Facing pregnancy alone?

(1000 Posts)
thedogsrolex Thu 12-Jul-12 18:30:46

There seem to be quite a few threads lately posted by women facing pregnancy alone for whatever reason. I was thinking maybe it would be a good idea to have one ongoing thread for support and advice...what do you think? I know it would have helped me way back when I had dd? (apologies if there is already one, I haven't come across it).

TheMysteryCat Thu 12-Jul-12 19:29:50

yes, i think it could be a good idea!

I now have a bustling 18 month old, but did the whole pregnancy alone, so happy to answer any queries people might have. Can't promise I'll know the "right" answers though! grin

thedogsrolex Thu 12-Jul-12 19:52:27

Ok, bump then. grin

sillymillyb Thu 12-Jul-12 20:01:08

Ooh yes, I'm up for that! Currently feeding 16wo ds and been on my tod throughout. Will write more when have use of both hands :D

TheMysteryCat Thu 12-Jul-12 20:05:05

i loved the first few months with just me and DS. other mums I met at the time were very stressed out trying to work out how to keep their partners and their baby happy.

i felt me and DS could set our own pace, co-sleep and just take each day as it came!

saladsandwich Thu 12-Jul-12 20:55:41

hi, i didnt do it on my own with my first ds but i may as well have, hes now 3

if you dont mind me asking, how did you tell the dad (if you werent together) that you where pregnant.... this is my biggest hurdle at the moment

thedogsrolex Thu 12-Jul-12 21:03:42

was that question to me or just general salad? smile

TheMysteryCat Thu 12-Jul-12 21:06:16

i couldn't find the dad, so i didn't.

i don'tknow how i would tell him now if i did, though. it would be a very big shock.

sorry, that's probably not very helpful.

are you ready to tell him yet?

maybe be easier to wait until you've got your head around the pregnancy and plans first of all.

thedogsrolex Thu 12-Jul-12 21:15:52

obviously not to me (must read own threads) grin. Doh (Homer Simpson)

girliefriend Thu 12-Jul-12 21:41:43

Hello I did the pregnancy alone and am still doing it alone 6yrs on grin salad I wrote to dds 'dad' (I use that term loosely!)when I was pregnant. Got a letter back 6 months later saying he had no interest in being a parents thanks very much, have never heard from him again!!!

saladsandwich Thu 12-Jul-12 22:06:36

thaks... i was just asking it in general smile ive tried tonight and made a royal cock up of it sad he knows though now

God, this brings back the worst time of my life. 18, pregnant and dumped. Panick attacks throughout the 9 months, hypermesis, thought I had ruined my life and grew so depressed. Now, I have an amazing 4 year ds, have dated, got a degree, doing a masters and honestly rather than holding me back being a single mum spurs me on. I wish so so much I had my ds with a life partner but life is not too bad at all.

angelelle Fri 13-Jul-12 11:48:36

As you know I am on my own, still have down days like today but more and more up days so I know it gets better. I am almost in a worse situation as the 'father' (also use that terms loosely) keeps being very vague with what he wants, he wants nothing to do with pregnancy, birth and immediately after the birth but then has said things (the few times we have had contact) that he wants to have shared custody. I almost find this more stressful as I have no idea what his intentions are. I am pretty sure he wont want to see his child for the first few months as he has said that he wont be able to be any support during the difficult time, ie crying, pooing, vomiting and so on. I think his plan is to have some kind of contact when the baby becomes more interesting and less hard work!!!! Like I say, not sure he even knows what he is thinking. To be honest I would prefer him just to go away completely now as he is causing me more stress. We do however not have any contact anymore and I think some of his words might be quite empty. Wouldn't surprise me at all if I never heard from him again!!

cinnamonpretzel - lovely to hear how well it has turned out for you, even if it has been tough look at the amazing things you have done smile

Also like was said in the other single preggo thread I started. We are allowed to feel sad and shit being left alone pregnant. It is a very emotional time for a woman. People who say stuff like 'get over it' have obviously never been pregnant!! Anyway, I heard the heartbeat again yesterday and belly grown 3 more cm which is good as due to stress I have gained no weight!! But the midwife said this was OK as baby growing fine smile

Scarredbutnotbroken Sat 14-Jul-12 15:53:45

I'm 25 weeks with dd2 post separation. I strongly relate to the having to keep partner happy with a small baby bring v hard going with an already stained marriage.

If you are daunted by lone parenting, the truth is its a task heavy business and tiring as in washing cooking sleepless nights etc but they are just that, tasks. Once you get past that I found the more abstract stuff about making decisions alone so much easier. Exp found my confidence and research about parenting v undermining in his childish way and god help me if I asked the advice of anyone who wasn't him!
Now I am alone with dd and expecting mu stress levels are nowhere near what they were and I'm v undaunted by having 2 alone. I get v tired but have learnt to remind myself it's just tiredness and not the end of the world or depression!

My min comes to scans with me as does dd. mum will be with me for the birth and dd will stay with a close friend. I have avoided relying on exp for anything except maintenance ££.

VeremyJyle Sat 14-Jul-12 16:50:49

I'm facing pregnancy alone, Bf doesn't want the baby and I suspect we won't last long (haven't been together long either sad
I'm fine with single-motherdom - been doing that already with 3dc but already struggling with tiredness and knowing I've got a scan next week that I can't find childcare for. Father knows about scan but DCs dad has no idea I am pregnant (will face endless ridicule when he does find out) feel stupid for finding myself in this position, baby wasn't planned (I had/have a coil)
So glad I found this thread though grin

TheMysteryCat Sat 14-Jul-12 19:35:03

angelelle

I cannot believe that a court would order shared custody of a child under one, especially if the mother was breastfeeding. Children need their mothers far too much in the first year to cope with being brought up in two houses. nevermind the practical issues if breastfeeding, as your baby will need to feed regularly and be in close constant contact with you.

I would imagine that the best solution if he really is/wants to be involved is for him to visit for an hour a day or a few times a week. certainly not for him to go out without you with the baby and not for shared custody.

legal advice would probably be sensible if you think he's going to go through with this. maybe go to CAB in the first instance.

please take care of yourself! i was also very stressed and it helped me just to try and take one day at a time, i.e today I will sort phone some letting agents/the council to try and find somewhere to live. tomorrow i will compare online some essential baby things etc etc.

Scarredbutnotbroken Sat 14-Jul-12 19:59:49

Angelelle- the Cafcass type recommendation for access to a newborn by the non resident parent is a couple of hours once a fortnight - that's what he may be able to get if he went to court. Feel better? Due to my own circs I am becoming bloody expert in family law proceedings. I am also a SW so if you want to ask me anything you don't want to post pm me by all means x

The comments from other people that fuck me right off are 'its going to be v hard you know on your own with two' - really? You make it sound like I had a choice???? If I had a choice it would be between a violent abusive marriage or single parenthood - ok I'll just take my husband back to pacify you? Rahhhhhh I feel better smile

TheMysteryCat Sat 14-Jul-12 20:10:33

scarred thanks for the info!

I've been asked in rl what might happen form people who know i'm a lone parent, so great to now be able to give them direct info!

the "it's going to be hard" brigade should sod off. can't they do something more productive like ask if you need help with anything? <shakes fist> it is hard(er), but it's still amazing as well and it sounds like you've made the best choice in the circumstances for you and your family.

angelelle Sun 15-Jul-12 11:15:23

Hi guys, thanks for the info. Well due to the 'father' not wishing to take part in anything difficult and actively saying that he will not be able to support me (has not said why, just said that he cant) he has forced me to move back to my mums who will be with me at birth, help with the first months etc. I am moving to hers in 2 weeks and cant wait to finally be a bit pampered. As my mother lives overseas this is where I will be until I find I am able to move back to my place...dont know how long this will be, my network is my homecountry which is the UK! Time will tell if he gets on a plane and flies out to see us! That will prove I guess how willing he is to bond with his child. Like I say, it is more stressful to me to wonder what he is going to do. So far he has not been in touch with me. There is no way he will be able to force me to move back to his country in the first few years at least as I have NO network there as he has forbidden me contact with his parents. I am totally alone with a shithead who wont even pick up the phone and ask me how I am feeling. For all he knows or cares the baby could have died in me as he never contacted me after scans etc. Sorry I am sounding really bitter today, having a shit day and crying as I write this. I just never thought anyone could be so cold hearted. Counting down the days flying home to my mum. Not saying that everything will be perfect then but at least I will be with someone who loves me and is excited about baby coming.

xx

angelelle Sun 15-Jul-12 11:26:32

and to get back to practicals and not to just be bitter, lol. I feel quite certain that as I am giving birth in the UK and my child will be a british citizen I will be protected by british law. Can I also be a bit controversial here!! To those who say that I should set my own feelings aside and bend over backwards to allow access etc - sod off. Do you really think that someone who has not spoken to the mother for 9 months deserves to be welcomed back with open arms when he feels like it?? if he wants to see the child he can but he will bloody well have to work at it ie travel here, book into hotels and so on. Grrrr.

Just going to try and relax, for the first year and while breastfeeding not a lot he can do and I am hoping to move to the UK permanently in the next 2 years as I feel I need my family in this project!! Said to my sister the other day I might be one of those who breastfeeds until 4 just so he can't force me to hand her over, lol!!

sorry, realise I was being a bit bitter there again, oh well, can't be positive all days!

Pickles77 Sun 15-Jul-12 13:13:27

That would be really great dogsrolex smile

Pickles77 Sun 15-Jul-12 13:28:10

Oh angel, I feel completely like you... When are you due? smile

angelelle Sun 15-Jul-12 13:57:24

Hi Pickles. I am due 4th october smile When are you due? I am glad someone else feels like me, lol. I have days where I try and rise above and be all gracious and forgiving but today I am feeling extremely bitter so just going with the flow. I can totally accept he doesn't want a relationship with me but to act like a complete tool when it comes to having any interest in his child I am having a hard time to forgive. I remember the night I got pregnant and I actually suggested protection as I was at the end of my period and he said not to worry and 'hop on'!!! I mean in what world does this make it all my fault (which he has been trying to say). Sorry just really need to spew it all out today, lol

Sad thing is I put this guy on a pedestal for the past 3 years...just goes to show what a crap judge of charater I am ;)

Pickles77 Sun 15-Jul-12 20:54:47

Hey I'm due 28th sept.
I'm going through pretty much what you are, except he wants to see baby not me. He thinks I've planned this.... I've got a thread under relationships called weekends.
I know just how your feeling, I'm angry, I'm
Bitter, I'm sad. I'm up I'm down and it's so bloody hard!
Hope your okay x

angelelle Sun 15-Jul-12 21:06:45

thanks, yes, it is up and down, sometimes I can laugh about it....then I get mad at him and then at me for letting him mess me around. So we are 6 days apart! We will be fine. I keep hearing that once they pop out we will only think of them and no one else and that is what I am clinging on to smile That and looking at baby stuff.

xx

Pickles77 Sun 15-Jul-12 21:09:21

That is exactly what I try to do!grin

VeremyJyle Sun 15-Jul-12 21:13:32

Well I've managed to arrange childcare for scan on Friday grin small fib to ex and bf wants to come smile <- less enthusiasm on that one wink

Feeling nervous about scan, maybe I should slope off of MN for a while, not got a good feeling

Pickles77 Sun 15-Jul-12 21:15:39

Why are you not positive? X

Pickles77 Mon 16-Jul-12 10:31:26

Do you think if I write a letter to XP it might help him get how I feel dabs provoke some emotion sad

VeremyJyle Mon 16-Jul-12 10:33:39

I often write letters but never send them, it will make you feel better and put things into context, I find it very therapeutic, and if you do send it then keep a copy to reflect on later

angelelle Mon 16-Jul-12 10:36:41

I have been reccomended by people NOT to contact xp until after birth. He is in panic mode right now and i believe in My case any contact Will push him further away. I tried for 6 months and didnt work so now just leaving it and focusing on me until after i give birth. However, only we know our xp. I know how mine ticks and the more i push the more he Will run scared. If you feel you can reach yours through contact or conversation then do. Just note that in the first months of pg i sent some, what i felt, really heartwarming letters to xp and he never responded so as long as you feel strong enough to take the response or lack thereof in My casesmile. Wishing you luck. Xxx

Pickles77 Mon 16-Jul-12 11:47:28

okay.... im leaving the stamps in the draw smile

angelelle Mon 16-Jul-12 13:09:29

Ha ha OK....like I say, we only know them best. Mine has shut down completely, lol. He was the one pushing for dna test for example so I set it all up for him (even though I was really angry inside) and sent him all the info about what he needed to do....didn't even respond to that! Cheers!

Pickles77 Wed 18-Jul-12 18:44:20

What a ass.
Can someone explain what this means to me:
I haven't forgotten the good times, you have disregarded them and not appreciated they don't come easy?confused

angelelle Wed 18-Jul-12 20:05:16

Did you text him?? Sounds cryptic...i am going to wait until à few weeks nearer delivery date to contact mine.

Pickles77 Wed 18-Jul-12 20:15:05

No I got that one out of the blue? Had been texting nicely on a old phone, but before it got nasty gave mum the sim. She checked the sim tonight as I was bugging her- got that...

Scarredbutnotbroken Wed 18-Jul-12 20:59:33

Meh cryptic and inviting contact - who h he doesn't deserve

summerinthesun Fri 20-Jul-12 14:10:00

Hi there,

I'm also single and pregnant and I'm glad this support thread is here. I had a 3 week wait to find out if the baby had Down Syndrome. Just got called by the hospital that it doesn't, which is amazing news. But it means I actually need to start thinking about how on earth I'm going to cope with 2 little ones on my own.

