Hi
This site and posting is new to me, please bear with me! This was my first pregnancy and I miscarried 3 weeks ago at 9 weeks. Having read posts from others offering various advice, I would love some too.
Even though I tried not to get too excited before 12 weeks, at 9 weeks I started bleeding, went in to get checked and I was gutted to see no heartbeat on the scan, and be told that it hadn't grown past 6 weeks.
I thought that physically, to mc would be like a heavy period, but I couldn't have been more wrong. After passing large clots for a few days, I had labour-like pains, excrutiating agony and my husband had to take me into A&E. Complications had resulted in me being unable to pass the pregnancy sac as the neck of the womb was too tight, so I had the horror of removal of it by the doctor (who was excellent) with tweezer-type instruments. After this, it was back home and 'normal' passing of the remainder of the placenta for 6 heavy days and 2.5 weeks total.
I am back at work now 3 weeks on, and thought I would be back to 'normal'. Instead I keep crying for no reason (tears whilst walking to check-in at airport today was a random example), just want to hide away, feel I am walking with head held down constantly, putting on a show for everyone.
My husband is struggling to get it (I have no good new reason for 'why are you crying') and it is pushing us apart, to the point that he is unsure if the relationship is sustainable - we have been on shaky ground before and the pregnancy experience was not great as I was not my 'normal self' throughout.... this is not great on top of it all. 
I suppose I want to know if others have experienced the tears / sudden moments of despair like this, is this 'normal'?? I am usually so pragmatic about things and I was aware mc was a risk, so why is it so, so sore? Is there any advice, things I can do, read, try, anything to reduce the sadness?
This is probably too long a rant, if you are still awake after reading, looking forward to getting your help!
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Spontaneous tears - normal/mental/other?
retroalba · 11/02/2011 23:06
You poor thing, I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. To answer your question, in my experience absolutely yes it's normal. I also miscarried 3 weeks ago at 11 weeks. I've had rows with DH who just kept saying he didn't know why I was pissed off/upset/had the hump etc. He really just didn't seem to connect the way I was behaving with the fact that one minute I'm 11 weeks or so I thought and the next minute, gone.
It all blew up and he finally realised that it wasn't done and dusted for me in the same way as it was for him. Family, a selected few work colleagues who knew, all sympathetic at first but now have forgotten all about it and I swear they look at me like 
, like I'm milking it or something. I daren't be upset in front of anyone else because they truly think I should be over it by now. Doesn't stop the tears coming but I have to make sure I'm out of sight first.
The best thing I have found is talking to people here. They know how you're feeling and don't get sick of you wanting to talk. I haven't found that in real life, quite the opposite. So rant away on here xx
retroalba so sorry you're going through this and totally understand how you're feeling. i had MC at 11 wks and had the same problems with lack of understanding from DP. My advice would be to find some way you can talk about it together, hopefully without getting too upset. I didn't do this with DP and ended up feeling resentful cos I hadn't told him how I felt. It is hard for others to understand how you feel so you have to spell it out.
MC affects you on lots of levels, your hormones will have changed and that affects your psycological state, as well as all the emotional stuff around losing the pregnancy.
Be really kind to yourself, but beware of getting a puppy - that's what I did, and puppy grew into an enormous hound!! 
Just wanted to say thanks to all the support in the messages. It does give a huge level of acceptance knowing that I can allow myself to go through this and it is 'normal'. So many people go through the same thing, and I wish you all some peace through it too. It is amazing - I really think mmc is the last taboo, it is never spoken about and makes it even harder as you have to educate as well as cope.
And I pay head to the advice to not get a puppy - that was the first laugh I have had in ages! 
.
Hi RetroAlba I can assure you you are not mental! If you are then I am too . I also consider myself to be pragmatic and as I work in a Family Planning clinic I was all too aware of the likelyhood of miscarriage and thought I was coming to terms with things really well when I lost my baby at 8 wks. Then 2 months after I just totally lost my marbles for a couple of weeks and couldn't control my tears. I made a GP appointment thinking I needed antidepressants and we had a good talk where she pointed out to me that I am greiving, and you are too. No matter how much you tried not to get excited you were expecting a baby, a very real baby who you will never forget. My GP even asked me if in my head the baby was a boy/girl and if I had named her. These frank questions really helped as it was like someone else acknowledged this little person. Maybe your GP may be a help? Mine offered counselling and chatting to my husband etc. He's been very good in that he listens to me but he doesn't get the way I feel all that much. I asked him to read mine and other womens posts to help him get a feel for what its like for us. Maybe your partner would understand more if he could see that you are not strange for feeling the way you do. He would see how difficult women find it and some men too. MN has definately helped it is soooo much easier talking to people this way and you can say how you feel wihtout worrying that you are upsetting your loved ones. Sorry for the long babble it just really helps to try and help as well as talk. Take care and I am sorry for your loss xx
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