I cannot bear how mundane this life is!!!

(36 Posts)
positively9something Wed 29-Jan-14 19:07:18

I'm so fed up of rushing to work, rushing to collect dd! Rushing to make dinner rushing to get her in the bath and bed.

I'm fed up of having to do all cooking and cleaning then dd just comes in and throws clothes on the floor or leaves crap around (although I understand it's not her fault she is only little). I'm also fed up of having to paint my house and do DIY!

But more than anything I fed up of sitting at home every single evening bored because I have to be stuck indoors as dd needs to be in bed at that time.

I eat lots of crap in the evenings because I'm bored and fed up and drink wine alone like a saddo 1-2 times per week at the moment!

How the hell am I meant to enjoy life like this? I really want something that is enjoyable for me, but I either don't have the time or money!

It's just so frustrating and now I've even started crying about it this evening! Errrr confused

ivykaty44 Wed 29-Jan-14 19:11:11

Didn't want to read and run. I do empathises as have brought up dd2 alone since birth and worked

How old is your DC?

positively9something Wed 29-Jan-14 19:50:41

Thanks, I know there's not really anything anyone can say or do I just needed to get it off my chest as it's all got ontop of me!

My dd is 6 and is generally quite well behaved so it's not anything to do with her it's just how I feel! So fed up!

How old are your dcs?

JeanSeberg Wed 29-Jan-14 19:53:35

Never sit down in the evening without a plan:

- jigsaw
- box set
- learn the language you've always wanted to speak
- learn to play bridge/backgammon/chess* (replace with game of choice)
- read the classic novels you never got round to
- review your love of knitting/sewing/piano

You get the picture I'm sure.

Mrswellyboot Wed 29-Jan-14 19:54:40

Can you pay a babysitter op, even once a fortnight? Hope you are ok flowers

NoEgowoman Wed 29-Jan-14 19:56:02

You're just at the start of the years where you can meet up with people, invite other mothers round to chat while children play on a Saturday evening find other ways to socialize. Over time you find people who are also on their own, not always all of the time but certain parts of the week or weekend I think.

geologygirl Wed 29-Jan-14 20:02:19

I feel the same and empathise! My ds is nearly 3 and have been alone since he was about 9mths. I work FT and its always rushing around from one thing to the next.

I miss every works drinks etc due to no babysitter and its lonely at times....no social life whatsoever!

ivykaty44 Wed 29-Jan-14 20:10:10

Go to meet ups online, that way you can meet up with people if your DC goes on a sleep I over

Buddy up with anyone else for sleep over so you can have some nights out and meet people but not in a pressured way of dating

At six I used to do swimming or cinema late afternoon and a pizza out afterwards as a treat so it was a shorter evening at home

I also used to do a library visit one evening a week so it was a shorter evening, how sad was I?

Mine are now 15 and left home age! But I still do a lot with dd and we are close all three of us

positively9something Wed 29-Jan-14 20:35:24

Jean - I see what you mean smile I don't think I'm very good at doing the types of things you listed I always feel I should be doing something useful and if I'm not I just sit looking at rubbish on the internet.

positively9something Wed 29-Jan-14 20:38:07

Mrswelly - I can't afford a babysitter, my mum is nearby and will have dd if I need her to, but I don't like her being out during the week as she has school and I also find that as I never have any spare time the few times I do have a day or evening to myself I have nothing to do as I don't have much of a social life!

positively9something Wed 29-Jan-14 20:40:41

Noego - I do have a couple if friends that I meet up with that have kids! We go out or having evenings in with Wine while the kids play. It's just that the while week seems so boring and lonely.

Sorry I know I'm sounding miserable, I'm not normally like this. Actually nearly everyone I know thinks I'm always happy and smiling lol

positively9something Wed 29-Jan-14 20:41:41

Geology - it's just so hard and bring all at the same time isn't it

positively9something Wed 29-Jan-14 20:44:02

Ivy - I know the library thing sounds quite sad, but on Sunday we popped into the library quickly to get a book dd needed for school and there were a few mums and kids just chilling out in the library. I thought I might give it a try sometime as dd loves reading and I also like to read if I find a good book.

ivykaty44 Wed 29-Jan-14 20:45:35

The few times you do have free time you have nothing to do

That's where something like meet up comes in where you can dip in and out of a social life and its on tap, suddenly if you can't make it its fine or suddenly you have a free night you can go out and join in and have fun

positively9something Wed 29-Jan-14 21:35:33

What sort of meet ups? Like mumsnet ones? Or something different?

ivykaty44 Thu 30-Jan-14 06:57:58

Google

Meet ups

There are lots of groups on there I belong to two groups one meets for pub drinks and cinema or bowling, archery and bat spotting

The other meets for board games, cake and chat cinema all sorts of stuff that is inexpensive

JeanSeberg Thu 30-Jan-14 07:00:50

meetup.com

positively9something Thu 30-Jan-14 07:36:24

I've just googled it and had a look. So do you just go along on your own to these things?

I know it sounds silly but I feel like it might be a bit cringy confused

I'm good at talking to people etc but things like this I've never done and I'm not sure about it. I feel like I might be left standing there like an oddball grin

bibliomania Thu 30-Jan-14 13:44:15

I've been to a couple of meetup things, and it's really not like that. The thing is that you've met because you have a common interest (walking, cinema, books or whatever) so the conversation just flows, people really do make an effort to talk to newcomers. Chances are you won't be the only new person either.

ivykaty44 Thu 30-Jan-14 13:55:45

It is a really good way to have a social life when you are single and don't always know whether you can get out and about - as you can cancel at the last minute if something comes up and no babysitter without letting people down and you can join in last minute if you get some free time rather than kicking your heels

It is friendly and remember everyone is coming align on their own you are not surrounded by couples and with 40 people in a pub at the same meeting there are plenty of people to talk to etc smile

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple Thu 30-Jan-14 21:48:12

Very good advice JaneSeberg!