I have to say Scarred I feel in a simlar situation to you. My ex was emotionally abusive, so I wasn't worried in the slightest about being a single mum to the DD we already have. I knew it would be 100 times easier than trying to bring her up with him trying to make my life difficult at every turn. I actually knew I was pregnant before I left him, and that was a catalyst for me to move quickly, as I knew he would make life very hard for me being heavily pregnant and trying to look after DD.
He is delighted by news of the pregnancy, and is trying to use that to make us get back together. As he lives in another country that won't be as easy as he hopes.

I just want to have a rant at the bad reaction of friends and family though.
My mum saying I'll never get another man to take me on now I'll have 2 children

My friend saying my new work will be really angry when they find out I'm pregnant.
Lots of friends saying it will be really hard, I won't be able to manage.

What makes me really mad is these 'friends' are about to start IVF as they are desperate for kids, and they were basically saying I should have an abortion, because I'll never cope with 2.

Pickles77 Fri 20-Jul-12 14:53:59

Summer- I know it's hard, but ignore them. I get comments like that. I find it very hard to accept people judging me. I have up and down days but I am starting to believe in myself and can't wait to prove people wrong.

You can do that too smile

lolo99 Fri 27-Jul-12 20:13:20

dear all, I am 12 weeks and was only with the father of my baby for 6 months. Conveniently in his eyes (when I told him I was pregnant) he decided to say that we were never really an item and 'what the hell?'...and he is meant to be an 'intelligent' person. He told me not to contact him anymore about 3 weeks ago after he told me he was deciding on the least damaging outcome for 'our future husbands or wives' (idiot) I suggested he 'man up and get on with it' and that I was sure anyone who loved him in his future would accept him with a beautiful kid. I was then accused of manipulating him by saying 'beautiful kid' and 'man -up'. Seriously what a joke some men are...not 'men at all'.

I am really scared of doing it all alone, the pregnancy, labour, first few weeks, no respite etc but I am also excited and know I will cope. I am very scared about finances and how I will pay my rent etc and childcare when I have to go back when any maternity pay ceases. I am sad that unlike my close friends, I have no partner to do it all with and don't have financial stability like them and the funds to buy nice gear but...... Looking forward to being active on mumsnet though and getting everyone's advice and support.

Pickles77 Fri 27-Jul-12 21:41:45

Lolo I was with my partner 18 months and moved country for him. I found out at 21 weeks pregnant and he did what your
Partner has done.
I'm now back living with my parents, and have been very depressed. I'm now 31 weeks and I miss him everyday, it pains me on what he is missing out on.
Im terrfied of the future, but through a lot of great mumsnetters I'm coping.
If you need a hand holding I'm here. It's tough and it's emotional! In this heat it's even harder. You don't need him, i thought I needed someone but mine causes too much hurt and abuse. Leave him be, let him know when the baby is born. Ball is in his court then.
If you need cheering up look at the thread I posted on pregnancy when I was feeling low- what are we looking forward to. It will make you melt smile

SwissArmyWife Fri 27-Jul-12 22:10:35

Just marking my place, will read tomorrow.

In short - 25 weeks pregnant with my second (little boy, due 9th Nov)
Partner walked out wednesday and has made it clear he doesn't want to come back, so feeling a bit scared.
Baby was planned, we were engaged, looking to move etc etc.
He couldn't take all the arguments we've had recently so i'm left to fend for myself with a 15mo DD.

Be back tomorrow. smile

Pickles77 Sat 28-Jul-12 09:52:26

Morning swissarmy hope your well. You don't need him causing hassle and being another child at the minute then.
Do you think he might just be having a funny few months?

SwissArmyWife Sat 28-Jul-12 10:32:18

Morning, i'm ok, just a tad emotional at the moment. Have just got DD down for a nap so have a bit of time to myself.

I'm not sure what he's having to be honest, and I don't even know if I want him back after everything, but i'm terrified of doing everything by myself.
I'm suffering with PGP and what may be Ante-natal depression so am angry that he's left me in this situation, and he is blaming me for causing the break up.
Of course I would never deny the fact that i've made mistakes, I am an honest person and will admit to anything i've done wrong, but he's just as much in the wrong as I am and doesn't seem to see it that way.
It changes every hour. One hour i'll feel brave and think to myself that i'll be fine, and think "screw him", the next i'm sobbing because I wish he was here with me.
It's exhausting and I hate feeling so vulnerable and worried about the future.

I'm so sorry we're all in this situation, but I hope we can all support eachother through it. How is everyone else today?

Pickles77 Sat 28-Jul-12 10:40:02

Oh I'm like that up and down, Its been a few months for me & I still get sad and angry.
I've found MN great for support though.
Unfortunately I'm feeling poorly atm think I've run myself down sad

angelelle Sat 28-Jul-12 10:41:03

Pickles, amazes me our situations are so similar. I too am in a foreign country smile And about to move back to my mums. But I have kind of got over that and am seeing it for the best it is, lots of pampering and looking after, not easy though aged 39, lol! Its kind of nice though as my dad passed away last year so mum has been quite lonely and I am having a girl so I am seeing us as three generations of women living together and luckily mum has a big house. Not staying there forever but certainly in the beginning for support!

So re the other thread I started, about letting him know after the birth. Well development there. I had a good friend staying here for a few days (lots of crying was done which I really needed to do). So we decided the right thing to do was for me to send him a text to say I am leaving the country (which he wanted) and I woudl keep him updated (did not mention word giving birth). It was non inflamatory and closed so did not need to elicit response. I had my friend here in case nasty text back. Well didnt need to worry about that as nothing!! But at least I feel I have done the right thing and not left the country without telling him.

What hurts me the most is that I have asked him for nothing, not asked him to come back, not asked him for money or help. I asked him to be at the birth a while back but I said that was for his sake as I thought he might regret it in the future. But I have had nothing back, only asked for a bit of kidness and respect but not even got that. I realised that after silence from my last text when he could have easily just said 'good luck' you wouldn't treat a dog the way he has treated my during pregnancy. I am not sad about being single mum and cant wait to have my daughter. I am sad that a person who I have thought was the bees knees for the past three years can turn around and treat me like shit on his shoe. I guess it is not until a time of crisis (he would call this a crisis) that you realise what people really go for. Grr, sorry realise this went into a rant. Ha ha

But really, two months to go, cant wait, yes disappointed and hurt by his behaviou but not bitter and forgiven him as anger only hurts me. Trying to be really philosophical about it. His loss, not mine. Did however in a time of despair contact a psychic who told me he would come crawling back after the birth...hmmm think more likely pigs will fly!! Lol. Not sweating it, had a lovely conversation with single mum yesterday who said once the babies born you wont even think of the father, you will just focus on your child. She has a toddler now and they have an amazing bond. Not easy of course being alone but we make it work right!!

xx

Pickles77 Sat 28-Jul-12 10:46:06

Oh yes, we shall soldier on! I think as we're getting closer to our dd's were getting this 'fuck you' attitude. Which is what we needed!! We are brave, they are bloomin cowards!
I think we should start taking bets
On which one melts upon seeing baby the soonest! HA well it's too late then! I wouldn't even let my xp look after my pooch for a hour!!grin

angelelle Sat 28-Jul-12 10:48:01

swissarmywife. Just sending you a hug. I think you are probably in a bit of shock now...I was exactly the same in the begninning and would literally cry all day. If I had one hour of feeling good then that was a bonus! So I took each day as it came, little by little. Now I am 7 months and I have many more good moments in the day with little sad moments dotted in. Usually mornings when I wake up and have to force myself to get going. I realise my situation is not as tough as yours, wasnt engaged and no other kids involved. I really hope that you have lots of support around you, it will get easier. And like pickles said, it could be a funny turn by him. I am not condoning it atall but I guess that is the only way I can myself see sense in my situation. Allow yourself time to feel like shit, it will get easier day by day. xxxx

angelelle Sat 28-Jul-12 10:50:32

Ha ha, yes, wondering about that. I still do worry about him trying to come back in and throwing his weight around (can be a bit of a control freak, or a lot...) but I will deal with that when it happens. I know he wont be back for the first few months at least as he has told me he doesnt want to be invovled during the difficult times ie the sleepless nights, the vomiting, the crying etc. Suits me fine then, wont look to good for him in a court of law!! (oops got a bit bitter there again smile Yes I do think the nearer we get to giving birth the stronger we get. I know it wont change now, I know he wont turn up at the birth. I just want to get on with it now and I know when I hold her in my arms all the heartache will have been worth it.

angelelle Sat 28-Jul-12 10:52:37

And I am really hoping she will be the spit of him. Apparently babies to tend to look like their fathers at birth so they wont be rejected!! In the times before dna tests I guess. Mine can be very very hard so I am not giving too much hope into him melting but I think a lot of men do. I just happened to chose a man that can literally switch his emotions of with a switch, saw this happen several times during our relationship so I know how he works!! Oh well. Almost happy now it is just her and me smile

Pickles77 Sat 28-Jul-12 11:00:36

Heehee I have my CSA forms ready to go, in case of any trouble!
Are we sure they either aren't the same guy or aren't closely related grin

Pickles77 Sat 28-Jul-12 11:01:37

Oh no- I hope she doesn't look like him. Once the most handsome man on the planet to me, but now closely resembles a meerkat!
I don't want a baby meerkat! blush

angelelle Sat 28-Jul-12 11:14:07

Ha ha I know, well I think babies often look like their fathers at birth but then change and become a mix of both parents. Yes of course I hope that I am not going to be haunted by his face for the rest of my life (although will still love her). I think a lot of these men are related. Scared, immature, spineless etc etc smile Seems to be a lot of them around. Shame I had to pick one!!

Pickles77 Sat 28-Jul-12 13:42:36

And me!

SwissArmyWife Sat 28-Jul-12 18:58:46

There must be a club, or a website where they all get together. "Twatsnet" - latest thread - "left my pregnant partner today, what's a good Xbox game so I can blank it all out?"

Just discovered today that my xp went out and got drunk last night, which really angered me when i'm stuck at home with my DD trying to do everything. I got really angry with him, I couldn't help it. I hope I made him feel guilty though.

Finally DD is in bed, after a very long day, so I'm going to crawl in to bed and eat cake and try not to think about everything.

Pickles77 Sat 28-Jul-12 21:37:28

What a pig, I got that and pictures of him draped all over girls on Facebook. You would think he's the least likely bloke on the planet to do this too? I bet the others are too?
<off too google twatnet>grin

Pickles77 Sat 28-Jul-12 22:26:19

Seems mine met someone else and they've gone on a nice jolly weekend away together.
I don't want him but it bloody hurts. One minute your up the next your down! See grin

SwissArmyWife Sun 29-Jul-12 07:09:02

Oh pickles what an arse, how long has it been since you split? Couldn't imagine how i'd/I will feel if/when mine finds someone else. I don't think he will for a while, not with a baby arriving in three months, but the thought of it makes me feel sick.

When is everyone due by the way? And have any of you got a plan on how to cope when your baby arrives?

Also have no idea about the birth, my mum was my birth partner last time but this time round she'll be looking after DD! He told me he wanted to be at the birth but I just don't know if I want him to see me like that...

Pickles77 Sun 29-Jul-12 07:49:53

Well he finished with me at the beginning of June over the baby. Devastated. In some ways I still love him but I know now I love who I thought he was.
Im due 28th September. My best friend is coming along but in a way I'd like to be alone. He says he doesn't see the big deal about being at the birth! I don't think I want him seeing me like that so I think I put on my birth plan to keep checking with me. I think I'll let him in for the final few seconds. But then again I don't want him ruining my first few moments with my DD. still trying to do the right thing by the twunt see!!!smile

SwissArmyWife Sun 29-Jul-12 10:00:18

Sounds like a rebound relationship to me! Men are good at those.
I still love mine too, and he said this would have been so much easier if he didn't love me, but he does. But I think this break up will be good for us, I can't imagine the stress of being together and arguing constantly with two children to raise. It's a massive shame as we connected in a way that neither of us had ever experienced. Guess it just wasn't enough though.
Maybe by the time the baby arrives we will have both calmed down a bit, but i'm not holding out any hope.

