Where are all the nice men

(117 Posts)
oscarthegrouch Mon 19-Nov-12 23:24:52

My friends all seem to have hit on lucky with their partners it's making me feel lonely!

Are there any nice men left? I never seem to meet any

equinox Tue 20-Nov-12 13:16:25

Well that is a deafening silence hope that answers your question lol.

oscarthegrouch Tue 20-Nov-12 13:30:25

Pmsl haha I know!!! I may join a nunnery

GetAllTheThings Tue 20-Nov-12 13:40:28

Of course there are nice men left, but we they're a retiring breed unlikely to be found out on the open planes of singledom.

I'd hope I'm a nice man. But I work hard, see my dd as much as I can and pretty much sleep the rest of the time.

GreenBurrito Tue 20-Nov-12 14:23:18

I'd also like to think that I'm a nice man, but I'm not currently looking don't have the time for a relationship!

I'm just trying to support my xp and our baby, as soon as they decide to arrive, as our due date was yesterday!

I can imagine a few of them do get a little bit scared once they start reading these boards though grin

GetAllTheThings Tue 20-Nov-12 14:52:31

I think mumsnet has put me off relationships grin

oscarthegrouch Tue 20-Nov-12 15:18:31

Was starting to wonder if it was me, the last one I let into my family unit totally broke my heart and I felt utter guilt that my ds was put in that situation. So the next one will have to be perfect grin

GreenBurrito Tue 20-Nov-12 16:38:58

Haha GetAllTheThings I can understand, I almost got put off myself... almost grin

I can understand, oscarthegrouch, I think I'm going to be very weary of introducing new partners to DC myself, probably vet them for a good few months before hand!

oscarthegrouch Tue 20-Nov-12 17:17:15

I've just posted about my exp recently introducing ds to his current squeeze - the 6th in a year. He met her after 2 days if their "relationship". Arse!!!

GetAllTheThings Tue 20-Nov-12 17:22:10

Jesus. I agreed with my XP I'd be six months before any partner was introduced to dd.

I'd really struggle with seeing someone else's dc more than my own( as an NRP ) . I'm sure it could work I'm just rather hesitant. But realistically, given I rarely go out these days except to the woods for a walk, I doubt there's any romance that's going to randomly knock on my door.....

..... hold on there's someone at the door.

GreenBurrito Tue 20-Nov-12 19:43:05

That is just disrespectful oscar, I couldn't do it myself.

My xp and I had also agreed on the six month wait, but seeing as she now already has a new partner and has been dating him for about 2 months, she thinks that she can introduce him to our DC once they've reached 4 months old.
I am totally against since as I had assumed neither of us were interested in another relationship at the time and I think that she should wait until DC is at least 6 months old.
Also it does make me worry as I also am a NRP.

Haha GetAllTheThings, any luck at the door?

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Tue 20-Nov-12 19:46:32

All the nice men are at home with their boyfriend's obviously. The best looking ones are any way! grin

avenueone Tue 20-Nov-12 19:53:25

Lets start a dating thread on this lone parents section, we seem to have what is required: men and women both single and both understand what it is like being a single parent... who knows what will happen grin
just going for walks in the woods grin who was at the door grin
I am liking a happy thread on the board.. must be in an optimistic mood or am I flirting for the first time in years...

oscarthegrouch Tue 20-Nov-12 20:51:38

haha the last few posts have made me chuckle!! you're right avenueone its always depressing on these threads!

on a depressing note (ha) i didnt clearly state that ds had met ALL 6 of these gfs, not just the recent one! it is disrespectful and its bloody lovely to hear about other dad's views on this, I hope my exp is in the minority

GreenBurrito Wed 21-Nov-12 11:09:13

It's certainly an idea and would be a nice bit of light heartedness smile

In the meantime though I am constantly staring at my phone waiting for the call to say xp has gone to the hospital, I think I'm beginning to go a little insane and it's definately getting hard to concentrate!
I dread to feel how this is affecting xp if I'm like this!

