South African Safari ....Oh No, I've upset my hubby. HELP !!!!!

(64 Posts)
Tillyboo Fri 23-Nov-12 20:49:45

My dh really wants us to go on a 9 day trip to Safari with out 9yo dd to South Africa. He knows I don't want to do this but is convinced I'd love it. I don't want to go. He's got a luxury co. to prepare an itinerary staying in two luxury lodge resorts to tempt me BUT I really, really don't want to go. It's a lovely thought &

I'm lucky enough to have the opportunity and I feel guilty now but I am firm on the fact. I also wondering if it's a suitable holiday for a 9yo girl who won't have any peers around her to keep her company or play with ...

I'd really appreciate some thoughts or experiences on this. Am I being unreasonable ? I wouldn't push my hubby into doing something if I knew he didn't want to/ have an interest in, just because I did.
Should I feel guilty ?
Am I denying my dh & dd.
Agh ! I was expecting this to come up sooner or later ...

LittleBairn Fri 21-Dec-12 11:22:55

Tilly I totally get the issue.
My DH LOVES cruises, went on many before we met. He constantly tries to put presure on me to 'just try one' but if I know I will hate it then why should I?

One of my reasons is the whole noro virus issue everytime I weaken a little it pops back up on the news about a ship in lockdown.

I for one would absoulutely love a Northen Lights sort of holiday (I too remember the Joannna Lumly program!) but DH refuses to consider it, if its cold when your on Holiday then its not a holiday in his mind.

Marriage is about compromise by choosing to bind your life to someone else's there will be compromise therefore we might not get our 'dream' holiday.

Tillyboo Thu 20-Dec-12 00:47:37

I'd just like to say thank you to those who offered constructive replies whether they agreed with me or not, especially GlobeDU for your very concise advice.

Tillyboo Thu 20-Dec-12 00:45:26

Holla .. I am NOT spoilt ! Do not judge. You do not know the facts surrounding this opportunity. I could share the reasons but will choose to stay dignified and keep my silence.

The subject of the holiday has not been broached since & that's the way I'd like to keep it.

Question for you, would you do something you were really against doing ?

givemeaclue Fri 30-Nov-12 12:27:34

What did the op decide in the end?

Dustylaw Wed 28-Nov-12 23:28:45

Please look up Ant's Nest and Horizon (both v close to each other in the Waterberg region of South Africa) and call either In the Saddle or Aardvark. You can have safety, luxury, fun, safari, horse riding and a great family holiday.

legalalien Mon 26-Nov-12 13:23:56

We went to the western cape for a week with ds aged 7, it was great ( whales and sharks not big 5). I have bookmarked this place as being child friendly if I ever get a chance to do the safari thing

www.tripadvisor.co.uk/ShowUserReviews-g471868-d507256-r143888244-Tuningi_Safari_Lodge-Madikwe_Game_Reserve_North_West_Province.html#REVIEWS

From what I can gather the big issue with taking children, apart from malaria drugs etc, is that the game drives take place early morning and evening and there's a fair bit of down time in between. This place is malaria free and promises to occupy kids during the day.

So does ours - which is why we argue.,

Not to SA of course. That would be silly. DH stays at home with him.

<organised>

VicarInaTutu Mon 26-Nov-12 12:52:58

ours comes with us. smile

Congratulations on enjoying family holidays.

We always argue. Mainly about the dog.

VicarInaTutu Mon 26-Nov-12 12:46:36

*it

VicarInaTutu Mon 26-Nov-12 12:46:04

wail.

this thread is making me feel skint.

we didnt have any holiday this year. It must be nice to have this type of dilemma while holiday planning - i am hoping that we will get a week as a family next year but i will be in devon, but i would just appreciate some time away with the family to enjoy each others company.

Wail

This thread is making me nostalgic.

I love the Kruger.

I have the SANParks webcams as a favourite on my laptop and spend many happy hours watching the wildlife.

GlobeDU Mon 26-Nov-12 12:16:08

Hi Tillyboo,

As a tour operator based in South Africa I thought I would give you some assistance with some constructive information regarding travelling in South Africa.

A Safari doesnt have to be a bad/boring experience. There are many kinds of safari's available in South Africa and a number of these are tailored for families with children. My advise if you are worried about having to wait to see animals or malaria is to rather choose a safari destination that is
a- not in a malaria area of South Africa
b- a reserve that is not too far away from other attractions that all members of the family will enjoy
c- take into consideration the weather during the time you are wanting to visit South Africa (remember that the rainy season is different from the Western Cape vs the rest of the country)

A good way of experiencing a safari but at the same time enjoying the shops/beaches/sight-seeing and more is to choose a destination like Cape Town/Stellenbosch OR Port Elizabeth OR outskirts of Durban OR outskirts of Pretoria/Johannesburg.

Personally I would suggest Cape Town/Stellenbosch due to the wide range of things to do for both adults and children and then have a day or weekend trip to a nearby Game Reserve. This way, you are also able to let your dh & dd go for the safari adventure whilst you go for the pamper-treatment, but at the same time being able to enjoy a family holiday together with the rest of the activities/attractions.

Feel free to contact me if you would like suggestions or help with this.
You are also welcome to visit http://www.globe-d-u.com/packages/south-africa/western-cape.html for ideas of what all you can do/see when in Cape Town/Stellenbosch if you choose this option :-)

Just remember that a family vacation needs to be tailored in a way that each family member gets a chance to do what they like most but at the same time include things that the family as a whole can enjoy together too.

MorrisZapp Mon 26-Nov-12 11:31:39

How rude are you, Holla?

Personally I wouldn't go on a safari even if it was free. I would hate it. Holidays are meant to be fun.