I think you should just do what feels right for you at the time. If he doesn't see it as a big deal, don't have him there. Otherwise it'll be disappointing for you, if he's there and doesn't share your excitement. When I had DD her father was there, but did nothing to help, sat and played a game on his gameboy, and when i'd had her I asked if he wanted to come and say hello but he shook his head and walked out. It was massively disappointing and would have preferred him to not be there at all! (This isn't the same ex by the way lol)

Pickles77 Sun 29-Jul-12 10:10:41

Well I know we will come out on top in the end grin let him have his rebound. It bloody hurts though. Glad I deleted him on Facebook so it won't get rubbed in my face.
That must even harder yours admitting he still loves you. I know mine doesn't he told me that its because of who I have become(standing up for my baby!)
Oh no I think it might be no men at my labour... You just put me off lol grin

angelelle Sun 29-Jul-12 11:22:44

Good morning. Just to add my two pennies worth. Mine went into a new relation when I was 3 months pregnant, and I did get it rubbed in my face. I don't think I have ever known a pain like it. We had already broken up when I got pregnant to be fair but we were still in a sort of relationship ie hanging out, having sex, talking on the phone....so to be abandoned at pregnancy felt like shit. As far as I know they are still together 4 months on sad I am also at the point where I don't think I could take him back due to pain of him totally turning his back on me but it is hard when you have feelings for someone. However, todays news!!! I think I said in another thread I had let him know I was leaving for my mums to give birth, just a very short text message as I felt it was the right thing to do. I got an answer at midnight last night. Asking me when i was coming back and then talking about the olympics!!! I showed it to a friend who said she thought it was cold, obviously I am trying to not read too much into it as I cant take much more pain. I have had this before, six weeks ago I had a text asking how I was etc, next time I spoke to him he told me his girlfriend didn't like me being pregnant....which was nice. So I am not even sure I have the strength to answer as who knows what he might say next week!!

oh well, two months to go and then all focus on baby hopefully smile

Pickles77 Sun 29-Jul-12 11:24:44

Two months smile your a week ahead of me.
Don't reply... Id leave it now and see what becomes.
How are you doing otherwise?

angelelle Sun 29-Jul-12 11:45:25

I am fine thanks, yes, not sure I will reply although it is tempting...but actually the desire to throw myself on the phone to him was less than I expected which means moving forward so v. proud of myself. Yes, I am 4th october. Physically have never felt better, had a really easy pregnancy so far although I did think I had preeclampsia the other night at midnight due to blurred vision and called the nurse hotline. They told me to stop googling things, lol. THis is when it is hard to be alone, you get that 'what if something happens, who would take me to hospital'! But in two days back at mums so then I will feel more relaxed. Its the mental side that has got me...luckily I live in a country where the streets are paved with gold for pregnant women so got a psychologist within two days of going to midwives and crying, all for free. She was OK, it was more me just chatting about feeling abandonded and let down. Also had some good friends supporting me. Had a hard time going out for fear of bumping into him and her, not what I really want to do when I have a big tummy, lol. Now just cleaning up flat as I dont know when I will be back...probably be six months though before I dare set foot in this country again! Need to get back into shape and look hot before I see him again, isnt it ridiculous how you think as a woman. grrr. Starting my NCT classes in uk next week, not really looking forward to sitting there with couple. Unfortunately my mum lives in a posh area so the likelyhood of there being any other single mums there is small but I will get back to you on this one, ha ha. Anyway, 7 months on I am kind of used to it now, i live in a scandinavian country where dads take half their share in everything to do with the kids so every time I go out I do get it shoved in my face with dads with prams etc. I am getting over it now.

How are you??

Pickles77 Sun 29-Jul-12 13:27:37

Thats good your getting support smile i worry about the pre eclampsia too! Are you excited or just stressed about your move?
My midwife has on my notes that after the birth they must try & put me somewhere alone. As it may cause me more emotional damage and stress seeing doting husbands bringing flowers and shite.
Well you know exactly what I mean?
Maybe you could mention it to your midwife?
I know exactly what you mean about the antenal classes- im dreading it too. We are in the same sort of area.
I had the hospital the other day & was seen on the ward with all the newborns. Cue seeing daddies carrying in car seats and babies out to go home. Well when I arrived at reception I was in rather a state sad. You can imagine!

Would like to say thanks to rolex for starting this thread. It's really helping me, and speaking to others is helping me too. I'm starting to feel better, stronger and happier. So thank you smile

chocoraisin Sun 29-Jul-12 17:29:03

hello ladies... just dropping in to say I now have my gorgeous 3 and a half week old DS2 with me, and my older DS1 had an amazing 2nd birthday party last week, minus his wayward dad.

My STBXH left me for OW when I was 15 weeks pregnant. I never thought this would happen to me, and it's been at times horrendous and frightening. I felt lonely, stupid, abandoned, angry, scared... I've moved in with my parents and given up my job and my home. It's been a horrible experience, no doubt about it.

BUT I thought you'd all like to know that now my DS2 is here it's just amazing. His 'dad' comes to see him for a few hours a week and sees his brother fridays and saturdays during the day, so unlike some of you with absent twunts I still have to deal with him quite a lot. But it's getting easier. Even when he acts like an utter tool (like asking me yesterday if I'd seen my solicitor and would I accept £500 cash to let him divorce me instead of me divorcing him for adultery? Um, NO you CUNT. I've been having our baby, and I can't be bought!!). I just let it roll off me now though. There's no going back and the more I enjoy these wonderful precious moments with my amazing kids the more I realise he's the one who has lost something - not me.

He's told me he isn't planning to see them at Christmas and is going on holiday with OW 'somewhere hot' instead. Do I feel sad? No. Because the idiot will wake up one day and realise that the most incredible young men he should have been raising see him as that bloke they can ask for cash from now and then, instead of the man they turn to for advice, love and support. And in the meantime we are free to enjoy our lives smile In the future I know I'll meet someone who deserves to be with me and my kids. But for now, being a single mum of two is actually bloody lovely. So hang in there if you're scared or depressed right now, because I promise you the best is yet to come - and all the while you are surviving this you are becoming the strong mummy your baby needs you to be.

Pickles77 Sun 29-Jul-12 17:31:38

choco congratulations!!!
What a twunt your exp is!!!! Your right he will realise. You sound like your doing incredibly well!!! Well done xxx

Pickles77 Mon 30-Jul-12 19:12:40

Today is a down day sad very upset. Next week it's my birthday and I'll be pretty much alone. I just feel so sorry for myself tonight, I have no one to share kicks with or show baby clothes too. Find it really hard to discuss with my parents. I know they aren't disapointed in me but it's hardly ideal.
I just feel so let down.
Sorry to post. I thought I was a lot better.

chocoraisin Mon 30-Jul-12 20:09:53

its ok I understand how you feel. My toddler just had the most almighty melt down tonight, and went to bed with no dinner (wouldn't eat anything) now my newborn is screaming bally murder with wind and won't latch. Never thought I'd be desperately trying to breastfeed in front of my dad while the house shakes with the screams of my children!

The thing is, I know deep down that my parents don't care or judge at all, they just want to help. I just wish that someone else was helping instead which is pointless! My 30th bday came and went 7 days after my baby was born too, I chose not to really mark it but my family have made me feel special anyway. It's a rollercoaster we're on and it's normal to want to get off!! I think the thing is to try and take the long view, and look to next year not next week if you can, in the long run we will get through all this and be glad we have because our kids will make it worthwhile x

SwissArmyWife Tue 31-Jul-12 11:19:52

I feel let down too, had my exp screaming down the phone at me yesterday. He left me in a complete state, all because he thought I had said something that I hadn't, and he punished me for it.

But you know what? He kind of made it a lot easier to stop feeling so rubbish about everything, because i've now seen how cruel he can be and if i'm honest I really don't want to be with someone who can be so lovely one minute and a heartless bastard the next. I do not deserve that kind of treatment, especially while pregnant. After ten minutes of sobbing I stopped and could actually see clearly.

It will still be hell for me to get through this, but i'm ready for it.

Pickles can you not arrange to see some friends for your birthday?

choco Just try and appreciate that you have your parents for help, even though it is not a position you want to be in, at least you have them.

I'm going to stay at my mums for a while tomorrow, and to be honest I can't wait. I am exhausted.

hugobobby Tue 31-Jul-12 17:21:32

hi I had a baby 10 years ago, I faced having c section on my own, went into hosp and discharged myself 2 days later, it was a struggle as i have 2 older kids, i was 41 when i had my third, i must say that i have tried to teach my kids to treat others as they would like to be treated, and to enjoy life, not materials, it sounds daft and we have and still do struggle, i have always worked and for low pay, i am very proud of my children, the eldest in final uni year, 2nd one on her way, and my youngest is still my princess. I have had no family help, and have not asked anyone to help me, i do recieve tax credit re on such a low wage, and have demoted myself and took a lower paid job to be there some of the time with my children. I can honestly say that my life has not been easy but i do not feel sorry for myself and realise that we could have a lot less, mums are strong thats why we carry and give birth. I have made mistakes in life but having my children is my greatest achievment

Pickles77 Tue 31-Jul-12 17:54:35

Thank you for your positive posts, I'm sorry I haven't posted I'm really struggling again. I'll try pick myself up and post more tonight smile

angelelle Wed 01-Aug-12 16:06:37

Hi pickles and the rest of you lovely ladies. Sorry to hear you are feeling down pickles, if it is any consolation i feel shitty today. I landed in the uk yesterday, v emotional leaving My Home of three years and not being able to shake the feeling of being sent to coventry by the father as he wants nothing to do with birth. Has now Said he wants to be informed after birth and see à photo. Anyhoot, as i am rh- in bloodtype i foolishly texter and asked for his bloodtype out of interest, dont think it makes à difference. Landed in uk thinking this is it, new life starting, fortet about him..turn phone on and text From him asking why his blodgroup is important. I didnt answer. An hour later i get à totally random text about à work thing he was dealing with!! Aghhh i left the freaking country so now it is safe to talk to me. Because i am weak i did answer but heard nothing back. I dont want him to text again as it gives me à stomach ache. Spent today punishing myself thinking about him and his gf and feeling like crap. Wish he would just go away. I know he Will want to see his dd which means i Will have to see him again in à few months. Dreading it, if i could just walk away i would feel better but i know i have to see him again and i am already worrying about how i Will react to this after seeing someone every day and then them just turning their back and then not seeing them for 6 months....i know he is the biggest nob ever but i still have feelings sad so pickles, i am too feeling crappy today, hopefully better tomorrow. Thanks for all the other posts here, this is à good thread for support. Xxx

angelelle Wed 01-Aug-12 16:10:57

And chocraisin, thanks for your lovely post. I know it Will get better. For me it is not the worry of being à single mum. I have à lovely supportive family. I just cant believe someone i put on à pedestl would do this....just goes to show. And one day i too Will get over the hurt of him treating me like shit and be so happy for My dd and he Will be the one missing out.

skyebluesapphire Wed 01-Aug-12 22:24:01

Hi pickles and choco <waves>

I know I'm not pregnant but just wondered how you were pickles and found this thread :-)

Pickles77 Thu 02-Aug-12 08:54:11

Hi guys, angelle and sky
<hope your okay sky>

Glad your back in the uk angelle, it seems he's starting to think a bit more about what he has done. But just ignore him & concentrate on you!

I'm just having a down week & can't seem
To pick it up. My counselling set it off! I don't think it helps I'm staring to feel rather heavy and getting a lot of pregnancy headaches. I feel ready now and want the baby now.
Other than that I feel incredibly lonely, I know I have friends but I miss the ex p and I know I shouldn't. It's so hard not sharing things it's not the same to share things with my mum. This isnt how I planned my life to be.
Anyhoo, the dogs has to go to doggy daycare now because it's being decided
We suffer mutually from separation anxiety and he goes beserk at other dogs to protect me so I have to let him go so it's better for the baby and he doesn't get jealous. It's very hard to not have him all day sad

Pickles77 Thu 02-Aug-12 19:25:13

I need to ask if anyone knows about this. Can i stop my XP seeing the baby when shes here?
He says hes not interested in 'it' until 'its' born and how he's ridiculosly angry at me and 'it'
I said until he learns to respect me he is not seeing the baby, as he isnt hurting her like he has damaged me. Can i do that?

Jellykat Thu 02-Aug-12 19:37:34

You can say it Pickles, but be aware if he takes you to court for contact later down the line, he will get it sad

Pickles77 Thu 02-Aug-12 19:43:11

Thanks for the speedy response Jelly. I just dont know what to do im trying to be the better person and i dont understand how he can be how he is about her now but then says he wants to see her. He says he only wants to see her because he has too.
I was going to make it easy for him, if he takes me to court though he might only be allowed supervised vists maybe? I dont know how it works. I dont want her taken away from me when ive been working so hard.
Im panicking now. I normally update on here but i cant at the moment as its getting to me again...

chocoraisin Thu 02-Aug-12 19:45:59

The way I deal with my ex is this, it may help you, I don't know, but I try to see things this way -

I see my job re: contact as giving him the opportunity to be a good dad. If he does do that, brilliant. If he doesn't, I don't chase. In practice this means if he asks for something (time with the kids, phone calls, to give them stuff from him etc) I do my very best to facilitate it. If he doesn't, I don't go offering my soul or chasing to extraordinary lengths in the hope it will make him step up. It's made me feel much more calm to know that my job is to be a good mum, and his job is to be a good dad. I can't make him do his job, so I focus solely on doing mine, while allowing him the chance (when requested) to do his.

I'll never, ever stop him from being a good dad. But it is up to him to want to be one. Perhaps, you could just make a decision in your own mind not to care about what your ex might do and just get on with your job (for now). In other words, say nothing. Offer nothing. Do nothing... Don't say yes or no to contact right now at all. In the future if he asks to be a good dad, you can work out how you will facilitate that for your DD and him.

Right now he's being a prize tit so you can safely ignore him until that changes, without being in the wrong. But if you make noises about not allowing him to be a dad, you may discover he becomes a bull in a china shop about his 'rights' without taking time to reflect on his responsibilities. If you give him time to think (whether it be days, weeks, months or sadly even years) then he may realise that being a dad isn't a choice, it's a job he's signed up for. And by not doing it, he'll only have himself to blame in the future.

I know it's hard, but this too shall pass and you won't feel so raw forever xx

Pickles77 Thu 02-Aug-12 20:00:10

You speak words of wisdom choco, thank you for taking that time to post to me.
I just can't get my head around it. I feel like I'm doing so well & then he makes me feel like a child. I effectively take the bait and snap.
I guess I have bonded with the baby. He hasn't.
This just isn't what I wanted

Jellykat Thu 02-Aug-12 20:07:39

I don't understand.. He only wants to see her because he has to? why does he have to?

and what do you mean by taken off you, do you mean during contact?