GetAllTheThings Wed 21-Nov-12 11:18:44

Ok, was just the postman at the door delivering my 'Pipe Smokers and Slippers Weekly'

I am actually Daniel Craig. I've given old Rachael the heave-ho and am available for daring missions. I do have a slight kink about painting women gold from head to toe whilst making sexist quips though.

Peterpan101 Wed 21-Nov-12 18:43:46

Thought you were on about James Bond until you implied he says sexist things!

Graciescotland Wed 21-Nov-12 18:55:54

I do know a couple of lovely blokes who've sworn not to date women with kids again. Both had long term relationships where they were called Dad and loved the children like they were their own. However when the relationships ended they were told not to contact the DC again; essentially they lost their family and I can imagine the possibility of that happening scares a lot of "nice guys" off.

AmIthatScary Thu 22-Nov-12 00:16:21

Oh well, I am sure there must be some nice men out there. I have to believe that, or else I would go mad.

I haven't had any male interest for 8 years. You'd think Ii would be over it by now, but I'm really not.

I would so, so, so love someone for the occasional hug/date/anything else.

I never imagined that I would be single at my age, and it's not for the wont of trying.

Seems all the men are otherwise engaged sad

QuiteQuiet Thu 22-Nov-12 20:15:43

I have heard of the things 'nice men' but have yet to meet one. grin

I am sticking to my children and animals and will have a look in a few years time.

ThatsNice Thu 22-Nov-12 20:23:18

Another one here wondering if I should just head off to find a commune instead... :/

FerrisBueller1972 Thu 22-Nov-12 20:26:44

When you do find them please tell me where they are grin

QuiteQuiet Thu 22-Nov-12 20:28:03

Erm.. sorry no way if I find one I am locking him in and stealing his shoes. grin

beujolais Thu 22-Nov-12 21:09:27

The last man i dated (almost 5 years ago, ahem) was very nice, he just wasn't quite over his ex, shame as i really could see us going somewhere. Haven't really attempted anything since, it was too painful.

ThatsNice Thu 22-Nov-12 21:14:10

Must admit, I've just not long broken up with a really lovely guy. It just wasn't 'right' though and I could feel myself starting to 'settle' and we both deserved better than that sad

QuiteQuiet Thu 22-Nov-12 21:16:50

Okay so I met one but I told him to delete me from his life as I was scared I would hurt him. My life is a bit messy and he was... too nice. confused

beujolais Thu 22-Nov-12 21:25:07

Yes you can't go forward if it doesn't feel right. It is awful being broken hearted so i don't think i can do that again! I do get naughty thoughts sometimes in random places like tescos and imagine kissing someone i see in the cheese aisle or wherever i happen to be, it briefly crossed my mind the other day funnily enough. Doesn't happen that often though.

GetAllTheThings Fri 23-Nov-12 10:49:36

I suppose some of this depends on what you think a nice man is.

I doubt 50 Shades would be such a hit if the male protagonist was an accountant from Slough who kept rabbits and was into bonzai trees. grin

Lookingatclouds Sat 24-Nov-12 18:38:58

I found a lovely man. I am into cosmic ordering and I wrote a list of what I wanted ... And got it! I kid you not. Give it a go!

Wankarella Sat 24-Nov-12 18:42:07

Really? I have heard of cosmic ordering, I may have to google it, where do you send your list and can you ask for much as you want ?

PelvicFloorClenchReminder Sat 24-Nov-12 18:44:35

Nice men? Isn't that an oxymoron?

oscarthegrouch Sat 24-Nov-12 22:43:12

This sounds intriguing.....

Wankarella Sun 25-Nov-12 15:13:38

I found one last night, bit too nice for me though....

I want to know too. Seriously I am fed up to the back teeth of being on my own. Every man I know is in a relationship and seriously loved up. There were loads of spare men years ago.

