Am I peri-menopausal??? Or is it a midlife crisis or is it the same thing????

[stevienicks]

Hi there, have been reading all your posts with interest and have been to my GP where I used to live and where i live now to test me to see if I am and they have both refused saying my hormones will read one day I am and the next I am not. I have been feeling down for about 5 years now on and off, thinking its my job, where I live thats making me unhappy, my DH. So I moved house, relocated to the south west, left my job as I couldn't cope with all the traveling and the stress of the job and still feel unfulfilled. My poor DH thinks its him but I only feel really bad about 3 weeks of the month and 1 week I am ok. Me periods are feeling as if they are getting closer, I can't loose weight, I am really heavy for the first 3 days then it suddenly stops. I don't have hot flushes, sex drive very low and has been for a few years I just put it down to having two DC's and working part-time. Its still low even though am not working. The more I read the more I think I am peri. I have always been rubbish with hormones like the pill etc so not sure hrt would help me,any advice to help me get out of this hell????? I am 43 and felt like this since about 38 yrs approx.

[Ameliagrey]

Hi thre

From what you have written, it's impossible to know if you are suffering from middle age doom and gloom ( and maybe mild depression) , and some kind of emotional lack of fulfilment, or low hormones. Low sex drive can be directly linked to depression, so it's hard to say.
Have you had a really honest look at your life- work, home, DH, etc to try to work out if it's any of them that is making you feel down? If you are unhappy with any of that, then find some professional help to get it sorted- counselling, life coaching, whatever.

If it' s peri meno then I think you are being fobbed off by drs. They can do tests but you need 2 in a month- one on days 1-3, then another after day 14. If i were you, I'd push for some tests first. You should chart your symptoms and length of cycle, and bleeding for maybe another 3 months, then go back to GP for advice.

[stevienicks]

Hi Ameliagrey, thank you for your reply. I think you are right re the doctors fobbing me off, all I got was my blood tested for tyroid and iron which were both fine. I am on my own a lot with two dc's while DH works away 4 days a week and refuses to transfer to a job nearer home. I asked him what his future plans were recently and he said he didn't have any, which I thought was odd. He then retorted with its obvioulsy me so put the house on the market and go our seperate ways. Which I then said er no I will stay in the house and you can move on, the conversation quickly ended at that point. I am slowly trying to sort out what it is that causes the most grief. So it appears I will have to put up with DH working away most of the week, me on my own doing everything forever how long unt

[stevienicks]

sorry DS decided to mess about with my computer. Until DH decides he wants to move jobs. I keep thinking maybe I just pack up the DC's move back to where I came from and start again without him and go back to my job, which I am on a sabatical from. The DC's love it where we are and love there school so its a tough one.

[stevienicks]

Will also follow up the perimenapause thing with the doctors or may go and see an expert, as read a book recently and I have a lot of symptoms they describe.

[Ameliagrey]

I'm not surprised youf eel down with all that going on in the background.

Your DH does not sound at all supportive- and it's not a surprise you don't feel sexual if he behaves like this towards you.

Maybe you need to put some practical things in place- see your GP again, and book yourelf some counselling to help find the way forward?

[stevienicks]

Thank you for your reply, I have never tried counselling, always thought if you went down that road too many people get involved if you go through your doctor. I have tried speaking to my DH but it doesn't really help, of course he expects his congical rights when he returns home, (not in the middle ages anymore are we!!!!) I would rather have a glass of wine and watch the tv to be honest.

[Ameliagrey]

There's no need for anyone to know you are having counselling- just book an appt.

Try //www.bacp.co.uk or //www.relate.co.uk

Relate even does email and phone sessions.

I'm sorry- but if your DH is demanding sex and you don't feel like it he's being a complete bastard and you have to ask why you put up with this kind of behaviour. It's certainly not loving behaviour.

Have you thought about airing any of this on the Relationships forum here?

[Ameliagrey]

Sorry- the Relate site is //www.relate.org.uk the other one takes you to a dating site

[Divinyl]

Hello,

I am so sorry you are feeling this way, and confused about what is at the bottom of it. That's me too. Doctors are trying to tell me I'm depressed but I have been depressed before and I am positive this is a different thing, so they're suggesting Prozac and I am trying to avoid this by other avenues. I have not made huge breakthroughs yet but I am trying - currently using progesterone cream as a main thing which is helpful for 80% of the time but I feel rotten without it. Like you, my iron and thyroid are fine according to blood tests but I did do a saliva tests and most hormones are really out of kilter. Personally I think Prozac would be a red herring in that situation.

Anyway, I was going to suggest you read 'What your Doctor won't tell you about menopause' by John Lee, and perhaps look up Dr Michael Lam's site covering adrenal fatigue and cortisol balance. I have found both of these helpful and illuminating but can understand not everyone would agree, each to their own. It does say that evena good while before menopause, you can feel major changes in that area.

[Ameliagrey]

Progesterone makes you miserable. Recent news this week that women on POP are more likely to suffer depression. Oestrogen perks you up! After meno you have practically no progesterone in your body - but it's the lack of oestrogen that causes low mood and other physical symptoms.

[Viperidae]

I agree with your doctor about the hormone tests; my understanding is that hormones vary dramatically within hours so results are often meaningless whether they tell you anything or not.

I don't know what the answer is for you, it sounds as though you have a lot of stress going on so I wouldn't rule out the depression option.

Speaking personally, I had a lot of "hormoney" issues and the more I focussed on them, the worse they were getting so I decided to focus on making myself healthier with food, supplements, exercise, etc rather than on the symptoms and they now seem a lot more manageable.