Pickles77 Thu 02-Aug-12 20:10:48

He says it's his responsibility and he will have to see her because I've been irresponsible in keeping a baby I shouldn't be having sad
Im worried he will brainwash her & become a doting father and take all access away from me out of spite sad

skyebluesapphire Thu 02-Aug-12 20:18:54

Good advice there from choco.

He may or may not want to see DD when she is born. I would make him wait until you are recovered a bit from the birth anyway . Whether you see him or not that day is very much on your terms. Beyond that, he will have to step up to the mark and stick to agreed access. If not then its his loss.

skyebluesapphire Thu 02-Aug-12 20:24:39

Tell him the decision is made now, no point in going over old ground, the baby is coming whether he likes it or not. It's his choice whether or not he becomes a father to her (not it, he knows what it's going to be!)

Your DD will love you because you are the one she will be with all the time. He will be McDonalds Daddy.

Jellykat Thu 02-Aug-12 20:25:11

Pickles, please don't panic, she isn't here yet, and the stressing is no good for you or her.. How can he take all access away from you? i don't know your history..

All sorts of things may happen, he may change his mind, he may fall completely in love with her, he might meet someone else and decide he can't be arsed..

You concentrate on you and her for now, your bond is strong and will continue to be.. Is he going to be there at the birth?

chocoraisin Thu 02-Aug-12 20:29:13

you will never have to worry about him removing her from you sweetie, family law just doesn't work that way. You will be resident parent and as you aren't married you don't even have to name him on the birth cert, which would mean he hasn't got parental responsibility (although I personally have my doubts about whether not naming him is a good idea in the long run).

If you are very frightened about how it all works why don't you go and see a specialist family law solicitor for the free half hour (most law firms offer a free initial consult) so you can ask a bit more about the system and put your mind at rest? You don't need to use the info and launch into an adversarial court system just because you asked a few questions, and it's always nice to know facts not just be stuck fretting over your fears.

Pickles77 Thu 02-Aug-12 20:43:27

Thank you guys. Its just so so hard sad
Thanks for scraping me up again.
There's a lovely girl on one of the other threads whose exp is like mine but it's early days for them.
I've invited her to hop over here <although maybe not tonight, as I'm having a meltdown and don't want to scare her>

Once again thank you.
I'm definable going to look into the legal family stuff. It might help put my mind at rest a little.

Jellykat Thu 02-Aug-12 21:17:26

Pickles, think i'll tell you a bit of my story to put your mind at rest a bit..

Split with DS2s dad at 3 months pregnant, he didn't want anymore kids so did it all by myself while he went off with my best mate.. When DS2 was 8 months he decided he wanted contact, i said No and he took me to court.. Yes he got contact and PR, but PR really doesn't mean much on a day to day level, and contact was a couple of hours every other Saturday, because of DSs age and i was still BFeeding, this increased via negotiation through the courts and over months and months, ending up with every other weekend at 3 years. The courts don't just suddenly give masses of contact, it has to be built up over time for the DC to feel ok.

I of course, like you, was the resident parent, yes the maximum he could've gone for was 50/50 parenting, but he wouldn't of i eventually realized - thats too much like hard work!
I was so scared like you initially, but believe me, the courts don't just take DC off the resident parent.

You know you are her mum and you always will be - and there's only one of you smile and its the day to day stuff that forms the solid bond, feeding them when they're small, nursing them when they're poorly, potty training etc etc and you'll be the one doing that.

You don't have to have him there at the birth unless you say so and he has to be present at registration to go on the birth certificate, again that's your decision.. You have a lot more control then you think.

Pickles77 Thu 02-Aug-12 21:20:38

jelly thank you, you just calmed me down more than you will ever know.
I hope one day I can tell my story in the positive way you tell yours smile

Jellykat Thu 02-Aug-12 21:54:01

You're welcome Pickles smile

I don't know when you're due, but i felt like the bond you feel now, before they're born, stays in your heart, it makes you fiercely protective for always.. In a way the absent parent has to build that bond, and that takes time and commitment (which tbh a lot of absent parents can't quite be arsed with)

I've seen this with both DSs dads now 23 and 14. DS1 hasn't seen his dad since he was 16 (his choice) and DS2 sees his (bearing in mind he took me to court) once or twice a year now, neither have suffered because of it, they're happy..

You just never know how these things will turn out in the long run, so try not to fret.. Just look forward to finally meeting her face to face, and try not to let XPs presence overshadow your enjoyment - deal with his future comings and goings when and if they happen smile

Pickles77 Thu 02-Aug-12 21:57:31

Yes your right, we've had a very turbulent time of it lately.
I am going to enjoy my last 8 weeks & no one will ruin it!!

Jellykat Thu 02-Aug-12 22:22:02

Too right! grin
Only 8 weeks left, that's exciting!

If you ever wobble again, post, we'll be here

angelelle Fri 03-Aug-12 09:24:39

Oh pickles, hug, as u know i am in à very similar boat. I spent weeks having à complete meltdown as i thought the ex and his new gf were going to take My baby away and be parents to her!! Now i know that was crazy pregnancy thinking but it doesnt make it easier. What people above are saying is right. He wont suddenly just get tons of access. It Will be à slow build up over time as he has to get to know the child. Similar to you My ex also says he Will see the baby out of duty but does not what anything to do with me during pregnancy. I am now trying just to focus on last two months of pg. I have no idea what he Will do after the birth, he might never darken My doorstep again or he may melt at the sight of his daughter. I cant know and for now am trying to put it to one side as i have no control over it. And it is not Easy for me to say that. I have been à wobbling mess for 7 months. Lol. Thankfully friends and family helping me through. I still kept him on à pedestal for quite à while but now i realise what what an utter nob he is....and spinless to boot. It does help me to have evil thoughts about him sometime, we are only human after all!! smile pm at any time...we are going through such similar things and are giving birth à week apartsmile i have first nct tomorrow. Dreading the whole couples bit but hey ho....

angelelle Fri 03-Aug-12 09:25:19

Oh and a Friend gave me marian keyes watermelon to read...it has really helped mesmile

Pickles77 Fri 03-Aug-12 11:10:31

Thanks angel, ive ordered watermelon this morning smile
Dont think it helps when you feel ropey sad makes me more hormonal.
Good luck with the NCT, are you going alone?
I have mine next week sad

MakeItALarge Fri 03-Aug-12 12:37:29

Hi, just had a read through the thread as I had just had my ds after going through pregnancy alone and the best bit of advice I was given is do not put the twunt father on the birth certificate!

I know that sounds very bitchy and bitter but giving pr to a person who may not have any involvement in your childs life is pointless, and can cause problems with passports, schools, future access demands.

For me it was easy to register alone as xp took paternity leave to get drunk for two weeks, when he reappeared he was amazed we had done things without him. So I told him he could of course be on the birth cert and have full parental rights IF he could go a month without threatening me or my son.... grin

Pickles77 Fri 03-Aug-12 12:48:47

That's what I think would be the right thing for me to do. Shock him into behaving right. However, how does that affect maintenance? Im actually not too bothered by any payments from him. Id rather be truely alone and left to get on with my life.
Rather than all up in the air as it is right now. If he's not involved, it's black and white.
I'm just sick of always trying to do the right thing for everyone. Because the only person to get upset & hurt is me. But I cant stop- its like I have no self control.
My councillor says we need to find a way to get my anger out. Rather than the grieving of a loss which I'm doing at the minute. I'm told the anger will come- but it's taking a bloody long time sad

MakeItALarge Fri 03-Aug-12 13:11:43

If you go through CSA it doesnt affect it, he can deny paternity and demand dna but he can do that even if hes on the birth cert. Mines still denying it after dna hmm and the money is not for you its for your baby, even if you dont want it claim it, put it in a bank account and when your son is 18 let him decide what to do with it!

I know what you mean about anger mine has been so horrible about our ds but know matter what he says i would still love him to be a part of ds's life. I did get angry when he didnt attend the birth (he had an early night then blamed it on me for giving birth at such a bad time... 8pm)but now i pity him more than anything.

Pickles77 Fri 03-Aug-12 13:13:30

Thank you, that sounds a plan...

Might go smash some plates <see if it work the angry>

MakeItALarge Fri 03-Aug-12 13:26:19

Check his facebook page? He used to tell me how busy/depressed he was then announce he was out on the piss, that always triggered the anger for me!!

Pickles77 Fri 03-Aug-12 13:36:22

Lol oh yes we had pictures of him draped over girls... I don't even need to go look actually now I'm angry smile

MakeItALarge Fri 03-Aug-12 13:48:23

Good, go smash them plates and think about how much better off you are without him!!

Mine sent me a text once saying he needed time to drink.... said it was predictive text error and was meant to say think but it was the most honest thing he ever said!

chocoraisin Fri 03-Aug-12 13:58:56

lol@MakeitLarge!

Pickles77 Fri 03-Aug-12 17:34:31

Phew feeling a bit better.
Been thinking about not putting his name on birth certificate. He won't come and register the birth anyway & he won't even look into it.
I don't think I'm going to put it on. Not out of spite but because I am scared. If he's not on there i have complete control, it's black and white we are alone. I don't even
Want his money if it comes to that.
Until he can show me he respects us I don't think I should consider changing it.
I don't want my child's dad to be part of her life because he has too but because he wants to.
He will scream and say I can't ever do anything responsibly or sensibly but I think this is the right way to go- I am protecting us is there anything more sensible than that?
I mean yesterday I had him screaming that he hasn't asked about our health because she's not a baby she is cells and I
Am nothing. He spoke to me nicely for ten
Minutes before I pointed out he hadn't asked about us, then started screaming how angry he was with me and how
Mentally sick I was, and damaged. You know, and that i just want to argue all the time.
My father now isn't speaking to me as I have spoken to the ex... I cant just ignore him though I don't have the willpower. I don't think that's very supportive from
My dad either.

MakeItALarge Fri 03-Aug-12 17:51:58

No its not supportive at well but I can see how he wants the best for you and doesnt want you being hurt anymore, it annoys the hell out of my friends that I wouldnt give up on my ex but I put my baby and his needs first, and it sounds like your doing the same.

Oh and mentally ill?? Do they get this stuff out a book?? Or maybe its off yhe twatsnet site...

101 Things to Say to Your ex when u know youre being a twat
#1 Youre mental
#2 Why are you always starting arguments

Jellykat Fri 03-Aug-12 17:59:58

I think it's really really hard Pickles.. I can see where your dad is coming from, although refusing to speak to you is definitely NOT supportive.

The thing is when you speak to your XP you are just getting loads of abuse, you're not going to get anywhere with him at this time - he's not going to change his atitude suddenly and be a nice bloke.
I know it takes a phenomenal amount of willpower.. but try not to verbally engage with him for a while, it's just keeping it all going and it doesn't sound like it's a good thing in any way whatsoever. Why talk to someone who's just going to tell you you're mentally sick? You deserve more then that!!

Another way of looking at it is, do you want his screaming and arguements around your daughter when she comes?

skyebluesapphire Fri 03-Aug-12 18:12:15

I think if you aren't married the father has to be present if you put his name on the birth certificate, unless he signs a statutory declaration.

He will only have parental rights if his name is on it, but access us different to rights.

Pickles77 Fri 03-Aug-12 18:17:08

Should I send a final message? Making it clean cut?
I don't want any of this I hate it. I feel stupid and immature sad

chocoraisin Fri 03-Aug-12 18:31:10

the best way to make a clean break is to decide, for yourself, that it's what you want. Start as you mean to go on. Don't text him anything.

If you send a msg saying I will never speak to you again (or something to that effect) what you are really doing is inviting him to respond. It's only half-hearted, because really there is the secret hope he will suddenly had a 'see the light' moment and beg you not to go... but it never works out like that sad what is most likely to happen is he will respond with more abuse, and wear you down a little more.

If you want a clean break, even just for a little while, the best way to get one is simply to stop responding. I did this in my 8th month, I just refused to open texts, sent emails to a separate folder that I ignored and basically switched off from the ex. I didn't think I'd be able to, but it felt amazing to get back some control.

We have two children so I've always known he would be around every week and I'd have to deal with him when baby arrived, but even a month of no contact recharged my batteries a huge amount. If you want to feel better, I strongly recommend you give no contact a try.

FWIW my dad has been so angry with my ex it's made him literally sick, and he's not always known how to deal with it. your dad probably doesn't know what to say because he just wants to punch the knobhead out, and doesn't want to upset you by saying that! He will come round, he loves you.

Pickles77 Fri 03-Aug-12 18:33:29

Thank you choco, that's what I'll try and do.
Wish I had willpower!
That really sums up what Dad thinks tbh sad

MakeItALarge Fri 03-Aug-12 18:44:35

Chocoraisin - can I have some of your willpower please? And how did it work out, did it make your xp behave any better towards you? Thats what I wish I had done during my pregnancy.

Jellykat Fri 03-Aug-12 18:53:41

Pickles - I agree completely with Choco, i managed not to speak to DS1s dad for the first year, we even walked past each other in the street a few times.. It was such a relief, and so peaceful smile

Oh and YOU'RE not the stupid immature one sweetheart!!

