Anyone else feel especially lonely on warm summer evenings or is it just me?

(34 Posts)
chickensaladagain Sat 13-Jul-13 22:18:44

?

nkf Sat 13-Jul-13 22:19:13

I know what you mean.

teetering13 Sat 13-Jul-13 22:23:58

Early night with the kindle does it for me :/

*has moment of deja vu grin

susiedaisy Sat 13-Jul-13 22:28:35

I understand you perfectly, everyone else I know are at weddings, beer festivals, holidays! Just me and the kindle again!!!hmm

Hrrrm Sat 13-Jul-13 22:31:21

Totally know what you mean. Feeling a bit envious of everyone's BBQs, trips to the beach, etc as I have no friends and don't drive. sad

27cats Sat 13-Jul-13 22:37:28

Even my younger DS has got a gf now (a teenager), so I feel like a real billy-no-mates! Saturday nights are the worst for me. Mostly I try to distract self but the years of this are grinding me down.

Meglet Sat 13-Jul-13 22:40:28

Yes.

It didn't help that the dc's were little terrors all day. So I had them whinging at me for 12hrs, then silence when they went to bed.

I got the hump as I had to mow the lawn, and I had to drag them to town for a couple of bits, then I had to set out the paddling pool etc..... I think my only respite was being able to read a paragraph of the paper without being bellowed at.

No evening in the pub garden or sitting outside chatting for me.

Chubfuddler Sat 13-Jul-13 22:41:07

You're probably assuming that all couples are having a wonderful family BBQ/romantic evening etc etc. some are, and I'm pleased for them.

But there's an awful lot of people in a couple who are feeling bloody miserable.

teetering13 Sat 13-Jul-13 22:47:57

I got together with another SP today and had a barbie ... so beach, paddling pool, ice cream, barbie .. home. Too knackered to get off my arse and go to bed now grin

Try find people in the same boat ... who want to be round whingey couples anyway :D

chickensaladagain Sat 13-Jul-13 22:52:48

Chubfuddler I'm not assuming that at all

I've done lonely in a relationship

But I can hear fun being had and I literally haven't spoken to anyone all day and its getting me down

Hi chicken. Same minds think alike with the threads. We can both be lonely and bitter together wink

nkf Sun 14-Jul-13 08:15:37

I think the hard thing is you have to plan if you are single. If you are in a couple, there is always someone there. Even if you are getting on badly and on the brink of separation, there is a another adult around with whom you have regular interactions.

You're right. I went for a run this morning but have to organise childcare so I can do it. I can't just pop out for an evening drink or meal with the girls without asking for help. It's being reliant on others that becomes a drag.

NoraLuca Sun 14-Jul-13 15:16:40

Yes! All I can do on warm summer evenings is sit outside with a cuppa and a cigarette and feel sorry for myself (will feel even sorrier when the price of ciggies goes up again!) During the day I try to organise things like teetering - not always possible, mind. But evenings... Until recently H used to take the DDs overnight a couple of times a week, now he's stared a new job that means he can't anymore and I'm always either at work or with the DDs. Don't really have many 'going out' friends anyway... I need someone to come and watch TV with me grin

I'm hoping it gets better when the DC get older, please someone come and confirm this wink

nkf Sun 14-Jul-13 16:03:52

It gets easier as they get older. Definitely. I am almost at that point where I could imagine not using a babysitter and I am inclined to over protective behaviour.

rainbowfeet Sun 14-Jul-13 16:56:21

This issue & a couple of others are really getting me down!! confused

I usually try so hard to hold it all together, try to be strong & think of those worse off than me but I'm beginning to worry for my mental health. Have spent most of the weekend trying to hide my tears from my dd (10).... My over riding feelings are I want to take my bed & not come out for a few weeks or run away to a place where I can start again!! Although scarily a thought keeps popping in my mind that I should be stock piling paracetamol! I want to find the strength that I've had in the past but I'm not managing to!! I'm scared but at least I'm aware of it which is good right?!!

BlueStones Sun 14-Jul-13 17:05:07

((((*rainbowfeet*))))

Those are signs of depression. Have you talked to a professional?

rainbowfeet Sun 14-Jul-13 17:10:21

I just don't feel I can speak to my GP, I'd be too embarrassed, he thinks I'm such a strong person. He has been my GP for years & seen me go through such a lot & I've always said I'm fine & coping, which I have been but I don't know if I can keep the front up much longer & that's what's scaring me

BlueStones Sun 14-Jul-13 17:17:37

Would you feel able to email jo@samaritans.org? If you create a new email address you can do this anonymously:

www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/different-ways-you-can-get-touch/what-happens-when-i-email

You're so not the first to feel like you do, I promise.

rainbowfeet Sun 14-Jul-13 17:58:36

You know I'm on my own with 2 dc's in a flat, no money, no car to go anywhere, my ds's Dad lives in flat above flaunting his new girlfriend & shagging rather loudly not 1 family member of friend has contacted me this weekend let alone offered us a trip out or to go in their garden!!! I messages 1 friend about a night out in a few weeks, no reply but then she puts on fb about a different night out that weekend & tags people she's invited excluding me!!! I just feel like telling everyone to fuck off & getting on a train to somewhere far away!!! I did put on fb that I'm fed up being everyone's last thought but not 1 person even commented. I know there are people worse off than me & I am thankful for my kids & health but fucking hell life is a struggle right now!! confused

rainbowfeet Sun 14-Jul-13 18:02:35

I look at my kids & I know I couldn't do it to them, dd has already lost a sister

WafflyVersatile Sun 14-Jul-13 18:14:00

Why do people assume lonely singles have no idea of relationships, good and bad?

