Hi
I have just had my first miscarriage, I was just under 8 weeks pregnant, and to be honest it was horrible.
I feel like I have lost a child I already had, I have cried, and grieved these last few days, like someone died. Well for me someone did, and that was my baby.
I don't know if she was a girl or he was a boy, I have no idea what he or she would have looked like or who she or would have become, but I feel so sad, because this was my baby, my first baby, and I was so looking forward to becoming a mum.
It feels like a real death, properly hurting, but with a miscarriage there are no bereavement cards or funeral to be had, no one but me got to really feel and know my baby and I was the only one who felt like she or he was alive.
Two weeks ago I had a bleed and went to A&E for a scan. At six weeks I could see a small shape with a heartbeat - at that time just concentrating on growing and living - for most people that was 'just an embryo' but what I saw was my baby and all the potential he or she could be. They said that the baby was fine and to take it easy.
On Sunday morning having bled heavily and experienced severe pain all night, I was told the baby was gone, but that the miscarriage was incomplete. The rest of this week has been about coming to terms with losing my baby, resting as much as I can, and letting mother nature finish the process already started and taking pain killers.
I feel so sad and empty at the moment: I know we can try again and I don't think I am going to be able to settle properly until I actually have a baby now.
I suppose I just needed to let this off my chest, I am sad and hurting at the moment and feel really really rubbish. I know like any bereavement it will pass and I will move forward, but I did not expect to feel such a huge loss over this, a baby I had only seen on a screen as a small growing embryo, but it feels so much like I have lost a child I already had.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
lost first baby
10 replies
purpleglowspider · 30/11/2010 15:07
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