Pickles77 Fri 03-Aug-12 19:01:49

Thanks guys, taken it all on board. Got another appointment with doctor regarding upping my medication as struggling to go out again (hence me being on most threads on MN)
Got a big bath, magazine and ice cream. Wish it was wine! Did some dog training with the pooch! Made me feel a bit less useless as he responded!
Thank you again

Jellykat Fri 03-Aug-12 19:10:26

Awwwww Pickles, you've got a dog! They're such brilliant friends, god i miss mine.. Is it a pup or rescue? (veering from the thread subject i know..)

chocoraisin Fri 03-Aug-12 19:20:05

I don't know if it has changed him at all, but there is a clear line in the sand now - I stand my ground when I've had enough, not by shouting or having a hissy fit, just by ignoring and detaching. I was so fearful when we separated - just like you - that he would take my children away from me. Now I know that life is just going to be me getting on with things 90% of the time... I think he is relieved there is no drama. He comes for his set days and I don't hear from him in between, I'd go as far as to say it's all pretty civil at the moment. He sees baby in my home and today we had a 45 min conversation about the kids over a cup of tea.

The kicker is that he knows I couldn't give a monkeys fart about his life, and he's not a part of mine beyond being their dad. Conversation is only about the kids, everything else is off limits. Knowing I can opt out of the drama has made me a much happier person... I don't think it's willpower actually, I think I just realised that the sooner I accept it the better my life will be. After all, fear is only your imagination running away with you - what he might do or what you think would break your heart... it's not really what I was dealing with day to day. My reality is that day to day he isn't around and when there is no fuel to the fire, he doesn't get in touch with horrible crap. I decided to deal with the day I'm in, and only that. I hope it makes sense when I say that... I just can't live being afraid of my shadow, wondering what he might do. So all I deal with is what is right in front of me. When I decided to do that, and decided not to answer texts etc, he stopped being right in front of me, and I figured out I could actually move on a bit... sorry, not sure how clear that all was! I'm a bit knackered. DS1 just in bed, DS2 feeding. Yawn!!

Pickles77 Fri 03-Aug-12 20:12:36

choco I hope you know what an inspiration you are smile
jelly he is a parsons Russell (long haired jack Russell) that is far too protective of his mum. He has to go to rehab twice a week now all day as us being seperated causes a lot of problems (it's mutual) he thinks he is my DH. Growls when people come near me. So unfortunately we need to get it sorted before baby comes, it's breaking my heart sad
<keep getting into trouble for him being in bed, he is learning to hide very well>
He's my world at the minute, me him and baby- we are our family.
<starts blubbing> grin

skyebluesapphire Fri 03-Aug-12 20:40:58

Pickles, choco truly is an inspiration and I knew she would be perfect to help you (hi choco)

Please ignore anything your twunt says about you, it says more about him than it does about you.... He is angry because he has no control over what is happening. You are very strong and doing amazingly well.

Pickles77 Fri 03-Aug-12 20:46:07

Thanks sky (you are fantastic too!!!) grin

Jellykat Fri 03-Aug-12 21:03:05

Ah Pickles, my mum has a Jack Russell, he bit the Postman shock for no reason whatsoever, now he growls at anyone in a red car/van.. think they're prone to be a bit fierce, wonder if it's cos they're so little.

Hope it gets sorted out quickly, the 3 of you together would be a great family smile

Pickles77 Fri 03-Aug-12 21:05:26

Yes the three of us will be a great big liability family smile
I think he could be related to your mums!
He's snoring now, on the pillow next to me

Jellykat Fri 03-Aug-12 21:30:03

Sounds good to me... Now that DS1 has left home and my lovely doggy has died, all i'm left with is a hormonal teen and a piggin' goldfish!
Thank god for MN i reckon.

Yep, they're probably brothers as mum Russell was a growler too.

Pickles77 Fri 03-Aug-12 21:33:07

Stick with MN- stay away from the pooches smile

Jellykat Fri 03-Aug-12 21:36:13

and irresponsible arseholes grin

Pickles77 Sun 05-Aug-12 12:13:30

I actually can't do this anymore.
I've lost everything. My job. My home. Everything.
I've lost my job really- I won't be able to do it after the baby arrives.
My home. I have to live with my parents I've got nowhere else to go & I hate it. It's fine when my dad is away but when he is here is awful. He's so selfish. I have to do everything he wants and says all the time. I'm tired in worn out and I just want to be left alone but I have nowhere to go or hide.

Im currently paying to get my dog retrained, as he's very possessive with me, bad with other dogs and it will be awful when the baby comes. I don't have any money anyway so it's money I don't have trying to do that because I need my dog. He is all I have left.
This is the problem, my mum follows the dogs new rules fine. Realises I'm the dogs
Owner. My dad won't though, won't even read the list of rules and over rules me all the time. It's a joke, this is money I don't have.
Im not being supported at all. I feel so alone again. I thought moving home would be better but it's not.
I have no space. My room is tiny. I have me, my dog and every bit
Of baby equipment in here. I can't move.
My dad just walks in and out whenever, I have no privacy. I can't even watch tv in peace. I'm demanded I make cups
Of tea for him, im frequently told I'm just a guest.
They talk about when I move out all the time, but I have no money and nowhere to go.
He works away most of the week which is fine, it's the weekends. I get no peace, im so stressed. I spend most of my time on here cheering myself up.
But today I've realised I have nowhere to go... At all. If I could get in my car and drive anywhere there would still be nowhere.
What do I do? It's one drama after another.

skyebluesapphire Sun 05-Aug-12 12:34:05

Repeat after me, I am just having a funny five minutes.... You have been doing very well snd are going to have ups and downs.

What happens if you are homeless, I know you put something on your other thread? Surely the council will have to house you and your baby if you were made homeless?

Please dont buy into this. This is what your twunt has said to you that has made you feel like this.

Pickles77 Sun 05-Aug-12 12:41:00

I think they will put us in some kind of hostel for the time being but maybe I should do that.
I just don't think staying here is going to be great in the long run... It's like they think im a child. I'm feeling like a child.
I've got no room to do anything... It's stupid. I get no peace at all.
I just go along with everyone all the time.
I don't feel I'm making any progress at all, I got to my parents house moved in and now have achieved nothing.
No one in RL gets how I feel... Just to chin up, be strong. That my ex is this that and the other.
Im back at breaking point this weekend.

Oh Pickles I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time right now. You're having to take so much on board at the moment it is no wodner you feel as you do.

Is there any way you can get your Mum to talk to your Dad? You are an adult who should be treated with respect and allowed to make your own decisions (which it sounds as though your Dad fails to realise).

Only you can decide whether it's better to do the hostel or stay put. I can't imagine you'd have much space or peace at a hostel either, but I am not speaking from experience.

You mentioned you have a birthday coming up. Do you like chocolate? Would you like something special sent to cheer you up a bit? x

Pickles77 Sun 05-Aug-12 13:11:39

It's just rubbish.
Mum will try, dont think it will work. This house is way too small.
Ive lost my tablets about four days ago too and thought it would be okay to see my doctor on Friday (she is PT), I don't think I'll manage.
Im so sorry to be on here again taking up people's time.

Go back to the doctor on Monday! Just explain the situation and I'm sure there will be no problem.

I'm around all day today (though on and off as DD will be demanding lunch and play time soon), so chat away here or PM me if you want/need to.

Its a times like this I wish we had a spare room...

Pickles77 Sun 05-Aug-12 13:27:35

Your such a nice person notgeoff smile

Pah! I just live by the 'treat people as you'd want to be treated' mantra. If you heard some of things I say about people I dislike.... smile

Pickles77 Sun 05-Aug-12 14:29:12

I try to do that- it never works for me!!

Jellykat Sun 05-Aug-12 15:01:08

Oh Pickles i'm sorry your having a shitty day today sad

I had to live with my mum and step dad when DS1 was born, many years ago, they made up a bed in the sitting room (no spare bedrooms) so i can remember how you're feeling.. it's really tough going.

Are you on waiting lists for local HA and Council places? Doesn't necessarily mean much i know these days, as the lists are huge.. You could maybe think about the hostel and if its awful move back.

If you've got no work, i presume you're on benefits like i was.. once the baby arrives these will go up.. i managed to save enough for a deposit to rent although it took a while, i didn't have a car to pay for, and i basically didn't have a life, but with a tiny baby thats kinda easy, you just go for lots of walks.. Eventually found someone to do a house share with in a 2 bedroomed place.. It was our space, and the lady i shared with was hardly ever there.

I know finding rentals on HB is bloody difficult these days too, but it might be possible? - Just trying to think of a way out for you.

Pickles77 Sun 05-Aug-12 16:01:03

Im on the lists but I'm the lowest grade I can be unless my parents make me homeless.
Thankfully I'm not too penniless as I'm
On my maternity allowance from work so I'm going to try and manage and then when that ends get some work before going back to study.
I think maybe I should try the hostel thing and see what happens at least If I go and speak to someone it might make me feel better too.
It's just going from being so Independant, work, house, dog, settled down to bang being 15 again sad.
Thank you jelly

skyebluesapphire Sun 05-Aug-12 17:18:22

You sound more positive now. You need to be made homeless and then you will be allocAted a place somewhere. You will never jump up the list while you live there. So you need to think about that.

Don't drag yourself down as you are letting him win if you do.

I'm not sure what to suggest with your dad. Because you are back under his roof he is treating you like a child again... Some parents never grow out of that..

Pickles77 Sun 05-Aug-12 18:34:10

I think that's the thing, over protective isn't the word
Not feeling more positive, feeling a bit calmer. Getting it out stops me crying.
I felt bad about getting help from the goverment but I have always worked, and I always intend work.
It's amazing how those that need the help feel guilty for asking sad

angelelle Sun 05-Aug-12 19:13:14

Hi Pickles, sorry to hear you have been feeling low the past couple of days. Don't worry about crying and feeling shite at times. I have been lucky to have the support of one wonderful friend who listens to me nearly every day saying the same thing over and over again!! And lets me cry on her shoulder and it really helps. You will still have bad days and you will still cry, it wont go over in a day but it will get easier and every day you cry is one less day you have to cry in the future. And as for your worries about housing. I mean I am 39 years old and have had to move back in with my mum so I don't have to be alone the first few months. I will probably end up giving up my own flat that I rent at the moment and my job so I can stay with my mum the first year. I try and turn it around and see that it is great that I have that support rather than feeling like a massive failure at my age smile I really hope you sort it out with your dad, I am sure he only wants your best. My mum would punch my ex I think if she ever saw him. Trying to figure out what to do if he does decide to come and see DD after she is born, might have to send her out for the day, lol.

I also wanted to update you on my NCT yesterday. It was both shit and good. Good because I learnt loads of really useful stuff and the other mums seemed to be people I think I could go for coffees with afterwards. Shite because it made me realise a few things. All the men there were there because they love their partners and want to be there to support them at birth and are excited by the arrival of their babies. I am on my own because the harsh truth is my ex does not want to support me or see his dd be born. As much as I try and kid myself and make excuses like 'he is in shock' the reality is that he is a selfish pig that has put himself first. This meant I actually had to go home at lunchtime and cry although made it back for the afternoon smile Once the first one is over you will be fine...and you do learn tons on the courses.

I have made it 7 months on my own, I am so proud of myself. I have brought everything, paid for everything, carried everything, taken out my own rubbish and thrown up at the bins, cooked all my own food when I have felt sick, cleaned and packed my apt, got myself to the aiport with two bags and a babyseat and now living at my mums. Aren't we amazing Pickles! Look at everything we have achieved. Only two months to go now smile

Sending you a hug xx

angelelle Sun 05-Aug-12 19:19:03

Oh and let me tell you something else Pickles. You are not stupid for keeping that faith or that torch for your ex. My brain tells me that my ex has treated my horrifically during my pregnancy. But my heart knows I would open the door in two seconds if he rang the bell! This is normal, and friends and family don't understand this. Please allow yourself to have these feelings, you need to let them out, you need to be allowed to feel the pain. Someone you loved and thought loved you has turned their back on you, you don't switch that off in a few weeks. Allow youself to have the feelings you have and don't let friends or family tell you otherwise. You are grieving and need to be allowed to do this. Protect yourself from his harsh words and no contact is good advice from the other posters in this thread. Don't let him project his issues on to you by telling you you are this or that but allow youself to feel everything you feel as it will get better.

xxx

Pickles77 Sun 05-Aug-12 19:24:16

angelle your so strong, much stronger than me. Or seem it so it's a compliment to be compared to you so thank you.
I finally found my tablets so calmed Down a bit. Spoke to my dad a bit, he's just very angry at the minute and it's the will always be his little girl thing. He feels he's let me Down in some way- no idea how but he says it's a dad thing!
Thank you for the support the hand
Holding and the hugs and listening.

I've done it do far, I can keep going. You have so I can smile

Scarredbutnotbroken Sun 05-Aug-12 19:32:22

Hi all - aww pickles the housing thing sounds like a nightmare hope you get some resolution soon.

I am v irritable with it all just now and spoiling for a fight. Exp bring a complete pain and trying to invade my life. Twat.

Pickles77 Sun 05-Aug-12 19:40:59

scared me too, im angry don't cross me tonight if your male x

skyebluesapphire Sun 05-Aug-12 22:45:41

Totally understand how you girls feel ( I know I'm not pregnant) but Zh walked out on me and the shock is immense. You grieve for that person, hate them whilst still loving them and would give anything to have your life back.

You girls are so strong and brave. Pickles don't worry about benefits, I worked for 20 years before having DD so if I have to claim tax credits for a few years I don't care, I've more than paid my way. Benefits are there to help people like yourself. And if you can get a job in the future you may find you are better off with part time work and tax credits.

Scarredbutnotbroken Sun 05-Aug-12 22:50:50

Doesn't have to be make! Though it would help grin
Really though I'm just bored in the evenings - ah well I won't be soon!

