Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any medical concerns do consult your GP.

Perimenopause and lack of confidence

(18 Posts)
slowandfrumpy Fri 30-Sep-16 22:09:17

Dear All,
I wondered if anyone had found that during the perimenopause they suffered from a crashing lack of confidence.
It has come upon me suddenly the last two years. I find that I don't trust my own judgement anymore and as a result have found myself in two bad business situations (I felt that the people I was working with were highly ineffective, but instead of blaming them, blamed myself and kept apologising: one of them subsequently went bankrupt and the second cost loads of money and didn't deliver, so my instincts were right).
I feel ugly and frumpy and invisible, and not good enough. But not good enough on quite a profound level; I feel as if it makes sense that I don't have a partner because I'm unattractive and who would want me. And yet, I know intellectually rI'm not worse than anyone else who HAS found a partner. In the last two years three of the closest people to me, who have been single for years, have also found partners, and it makes me feel even more freakish. I have a lovely family, and an excellent and happy relationship with my children. I don't have any big problems. But I don't feel like myself. Also, for the first time in years, I feel a bit lonely. And it makes me sad that I a single and have been for so long, and that my body is withering on the vine before I've had a chance to share it with someone (I've been single for years now). I feel a bit sorry for myself and that hasn't happened to me... ever before. I've noticed that my close friend who is also going through the menopause has also become highly anxious recently and occasionally depressed, so I'm wondering:
could this be related to hormonal changes.
and is HRT likely to make any difference?

slowandfrumpy Fri 30-Sep-16 22:21:51

And I'm very peri menopausal. three periods in the las year and hot flushes galore, and very little sleep, often disrupted, and weight gain.

ExitPursuedBySpartacus Fri 30-Sep-16 22:23:32

Waves.

MorrisZapp Fri 30-Sep-16 22:25:10

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? Have you asked the dr about hormones and stuff?

slowandfrumpy Fri 30-Sep-16 22:28:13

50.
yes.
she has given me HRT sequi patches, but I've put off using them.

slowandfrumpy Fri 30-Sep-16 22:28:28

thanks for answering!

ExitPursuedBySpartacus Fri 30-Sep-16 22:30:25

I would imagine at 50 it is full blown menopause. Embrace it and move on.

PollyPerky Fri 30-Sep-16 22:33:42

Sorry you are so down Slow.

Give the HRT a go and see how you are.

Can you make some small changes to give yourself a boost? Maybe a new hairstyle, a make up make over, a healthy eating plan? Don't want to sound patronising and you may not want or need to do any of this - but if you can eat well, exercise and get the HRT sorted you might feel like a new woman!

buckingfrolicks Fri 30-Sep-16 22:35:13

Yes absolutely that sense of self doubt sounds familiar to me.

On the plus side, it can be a prelude to inner growth and a new stronger sense of who you are. Good luck. It does get better honestly! (Im 52 no period for 18 months and now I feel so very much better about everything about myself)

slowandfrumpy Fri 30-Sep-16 22:37:24

I'm really keen to know if other people have suffered this kind of confidence loss during peri-menopause/menopause?

Dorje Fri 30-Sep-16 22:44:33

Of course we have slow, that's why we take HRT grin

Life's too short to go through below par. I love my hrt, and was wary of taking it as I'm 48 but had the same symptoms as you. Within a few days of taking it I was back to my fantastic self.

Pop over to the menopause board and have a chat with like minded souls. Plenty of advice about hrt there too. Chin up!

Dorje Fri 30-Sep-16 23:02:36

That's Menopausematters board as well as here blush

A few questions:
What's stopping you from taking the hrt prescribed for you?

Are you in denial about your age? It is a big change isn't it- have you come to terms with this "second spring" in your life? Had you made some assumptions about your life, like, "by 50 I'll have my own yacht" etc etc?
Or are just in the throes of confusion about it? Do you feel you were prescribed the right hrt? Did your GP treat you kindly or just shove a script your way?

Or are you just feeling like decisions are difficult to make about anything?