It's crap, mind you I never go to the right places to meet these men and I'm so not doing Internet dating. I'm a bit of a minger on photos I scare em off!

sponge31 Sun 25-Nov-12 20:35:56

nice men are like gold-dust and us women aren't stupid, if you find a golden one you keep em.
I've been on my own for 3 years now, had one bf for a while but then found out he was using internet dating sites whilst we were together...nice! Almost turned me into a man-hater...although even then I thought to myself 'I hate men...but I want one!!'
It's the lonelyness that is hardest to deal with. Sometimes I'm in the mood of being an indepentant women and think 'I don't need no man to be happy' and then the weekend arrives and all my friends are with their partners and it's just me and my DS's and I realise what I'm missing....I know it's getting to me now as I've started finding childrens TV presenters fit....mmm..mr bloom!!

AmIthatScary Sun 25-Nov-12 20:50:27

I'm already starting to get down thinking about Christmas.

I am so, so sick of having no-one. Just sick of it sad

GetAllTheThings Mon 26-Nov-12 10:27:30

I think there's an equal problem, speaking as a man, in finding 'nice' women. If anyone finds one please let me know.

There's a lovely single dad living with his two little boys on my street. But as he's a friend of my ex it's a bit of a no go area sadly.

Sigh. The only highlight of the week is seeing my welsh teacher every wed evening who is lush but even he is in a sodding relationship. S'not fair

Wankarella Mon 26-Nov-12 11:12:13

sponge31 You could me be

I would like a nice man, but only at weekend please. I keep meeting men, liking them for a week then I get sick of them.....usually because after 1 or 2 dates they think it's time for sex... I quite like getting to know people before the sex thing.

I would like a man on a white horse please!

Or my Doctor, I like him, shame he is married, I had a dream about him last night, someone in my dream said he wasn't married I was delighted, then I woke up...hmm

The nice guy I met the other night was nice but he smokes weed, so... again, faulty!

digerd Mon 26-Nov-12 11:24:56

Or a Knight in Shining Armour, rescuing the damsel in distress from an evil dragon - all now obsolete, I,m sorry to say.

sponge31 Mon 26-Nov-12 12:31:44

Wankarella maybe we are similar but I don't keep meeting men sad I have no social life past about 5:00pm. I know what you mean about a man on a white horse...I'd like to be taken care of....instead of giving the care all the time, for someone to make me a cup of tea instead of always making my own. To have a conversation about adult topics and not pokemon or invisible friends....I think I'm going to give this cosmic ordering a shot!!!

GetAllTheThings Mon 26-Nov-12 13:28:14

I think the problems are as follows :

When younger and child free there is obviously a large pool of potential partners, giving a decent chance of meeting one who is a 'nice' man / woman.

As you get older the nice ones will have become involved in relationships, married and very likely had a family so they are then out of the running.

Leaving all the dysfunctional ones with a few nice ones who have slipped through the net, and some who've been burned in some way and become more sceptical / guarded.

And all the while these 'nice' ones have grown older and become more set in their ways. Perhaps more cynical.

So naturally the balance between 'nice' ones and not-nice ones is unbalanced. And then you'd need to know where the few nice ones are likely to be hiding, and also whether they'd consider you equally nice or whether they'd actually want a relationship. And of course you'd likely want to find one who'd nice and fanciable and of course solvent.

And of course if they knew you were looking for a 'knight in shinning armour' they'd likely run a mile.

There are dating sites for single parents, or so I've heard, and I'd imagine there's a better chance of finding a compatible 'nice' man there. Outside of there I think there are social activities that are likely to be attractive to nice men. for instance I can't image too many non-nice man volunteering with the Woodland Trust.

The one thing that's 100% certain is that if you don't get out there, where ever there is, you won't meet any nice men.

And lastly, you know there are men on this forum, both single dads, married dads, and NRPs, we're all trying to do our best, and hearing 'nice men that's an oxymoron isn't it' is incredibly insulting.

sponge31 Mon 26-Nov-12 13:53:40

What a good point getallthethings reading this thread I've been thinking about it dating/relationships alot.
Your point about social activities is good one, whilst opening up the oppourtunity of meeting a possible partner you also contribrute to your own life and well-being and therefore make yourself more desirable/attractive at the same time.
I do alot of moping about from time to time but when I kick myself up the arse and 'get out there' I feel alot better about me and attract people, not partners but friends and support from the locals.
I don't think internet dating is the way to go. You lose something in not being actually there with someone, and it's too easy for people to spin you a yarn.