Pickles77 Mon 06-Aug-12 08:38:46

Found tablets feeling better already just knowing they are there.
Still feeling very ropey. Going to go and see the housing. I think the thread I posted on chat on 50s children might explain a bit sad
going to make a list of things I need to do now.
I just read my other thread and I can see I'd be silly to try and bring up a baby in this household.
I know my parents mean well but i just don't feel fully supported or understood.
I also can't make my own judgement here as I am terribly respectful of my dad. My dads advice is normally golden and even though he doesn't pressure me
It's means so much to me to keep him happy.
Living together makes this worse! I am still his baby!wink

You may find it changes when the baby arrives, Pickles - your Dad will go into 'granddad mode' and be all over her when she arrives. He'll be guarding the door like a rottweiler, and she'll have him wound round her little finger.

Sounds as though you did have a bit of a breakthrough with him though if he says he acts like this because he is angry and feels he has let you down. Perhaps you need to reassure him that he hasn't, that you know he has your best interests at heart but that you are grown woman. A grown woman who is about to make him a grandfather.

Some really inspiring information on this thread from those that have had similar experiences.

Like yesterday, am on and off the net today but will check in later to see how things are.

Pickles77 Mon 06-Aug-12 11:10:05

Very true, hopefully.

The advice on here is great. Today is a new day once again. I shall face today... I have a lot to be thankful for really

Pickles77 Wed 08-Aug-12 14:12:57

notgeoff you are one amazing woman. Thank you so much, your so unbelievably kind. I've been trying for no tears today aswell!
Thank you so much xxx

Pickles not in the least, you are very welcome indeed. Come and chat to Lou on the other thread? She's a bit wobbly today. Hope you're feeling better today, yourself.
As I said, PM me if you need to, and I'll happily listen. x

Pickles77 Wed 08-Aug-12 17:22:11

Lou is doing fanastically well x

smile

Pickles77 Wed 08-Aug-12 18:04:50

I posted to her, I remember how
I felt those days. I know it's not the same but I get it.
Doing a bit better today. Lots
Of appointments booked, saw HV and got someone to advice me independently on housing and PR rights tommorow.
Feeling back on track, regained control grin

skyebluesapphire Wed 08-Aug-12 18:25:19

All sounds good pickles

^ What skye said! smile

Pickles77 Wed 08-Aug-12 19:36:28

Well it was until the bloody dog just attacked another dog, after a whole day at dog bootcamp- where he got a glowing report. and now someone is bleating about the counselling i found very helpful on Lous thread about them being a christian organisation.
Hit a nerve as thats what twunt kept going on about, mad old bible bashing lady putting ideas in my head!!
I FOUND HER REALLY HELPFUL.
I dont want Lou thinking im giving her shite advice!!!

skyebluesapphire Wed 08-Aug-12 19:47:03

Lou won't think that, she is grateful to everyone. I've been messaging her as some of the people on here can be a bit hardcore, lol.

Pickles77 Wed 08-Aug-12 20:23:04

Oh good. It wasn't the posting of it I don't think. Think it was that the article would have made me ex proud of himself

Did I pick up that you and Lou are fairly near to each other, Pickles? I mean, in location?
It might be that you have a particularly good counselling service where you are, or that the organsiation in its wider form is a little less salubrious, but given that your situations are similar, I think you're a good judge of their efficacy.

Hope the dog (and the one he went for) are okay. smile

Pickles77 Thu 09-Aug-12 10:02:14

Thanks, i used their Cambridgeshire service and found them great. I guess I might be biased now though as I've received such shite off the nhs since smile
Small dog is fine, I think the other one is too thank you xsmile

Pickles77 Thu 09-Aug-12 17:10:59

Feeling rather irritated today.

Had the health visitor and a independent lady come to the house today to talk to me.
Mum now keeping wanting to know all the details of what was said. I find that really private. That's my business isn't it? hmm all they need to know is to not worry
I'll be gone soon.
Trying to interfere about housing associations and council accom- that they know nothing about. The lady that came to see me does!!!

Tommorow its my birthday. I don't want to do anything. I don't care if I don't get up actually. In my head I was hoping ex to be back as we normally go away for events
Like that and I had it all planned in my head. Stupid I know blush.
I just want to walk my dog and be left alone. All I'll do is check my phone all day.
Or cry.
So dad is away anyway and mum has been moaning about me being unsocial able and uncooperative about it.
How am I that? I just don't want any
Special dinner, and bloody banners or any fuss.
Feeling so so irritated. About to snap sad

Step AWAY from the phone! smile

Tell your Mum that the issue is in hand, and when she needs to know the arrangements you'll let her know.
I can understand that you feel irritated; I'm sure she is trying to help, but right now, I think she needs to back off and let you deal with things.

So, tomorrow - walk the dog, eat spaghetti from a tin if you want to, and save the celebrating until you feel good and ready. It's not mandatory to make a fuss on your birthday.
(Obviously if people want to give you cups of tea, pizza, etc. it would be rude to refuse though - only saying that because I am a lazy, greedy mare!)

Pickles77 Thu 09-Aug-12 17:33:55

Thank you, taken pooch out so I can chill.
I know I need help and support but I also need space smile

skyebluesapphire Thu 09-Aug-12 23:37:44

Happy birthday for tomorrow, I'm raising my wine to you and bump (it's been a nightmare of a day...)

Your parents just want to help but it's difficult for everybody. I would go spare if I had to live at home again now and me and my mum get on really well now.!

Be positive that you are sorting out things for the future. Tell your parents you don't want much of a fuss tomorrow. The first of any anniversary is always difficult , I hated it when it was H's birthday and it fell on Sunday so he had DD which was even harder. We usually had a night or weekend away for birthdays.

be positive, it's the start of a new year for you and bump.

Pickles77 Fri 10-Aug-12 07:56:27

Thank you sky, sorry to hear you've had a bumpy few days. I hadn't thought of it like the start of a new year. Will adopt that approach.
Woke up feeling rubbish but trying to make an improvement on that smile

Pickles77 Fri 10-Aug-12 10:25:26

Feeling really really sorry for myself now. Just had all my medication increased. I know i want to be alone today but what can i go and do...

Go to the beach with the dog, have some candyfloss and/or ice-cream, have a paddle.
Get on pinterest and create a whole load of exciting boards.
Get a cup of coffee/chocolate/tea at a fancy place you like or one you have been meaning to try for a long time.
Buy yourself a present: really good chocolate, posh nail varnish, a bracelet, or some fancy hair wear.

skyebluesapphire Fri 10-Aug-12 14:50:56

Hi Pickles, I hope you have found something nice to do. A walk on the beach sounds nice.

I hope you have had a lovely day so far and that it continues. Dont feel sorry for yourself, start of a new year remember xx

Pickles77 Fri 10-Aug-12 15:49:27

Thank you. Took pooch out, bought him a kong. Brilliant invention!
Can't believe my two best friends have forgotten and thought twunt would at least text.
Never mind, quite happy bobbing along alone today. Really emotional anyway.
Online shopping now for a bit.
Looking forward to bedtime, doctor doubled all my medication too.
Hope your all okay xx

skyebluesapphire Fri 10-Aug-12 15:57:43

glad to hear you are doing ok.

Aw it's rubbish when people forget. I have had my birthday forgotten this year by two of my most long-standing friends. One is in the US and has ongoing emotional/mental health issues, and the other is in the UK and has been going through a rough patch, so I guess I could cut them some slack. I am wondering if they thought that I wouldn't be doing much for the day (I didn't, but only because I couldn't think of anything to do, as DH was working) because of Dad's recent passing.

Online shopping is a great idea! smile

<waves to Skye>

skyebluesapphire Fri 10-Aug-12 18:26:50

<waves at notgeoff>

Pickles, I will have a wine for you tonight and these are for you thanks.

Enjoy what is left of your birthday, the last one on your own as next year you will have DD with you xx

I will have a wine too for you. In fact, I'm having it for me because I have earache and am feeling grumpy.

Good point, Skye - put your feet up, Pickles - have a brew and several biscuit because this time next year you're going to be yearning to have some quiet 'me' time whilst PicklesJr is running around causing mayhem! smile

DD has just trashed the living room, and has now eaten a HUGE tea: one whole sachet baby food (didn't have anything already prepared), 2/3 croissant, a whole pot of fruit, and a mini pot of rice pudding. I swear she has hollow legs!

Pickles77 Fri 10-Aug-12 19:10:55

Thank you ladies smile stuffed full of Chinese and cake!!
Had a lovely surprise of a spa day too smile
Still no word from best friend but she's always been a bit like that. Just had emails calls and texts from a friend in oz.
Hope you are all enjoying the sun, because it's killing me.

Gosh, your child has some appetite!! grin think of the teenage years! Xxx

Pickles77 Fri 10-Aug-12 19:11:57

Oh and online shopping is great, I love eBay smile rare treat for me smile

Pickles77 Fri 10-Aug-12 20:08:14

I actually can't believe he hasn't wished me happy birthday.

skyebluesapphire Fri 10-Aug-12 21:25:51

Sorry pickles. ((hugs)) I think that sadly he has totally detached from you and therefore wouldn't wish you happy birthday.

I didn't wish my STBXH a happy birthday ( I sent him a divorce petition instead) . but he left me, so different.

Maybe he thought if wouldn't be appreciated though. My H walked a fortnight before my 40th birthday (but came back) . If he hadn't, there is no way I would have appreciated a text from the man who tore my world apart. (he left three weeks later for good).

So maybe he did think about it but didn't think it was a good idea. it wouldn't have made you feel any better anyway sad

Pickles77 Fri 10-Aug-12 21:29:06

He knows id appreciate it. He knows I'd have waited all day in hope. That it would ruin my day, drag me back down. sad am I such a bad person that the father of my child and my best friend can't even send a text. What have I actually done to deserve such a rough time of it?!

seaofyou Fri 10-Aug-12 21:36:37

Happy Birthday Pickles thanks

My ex phoned me on his birthday the first one after we split. He said 'I will have a better birthday this year than I had last year!'
He had brought his internet woman over he left me for at 5 months pregnant.

It was ex's birthday but the same day that my brother accident and diedsad

That day made me relaise how nasty this man was and I stopped wanting him back as immediately hated him from that day forth...I was 7.5 months pregnant.

I will have a wine for you too...next birthday will be the best ever as you will share it with your babysmile

skyebluesapphire Fri 10-Aug-12 22:26:54

I do feel for you pickles. I struggle every day to accept that my H no longer wants to be with me. What did I do to deserve this?

The truth is that neither of us did anything. We couldn't be what they wanted us to be. My H changed and I didn't and he didnt want me any more.

You refused to bow down and do what your X wanted you to do. You can't be what he wants - which is somebody who will put him before their child.

We have both had a lucky escape, it will just take a while to sink in. But our DD's will love and respect us and will not feel the same way about their dads.

Pickles, it is what Skye says. You didn't do anything. You're not a bad person. He is not your best friend.
I know it's going to take time to sink in, but the person he was no longer exists. He is now an emotionally unattached idiot. Karma will kick his arse.

Your children (I am talking to both of you here) will respect you for not putting them in a position where they are at best tolerated, and at worst resented. They will appreciate what you have done for them. They will look at you and see strong women.

I realise it may not be relevant here but I must briefly touch on someone I know who was abandoned by her 'D' P when pregnant. She had to move back home, but did manage to get housed some time later, when her DS was around 2. With support of friends and family she threw herself into further education and slogged for four years, working p/t to support her DS.
She became closer to a man who was a friend of her family, who knew her story and saw what she'd been through, who saw how she strived to improve things.
Guess what? They just got married!
The moral of this is simply - keep going! Life is full of the unexpected, and you owe it to yourselves to be the best you can, to not be dragged down by useless emotional vampires. You have all the qualities you need to be a superb mother, and are already proving how capable you are.

Lesson ends. smile xxxxx

Pickles77 Sat 11-Aug-12 10:13:31

All your posts really cheered me up this morning. It amazes me how much I feel better. Thank you for taking the time to help me.
Unfortunately I appear to have been poisoned by Chinese. Been up all night, sickness and diarreha. Triage says I need to see how i go and drink lots

Sorry to hear about the dodgy chinese! I had awful heartburn through the last month of my pregnancy. Drink lots of water, yes. If you can manage it, try to eat a bit of bread with some peanut butter, or if that is not sounding helpful, try to eat some apple.
The salt and sugar in the peanut butter will replace any that you have lost with D&V. Apple is good for settling an upset stomach.

I'm off to have a shower (I know, dirty slob) and hope I don't get a wet ear as I still have earache from yesterday. It's pissing me off now! angry
Shall put on my cheerful face, neck some painkillers and go to the library with DD for a bit.
Back later, lovely ladies! x

skyebluesapphire Sat 11-Aug-12 10:35:19

Onwards and upwards pickles!

Sorry you are ill, drink plenty of water. there are those rehydration sachets you can take as well, they are good for putting minerals etc back into your body.

Hope you feel better soon. And stay positive xx

Pickles77 Sat 11-Aug-12 18:20:52

How was the ear? smile

Had a DVD day and feeling better. Dog is giving the folks the run around grin. Managing dry toast, baby moving well.
Can believe I've missed the sunshine.
Hope were all having a nice Saturday
X

Glad you're feeling better! Ear still sore. Was at a BBQ but had to come home early as DD got the grizzles 'cos she couldn't run around (well with a giant rack of hot coals and loads of forks and glass about it wasn't really safe) and the wind kept blowing on my ear anyway.

Now watching the last of the Olympics, and MN-ing! smile

Pickles77 Sat 11-Aug-12 21:05:10

Ah no... Great excuse for a bit of MNing smile.

