Mum2oneds Fri 26-Jul-13 20:28:53

Hi im new to this and registered as found it on google. I did a preg test on thurs last week which had a faint pos , same on friday. On Sat am i had some spotting - sat night i had horrific pains and sorry ( tmi ) but there was loads of blood , and a couple of largish clots , about inch in size. the pains were like very early labour pains / bad period pains , all round my back etc. On sunday i went to Tesco and brought a 2pk of tests , i did one which had a fainter pos. I was still bleeding very heavily with smaller clots too. I did the last test monday and it was neg ? I havent been to the doctors as i had to work which has been awful as until yesterday the bleeding was fairly heavy and had to sit down alot as the cramps got bad , today not so bad. We hadnt been ttc as i have pcos and had to have treatment to have ds , so i thought i couldnt fall naturally hence not taking precations ? I havent told dp any of this as he doesnt want more kids , I just dont know what to do or who to talk to sad Does it sound like a m/c and will i need to go to doc , phsically i feel fine but mentally i feel confused and upset. If i went to doc could they tell me whether i m/c or is it too late. i have monday off work so maybe i could go then ?

Mum2oneds Mon 29-Jul-13 20:13:39

Anyone ? Im so confused ! The bleeding as virtually stopped now ( 10 day total ) some being heavier than others x

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood Mon 29-Jul-13 21:59:30

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

Yes it sounds like a MC.

Some people will advise you to see your GP. And you certainly should if you feel unwell (including feeling feverish) or the bleeding bec

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood Mon 29-Jul-13 22:10:16

Sorry. Posted too soon.

If the bleeding becomes heavier or goes on too long.
But I have had 6 MCs ( abs 3 children), 2 of them were surgically managed, 2 medically managed and 2 I sought no assistance for at all. It wasn't nice. But I was fine. It sounds to me as though you are physically over the worst of it and probably do not need a doctor unless you want one. But please please get help if you feel poorly.

And it will certainly help you emotionally if there is someone you can confide in. I always had that and yet it was still hard. Hugs to you.

Mum2oneds Mon 29-Jul-13 22:45:54

Thank you. Physically i feel ok , no fever or anything - my head however is all over the place sad . Im working the rest of the week now so hopefully my mind will be at least a bit occupied hopefully. Im close to a lady at work so im sure if i need to talk she'll listen. I just don't feel ready to have a discussion with dp as i dont know how hed react . Ive been searching online too on diff forums / help pages which all seem to indicate a mc too looking at symptoms / other stories. Thank you for your help. Im sure ill use mumsnet more as it seems full of lovely ppl smile xx

Souredstoneshasasouredpebble Tue 06-Aug-13 17:35:35

This is a very helpful thread, thank you all for sharing your experiences it's helped me feel more prepared for what is ahead of me.

Just wish the hospital would be so informative

Just chucking in my experience. Miscarried this week and have found this thread very helpful. All miscarriages are different, physically mine was not particularly difficult. Light bleeding started Sunday night, nothing a regular sanitary towel couldn't cope with. Carried on the same Monday morning, I went to my mum's house so I had child are for DD and put myself to bed. Mid afternoon started to ooze, so went to the loo. Sat on loo for about 10-15 mins. Passed lots of blood and thick mucus type stuff. Then had a few painful cramps / contractions and passed a large solid (I assume it was the sac and embryo coming through intact, I didn't look). After a lengthy mop up, headed back to bed, v dizzy and light-headed, passed out on bed. Had maybe half an hour of feeling v unwell: cold-sweats, nausea, dizziness etc.

However, after some toast and a cuddle with DD, was able to have a shower and get dressed. Bleeding there after has been similar in flow to a regular period, as has cramping. Felt weak and listless for the early part of the week, now only physical symptoms are continuing light bleed and overwhelming tiredness.

What I have learnt is:

1. Make sure you are not alone, you may need someone to pick you up if you pass out, bring snacks and supply a shoulder to weep on.
2. If you have other children, get child care. I couldn't have entertained toddler DD at the same time!
3. You might not have loads of blood loss, if you pass the sac intact, bleeding usually slows right up after that.
4. Expect to be very tired for a while afterwards.
5. Take more time off than you think you need. Your body is making a lot of physical adjustments that leave you feeling v drained.
6. Let yourself grieve for the life you carried (albeit briefly in my case) and the baby you hoped to have. This is advice I haven't really followed as yet.
7. Don't hit the booze and caffeine too soon. I had a wine and a curry last night and its absolutely floored me.

MoJangled Tue 10-Sep-13 22:20:48

Bumping for those in need

waxinganowl Mon 16-Sep-13 23:15:54

Thank you for this thread. It has been so helpful to me. Currently in hospital awaiting ERPC tomorrow morning. Had bleeding Saturday night at 10+2 so went to A&E. Eventually got admitted to EPU and scan showed baby ok with heartbeat but there was a large subchorionic hematoma next to placenta. Stayed in overnight as bleeding now extremely heavy. Unfortunately a second scan this morning showed baby had died. Was not prepared for amount of bleeding and have been told I will probably have to have a blood transfusion pre-op. Hospital has been fantastic though and have provided lots of pads and pain relief. It has been very sad but reassuring reading everyone's posts on here. This is my third pregnancy - my first was a stillbirth and I am very lucky to have my 2 yr old Dd. I thought after the stillbirth I would be more emotionally prepared for this MMC. I was shocked at how much it stirred up all my earlier bad memories. I don't think DH and I can face ttc again and will just appreciate our Dd even more. I am very sorry for people who also find themselves on this thread, but hope they also find it such a useful source of information as I did.