GetAllTheThings Mon 26-Nov-12 14:09:25

Indeed Sponge. I occasionally have a peek at the dating threads, I know women who've been there, and despite the odd who's met their DP / DH there, it just seems like a huge amount of effort for a depressing cycle of disappointment on the whole, peppered with rather inappropriate photos of man bits and BS.

You really do need to feel good about yourself, and in my opinion the very best place to recharge both physically and mentally is out in nature. And that is one of the natural habitats of the lesser spotted 'nice man'

Without doubt ( for me at least ) take a very good looking moppy woman and an average looking happy one, the latter is far, far more attractive. A genuine smile from the heart is incredibly attractive, especially if you're out in a blue belle wood or looking for shells on a sea shore smile

IWuvOneDirectionsXmasSong Mon 26-Nov-12 14:16:37

I don't want a knight in shining amour... I would just like a man on a white horse please, sorry I must stop being silly, what I am saying it I AM ASKING FOR SOMETHING THAT IS NOT THERE.... That better?

I realise i need to lose the sarcasm somewhere.....

I have zero social life either, 2 children take care of that for me, I do get a night off most weekend and have tried 'dating sites' most likely my reason for not finding nice men, those place ime are full of people looking for sex!

Again maybe it is me, someone suggested putting up pictures of me first thing in the morning on a Worzel Gummage hair day with a few spots, then men may see past the blonde hair etc and like me for me and not me for my looks = sex.

I am naive I thought 'would you like to watch a DVD together meant, watching a movie on a disc with maybe a little cuddle, it doesn't DVD = sex. hmm

IWuvOneDirectionsXmasSong Mon 26-Nov-12 14:17:25

Oh I am not stunning or anything, I think the dating sites I go on must be full of very unattractive people and I attract everything sex addict out there...

IWuvOneDirectionsXmasSong Mon 26-Nov-12 14:17:59

Sorry - Wankarella here, I lost my rude name. smile

I think I am just going to stay single. It's much easier.

Plus in January I will have 4 children.

Possibly it won't only be choice that keeps me single.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 14:41:53

Ditto, my life is too messy for a man right now, he would run, I am sure....

Sorry Wankarella again, having another identity crisis

ankh Mon 26-Nov-12 17:15:19

@avenueone so has anyone started that dating thread? I'm in! smile

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 18:13:00

There is a dating thread somewhere, I lost it... they date lots of men grin

GetAllTheThings Mon 26-Nov-12 19:26:26

It's in 'relationships' . A beacon of hope in a sea of misery.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 19:29:27

Have you read it GetAllThings lots of ladies being hurt... I cannot date, it hurts the 'feelings'grin So I just do not do it, that way no feelings getting hurt here...

ankh Mon 26-Nov-12 19:44:13

@GetAllTheThings which one? can you please put a link here, as i can't seem to find it. thanks!

ankh Mon 26-Nov-12 19:46:06

@NotWankinginaWinterWonderland you can't swim if you don't get wet smile

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 20:13:44

I know, I got wet last year thought and my feelings got a little bit hurt grin

I may tip my toes in again, next year! See how things are, if I am honest I am scared to bring a man back into my life, I'm not sure how my children would react! I don't want t hurt them, no idea if this is rational thinking or not!

GetAllTheThings Mon 26-Nov-12 20:28:44

Good lord it's gone ! That's been going for a good 6 months, I can only guess it's been moved elsewhere.

I always thought it was a bit incongrous in relationship forum.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 20:30:20

No there is another one, I seen it yesterday.. I cannot remember the name I will keep an eye out though.

