Just MCd at 10 weeks - dont know how i am feeling

[Summerbird73]

Started spotting on saturday night, then started bleeding and cramping on Monday night, it got much worse on Tuesday morning so went to A&E and spent 2 days in hospital on a drip.

A scan on Wednesday morning confirmed the bean had gone. I thought i would be fine but i am up and down all the time. Sometimes i feel ok then i feel like shit.

We have a 21mo DS who is usually an absolute star but he has been pushing me and DH to the limits since i got home from hospital. I know he obviously 'gets' that something is up, but we are really struggling with him. DH is also up and down.

We thought we would be ok with it as we have DS and if that is all we have then that is great.

I dont know what i am asking really - think i just needed to get this all down in black and white.

Neither DH nor I know how we are feeling - just flat at the moment - we feel worse today than we have all week

[curlygirl4]

I am really sorry for your loss.
My dh found it really hard to come to terms when we miscarried 14wks, l had to push him to talk about it because l needed to come to terms with what had happened aswell (as he closed up as men do).
You will go through a huge rang of emotions and you both need to air your feeling.
What has the hospital said?

[juicee]

Hi hun

So sorry for your loss, you are not alone, there are loads of lovely ladies on here that know just how you are feeling, this forum has really helped and still is.
I miscarried last week, and i too have been up and down like a rollercoaster, i have gone through the stages of numbness to thinking i am over it, to absolutely falling to pieces. My df has been wonderful although to be honest he hasn't really told me how he is feeling and i think he is just trying to be strong for me. From what others have told me on here, we need to take time, it will be hard, but we will get through it. I am still struggling now and it was 2 weeks today that i found out i was going to miscarry, just give yourself time i can't sat how long it will take for us to heal as like you its early days, but if you ever need to chat to someone, this forum is great.
Love and hugs.. Jules.x

[juneau]

I felt like that after I had a MMC at 12 weeks last year. One day I'd feel really sad and down about it, then the next I'd be okay and philosophical and its just one of those things, we can try again, etc.

Give it time. It took me about a month to process what had happened.

[Summerbird73]

thank you jules and curly you have both said what i wanted to hear IYSWIM, just knowing someone 'knows' is enough!

DH is trying to tell me how he feels but i am getting frustrated as i feel like i am supporting him but i want him to support me - he is of course supporting me but usually when something happens it is to just one of us and the other is the tower of strength - this time we are trying to prop eachother up and it is hard. DS isnt helping matters either but i feel sorry for him as we are trying to be normal for him but he knows something is not right.

I know nobody can tell me how long it will take to get over it. I am still bleeding so it is a constant reminder of what is happening. Also - selfishly it has scuppered all of our plans!

So much is going round in our heads today it is ridiculous. I think we were better about it on Wednesday when i had the scan!

I will just put today down as a shit day!

So sorry for both of your losses and thank you for being here

[Summerbird73]

thank you too juneau this is all helping

[curlygirl4]

Sending you a hug !

[Summerbird73]

this is why i love MN! Have used it for nearly 3 years mainly for idle chit chat but this is the first time it has literally come to my rescue! x

[milkyway2007]

Hi summerbird I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your mc, and what you are feeling is exactly how I have feel with my mc's. That feeling of complete flatness, and nothingness, and how all the plans you make are broken in a second. There are some days that are lovely and I am thankful I have a 3 yr old DD, but some days I just feel completely crap like there is nothing good in my life.

I understand how sometimes it feels you are supporting your H when it should be the other way round - my mc's have put a bit of strain on our marriage, but ultimately it has made us so thankful for each other and our little girl. Having a mc is just like losing a live child and (many people don't see it like this) it is a long grieving process for mother and father, and as long as you are both supporting each other at one time or another you will gradually heal. I don't think you can ever forget though.

Hope you feel better tomorrow - don't force yourself to get over this quickly - it is still very raw so let yourself cry and grieve for your little one. xx

[Mitzimaybe]

Summerbird73 sorry for your loss.

"I thought i would be fine but i am up and down all the time. Sometimes i feel ok then i feel like shit."

