unusual cycles after miscarriage

[aMuminwaiting]

Hello
I had two miscarriages last year (couldn't wait for 2010 to be over). One was at 21 weeks and the other was at 11 weeks. I thought I was plodding along alright this time, but then a few days ago the chaplain called to say my second baby was finally being cremated. It happened this morning and now all the pain is back.
I'm scared but also desperate to be pregnant again. I can't believe I am willing to go through all of it again but I want to be a mum more than anything in the world. And I know my husbands need to be a dad is overwhelming too.
Anyway, I've always had cycles that alternate from 28-29 days to 34-36 days the next cycle (I've been tracking them since 2008 and the pattern fits). Ever since my second miscarriage my cycles have been very long and with a lot of strong stretching pains around ovulation. I've also had mid cycle spotting which I never had before. I use a clearblue fertility monitor and am currently on day 10 of high with no ovulation detected although it felt like it was happening a week ago. It feels like I'm never going to get pregnant again.

Do you think my cycles will always be like this now or am I rushing my body to get back to how it was?

ps I've had all the tests they'll give (before three miscarriages) and they've all come back as 'no action required'.

[aMuminwaiting]

anyone?

[pigletmania]

Really feel for you. I found when I had my first mc at 9 weeks last Year Dec 2009 my cycles started to be less regular, always early, before they were on time. I have had a 2 mc this year and waiting for my next cycle to begin. I have bled yesterday once but automatically stopped.

[aMuminwaiting]

Thanks for replying. So sorry you've been through it too. Did your second miscarriage happen recently or have you been waiting for a while now? I lost my second at the end of October and didn't get my period until December. But then I did get an infection. It all took so much longer to heal this time. I thought it would have been the other way around.

I'm stuck feeling that I can't wait to be pregnant again but also really scared. That's not helped by the fact I will have to travel to a hospital that's about 50 mins away because my local isn't consultant led anymore. I think a move is on the cards.

[pigletmania]

It happened on the 17th Jan of this year. Tbh as soon as bleeding stopped with started having sex. Oh no you have been in the wars. I have been a bit down with the MC, I feel that is it because I am a bad mum that this is happening to me (I have a dd 3.11 years)karma and all that.

[aMuminwaiting]

I don't know you but I'm sure you're not a bad mum. If you were then you wouldn't even be worrying would you? I have thought it was all down to being a bad daughter/sister/wife/friend. But I know that none of us are perfect, we all make mistakes and if we have people who love us then we cant be all that bad can we? Plus there's people out there who abuse, kill, never wanted their children and they were still able to have them.
I'm clinging to the hope that things often happen for a reason and although I wanted my babies with all my heart, they were physically unable to develop properly and the pain I feel at losing them will make me appreciate the baby I get to keep all the more.
On day 23 of this cycle and no ovulation on my monitor yet so it looks like it's going to be some wait for my baby!
Hope you're feeling better about yourself today. I don't know if you're like me; one day as low as can be, the next feeling more positive, and like a yo yo all the time.

[pigletmania]

I know aMuminwaiting but in my distorted mind I feel its something I've done wrong, mabey I dont deserve another child. But then I hear of people who have abused, killed, neglected their children having lots of children, I feel it cant be so. That right, thats what I also think, if the baby were to be born, they might die soon after birth, so mabey its not meant to be. Yes I do feel that way at times, one day I will be so angry and sad, especially after reading another FB update that somebody if pg, than I will feel more positve, especially when dd is playing up that mabey this is not the right time as she is still quite a handful. However there may never be a right time to have another chid.

[babypops]

amuminwaiting sorry for your loss, I had a mc in october and my periods are still not 'normal' even though they were never normal to begin with.

Have you thought of having private scans that monitor you cycle just to get an idea of what is going on I know a clinic near me doe this just an idea.

www.proscan-uk.com/fertility-tests.htm

Good luck I hope everything works out for you.

[aMuminwaiting]

Hi
So sorry you've been there too.
I can't afford private testing. My parents were going to give me some money for some but they've spent it now.
My consultant made me feel I'd be helped far more this time but they talked like I'd be pregnant in a flash and I'm not. I'm actually on CD27 and have been getting high days on my monitor since CD10. Doesn't look like I'm ovulating so all the sex in the world won't get me pregnant!
So fed up.

[aMuminwaiting]

Day 28 down to low again. So I guess I didn't ovulate at all and now am waiting for my period to show. Does this mean I'll get alight one? I've never had a light period before.

[minxi]

Hi there I had a mc last March - nearly a year on and my cycles all over the place -had scan at 12 weeks and baby had died at 11.5 wks, had erpc and first 7 months cycles were only 24 days long with bits of spotting etc then they have gone to 37 - 44 days - with about 15 days full on bleeding, currently on day 38 with spotting last week or so - just waiting for af to get going properly which is so annoying!... I have had the day 3 tests and scans privately in December as bleeding was so horrendous but nothing wrong.. had the day 21 test and prog showed no ov as I am charting I am also sure didn't ov this month though other signs were there of pains etc - very confusing! My dr has now given me clomid to 'fix' the ovulation but I am reluctant to take it as really dont want twins (have 3 dc already!) Have just ordered some prog cream to mimic that and fertility monitor the lot - if nothing next couple months will try the clomid /out ttc... oh I'm not sure any advice woudl be great.... oh plus I have just turned 39!! eek!!

So I cant help either just never had cycles like this was always 28 - 30 days regularly!! HELP!

[aMuminwaiting]

Hi minxi
It's so frustrating isn't it that there's not more we can do. I've tried talking to so many people including my midwife aunt but keep being told to hold on and my body will sort itself out. If my body was capable of sorting itself out I'd have a baby by now!
No one has ever mentioned Clomid before. Maybe because I was ovulating until now and it just took ages to get pregnant. I might mention it to my GP.
Your AF sounds a nightmare. I've always had very heavy periods and wear night towels all through, well two lengthways at night. I flood and have terrible cramps but it's what I'm used to so never really worried about it. Since trying to have a baby though it's become my obsession. I have spotted and worse flooded with blood in my first pregnancy and spotted a couple of days before losing my second. I'm convinced there's a link between heavy periods and miscarriage but both consultants said there's no link at all.
Were your periods very heavy before your miscarriage?

[minxi]

Hi muminwaiting It is frustrating... my periods before mc were light 4-5 day normal and 28 days or so long! And they were like that for years for as long as I can remember.. I had never had a heavy period for 10 dys+ ever so very weird for me! But as I say last yr v strange! :( Will write more tomo xx

[minxi]

Also wanted to say soooo sorry for your losses xx

[aMuminwaiting]

CD38, no ovulation and according to the monitor I was due on two days ago. Yesterday I had a very light brown tinge when I wiped so I thought I'd come on but today nothing. In fact thinking about it the times I've spotted this month is after big bowel movement (sorry if tmi) so that could just be from strain. If I don't have a period to speak of how can I set my monitor for the next month?!

[aMuminwaiting]

Sorry it's actually CD37 and the faintest of lines came up on my HCG test. DH thinks its evaporation line. Please let it be positive in a few days!!!