GetAllTheThings Mon 26-Nov-12 20:35:13

Ah here it is

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 20:37:16

Not that I am interested though hmm blush

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 20:38:08

236 posts since yesterday grin

Busy/brave ladies....

oscarthegrouch Mon 26-Nov-12 20:39:20

Seems I have opened up a big can o worms!! I have gone the other way and sort of used and abused to protect myself from getting hurt, pretending its not a relationship I want when deep down I feel more ready for it for me and ds, now more than ever. I have a fantastic social life with ds being at his dads every other weekend so it's not an issue of having the chance to meet people. I think the issue is me, I scare them off subconsciously!blush

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 20:44:18

I did a little bit of that also....

I was proving myself attractive though, done it, now I am over it! blush

Only slept with one, he got lucky/unlucky, I think he thiknk lucky as he won't leave me ALONE!!!! 7 months later, he has no idea I got bored after the one incident (was with him for 3 months he was big fan of sexting) I used to sext him extracts out of Sylvia Days 'Bared by You' then read my crappy magazine...worked everytime - maybe that is why he will not go away blush

ankh Mon 26-Nov-12 21:14:12

oh thanks, but how do I navigate that thread?

can't read hundreds of messages daily. work full time/single mum/no family.

GetAllTheThings Mon 26-Nov-12 21:48:17

I have a lovely lovely FWB who I see about 4 times a year.

I'd be quite happy with a few more ( that's not a solicitation ). Have a nice respectful time with good sex, nice walks, nice diners and none of the humdrum or arguments about cleaning the loo.

sponge31 Mon 26-Nov-12 21:59:37

Some friends would be nice let alone friends with benefits!!!

ankh Mon 26-Nov-12 22:00:31

FWB never works long term smile

sponge31 Mon 26-Nov-12 22:07:05

ankh the oppourtunity to find out would be nice! although I don't think I could do emotionless sex?

ankh Mon 26-Nov-12 22:37:37

FWB is not necessarily emotionless. it happens between friends smile

AmIthatScary Mon 26-Nov-12 22:47:58

Ah sponge31, I too would have loved to have the opportunity to find out. When I said I couldn't attract a man, I meant it literally.

FWB would be great, but it's not happening for my and I have no idea why. I only know that it is depressing sad

sponge31 Mon 26-Nov-12 22:48:09

Yes ankh your right but friendship is different, once you cross the line to sex things change, speaking from my perspective anyhow, I have considered FWB in the past but think it would be too much headfuck.
Actually my last relationship started out as a trial FWB but developed into something more, it depends on if you can get a level of detachment I think confused

sponge31 Mon 26-Nov-12 22:52:14

amIthatscary perhaps you need to stop thinking about it and concentrate on your own well being and happiness within, then perhaps when your least expecting it...bamm....you'll meet your Mr right, that's what I keep getting told..(I do have a few friends)smile

ankh Mon 26-Nov-12 22:53:06

well I only had that once, things did change... but none of us fell in love. it lasted about 6 months. we are still friends after 10 years, in fact he is one of my best friends in the whole world. he just got married, i'm happy for him.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Tue 27-Nov-12 04:57:08

I don't like the FWB thing, I had that with the guy who won't leave me alone, it was fine until my feelings started getting involved, no doubt it is okay if feelings don't start getting involved though. It was me who suggested it...blush Then 2 weeks later I decided I didn't want it. I felt like I was being used, even though I was using him too....

My feeling got all involved though, hence me never meeting him again! I just wish he would understand that and leave me alone now tbh! grin

I have told him twice now but apparently he forgets.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Tue 27-Nov-12 04:58:57

I cannot look at this guy as a friend, I usually just want to have sex, if I am honest it kills my weekly budget with petrol also...ours was a every 2nd week-end thing.

GetAllTheThings Tue 27-Nov-12 09:38:03

I think my FWB works because ( a) she really is a friend so there's a lot of mutual respect there (b) she lives a long way away so there's no chance it'll develop into something else ( c) neither of us really want an exclusive relationship.