I've just had a mc which took 2 weeks from start to finish. When I the scan saying it had gone, I was more relieved than anything, and was very surprised when a few hours later I started crying and couldn't stop. I've been up and down (mostly down) since then and keep bursting into tears at inappropriate moments.

The nurse explained to me yesterday that my hormone levels will be plummeting at the moment so it's like PMT but many times worse. So even if there was nothing to grieve over, it's natural to be weepy and emotional. When you add the loss of a baby into the mix there's not much hope for emotional stability.

Be kind to yourself and take as much time as you need. I'm trying to do the same but it's not easy, is it? {{{Hugs}}}

[Summerbird73]

thank you milky and mitzi (that sounds quite sweet - like an american candy bar - milky and mitzi!)

Mitzi i too felt weirdly relieved when it was confirmed, i cried but i felt that at least i knew for sure that it had gone. i then went back to the ward and felt quite normal, organising DH, packing my stuff, even the afternoon when i made the phonecalls i was ok.

but today we both feel like shit. we have just had some lovely hugs though and have agreed that he has to let his guard down with me, if not with anyone else. I dont feel resentful that he is going through it too just sad really

I just wish DS would give me cuddles. He is usually so scrunchy but lately he has been going to his daddy rather than me. I know he is confused (after all i did 'leave' him for 2 days to go to hospital!) but all i want at the mo is a proper scrunchy cuddle. He will come round i am sure.

Today is getting a little better, i went to see some friends this morning for coffee and DH is sitting next to me playing xbox. I know i am very lucky to have him and my DS.

Thank you for all your words ladies, it truly is helping me xxx

[Summerbird73]

mitzi and juicee i am sorry you are going through this too, we are all here for eachother so feel free to talk about it to me too

[Mitzimaybe]

I'm so glad I've found this forum but wish I'd had it two and a half weeks ago when I started bleeding. I always thought mumsnet was only for people who've already got children.

I just felt so alone and like I had no one to turn to for help or support (my bf did what he could but when I tried to talk to him about things like the amount I was bleeding or hormone levels or gestational sac size he just went "TMI" or "Whoah, way over my head here")

Everyone on here is brilliant. I knew mc was common but it's so sad and quite shocking that so many women are going through it right now. It is a help and comfort to me to know that I'm not alone.

[Summerbird73]

mitzi i too naively thought 'wow' when a couple of you came on here and said that you were going through it too - of course i know it happens all the time but is is a bizarre comfort to know someone out there is going through the exact emotions i am going through right now IYSWIM

so ladies i am on maltesers and red wine tonight, maybe not advisable given the blood loss but my mum said just to make sure i have a pint of water before bed! i was on the codeine for the last 2 nights - o sweet lord that stuff is lethal!

sleep well ladies and thank you so much, i have read some of your posts to DH and he has agreed with each and every one of you

[Summerbird73]

[Summerbird73]

crap day today, in bed with cramps, taking lots of codeine (must be hurting as it is dealing with the pain but not making me fluffy!)

my bleeding is heavier too, i just went to the loo and i think i saw the sac either that or it was a huge blood clot.

feeling a bit calm about that actually. anyway DS is snoozing and DH has gone to play squash so i have an hour to myself

just read about EdgarAleNPie's little 2yo DS who died yesterday. Feel so sad for her and it has made me realise how lucky i am to have my DS (so sorry Edgar )

[Mitzimaybe]

I didn't take many painkillers because I felt like I needed the pain to make it seem real, if that makes any sense at all. (Probably not.) On the worst day I did take some paracetamol & codeine. I wasn't so far gone, though (technically over 8 weeks when I passed it but it hadn't grown beyond about 5 weeks size) so not as bad for me.

Every time I passed a large clot I asked it "are you my baby?" Seems really stupid to me now. I convinced myself I had identified it but the next scan showed the sac it was still in utero, so clearly I was mistaken. I think I just went a bit crazy.

Hope you're feeling a bit better today.

