Struggling...

[pep124]

6 weeks ago I was 12wks pregnant with a boyfriend... But then everything changed. I had a mmc at 12 weeks, and then last week, a month to the day after I was in hospital miscarrying our baby, he ended it.

I was doing so well before he ended it. Completely gutted, yes, but coping. Now I feel like I'm hardly coping at all.

I think I knew he was going to end it, as the pregnancy was unplanned (but far, far from being unwanted - on my part at least, and he had begun to accept it) and we hadn't been together long. But it's just so incredibly sad, I feel so lonely. I had this strange feeling when I was pregnant that I wasn't alone, that I was carrying this other little magical being around, but now I feel more alone than ever.

I still haven't cried about the whole thing (and I'm a very tearful person, so it's strange that I haven't) and I'm scared that if I start I won't stop.

It's made me realise how very much I would love a child, but at just 37 (he ended it four days before my bday) and single it feels that it's impossible it will ever happen for me again. I'm back to square one, and feel so much worse than if none of it had ever happened - to have a glimpse of being given what you've always wanted, only to have it taken away, is so hard.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm posting this rant, I'm sorry. I guess it's just good to get it all down somehow, I don't mind if I don't get any responses. It's just hard, that's all. I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself, and that's a totally alien feeling for me. And I feel that I should be over it all by now, but being dumped feels like it's set me back so much, it all feels worse than ever.

If anyone can tell me that things will get easier, I'd appreciate it enormously. My friends have been more amazing throughout this whole thing than I can explain, but to hear from people who know how totally awful miscarriage is would really help.

[mnistooaddictive]

It does get better. My way if coping ( I had 4 mc) was to focus on all the good things in my life. I spent a week moping and crying and then made lists of good things and tried to make the most of them. Some days are easier and done are bloody awf such as when people ask you why you didn't want children etc but it does get easier.
be kind to yourself and let yourself cry.
Do sorry for your loss

[SkinnyMuffin]

Oh Pep :( :(

Have PM'd you

Skinny xxxx