I know it's not an ideal situation, but it kind of works for us.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Tue 27-Nov-12 10:05:29

Hmmm yeah my a, b, c,s are the much the same, he just drinks a bit too much and punches doors, when I ask why he said 'women' kinda it put me off, I just wouldn't want my face to be the doors someday, other than that I do/did like him.

beujolais Tue 27-Nov-12 11:44:13

My FWB moved to the other side of the world which was a shame, not just because of the sex but he was my best friend and i miss him tonnes. I would just like someone to go to the flicks with and have dinner with and discuss favourite albums and films and books etc.. with the added bonus of nice sex. I ended up broken hearted last time i tried to get serious with someone, that was over 4 years ago now, though scott walker albums helped mend it a great deal.

Lookingatclouds Tue 27-Nov-12 16:35:03

Ooh sorry, I dangled that carrot and then didn't come back to reply!

Ok, so who is up for a master class in cosmic ordering? I warn you I am quite woo - you don't have to be!

Its all about the law of attraction - what you focus on is what you will attract into your life. So if you sit there thinking that there are no decent men out there, that is what you will see. If you think you will never find the time or never go anywhere to meet anyone, then that's what'll happen.

So find some time when you won't be disturbed, light a candle, put some gentle music on and maybe some incense. As you light the candle set the intention that you will leave all your worries and fears to one side while you write your list. You don't have to do the music and candle if that's too woo, intention is powerful on its own.

Get a large piece of paper and start writing down what it is you would like in your ideal relationship. What qualities you would like your partner to have. Keep it positive, no negative words. So for example if you'd like someone without debts don't say "without debts" say "financially affluent or financially abundant" or something like that. Be specific. Really go to town, you can ask for whatever it is you'd like. I had two sides of A5 and scribblings in the margin! You can add to the list as new things occur to you.

Next visualise yourself with this man, what you are going to do, how you are going to feel. Take your list and put it somewhere safe. You might want to go back to it and add something or change something.

Then wait for opportunities to come your way to meet someone. It might be a party invite, a new class, joining a dating website, or bumping into someone in the supermarket. Just tell yourself that you are open to him coming, then trust and believe that he is.

GetAllTheThings Tue 27-Nov-12 16:44:23

I once wished a girlfriend's boobs were just a little bit bigger........ this came true and is the reason I ended up on mumsnet.

Be careful what you wish for is my advice. smile

Lookingatclouds Tue 27-Nov-12 17:30:46

Oh definitely! Very good point. I once ordered a new front drive ... I got it, but had to be flooded in order to get it!

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Tue 27-Nov-12 18:06:47

Do you have to visualize what the man looks like? I'm a bit fussy .....

I think I will wait until December / January, I have a wedding in February lots of single men in football teams going

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Tue 27-Nov-12 18:09:08

Eh?WTF? You ended up on Mumsnet because your girlfriends boobs were too big grin

I didn't light candles I did visualize myself in anew house, then negatively swore as each house was filled, the one day a man came knocking and gave me... the last new house (spooky), so now I have no carpets or anything as I had just finished re-carpeting/hardwood flooring last house...

ankh Tue 27-Nov-12 21:57:59

@Lookingatclouds: that list is useless to me. I only need to look in his eyes and touch and smell. Then talk. Then I know. It happened once so far. I'm waiting for a 2nd chance.

I'm serious smile

AmIthatScary Wed 28-Nov-12 00:58:03

I have some time free on Friday night, so I am going to try that. Mind you, that is pretty much what I have "unofficially" been doing for the last 8 years, and it still hasn't worked sad

Lookingatclouds Wed 28-Nov-12 09:20:38

Yes definitely visualise him, but not a specific person. Concentrate on how you want to feel, what qualities he has. The thing with being specific about how he looks is that it narrows down the options of who will come your way but it's entirely up to you. The only thing I put to do with looks was "taller than me".

You've already done it with a house ... you can do this! Start now, the order will be in place in time for the wedding, but don't just look on that as your only opportunity to meet someone.

And visualise your home with carpets, they'll come! Don't work out how, just know that they will.

Lookingatclouds Wed 28-Nov-12 09:24:55

Amithatscary - is there any part of you that thinks you don't deserve it? Or that it isn't going to happen?

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Wed 28-Nov-12 09:49:21

I think I will try the flooring first (easier).