[freelancegirl]

Can I join in? Just found out today (12 weeks) that the baby died at 7 weeks so had a missed miscarriage. Well, I say missed but it certainly wasn't missed this weekend when I started having contractions and then had them every 3 minutes all Sunday and most of today. So I guess I already knew it would be bad news when I went for my scan.

I literally only found out a couple of hours ago though so am feeling very weird. Trying to be upbeat (read my 'Reasons to be cheerful' post and help me add to it if you can!) but it's so terribly sad. Just as I was getting used to the fact that a baby might be a reality. And of course there's always the worry that it's not a one off and that there's something wrong which might mean it will happen again. :(

I too have been sent home with codeine to expel the sac etc. I feel so nervous every time I go to the loo and can't wait until that bit is out of the way. Hope it happens quickly.

[Summerbird73]

freelance so sorry. it is awful isnt it? hoping you dont get the same as me but i am sorry to say i have been cramping and heavy bleeding for the last week now, it was worse on Saturday and today (although i stupidly woke feeling good so did the housework - including hoovering )

I do hope it happens quickly for you. Come on here and hold hands with all of us. I will keep checking on here as i am giving updates too so make sure you update us on how you are doing. We can all empathise.

Just get plenty of rest - dont do what i did this morning - i really thought i was ok but i have really suffered for it this afternoon.

GP has signed me off for another week so i dont have to go back until next Wednesday - unless i get another sicknote.

I am ok with the emotional side of it - i just want this physical pain to end

Mitzi i do understand about your pain relief - although i want it to go away, my friend felt the same as you and i do get where you are coming from. I too am talking to my blood clots it is weird isnt it? i was convinced the one on saturday was my bean but it cant have been as the scan on wednesday showed it had already gone...

sleep well ladies x

[freelancegirl]

Hey summer. What a lovely nickname. I am a summer bird too, 74. You made me laugh in that post, which is amazing given the circumstances. Only your mad cleaning binge - I am so unlikely to do any housework, even in the best of circumstances my DH would worry I was REALLY sick... :)

Glad you are ok with the emotional side of it now, I think I will be too. It's just the news is only a few hours for me. But I guess the whole contraction thing over the weekend did prepare me for that. I am lucky in that I work from home and things are quiet quiet at the mo. Am meant to be finishing off work today but I just can't face it. Am reading every damn post on MCs and everything around it. Feels weird to suddenly belong to a new board on MN as I was on the Pregnancy one for advice all the time.

Mitzi I felt the same about the pain relief but like you it got so bad there was no other way through it. Even with codeine I still felt a lot of pain.

Weirdly the pain has gone now which is annoying as I was hoping more pain meant it would pass quicker. Pretty sure I haven't passed it as haven't had any clots since the scan. They did say it was 'on it's way out' as it was making it's way towards the exit as it were.

What a total F*cking pain it all is!!!! Please add to my Reasons to be Cheerful post if you can think of some positives xx

[Summerbird73]

freelance dont wish the pain, i have been in pain for a week now and it is horrendous - i truly hope it is swifter for you but be careful what you wish for.

glad i made you laugh! DH and i have been trying to find fun in things all week, i got sent some flowers in one of those water bag things - DH decided to pierce it over a vase but ended up bursting it all over us and the kitchen - OMG we were in hysterics - and that was only a few hours after the scan so i know what you mean!

I am actually a January babba so not born in the Summer but me and DH are a little bit hippy and he calls me 'his bird' hence the name! oh and yep i was born in 73.

i too feel weird being part of this topic, have always known it was here and hoped i would never be a part of it IYSWIM - but people here are so warm it is such a comfort

off to look for your reasons to be cheerful post

[Mitzimaybe]

Summerbird I'm glad I'm not the only one talking to clots. Makes me feel a lot better!

WRT reasons to be cheerful, I kept telling myself "It's better that it happens now than later on in the pregnancy" and stuff like "I never expected to get pregnant anyway so it shouldn't bother me too much" but it didn't help one little bit. Heart and head - the head can acknowledge the sense in things but my heart is just broken.