Backinthebox Mon 26-Nov-12 11:27:37

I have your holiday problems solved for you!

1. Your husband wants to go on safari, you want to go riding. Why not go here? There is nothing like waiting for a giraffe to appear while you are on a horse - terrifying and fabulous all at the same time.

2. Your husband likes skiing, you want to see the Northern Lights. You can ski (a bit) here. A good skier will make the most of the waist deep champagne powder beside the pistes in the trees or hone their tricks on the kilometre-long natural half-pipe. But the atmosphere is amazing and there are lots of other snowy things to do. I've seen the Northern Lights here too, and they are jaw-dropping.

If I were you, I would be agreeing to compromise on both things. Agree to an African adventure if you can go off riding when you get there, but he has to give up the pure skiing holiday for this in order that you can see the Northern Lights.

I'll just add that I resisted going to see a family member in a very difficult to get to place for years as I didn't want to go. Its a place that is not considered very child-friendly. I've just got back from a few days there with 5yo DD, and wondered why we didn't go sooner! I had my mind changed about the place and can't wait to go back with 2yo DS next time! It's sometimes worth stepping outside of your comfort zone.

ZZZenAgain Mon 26-Nov-12 11:12:48

There were however 3 of us dc in the family. If you are worried about your dd feeling isolated, I am not sure what you can do other than travelling with another family or taking a friend along with you. Could you check whether there are other families with dc booked already?

ZZZenAgain Mon 26-Nov-12 11:08:13

As a child, I did a great deal of this kind of thing, though less organised and it was perfectly normal for us so we did not question it; and to this day, I remember a great deal of what we saw and experienced, so I think your dd would enjoy it.

Your husband has looked into a luxury safari you said, so I think even if you are not particularly keen on driving about and looking at the wildlife , perhaps you would still really enjoy the socialising, the meals, the perhaps quite unusual places you will stay in. If you have not been to Africa before, the sunrise is quite spectacular and I think you could really enjoy the main part of your trip, even if the actual days spent watching wildlife don't interest you much.

If you enjoy riding holidays, I wonder if you could combine the two, spend some time after the safari staying in a nice place with good trails?

dinkystinky Mon 26-Nov-12 10:12:45

Why doesnt your DH go on holiday with your DD then, and do the safari, and you go on a riding holiday with your friends elsewhere at the same time? Or is it the fact that you all have to go together?

I went to South Africa with DH when pregnant with DS1 - we did 4 days safari (chose which drives we wanted to go on, chilled at luxury lodge the rest of the time), 4 days whale watching and capetown then the garden route (DH enjoyed making the most of the vineyards with a built in designated driver on holiday) and it was wonderful - but I wanted to do each part of that holiday.

theoriginalandbestrookie Mon 26-Nov-12 10:08:49

Ok so OP you have outlined your dream holiday and it sounds like you want your DH and DD to be there with you.

Can you do both - northern lights next year to get the best of them, then safari the next ?

I know you aren't keen to do the safari, but its your DH's dream and it just seems a bit well churlish to try to replace it with your dream when presumably you can afford to do both.

If you are fed up with holidays you don't enjoy then skip the ski holiday - your DD should be old enough to be fairly self sufficient in ski school during the day but it sounds like your DH wants you to be there with him on safari and surely it can't be that much of a torture for you !

HollaAtMeBaby Mon 26-Nov-12 00:15:20

OMG this is such a first world problem! You sound unbelievably spoilt. It's one holiday of what sounds like a lifetime of luxury trips (skiing, Lapland at Christmas, riding holidays). It is your DH's dream and it will be wonderful for your DD. Have a few days in Cape Town too if that'll make this hideous trauma more bearable for you, lots of lovely spas, beaches and shops etc for you there hmm

MrsMushroom Mon 26-Nov-12 00:04:58

I hate the heat...hate dust...hate being in "rough terrain" generally. Maybe the OP is like me? I also have minimal interest in wild animals.

VicarInaTutu Sun 25-Nov-12 23:09:37

what a terrible terrible dilemma...

Tillyboo Sun 25-Nov-12 23:03:09

I'm not a party pooper or adverse to another type of holiday, I just don't want to go on safari !
For example, The Northern Lights/ Lapland at Christmas. Myself & my dd absolutely love Christmas & I think it'd be magical for her ....twinkly lights everywhere, log cabins with an open fire, snow, husky rides (we all love dogs), reindeer/ horse sleigh rides (myself & dd love horses & reindeers), DH loves the snowy environments & activities, so I'm thinking this would be very memorable.
We're currently in the most active period as the the lights apparantly run in cycles every 11 years for 3 yrs. So, up until Dec 2013, it's likely we'll get the best show.

I remember seeing Joanna Lumley lying in the snow looking up at the night sky flickering with the most gorgeous colours & that's stayed with me ever since smile

LittleBearPad Sun 25-Nov-12 19:48:16

What is it about safari's that you don't like? Can't you go this time and pick the next holiday.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 25-Nov-12 08:17:24

Where would you like to go Tillyboo ? You don't want to go on safari and you don't like skiing - what would be your idea of a dream holiday?

I get what you are saying but I can't see why you are so grumpy about it.

It seems that your family is lucky enough to be able to afford luxury holidays and it is a special ambition of your DH's to go on safari. I think it would be a brilliant holiday for a 9 yr old to go on and whilst you are a bit meh about it maybe it would change once you saw the animals up close. It would be a bit of a shame if DD was to miss out on the opportunity to go on safari.

Perhaps your DH could compromise by giving up the ski trip this year or doing it on his own as a lads trip, or you could say what you really wanted to do and the family could do that as the next holiday.

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