The man has to be very understanding (my children have issues) taller than me, no facial hair and no drugs and preferable not a big drinker and realise I don't have a lot of time, give me lots of me time, erm... not be too needy, but not go and sleep around and yes, brings me back to the man on the white horse! grin

I will stick to flooring.

GetAllTheThings Wed 28-Nov-12 10:00:06

I'm visualizing the hoover giving my home a quick run round.

< closes eyes and presses fingers to forehead >

cuteboots Wed 28-Nov-12 13:34:04

Quitequiet- Im with you on that one. My son is my main focus at the mo and if someone comes along then thats fine

Glutton4Punishment Wed 28-Nov-12 18:26:12

I'm interested in the time between meeting someone and introducing to children, its something that I may have to face in future if I'm lucky. I had a decade of very happy marriage, literally never had a row and were soulmates (not in a clingy PDA way, just best friends). Lost my wife to C earlier this year and I think I'd be terrified of introducing another woman to my daughter, let alone my family!
Big shoes to fill I fear and though I'd like to think that I'd avoid the comparison thing, I'm pretty sure other people wont.
The thing with being single is......... its a bit crap really!

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Wed 28-Nov-12 20:04:34

I don't think I mind being single, I have been separated for over 2 years, well one year of him not trying to come back and I quite like it, I wouldn't know where to put a man right now. With the dc and all, it would be strange for me/us.

Someone for a Friday night hug would be fine as long as he left Saturday.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Wed 28-Nov-12 20:05:24

*by the Saturday, I need my ME time.

Snapespeare Wed 28-Nov-12 20:56:13

You all sound lovely and we would welcome you on the 'official' hmm dating thread. We're all very lovely (apart from the occasional spat) full of cynicism good advice and very welcoming. smile

As to good men? I'm sure they exist, I'm sure they've been burned and are recovering and thinking about new relationships. I refuse to believe they are all happily married and/or gay. grin but I sometimes suspect they are wary of women with DCs (which negates their niceness) we 're nice! There must be male equivalents! smile

Lookingatclouds Fri 30-Nov-12 08:37:38

I'm sory for your loss Glutton sad. I think when the time is right and you are ready then it will all fall into place. That was my experience anyway. I had two years on my own. So be warned NotW grin because the weekend after I had said to a friend "do you know what, I am really happy on my own - I love my life and all the things I do and I don't know when I'd even fit a relationship in" was when I met my bf.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Fri 30-Nov-12 13:25:01

That's my line. Where would I put a man?

AmIthatScary Sat 01-Dec-12 00:19:25

Well, when I was shopping tonight, there were some reduced candles, so I bought the Zen relaxation one. DD is staying at my sisters tomorrow, so I am going to try and do the visualisation thing and see what happens. If nothing else, it might make me feel happy and optimistic

mama2moo Sat 01-Dec-12 17:22:24

Im going out tonight to try to find a nice man - Wish me luck!!

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Sat 01-Dec-12 17:30:31

Good luck with that, I'm staying home to visualise my flooring, I'm hoping to be sleeping by 9.00pm ish !! I think my dc have read this, they want me, to date a man..bring him home and meet them. hmmshock Blasted dc have no idea.

AmIthatScary Sat 01-Dec-12 18:07:58

Good luck mama

I'm watching Strictly, then going to try the visualisation

mama2moo Sat 01-Dec-12 18:43:31

Thanks! I need all the help I can get in the town I live in!

AmIthatTinselly Sat 01-Dec-12 23:24:55

Lookin Not sure if I got the desired effect. I did what you said and was somewhat shocked to realise that the tears were streaming down my cheeks when I was visualising.

I filled two sides of A4 and smiled as I wrote each one down.

Now I just have to wait and see what happens

niceupthedance Sun 02-Dec-12 08:41:47

Have been lurking on this thread as I too would like to meet a nice man, after 4 years happily single.

I placed a cosmic order a couple of weeks ago - and I think something is happening! Seriously, someone who (on paper) sounds like my ideal man has asked me on a date. Only problem is that he lives 100 miles away. But can't have everything.

So yes, get ordering!