Pickles77 Sat 11-Aug-12 21:14:19

This is the explanation I got for no birthday card:
I bought u a card but i couldnt send it. Friends wish each other happy birthday, i really cant say u are my friend

Grr! I would be so temped to just say F off.

What a nobber!

Managed a little bit of 'networking' when I was out earlier - trying to find out what I might need to know/do for the masters course I have just been accepted onto.

Going to have a lazy day tomorrow, and catch up with my friend with a long phone call. Just had a lovely cup of hot chocolate.

Get your feet up girl, watch the Olympics and chill. xx

Pickles77 Sat 11-Aug-12 21:37:16

Congratulations on getting accepted onto your masters wink

F off indeed you twunt! Unfortunately someone offending me on another thread tonight might get the brunt of my typing! Stepped away from my emails smile

Oh no, no Olympics- cuppa and midsomer murders smile

skyebluesapphire Sat 11-Aug-12 21:44:06

Sadly as I thought originally, that he didn't think it was right to send one.

He is right, you are not friends. This is what I told my STBXH when he said he wanted us to be friends - We can never be friends, I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way you treated me-

The same is true of your ex. If he was a friend of any sort he would not have treated you the way he has.

Xx

Am watching the diving and wondering how on earth those tiny trunks give any protection.

And thankyou for the congrats. I had to have something to do for the months ahead, my brain is feeling like mush.

Pickles77 Sat 11-Aug-12 21:46:17

Thank you skye hope your having a nice weekend xx

Pickles77 Sat 11-Aug-12 22:17:48

Can I ask this- is what I've been through bad? Or am I just making a drama? Am I
Making it a bad situation or is it bad? Am I unreasonable? Am I Ill, because I'm
On anti ds or is it all in my head.
Or as on thread got me thinking- am I wrong to be keeping my baby.

skyebluesapphire Sat 11-Aug-12 22:49:00

No, what you have been through is bad. You are not creating a drama.

Your ex is a total twunt for not standing by you and for being nasty because you won't do what he wants.

You are right to keep your baby because that's what your instinct was. Everybody's circumstances are different and each individual must do what is right for them. If its the thread I'm thinking if, then that poor person has a very difficult decision ahead of them, but ultimately can only do what she thinks is best for her.

You are having a wobble, we all go through it, you will be fine and you will be happy again , as will we all hopefully.

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 01:37:32

Hello im a new and hope i can join the chit chat smile

Im 20+6 and having a boy called ralph due on christmas eve.

Not with the babys father because he said get rid of it or we wont be together and i will only have one child id want that not this etc etc etc!!!So hes an evil bastard. I dumped him roughly around 8w.

Since then ive been cooked up in my mum and dads house with no-one to talk to. Dont have any close friends or even friends.

But i am happy that ive got a boy and ready for the sleepless nights to begin!!! smile

skyebluesapphire Sun 12-Aug-12 05:40:56

Hi Xmas. I'm not pregnant but just stalk pickles wherever she goes grin <waves at pickles>

Sorry to hear of your story, very similar to pickles.

Welcome to the thread smile

Niceupthedance Sun 12-Aug-12 06:51:41

Hi Xmaseve, just wanted to pop on and say good luck with everything. I also did pregnancy single (was not in a relationship when conceived) and had a boy by c section on Xmas eve!
Will you be able to get to an antenatal lesson when the time comes? I was on low income so could sign up to NCT for about £20. They were all married ladies but it was good to have somewhere to go in the early days, as all my friends were miles away too.

Pickles77 Sun 12-Aug-12 08:18:34

Good morning Xmas, I'm pickles, I was/ am in the same position as you. Come and join the ride. I frequently have melt downs on here and get brilliant advice.
We will get you sorted, first of all your job for today is to look up your local sure start centre!
Are you getting support from your doctors? I have counselling.
It's hard I know., I don't go out. I moved back home and even though I have friends here I very very very rarely go out!
Do you have a dog, I find walking mine great.
Pickles x

Ah you're just having a wobble. It's to be expected. It is tough enough with pregnancy hormones shooting round your body without dealing with emotional fallout and all the other crap as a result of unreliable and useless ex's.

Wouldn't it be strange if you discovered that you al lived within 30 mins of each other? You could all meet in person for some hand-holding smile

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 11:37:18

Hello everyone.

I am going to op for a c-section stomach muscles have parted in alot of pain most the time.

We do have a sure start, i did ask they havent got back to me since 9w!!?

Me and ex bought a dog together so no, a little jack russell called Zara, he took the dog i longer see it sad

I do have chinchillas!! Got 4 i do get one out every day and give him a snuggle smile

Pickles77 Sun 12-Aug-12 11:47:27

Maybe give sure start a ring? that's whose doing my antenatal classes too. Ive struggled to go to my centre but my midwife and health visitor are looking into
It for me (I'm 33 weeks)
Glad you have your pets, mine really brighten up my days. smile and now you have us!
Mumsnet is an addiction.
How are you doing re housing and baby things?
Where abouts are you in the country?

Morning skye and notgeoff <waves>
xmas these ladies are amazing grin xx

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 11:54:36

I see the MW on wednesday i dont want to see her either.

My ex lives 1 min walk away from my house and i dont want to go out cos if i see him id fucking hit him. Thats not even the hormones raging yet lol!

I dont go out because his mumm threatend to stab the baby out my womb when i refused to abort it.

They are very soft and fuffly!! Cute things.

I am going to stay with my mum and dad they have a 4bed (im 19 too).

Ralph has everything pram cot moses car seat etc. Going nappy shopping on tuesday and is getting excited is that normal!? lol

I live in dorset seaside! Where do you live??

Pickles77 Sun 12-Aug-12 12:06:57

They sound vile! My ex inlaws are vile too! You should be proud of yourself! I hated seeing my mw but you need to tell her how you feel. I'm on anti depressants, they make me feel more relaxed!
As you can see from this thread I have very wobbly days.
I have all my baby things now and it's very exciting but surreal. I get a bit upset when I see bits with 'daddy' on but it takes more of a man than a twunt to be a daddy!
I like the name Ralph, glad your parents are taking care of you.
Mine have been great but as I'm 23 and lived 2 hours away before they can be a bit
Much. (dad thinks I'm 5!) but they mean well. They forget I lost my job, my little family, my home. home cooked food is the best though.
Do you work? I did but took early maternity, planning to do college and uni now though and retrain.

Im in Sussex smile xx

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 12:18:10

She is evil. I get the last laugh, hes a mummy boy and she will never hold or see the baby after them threats.

Hes 25 and its his first child and he earna over 30k and hasnt bought the baby anything and when i confronted him he kicked off saying its my fault.

He runs back and tells his friends and i dont agree with him. So he blocked me on facebook. I laughed.

It dont matter about him i have 4 brothers! Im the only girl and 2 are bouncers and ones a boxer so i dont think he would dare come up to me... i like it that way makes me feel safe and my baby!!

What are you having??

I am a hairdresser i gave it up though because of my muscles that was at 15w.

Do feel quite shit i did a college course and left because he told me to doing animal care, working with cows sheep and all kinds of animals before i got pregnant i should of stayed on big mistake!

Least ive got something to look forward too!

Pickles and Xmaseve just remember that it is NEVER TOO LATE to do the education thing. I've been at Uni quite recently and have been in a class with 17 year olds and 53 year olds; on the same course.

I'm not in the same position but do struggle with babycare. Not sure how it's going to pan out for the forthcoming course I have just been accepted onto, but I'll get there.

There are always ways and means, they are just not always what you thought or expected.
Whenever life has dealt me a kicking, I've found that something else unexpected has come along and made good of it. I didn't always realise that at the time, but when I look back, I can see so many opportunities that I've been able to take, which had circumstances been different, would have passed me by.

Xmas do you have some support network in place for after your C-Sec? I overdid it a bit after mine and ended up taking quite a long time to recover. So make sure you have people around who can help you with things like shopping, driving, lifting, etc.

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 12:29:08

Yeah i live with my mum and dad so they will help me i like doing thing by myself so ill try my best!!

Dad drives and i just eat what i fancy or whats on the frigde or freezer!!

Pickles77 Sun 12-Aug-12 12:31:35

Exactly, being pregnant has opened up my eyes to the fact I have not been living life to the full.
notgeoff is being modest there- Shes just been accepted onto her masters grin so she should be very proud of herself!

skye does fantastically well too! She's shown me life can be rebuilt. The past is the past but the future will be better.

Im having a girl <possibly a footballerwink>

Glad you have a good family, my ex has nothing for our dd, he is in denial. I only found out how pregnant I as at 21 weeks too.

gosh ladies, how positive am I today smile

The pooch is taking me for a beach walk now, so will be back later. Xx

skyebluesapphire Sun 12-Aug-12 12:41:37

I second Geoff about the education. I didnt go to college or uni as my parents couldnt afford it and I went on a Youth Training Scheme with a view to getting a job at the end of it. I worked in a bank and a building society, then I ended up working for an accountant and getting an NVQ4, which is equivalent to a degree in accountancy.

I was about 29 at the time. So it is never too late to learn. Dont rush into anything too soon, as baby will keep you busy! But start thinking of things that you would really like to do and research them.

The Surestart centres usually offer courses in Numeracy and Literacy. Our local one did courses that gave you a City and Guilds qualification that was equal to a grade C GSCE. I had already passed them at that level at school, but it was nice to refresh the brain matter and get out and mix with other mums. Childcare was provided and I really enjoyed the courses.

I think DD wants to be a boxer. She keeps slapping us around the face/head and is very rough with the poor cat sad

Then again, she's pretty bright - keeps trying to learn new words and is also trying to jump. I suspect she'll keep me on my toes whilst I try to get coursework done.

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 13:42:37

Do you have name for her??

She could be a supermodel instead smile

Bet you was shocked when you found out!!

Have fun.

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 13:45:26

I did want to join the navy before i met him, i was inroled and was ready to leave to train to be a nurse i left sad

Cant do that now because i have a son on the way!!

I will go back hairdressing i did enjoy it but its not my 'dream' job.

Shame really, Ex is alright hes a tech for vauxhall and is high up..Idoit though think its gone to his head lol...

Pickles77 Sun 12-Aug-12 14:09:09

I was very shocked. I have a few nothing concrete.
You could still do nurse training? Do a access course and then uni?

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 14:24:52

I was shocked and i kind of new i was gone of bacon and that was it... Ooo when are you due??

I want to but i dont want to be away from my boy sad.

Dont regret anything because ive got a little boy on the way but i think sometimes what if?

There is a uni near me that does it but i am looking forward to the future so much!!

Pickles77 Sun 12-Aug-12 14:27:42

I'm due late sept.
Oh yes I think everyday oh fuck! I had a
Massive wobble last night, so I posted on this thread as you can see below.
I'm excited but more terrified. I like control and it's hard not having total control smile

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 14:45:07

You dont have that long left!

I think its worse when your pregnant everything seems 100x worse?

Sure you will be fine ive never changed a nappy ever!!

I just worried about him weeing on me when i change his nappy lol...

Pickles77 Sun 12-Aug-12 14:50:56

7 weeks now smile seems a lifetime very uncomfortable.
I'm very excited but then scared too. I'm very worried how exp and his folks will react x

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 15:02:08

Oh id be so nervous! Sure you will be fine and lots of tears maybe when shes born!

His mum and dad can f off! Sons a bloody idoit leaving a pregnant women.

Ive said to my mum if my son did this to women id disown him.

Its messed up how men think, do they have any brain cells?

They think with the willy not the head lol

skyebluesapphire Sun 12-Aug-12 15:09:03

I was 36 when I had my DD and I was scared stupid. the hospital didnt show me how to change a nappy, or bath her or anything! me and STBHX drove home very slowly from the hospital and kept stopping to make sure she was ok, brought her home, put the carseat on the floor and said "what now?" LOL.

But we must have done ok as she's made it to 4 grin. Now I think its a shame he didnt fuck off earlier. She was a real daddy's girl, she loves him to bits. I think I would rather he had never been around so she wouldnt know what she was missing, whereas she has had a taste of family life and family holidays and its difficult to explain why he doesn't come on holiday any more etc.

Pickles77 Sun 12-Aug-12 15:09:10

Lol oh I know that it's hard the head knows the truth. The heart says different.
Shame on his parents, they wrote to me, they never told their son to do the right thing. We were together 18 months.
We're you together long?

Pickles77 Sun 12-Aug-12 15:10:17

Aww skye I'm sure you mean a lot more to her. Wait til she understands and is older smile

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 15:33:34

My head said go around and burst his tires lol.. im not like that but its a big shame because his sister has 4 boys and one girl.

They will never no, he hasnt even told did his dad!!

He was my first love, together 8 months moved in after 3 months and it all went wrong from there.

Thats a long time you must feel even more hurt than myself hugs!!!!

I do think the baby will look like him, it would make me upset if so, but i can live with it.

Ive got very bright blue eyes but his features over mine if you no what i mean?

If i had a girl i was going to call her Desiree for 'much desired'

Bet you been dress shopping for her smile

What dog do you have too?!

I love jack russells, scottish terriers!

Pickles77 Sun 12-Aug-12 15:38:25

I panick about things like that too. The fact he hasn't told his dad speaks volumes!
He's a parsons terrier, (long haired JR)

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 15:44:36

He will find out sooner than later. I messaged his dad over facebook because i though he deserved to no.

Do you get on with them or not?

You and your ex talk?

Oh sad they are cute all scruffy!!

Pickles77 Sun 12-Aug-12 16:18:00

Ah wonder what he will say...

