internet dating ; is it me? or does it encourage fleeting meetings

(42 Posts)
yummymommy1 Thu 01-Nov-12 22:28:47

..people seem to come and go..and im pretty damn honest but i still think i would make a good freind if nothing else at the moment. however no one seeems to 'stick' just come and go. is it the dating itself ( pof) or me?!

feelingsik Fri 02-Nov-12 11:00:44

the dating itself
it looks like people expect either a big bang on first meeting or nothing, never interested in giving anybody a second look, and rather than see you as a potential friend they move on to meet the next one available looking for the big bang
Hope someone can prove it wrong

yummymommy1 Fri 02-Nov-12 23:44:42

well, yes, someone i liked has just 'moved on' as i didnt meet up fast enough! its a bit cold isnt it? i feel like im last months interest, :-( ppl are often cold and just dont tell you theyve gone!

Athendof Sat 03-Nov-12 09:03:11

I agree, most people in dating sites are just looking for effortless "love at first sight" (heard of the proverbial spark?). It is a bit funny really that at our age we are behaving with the emotional maturity of a 12 year old, but then, most people carry a lot of luggage ( which is normal if you have had a traumatic divorce, are rising children separately, or have lost a lot if financial stability due to your previous split) and don't really want to progress things with someone who is giving the softest hints to be like the ex. Guess we run away to quickly.

Another thing about dating sites is that unlike real lifd, you are expected to come accross people from very different walks of life which means they will find it more difficult to fit into your life or fit you in theirs.

I believe my authentic dating profile would read: "Culture obsesed snob who doesn't suffer fools gladly and enjoys fine, and naturally, expensive, dining out and deep philosophical conversations is looking for a similar match. Owns house, lives well, but not willing or able to subsidise or admire a financially unstable partner. Non professionals need not to apply.

Sigh* i will be on my own for the rest of my life,... But perhaps is for the best.

HoolioHallio Sat 03-Nov-12 16:04:57

I think that people who have been on dating sites for awhile realise that it's actually better to bite the bullet and meet up sooner than later - talking online/texting for weeks can create a very false persona as people can be very confident and witty but that doesn't always translate into real life. I've had afew dates with guys who've messgaed people online but have given up when they won't even talk on the phone an dI can see their point to be honest.

yummymommy1 Sat 03-Nov-12 17:44:14

yes, i think its best to 1. talk on phone , and 2. meet as soon as you can . i found ppl very non-commital and tho i found a really nice guy, and felt a connection he seemed to be put out when i couldnt meet and, a week later says he is now chatting to someone else?? despite saying he was happy to be freinds..?

yummymommy1 Sat 03-Nov-12 17:50:53

ps he hasnt even met this other person yet, but i said i would take a dive . shame.

ddrmum Sun 04-Nov-12 08:48:32

Hi there, I'm currently trying internet dating - still unsure if its for me sad . I have met someone but as you have already said, getting the time to meet up is difficult & people are impatient. The childrens dad isn't allowed to see them so I'm relying on the goodwill of family to let me have a few hours to myself. I'm pretty sure he is chatting to others but isn't meeting anyone else at the moment. To be fair, he has a busy job so has little time, but he usually has time when I don't and I'm not ready to being anyone into the childrens lives. It's so difficult isn't it?

jaffacake2 Sun 04-Nov-12 09:02:44

I have been on site POF for a month and found it very strange initially but now getting the idea.It is fleeting,bit like the old days of meeting in a club,or will show my age,a disco.You are attracted by photo initially then maybe a bit of what they have written.Although so much is cliches,millions seem to want to hold hands walking a beach !!!
I emailed a guy for 3 weeks then finally met and it was awful.He was nothing like the person I thought he was going to be.Talked literally 2hrs non stop about his work.Found silence in the loo for 10 mins !
Best to meet quickly then you know the reality behind the projection online.
But has been fun and I know I would like a partner now kids have flown nest
Stay safe lots of scammers and serial daters around.
Good luck smile

yummymommy1 Sun 04-Nov-12 19:52:49

hi yes haha same experience as* jaffa*; i exchanged emails with a guy who i literally didnt recognise when he walked in the pub. he was NOTHING like his photo! in fact quite creepy, and sad, alcoholic lonely, ex didnt let him contact with the kids, etc and totally unlike person i projected in my head! so yes, talk on the phone then meet.its hard as you say ddrmum to find ppl who will accomadate your needs around kids, which is why i tend to write to single parents. tried single parent sites but not enough on POF too, its a real mixed bag but it is free!

bakedbeanqueen Sun 04-Nov-12 21:13:23

Funny experience last week on PoF. Had been chatting via text to this guy and had arranged to meet last Thursday. On Wednesday he sent me a text at around midday but I was very busy with meetings at work and then trick or treating (DS not me grin, I was "supervising"). So, I didn't respond until 9pm. I got nothing back.