Chosenbyyou Thu 26-Sep-13 21:39:25

Thought I would add my experience to this. Started spotting at what should have been 12+4, got referred to EPU by GP and scanned, it showed baby had died at 9 weeks. Really gutted and shocked even though with the spotting I was trying to prepare myself.

Took three days off work where the spotting got heavier but didn't really progress quickly. Needed to get back to work for my own sanity as I was getting lonely and down at home. Rang EPU and decided to have medical management to try to move it along.

Inserted the little tablets and nothing happened for three/four hours, then I reacted quite badly and had very severe diarrhoea and was sick three times. I didn't know at the time but the nurse said I could have taken diarrhoea tablets. The pain got quite bad as I couldn't keep the sickness or pain tablets down so I would advise to take those early. I wasn't really bleeding at all but then felt a gush which I think was the fluid from the sac and then shortly after there was another gush which I didn't look at but think it was the other parts. As soon as this happened the pain stopped instantly for me but the whole time was 9hrs total but only really pain for a few hours.

I continued to bleed slightly more than a normal period for two days and then it tailed off to nothing over a week or so.

I hope by sharing this can help others thinking about medical management and what is right for you. Tips if so....make sure you have someone calm with you to get water, give you tablets, I had candles to relax me, towels as I was shivering at times, pads, hot water bottle and give you a big cuddle after.

Sorry if your going through this, I am still struggling with the sadness of loosing what I was looking forward to. Hoping to try again once things are ready xx

Purplefrogshoe Tue 22-Oct-13 21:52:48

Bump

Thank you to everyone on this thread. I'm going through a MC at the moment and just feel so desperately sad about it. I was only 4 weeks, and already have a beautiful 21 month old DS, and DH is trying to get me to focus on these things to get me through. I know he's trying to help and is feeling so sad himself, but I feel like I'm missing the person this baby would have ec

Thank you to everyone on this thread. I'm going through a MC at the moment and just feel so desperately sad about it. I was only 4 weeks, and already have a beautiful 21 month old DS, and DH is trying to get me to focus on these things to get me through. I know he's trying to help and is feeling so sad himself, but I feel like I'm missing the person this baby would have bec

Oh FFS!!

I'm missing the person this baby would have become. Does that make sense?

I bled throughout early pg with my son, and I hoped this would be similar, but sadly it quickly became really heavy and I started passing clots which never happened before. Now I'm worried about trying again; I had such a lovely pregnancy with DS in general but this has totally knocked me sideways.

Everyone has been so helpful on here; it's a sad club that nobody wants to belong to but the kindness on here is really special.

Hessy Sat 26-Oct-13 16:13:34

Gozer, so very sorry for your loss. Sending love. My mmc was a month ago and I'm afraid I still feel a bit hollow. Hoping that the physical side is as easy as is possible. Be very kind to yourself. thanks

Hessy Mon 04-Nov-13 20:38:43

Bumping

Bakingtins Sat 09-Nov-13 05:21:25

BumP

Parsley2506 Wed 27-Nov-13 19:43:16

Just adding my twopence worth.

I started very light spotting at 10+6, no cramps or pain although with hindsight I had lost breast tenderness a few weeks earlier and morning sickness had subsided hugely. EPU scan revealed growth had stopped at approx 6 weeks but they would only diagnose threatened MC and sent me home for 10 days before a follow up scan.
Bleeding continued as light brown spotting till 4 days later when it turned bright red + clotty with cramping. Following day was more bleeding, cramps turned almost unbearable in the evening, worst pain I've ever experienced along with nausea and vomiting :-(
Passed a lot of blood, did NOT examine to see what had come out. Following few days bleeding dramatically lessened but weird bloated/pressure sensation in lower abdomen.
Further significant bleed but without cramps 3 days later after which I have had very little blood or pain.

Top (practical) tips:
1. Stock up on painkillers, just in case. You can alternate ibuprofen and codeine/paracetamol for max relief
2. Andrex washlets or femfresh wipes help you feel less icky
3. As everyone else has said, allow more time than you think to recover, but do escape home when you feel up to it. I've found getting outside, even if just the garden, helps somehow.
4. Don't hide how you're feeling, especially from yourself. If you want to stop mid cooking dinner and weep, do it.
5. Doing something to commemorate the new life you held does actually seem to help. I am not a soppy person generally, but I was at a craft fair with my mum earlier today and saw a beautiful silver heart necklace. It's something I can wear everyday to remember the promise of our baby, which I hope will diminish the rotten memories of the MC given time.
6. Keep using MN - there's a wonderful bunch of people here who will always be there when you need a kind word or some encouragement

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now