Divinity Fri 31-Jan-14 10:26:34

Is your DD helping you with the cleaning/tidying? She may only be able to do a little but it does help eg putting her dirty clothes in the laundry basket, putting her plates in the dishwasher, helping you when you dust (mine love wet wipes as they can see the muck they've cleaned up). It does make a difference.

milkysmum Thu 13-Mar-14 06:33:42

Just wanted to say hi. I am 2 weeks in to being a single parent. I have dd age 5 and ds age 2. Just googled the meet up site and looks interesting although due to living in a small northern village there isn't an awful lot going on near me!

Handywoman Thu 13-Mar-14 09:32:28

How's everything Milkysmum? Hope you are ok

Dodo7 Thu 13-Mar-14 22:06:55

Milkysmum, I totally get you. Few years back my ex was considering for us all to move up North, where most of his family lives. Boy, am I glad now I put my foot down on this one! It was bad enough to move out of London into the sleepy suburbs, but I get it - the kids have so much more for that. Yet again, I'm in commutable distance to London and few other cities, now that I'm on my own and dreading the evenings at home; at least I know the city life isn't too far away and I can get out whenever I can't stand yet another lonely evening at home.
Would moving closer to a bigger town be an option for you, Milkysmum?

AbleAble Thu 13-Mar-14 22:20:00

Looked at meetup.com. Nothing round where i am. Nearest ones are the city 50 miles away.

OP my life's like yours. It's boring and upsetting. I can't get babysitters and have no family.

The weekday nights are tiring and once ds is in bed (he's 6 too) I just look at the internet and drink wine. Do the washing, hoover a bit, drink wine, look at the internet, tidy his crap off sitting room floor, drink wine, set his breakfast out and clean uniform, set the alarms, drink wine...then go to bed.

Often I don't even bother getting undressed.

AbleAble Thu 13-Mar-14 22:21:35

The idea of doing puzzles and reading all those amazing books I apparently haven't got round to reading just makes me feel even more shit about my life tbh. 6 years, can't work as ds is on DLA and I am his carer.

Yeah right - bring on the puzzles and Ulysses hmm

Aloneandnowwhat Fri 14-Mar-14 05:50:40

Milkysmum I'm a single parent up north. I'm near Darlington, if you're anywhere near let me know.

FrontForward Fri 14-Mar-14 06:07:30

I have spent huge amounts of my life on my own with DC and totally empathise with you. I could cry some nights at being 'trapped in'. It's not even about wanting to meet a man but about exchanging words with another adult!

Now the evenings are light it's better. DD and I walk in the evenings...she takes her skateboard and we chat. We go swimming and we have just started C25K together and tbh I find my evenings really busy now. Still on my own with DD but so busy I don't have time to feel so trapped.

Working is great because I get adult company there. Difficult if you can't do it. The work/child juggle has always been stressful but it does get better. DD is first yr secondary school and life is so much easier now

I agree with a plan for it rather than just wondering on the day what to do. Puzzles, books, cooking, crafts etc are things we've done...learning a new language is on our list but we've not got to it...

piratecat Fri 14-Mar-14 06:23:23

hi it's so boring at times i know.
when my ex dh first left dd was three and saw him at weekends so i was able to go out.
i didn't want to go out i just wanted my husband backsad

then i started to enjoy a bit of time off. but when dd no longer saw him anymore i got really bogged down in the sense of omg this is life As a single mum.
i struggled alot. dd is now 12 and i still have to pinch myself we got there!
ok i don't have an evening social life and regret i am single but that's the way it is.

milkysmum Fri 14-Mar-14 18:10:14

Aloneandnowwhat- thats really kind but I am fair way from you in a village near Chorley. Thank you thoughsmile

Aloneandnowwhat Fri 14-Mar-14 19:01:01

No problem, I'm in the same boat myself so hope you get out and about soon x

milkysmum Fri 14-Mar-14 19:15:57

How old are your dc's alone?

Thetallestsunflower Sun 16-Mar-14 21:38:37

I am the same. Some weeks are better than others depending on what I arrange with friends.
Before Christmas I was lucky as my ex used to have the kids over night one night a week and my parents would often have them another night too. Then firstly my ex was sectioned (he is bipolar) and then my parents were unable to have the kids at theirs due to having building work done.
Its been a hard few months but the end is in site. My ex is recovering from his latest episode and is starting to see the kids again for days and my parent's building work will be finished in a few weeks.
Things like the others have said such as arranging trips to the cinema or park or even library are good as they make the evenings drag less (although homework sometimes prevents this).
I try and get something planned for a weekend night-usually one friend or another will come round with a bottle of wine sometimes with their kids for a sleepover.
It is mundane but I think a lot of it is winter blues...once the lighter nights come along and hopefully a bit more decent weather things will seem better xx

Meglet Sun 16-Mar-14 22:17:06

It's been 5yrs now and the boredom is starting to drive me loopy, the DC's catch me talking to myself quite regularly. It's going to be almost 10yrs until the dc's are old enough to be left for an hour or two in the evenings <<sigh>>.

Life just revolves around school / work / gym / not doing housework etc.

Aloneandnowwhat Mon 17-Mar-14 18:33:05

Milkysmum I have two dcs, almost 3yo ds and 8m old dd

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