All of the above are symptoms of the menopause. It's difficult to see the wood for the trees with crashing fatigue, poor concentration, feelings of loss, low moods and physical symptoms such as aching joints, heat flashes, sweating, new odours, loss of balance, itching skin and headaches etc. etc.

I wonder if you gave yourself three months hrt trial and then made a decision about it would it be of benefit? I bet you'd stay on it.

Certainly for me I was struggling for about two years until I bit the bullet and went to my GP. I had lots of advice and support on here about what type of hrt to take and what tests to ask for, so I feel like I've got the best treatment for me. I love my hrt, I feel human again... like the enchanted castle inhabitants in beauty and the beast!

I recognise looking back that I had disordered thinking / low mood/ inertia as a result of chronically low oestrogen and I was so glad to have help and advice here about how to get hrt and get back on track. The hrt I'm prescribed is very like yours- oestradiol patches and gel are similar but a different presentation. I like the oestrogen transdermal gel I'm using- like the patches it has very few side effects.

Have you any specific concerns about hrt that is stopping you from using it? Maybe have a look at Menopause-matters website and keep chatting here.

slowandfrumpy Sat 01-Oct-16 00:09:43

Thanks for your advice, all.
I think maybe I"ll give the patches a go...
The tipping point was last month when an ex I see regularly (and with whom I'm on good terms) took my friend aside and asked what had happened to me.
He then sent me a message saying he hoped to see the old me back next time we met.
He couldn't get over how much I kept apologising and doubting my own opinion.

PollyPerky Sat 01-Oct-16 07:54:31

Slow I don't recognise the psychological aspect of this personally but that doesn't mean it doesn't affect other women. I DO think that some women spiral into a middle aged 'decline' which can be a combo of empty-nest syndrome, weight gain and loss of direction with life generally. I mean, your user name itself needs changing, if it depicts how you feel about yourself!
I can only speak for me but I think being 50+ is a great opportunity for all women to re-assess their lives and think how they want to live the next 40 years! I re-trained for something at 50+, gained new qualifications, fulfilled a couple of personal career ambitions, and didn't feel age was an issue. Life's not all plain sailing- I've got very elderly, very long distance parents and the worry of my adult DCs jobs, their relationships etc.
I suppose what I'm saying is don't let the menopause become a reason or overwhelming factor in your life for feeling gloomy. Do something to help yourself.
I find that exercise outside keeps me sane. Since I was diagnosed with low bone density some years ago, I have walked 2-3 miles most days- I live in a semi rural place- and just getting outside in the country away from it all is a real mood booster.

MirabelleTree Sat 01-Oct-16 22:17:26

This is a common topic of conversation amongst my friends (mid to late forties) so you're not alone.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Sun 02-Oct-16 19:22:26

100% yes! DS Scout meeting location was changed last week at the last minute and I burst into tears because I was uncertain about the parking arrangements! My friend is full-blown menopausal and she says the same. Although I think it's more a general low-level anxiety for me, rather than lack of confidence, which sometimes flares up into a crying jag or just paralysis. I hate it.

AndreaJane11 Fri 14-Oct-16 19:54:06

Peri and menopause can be hard work. I am 48 and I am in peri. We have estrogen receptors all over our body and when we get older and our hormones get low and unbalanced it can create anxiety, feelings of depression and lack of confidence. I have felt this also. I try and eat a good diet with fruit and vegetables and not much bread. Also no sugar. Sugar can make you depressed. I like Maca powder which is a superfood to help with hormone balance. I take fish oils and high strength evening primrose oil which helps with mood. Clary Sage essential oil helps with hot flashes and you will feel more relaxed using it too. Hope that helps you

MrsPooch15 Mon 17-Oct-16 18:22:32

I'm feeling exactly the same, I have little confidence in myself anyway and now it's worse than ever.
I cry at the drop of a hat, have very low self esteem and I'm scared this will carry on until I'm finally through this awful time.
Got a GP appointment in a weeks time and I'm praying something can be done for me.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now