Anyway, 8am the next day I saw I had a missed call from him which was a first so I text back to see if all was OK. I got a long rambling text saying he was sorry but didn't think we should meet as I hadn't been replying to his texts fast enough so I obviously wasn't interested. He had therefore started messaging someone else who was messaging back really quickly and now he knew what it was like to feel wanted hmm

I reckon I got a lucky escape there. Imagine if I'd started dating him and he'd got all weird about texts then and the speed of my replies!!

ddrmum Sun 04-Nov-12 22:53:35

Blimey bakedbeanqueen - have we been texting the same person lol!!!! He is a single parent but only sees his DD every other Sat for a few hours - combination of distance and his exW (apparently!). I am getting the silent treatment for not being able to go to the cinema last nite though i did tell him in plenty of time!! another 'dependant' i do not need!!!grin

Athendof Tue 06-Nov-12 00:34:37

Blimey... probably that's the reason I don't go out more often, unless is something urgent, I rarely reply on the same day...

yummymommy1 Tue 13-Nov-12 23:56:29

oh god that sounds like a narrow escape BBqueen that reminds me of a guy from tunbridge wells, the first guy i chatted online to on POF and similar secnario; behaved like i was his partner before we even met! all possessive
and weird, slighlty paranoid? knocked that on the head pretty swiftly! you dont need that when you have a DD to look after already do you?!

Shavedbits Wed 14-Nov-12 13:31:45

I think i posted my Sleepless in Seattle post in the wrong place!!

Shavedbits Wed 14-Nov-12 13:33:33

Oh and if any of you ladies want man advice (from the blokes perspective) i can give it to you.

Its often not what you think it is, so im happy to spill the beans (though you may not like what you hear sometimes!)

AmIthatScary Fri 16-Nov-12 11:30:21

I'd love to know the bloke's perspective. I never even got as far as conversation. No-one was interested, except old men. I've given up now as it was battering my already very low self esteem

VeryProbablyStupid Thu 22-Nov-12 10:02:21

I am on POF, I have had two dates. One was a nice enough guy, but he came on way to strong and was telling me he was going to buy me jewellery for our second date.... I still talk to him and hope to be friends but the warning signs were there!

Second guy was a tool. Idiot. We spent far too long talking on the phone, like 3 hours a night for 2 weeks, he seemed awesome. But in real life he looked like crack head (not at all like his pics..) and ditched me after one date without a word.

I am still on there, but it does seem to be full of similar people. And I never reply to a message that just says 'alright love' or 'hey'. So maybe its my fault, but Id like a little more effort than two words!

QuiteQuiet Thu 22-Nov-12 20:09:47

IMO it's the site, I cold be wrong, but I am all dated out. That site ime if full of men looking for sex, like I say it could be me, some people have suggested putting up a pictures of me first thing in the morning with a few spots and no make up grin

The men I did meet lied about height, age....intention, I did meet one nice guy but for me too nice and I then found, I wasn't actually ready to 'settle down' I was looking for the men who were not interested in long terms and had no interest in me as a person, so I'm going back to single life, and will re-evaluate things next year.

Don't take it personally.

QuiteQuiet Thu 22-Nov-12 20:12:35

Oh one met me and after 3 hours, decided we should get married.... hmm

I ran..........

It's a mixed site, I think I was gong for men too young, and younger men have something about 35 year old ladies, so I will leave it for a while and try when I feel ready again.

I had so many dates I forget their names now, I'm not a slut/slapper/slag I slept with one guy who I dated for 2 months, but he lived too far away and have issues of his own and I didn't want involved with that type.

I did join a few others but I refuse to pay to date a man grin I may find one in Tescos.........

feelingdizzy Thu 22-Nov-12 20:16:31

I have tried internet dating ,personally I had no idea what was going on,men coming on super strong then being totally different in reality,and on occasion after a couple of dates they would disappear.

I could do with a rule book,It all seems like those american teen shows my DD(11) watches on t.v.
Its bizarrre

StrawberryMojito Thu 22-Nov-12 20:21:08

I know of 6 Internet dating happy relationships, 4 of which have resulted in marriage (still strong) and 3 of those have resulted in children. Just's not all disastrous.

QuiteQuiet Thu 22-Nov-12 21:01:18

Oh that is quite positive, may I ask which site grin

flumperoo Thu 22-Nov-12 21:23:13

I've heard about pof being full of men looking for sex. Are there any free sites anyone would care to recommend?