[freelancegirl]

It's definitely good to laugh! If you don't laugh you cry. Well, that's ok to do too. I completely avoided One Born Every Minute tonight though as I think that would have been a step too far.

Totally agree with you Mitzi. It is definitely a heart v head situation. Gosh I am glad we all have each other.

On a practical note - does anyone know what should be happening to my body at this stage? I am thinking that the contractions were to help expel whatever was there, would they have also opened the cervix? Sorry to sound dim but I hadn't got as far as researching what happens in childbirth yet and I am guessing this is a pseudo birth situation. Yes the pain has stopped which is good as it was totally body rocking (not in a good way!) but am wondering if I will know when the sac etc passes. Just passed a reasonable sized clot but it's difficult to tell once it's gone down the loo. I realise this is all TMI but I think we have all gone passed that stage with each other and there's no need to worry about anyone being squeamish about this sort of thing!

Thanks for the Reasons to be Cheerful comments, keep 'em up. At least we will all have fabulous buffed skin, coiffed hair, manicured nails and great holidays... Oh and be totally skint...

[Mitzimaybe]

I don't know about the cervix, I'm afraid, freelancegirl. This was my first mc and I wasn't too far gone+ so it was like a bad period but with some very much bigger lumps in it than normal periods. The worst cramps and heaviest bleeding were before the sac was expelled in my case. Plus went on for ages and I'm still bleeding a bit (brown not red now though.) Every time I think it's tailing off it just keeps going.

When you had the scan, did they tell you how big the sac was? Mine was only 4mm so I knew I'd be unlikely to identify it - I thought I had but was obviously wrong as the next scan showed it was still in utero.

• I'm still not sure what I should say about dates. It was 6+2 weeks since LMP when I started bleeding but the gestational sac was still in utero at 7+4 weeks but gone by 8+2 weeks. So do I say I mc at 6, 7 or 8 weeks? Does it really matter anyway? I guess not.

[Summerbird73]

Hi ladies, i just wanted to jump on and say i have had a really good three days. It might be the sunshine perking me up but i havent had any cramps since Tuesday which is making me feel like i am on the mend.

Also i am celebrating today as my bleeding has gone from red to brown (i guess that is one of your 'reasons to be cheerful!'). I have taken DS out of nursery today to spend some time with him and we have had a lovely morning, we visited his friends first thing then came and had lunch in the garden.

I think i will be ready to go back to work on Wednesday, i really feel like i have turned a corner. I hope you are all feeling good too.

mitzi has the bleeding stopped yet? i am just wondering how long the brown stuff lasts for. Hope you are having a good week too.

freelance i dont really know as it seems we have all had different experiences, i too hope you are feeling better

Have a lovely weekend ladies

[freelancegirl]

Hey summer that's really good to hear. I am glad you are feeling like you have turned a corner. I seem to be a week behind you with everything so you are my bench mark :)

Am not feeling too bad. I think it's a case of stick around long enough and your questions will be answered by whatever happens next with your body! I 'passed' the sac on Tuesday so that's the main bit out of the way I hope. Still bleeding reasonably consistently, all shades (nice...) and feel a bit dizzy occasionally. No real pain any more but the odd twinge on the left side. I am going to go back to the EPU mid next week to see if I can get a scan and find out whether it has all gone.

Thanks for the info Mitzi. Are you still bleeding now? I wonder how long this goes on for. Must be different for everyone I guess.

Can I say something that is REALLY definitely TMI...to see if anyone can relate? Maybe it's because am not used to using towels so am not used to it but I am finding this blood is really sweet and sickly smelling. Am not actively sniffing it but can't avoid it at times! Sorry - way too much info I know but it's something I have really noticed

After obsessively researching whether I was MCing I have now started to worry about whether this will happen again. Looking back I think I have had two MCs before (I was very young, one was definite and the other was a termination when I was 19 when I was told what was retrieved was 'very small - am thinking now could have been a MMC) and that makes me really scared about TTC again.

But yes, it's definitely good that this one seems to be working the way out of the system.