We need a singledom platitude bingo card.

You can be lonely on a relationship

Being in a relationship doesn't solve all your problems

Lots of relationships are unhappy.

You need to love yourself first.

You need to put the effort in to meet someone.

You need to stop trying so hard

I've been happy in relationships and I've been unhappy in relationships. When I am single and unhappy I miss being in a happy relationship.

Why would the fact that some people are unhappy in relationships change that?

BlueStones Sun 14-Jul-13 18:25:18

You're having a really crap time, rainbowfeet. I'm sorry, and I know "advice" can be unhelpful and even annoying when things are so shit.

I understand you don't want to talk to your GP. I would recommend emailing the Samaritans, though, even if just the once. Just knowing that you CAN do that, even if you choose not to do it regularly, can be enough to get you through a miserable week.

rainbowfeet Sun 14-Jul-13 18:31:42

Thank you for reading & replying much appreciated,

Meglet Sun 14-Jul-13 18:41:59

rainbow I'm going a bit mental too. I have no desire to talk to the dc's at the moment and just want to lie in the sun in peace or sleep. They've sucked the energy out of me over the last few years. DD starts school in Sept so I really hope I can start rebuilding my life a bit.

rainbowfeet Sun 14-Jul-13 19:41:52

I have 1 friend who I've told how bad I'm feeling he is being supportive but I haven't the energy to talk anymore, he just keeps saying talk to me, I know he's worried but I'm too drained to talk in RL. I just want to world to disappear

nkf Sun 14-Jul-13 19:44:05

I know there are platitudes but single people do tend to elevate couples. I don't dispute that a good marriage is brilliant but I think miserable single is better than miserable married.

nkf Sun 14-Jul-13 19:45:35

Rainbowfeet, you sound so down. Samaritans are wonderful. You can send an email if you don't want to talk. Write it down. It will pass. Nothing ever stays the same. Feelings pass. Bit hut.

SnoopyLovesYou Sun 14-Jul-13 20:04:34

Rainbow feet no wonder you're
upset especially with your dickhead ex so close by! At least you can be happy that you don't have him around anymore.

My fantastic tip is DON'T LOOK AT FACEBOOK ANYMORE! So depressing!

Then start going places with your kids. Wherever you can. For some fresh air, nature and a change of scenery. Also treats help and making new friends is the best.

Good luck :-)

WafflyVersatile Sun 14-Jul-13 20:18:01

So do I nkf or I would enter into every offer of a relationship no matter how unsuitable.

I'm not 'elevating couples'. I get lonely sometimes when single and miss certain aspects of or general coupledness that I have enjoyed in the past or that I know other people are enjoying that day or generally.

Sorry you are having such a bad time just now rainbow.

Jellykat Sun 14-Jul-13 20:45:09

rainbow Sorry you're having such a crap time, i was in a similar position once.

I agree with Snoopy above, stay away from facebook, generally speaking theres a lot of people on there having a brilliant time, even if they're not..
Have you any parks nearby? i spent many weekends feeding ducks with my 2.. How about checking out if theres any Gingerbread groups near you to possibly meet other lone parents?

rainbowfeet Sun 14-Jul-13 21:39:35

Thank you everyone you are very kind. I am going to the CAB tomorrow to try to find a way to move from this flat. I rent privately, can't afford the dep on a new private let & council have suspended me from housing list although I have a 10 yr old dd & a 17 month old ds by their rules I should be in a 3 bed but only have 2!! They say I'm adequately housed as ds can share with me!!

I think if I could move away from here it would help so much

SnoopyLovesYou Tue 16-Jul-13 14:12:11

Yes moving is sometimes the answer Im renting too and would love a place with a garden :-)

susiedaisy Tue 16-Jul-13 15:42:37

Rainbow I know how you feel, although my exh doesn't live right next to me, he did however try to buy a house about 6 doors down from me with his new women but lucky for me the sale fell through!!
FB can be great for keeping in touch with people who live far away but it's shit when you are feeling low and need a bit of support, I'm a lone parent with zero cash although I do have a car thankfully but apart from work and supermarket I've nowhere in particular to go, and I do try to be cheerful and look to the future make a new life for the dc and me etc etc but god it's bloody hard work! Hope everyone's ok today thanks

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