IAmDemented Thu 22-Nov-12 21:26:04

erm.... there is one, I keep forgetting it though, oh sorry I just name changed, looking for Christmas name and finding all sorts of names grin Badoo?? I think that's it will go check my old email account, lots of men showing pics of willies though.hmm

IAmDemented Thu 22-Nov-12 21:27:49
QuiteQuietIsAnElf Thu 22-Nov-12 21:36:07

Sorry that was me, I'm finding myself here.....namewise!

SoHHKB Thu 22-Nov-12 21:45:31

QuiteQuiet I know someone on pof who works in Tescos so you really might! wink

I used Oasis and found a lovely guy simply because I thought I knew where his photo had been taken and I wanted to ask him. We met up quickly and got on well - 6 months later we live together his profile didn't mention his supersperm that found their way past my copper coil! shock

QuiteQuiet Thu 22-Nov-12 21:48:19


I may try again at the weekend, I am avoiding a guy from last week. Day 3 and he said 'do you ever find a goof fucking session relieves the stress' BLOCKED.... no but a 2 5mg valium do the job easier.... hmm pervert

flumperoo Thu 22-Nov-12 21:53:38

Thanks Demented, I'll go and have a look at pics of men's willies grin

QuiteQuiet Thu 22-Nov-12 21:55:51

Sorry IamDemented is me too....

When I got 'a willy' I said 'if I wanted to see a dick I could look at your profile'.... grin

VeryProbablyStupid Fri 23-Nov-12 17:07:59

I was on eHarmony, but then when I joined POF everyone I had been talking to was on there too, so it seemed silly to pay for one when it seems every single person in the world is on POF. Even my friends, I stumble across them all the time!

ChromosoneShortOfHuman Fri 23-Nov-12 17:11:50

Yeah my brothers friends are on POF, sorry I was here last night also, I keep name-changing, I an useless with men and decisions...I get freaked out on POF, I have been on so many times and left people come and say 'hello chromosone' I say 'erm.. do I know you' <paranoid> and sure enough I have spoke with them previously and forgot....plenty of perverts I say.

I have one on facebook from POF, I just have him there to extract the urine over all his 'followers' who say 'oh I love you' and 'you look so lovely' and WAKE UP LADIES clearly he is PLAYER!!! Sorry I am sarcastic bugger! My aim in life is the take the piss out of men.... and the ladies who fawn over them.

legohouse Fri 23-Nov-12 17:24:26

I met my partner on just single parents back in Feb,first time i'd ever "done" internet dating,was just having a nosey really!

We chatted every night for about a month then i was brave and we met up on the beach for a dog walk...

Long story short,we are still together,my boys love him,i love him,he loves me and we are planning to move in together next year smile

It can work smile

squishee Fri 23-Nov-12 17:46:11

So far I've picked two bad numbers through Internet dating, and a bad one through a magazine column before that. They each turned into long-term relationships that started beautifully, but had to end when it became apparent that these guys just could not have healthy relationships.

Am wondering whether online dating largely attracts these types, and whether to stick with real life meeting places instead.

I'm sure the online thing can work, it just hasn't for me in the long term. Your thoughts?

ChromosoneShortOfHuman Fri 23-Nov-12 17:48:41

That's nice Lego, I do like a happy ending, I am just jealous I keep dating sex crazed men.... grin

ChromosoneShortOfHuman Fri 23-Nov-12 17:50:32

I have been on for a free trial again it was yucky yucky men....I refuse to pay to meet a man, give me a few years I might feel the need to, right now I shall stick to the free sites and Al Friescos, and Pidls....

legohouse Fri 23-Nov-12 19:38:49

Chrome...he is now dating a sex crazed woman lol!

ChromosoneShortOfHuman Fri 23-Nov-12 19:42:11

Oh that's fine... I quite-like sex actually just not on the first date please, I like to know he person I am sleeping with grin

festiemum Fri 23-Nov-12 19:48:13

I met dh on okcupid- that's a free site and might be worth checking out.

2 years on we have a 2 month-old, a big blended family and a very happy, chaotic life! It can work, but I did have quite a few one off dates that didn't go anywhere (men who'd used unrealistic photos and presented themselves in an unrealistic way, shall we say?!) - I think you've got to be prepared to be persistent and quite thick skinned!!

ChromosoneShortOfHuman Fri 23-Nov-12 19:50:13

I'm not quite ready yet to be honest, severely lacking in confidence, children s heads are a little bit messy and bringing a man in would confuse things a bit, (children in counselling [-abusive fucker dad) I just like window shopping just now.

legohouse Fri 23-Nov-12 20:07:59

Chrome...take your time,you never know what's around that corner

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