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Sun 02-Dec-12 11:14:32

2 A4 sides confused

Is this one man? [frgin]

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Sun 02-Dec-12 11:15:16


sorry my fingers are still pissed

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Sun 02-Dec-12 11:16:56

Maybe I need paper for my flooring? I was just visualizing nice floors, not here yet.....my room did get changed round though, I like it better now...my back is sore-ish though.

Lookingatclouds Sun 02-Dec-12 21:49:47

That is actually a great reaction AmIthattinselly. Tears are really good - they were clearing away stuff you were holding onto that needed to go. I wept buckets when I did mine!! What is reallly good is that you smiled as you wrote what you wanted - you were really starting to feel it. Well done!!

That's great news niceup. Keep us posted on that one, and even if it isn't him, there will be a reason for him popping up.

Any other progress reports? Amithatscary and Mama??

Keep going NotW .... try cutting out a picture of what you'd like and putting it somewhere that you can see it. I furnished my whole house like this. Either by putting images up or writing a little note to the universe. Do you know definitely what it is you want? Oh and just as my girls were telling me to go on Take Me Out hmm I needed a boyfriend, my man appeared! Your kids are onto something!! grin

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 03-Dec-12 19:36:59

I now have pictures on my fridge (always in the fridge for something) no men yet, just flooring. grin

Oh I seen a man last night, some people last year tried to 'get us together' hmm I was mortified anyway ignored him from then on and was slipping about the park with my dog last night and who was there 'the man' blush

I stuttered a 'oh hi hello' then ran/slipped on ice lots away..... I have not been ordering a man, flooring first Mr Cosmic order person, get it right please. Flooring then man, possibly.

Lookingatclouds Wed 05-Dec-12 09:46:26

But seeing him twice? The universe is trying to get your attention!! What does he do for a living? Maybe he's fits carpets and flooring grin.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Wed 05-Dec-12 19:02:27


No something to do with diesel, he has 2 cars though, I could use one, my insurance just went us ...grin he kinda fits the bill, taller than me, dark hair, nice guy but I have known him since I was 10, I seen him viewing me on a dating website, I think we both cringed, nothing was said, he logged off and so did I. blush

My parents think I am nuts, I was at hospital with DS yesterday, they took us in as my driving in ice skills are the best, I had my picture of my flooring with me, explained what I was doing, they just said 'hmm yes very good' (whilst laughing @ me - I even gave Noel Edmond's a mention they love Deal or No Deal and I read about him doing this years ago) hmm

Oh rubbish my Dad actually said 'would you like me to get it?' I said 'no I am cosmically ordering it' Oh wrong answer... that was my flooring, I need to backtrack.....What an eejit, the answer was yes thank you pay you back soon-ish....

Lookingatclaus Fri 07-Dec-12 12:53:51

Eejit grin .... great word! And yes, I think that may have been a little window of opportunity opening for you there. Backtrack .... FAST!!

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Fri 07-Dec-12 13:00:32

on phone - to school - fucking furious - shouting at my son for not going to their fucking counselling

AmIthatTinselly Sun 09-Dec-12 04:25:09

Looking I have spent all week reminding myself to be positive, and believing that it will happen.

Still nothing, does it take a while?

GreenBurrito Tue 11-Dec-12 12:45:12

I'm not too sure if I believe all that cosmic ordering stuff, seems a tad bit out there for me. But then I've always found it hard to have faith in something I can't see.

Hey oscarthegrouch how've you been getting on?

My xp had given birth to a baby girl 2 weeks ago, I couldn't be happier!!
And I have even been able to see her daily since her birth, and also support both DD and xp during these early stages smile

Mumfortoddler Tue 11-Dec-12 22:10:35

Ha ha ha that's it. I have decided. There is only one thing for it. Must start a single parent commune for monks and nuns. Anyone game?!!

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Wed 12-Dec-12 14:54:25

I have decided to become a Nun can I join please? My dc do not want '8a man in the house*, so that's that! grin

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Wed 12-Dec-12 14:54:46

a man in the house even .... hmm

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