No not really I've tried to talk. But he didn't even wish me happy birthday. Said he bought me a card but didn't send it as friends wish each other happy birthday and he really can't call me a friend. He knew that would upset me. So I try to leave him alone.
I loved his parents, but they wanted me to abort I think and sent me a letter back to one I wrote, stating all about their precious son sad

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 16:32:18

I wont let any of his family see our son because of they ways he treated me through the pregnancy. Looks like he will have to take to me court for PR, still going to go after for him for CSA!!

Oh sad He sounds like hes playing with your head and heart big hugs!!!!

He seems a loser you are better of without him.

Its really tough at first isnt it. I think i could marry a man who will wisk me away into the sunset with my son in my hands.

You should think the same but with your dog too :D

Pickles77 Sun 12-Aug-12 16:34:30

Glad to see we both still hold out hope smile

xmasevebundle Sun 12-Aug-12 16:59:43

It will happen one day!! smile

Pickles77 Mon 13-Aug-12 14:28:19

How are we all today? Today I am well pregnant! smile and uncomfy. They say things come in 3's so today I am uncomfortable, have a eye infection & a
Pooch covered in fox poop! (yes, again, 3rd time in 2 months!)
But I'm still smiling. The fox poo gave me uncontrollable giggles actually grin
First antenatal class tonight!!
Hope were all okay grin xx

skyebluesapphire Mon 13-Aug-12 19:06:35

Hope your antenatal class goes ok.

Just sat on my front doorstep enjoying the sunshine watching my DD on her scooter with her friends

KateSpade Mon 13-Aug-12 19:08:38

Is this a without the father thread or a totally alone thread?

I have lots of family support but non from father!

Pickles77 Mon 13-Aug-12 20:01:01

It's the bit of everything thread smile

skyebluesapphire Mon 13-Aug-12 20:28:30

Yes, it's a mixed up thread. Or are we all mixed up? I'm not pregnant but my STBXH left at Easter so I am a lone parent...

I'm pickles stalker grin

Pickles77 Mon 13-Aug-12 20:50:27

Aww no your not Skye! Your one of my protectors grin
It's a lone parent, semi lone parent, lone pregnancy anyone can join thread

But

Most of all it's a nice thread grin

Had a pretty good day, albeit unexciting. We had a really bad night last night as DD refused to go to bed, so we were trying to watch the Olympics closing ceremony with her stomping up and down and yelling trying to get our attention...and we'd brought her into the lounge with us to stop her yelling/crying.

Today we've been being lazy; but I did manage to get madam to do some finger painting - which then turned into knee, elbow and foot painting. Got a few 'masterpieces' drying off now.

Tomorrow she's at playgroup so I will get onto the phone calls I've been putting off.
Enjoying the fresh air that the rain has brought at the moment.

Pickles77 Mon 13-Aug-12 22:01:47

Ah yes I didn't mind the rain smile
Well the painting sounds fun, have you got splodgey furnishings now? grin
The Olympic closing was quite good actually, well looked it. I was channel hopping.
Early nights in your household tonight smile xx

Just a red toeprint on the carpet, actually. So nothing drastic.
We had a much better night though so feeling a bit more with it. DD at playgroup now so I am waiting for my shopping to be delivered and then I'm going to go and do some gardening. smile

How's everyone on the thread today?

Pickles77 Tue 14-Aug-12 13:24:30

The vanish Is out in your household then grin
I was good, had the hospital and twunt asked how I got on. I said okay and it's good he took a interest.
Only to be told he wishes he didn't have to as its not a fucking baby. He wishes he never had to see me again. We spent 18 months together which is nothing. He told
Me he wishes he'd never spent 18 seconds with me. I'm a disgrace and a waste of space. I should be ashamed.
So I stupidly bit and told him to go away and he won't have any PR, and to take me to court. Now I feel stupid.
I take it I dont let him know I'm in labour.

Sorry everyone, hope your all okay x

Sorry he is showing what a complete and utter arse he is. Shame you let him get to you but I can understand why.

Glad the hospital went well though.

I think yes, don't bother telling him you're in labour. Not sure how you'll work out financial baby-related issues, but I am sure that is something the CAB would be able to advise you on.

Chin up, ignore stupid twunt comments and get on with being you! smile

Pickles77 Tue 14-Aug-12 13:43:30

Thanks, that's what I got for trying to be the bigger person.
It's hard to work out sometimes if the drama is real and if what hes doing is bad because he was what I thought of as my best friend. The one person I trusted apart from my dad. The person I respected, whose opinion mattered, who I'd never want to hurt.
Now I can't work out if the majority of people think he's a arse and has done wrong or if they think I'm a moron. God it's hard, I try to be tough but think why me? Am I a bad person to deserve this or a bad person to be doing this. Either way my baby doesn't deserve it.
Maybe I'm too sensitive

Pickles77 Tue 14-Aug-12 15:26:00

I just feel so broken and damaged. A crystal ball would be handy.

xmasevebundle Tue 14-Aug-12 16:38:28

Hello pickles smile

I wish i had a magic wand instead!

He seems the waste of space! Its hard when the one who love betrayes you it hurts more than anything. Emotions go everywhere and what ever you do its still a bitter reminder?

You seem to blame yourself and its not your fault its really not smile

No i wouldnt tell him you in labour either, he dont care and that hurts the most.

I think in a few months or years you will look back and think why was i sad.

Big hugs!!!!

xmasevebundle Tue 14-Aug-12 16:40:52

Reading up the post abit my JR always use to rub in fox poo they like the scent but fox poo has fleas in so tell him/her offsmile

Pickles77 Tue 14-Aug-12 16:42:53

Thanks Xmas eve, it just hurts so much.

Oh, yes and ketchup to remove the smell, I may aswell have him sponsored by frontline! He gets flea combed everyday too which he hates!! smile

xmasevebundle Tue 14-Aug-12 16:58:18

Time the best healer smile

Hahah bet he hates that!!!

How is your day going today feel any better or still abit :/

Went shopping today went asda i was eating sweets going aroundblush

Got nappies while they was on offer had a big mac meal and now ive got ankles the size of elephants lol

skyebluesapphire Tue 14-Aug-12 17:09:48

Christ Pickles, another twunt - I have so had enough of them today!!!!
(have you read poor Lou's latest? OW is pregnant as well.....

Ignore your dispicable twunt. He is so mad that you wouldnt "get rid" as now you have messed up his perfect life. Remember that whatever he says is a lie designed to hurt you. If you let him hurt you, you let him win. If you say "whatever loser" then you win. (I DO know its easier said than done, believe me....)..

You are the decent human being and he is running away from his responsibilities. Dont tell him when you go into labour, he has made it plain he wants nothing to do with baby. Contact the CSA once she is born and they will sort out what he has to pay you each week/month. If he denies paternity, they will sort out a DNA test I believe.

You and your baby are seriously much better off without this dickhead in your lives.

Pickles nobody thinks you're a moron. Nobody thinks you're being silly. Everyone thinks your XP is a total and utter arse. In fact worse. At least an arse has some use.
He took your trust and your respect and has treated you with utter disrespect and distain.
It makes me so sad to read posts from you, from Lou, from Xmas and Skye amongst others about how badly those who should be closest to you have been so completely cuntish. (Sorry, but there is no other way to put it).

I promise you all that there truly are some good men out there. But they are the ones who have been treated badly as have you. They are the ones who are not as popular because they're not all mouth and trousers. They are the ones who don't get drunk and grope random women/kick the dog/stay out til 4am.

But that aside, you (all) need to fall back in love with yourselves. Look in the mirror and remind yourself of how strong you are. Look at how far you have come in the few weeks we have been talking on here. Look back at where you were when you first posted, and where you are now. Look at what you have achieved so far. Look at how strong you are. Look at the beautiful baby waiting to meet you. Now give yourself a big kiss!

Pickles77 Tue 14-Aug-12 17:16:33

Thanks smile it just really hurts today. Feeling rather low. Feel like I shouldn't be having the baby.
Lous twunt shocks me everyday! I'm speechless today! I really am, will be keeping a eye out for her new thread sad

Been out with the pooch most of today up the Downs but he's shattered now. So just reading xx

skyebluesapphire Tue 14-Aug-12 17:17:37

Its called Chutney Twunt part 3.

I thought my STBXH was a cold heartless bastard, but Lou's takes the biscuit!

skyebluesapphire Tue 14-Aug-12 17:18:44

NotGeoff - you are right - we do all need to love ourselves. We have been put down by these men and made to feel bad. We cannot expect somebody else to love us if we do not love ourselves first!

Any more negative talk like this and I'm going to have to embark on a tour and kick your pregnant/non-pregnant arses. smile

Skye - I haven't read the latest from Lou but funnily enough when I was in the garden earlier I was thinking over what she said about getting a text from chutney twunt and was mulling over why he thought it was a bad time for her to be pregnant, and I suddenly thought that perhaps OW was pregnant. He truly is a shit. Of all life's rich tapestry he is the biggest wankstain on it by a long chalk.

Rant over. smile

skyebluesapphire Tue 14-Aug-12 17:30:12

Yep, she is pregnant, due in December, he tried to persuade her to get rid too. She doesnt know about Lou, thinks he is separated......

I would like to find him and nail his balls to the wall myself!!

Pickles77 Tue 14-Aug-12 17:39:33

I think they should put all thse twunts together. Id love to hear their views on life and such things.
I am trying to make myself feel better, i did need to go up to the town where he is and see my friends, but ive been putting it off, maybe i should take a bit of inspiration from Lou and bite the bullet in life a bit more.
Saw a male friend from that town a few weeks ago and hes been texting me ever since being supportive which is nice. At least thats got me thinking i can be all bad.
Cant believe Lou's twut, he is disgusting seriously vile. Notgeoff are you going to namechange to mysic meg because your really good at predicting things (have met mystic meg once in the flesh- please dont get her haircut) am really glad she has her thread, its very supportive, wish id kept my old one... wonder if MN keep them on file somewhere secret?
Have a massage booked tommorow, and the folks booked pooch into doggy daycare for the day (birthday treats). Was thinking about getting my fanjo waxed ready for birth but bit squeemish on that front. Was really nice of ma and pa to get me gift vouchers for a spa day for my birthday.

OOh enjoy the massage. Don't bother with the fanjo wax, get your nails done whilst you can enjoy having them long-ish.
I LONG to have a spa day. In fact, I do have some vouchers to use, so will have to phone up the salon and see what days they can fit me in.
I'm going to have my eyebrows tinted and shaped, and a pedicure and then a facial.. I think.

I don't think I am psychic, just that I can (sadly) predict what lowlifes some people are.

I have to go do the washing up (exciting life I lead) and then be ready to entertain DD - I thought I was going to have to pick her up, but DH has already gone, hence I am on here. Will be back later.

xmasevebundle Tue 14-Aug-12 18:37:35

I see you are on about a man getting two women pregnantblush

My brother has got a half brother a DAY older than him.

Mum changed the locks and sold all his stuff and spend the money on herself.

All this spa talk!! Makes me want to juml in the bath with over flowing bubbles,hot chocolate and a magazine!!

Pickles77 Tue 14-Aug-12 18:58:12

Off you go xmas! Lots of radox!!!smile

xmasevebundle Tue 14-Aug-12 19:02:25

Dont tempt me!! Im in bed and dont think ill be moving unless needed!!

Pickles77 Tue 14-Aug-12 19:59:46

I'm in bed too- I shan't be moving unless I am rolled out! grin

xmasevebundle Tue 14-Aug-12 20:04:54

smile waiting until 9/10 to go sleep then im i'll sleep through the night.

Got the mw tomorrow glad its just up the road no make up on for me it looks smile

Pickles77 Tue 14-Aug-12 20:21:58

Pfft I don't do make up anyway. I had all my checks today smile. I'll probably mumsnet whilst watching midwives on 2, then do the usual of waking every two hours for the loo angry

xmasevebundle Tue 14-Aug-12 20:26:49

I do!! Got to look nice for the world!!

Feeling abit sad today saw my exs best friend is asda and he looked at me then my bump and i turned away held the tears in for the make up and didnt want to look a complete idoit in asda.

Glad that went okay!!

Oh my thats alot!!!!!!!!!!! I dont wake up in the night fingers crossed. Bet you are like not again..... lol [grins]

Pickles77 Tue 14-Aug-12 20:29:18

Oh yes, it's becoming normal now smile
That's how I get, I well up its not nice

xmasevebundle Tue 14-Aug-12 20:36:33

Its shocking!! i only go once maybe walk into my door, start saying what the fuck are you doing! My mum must think im mad!

He had a good old stare i thought yeah you go tell him im BUYING the nappies not him.

The thing on bbc2 is about training midwifes? I tend no to watch them.

I get emotional and it makes me think ohfuck?!! LOL

Pickles77 Tue 14-Aug-12 20:50:47

I like the bbc one last week as I'd like to train to be a MW if it starts getting like one born every minute I turn off.
I haven't asked my ex for anything it's not worth it

KateSpade Tue 14-Aug-12 20:51:58

I had a really bad conception with my DD, and I'm sort of thinking why on earth did i have a baby.

Im not phased by the father not wanting to know, as i have so much support. So thats not an issue.

The issues i am dealing with is: i have finished work, before i go back to uni in sept. I hate being at home with her all day, their is only so many places you can take a 10 month old and keep them entertained.

and also slightly annoyed at myself for having a baby. So its all fun, here...

xmasevebundle Tue 14-Aug-12 21:05:27

I watched it last week too!! I was laughing saying oh it fine mum and the women couldnt break the womens waters how point on the spot must that be!!

The girl with the wonky teeth seems more bothered about the babys and looking around than doing the work??

Im so amazed how a person can come from one egg and sperm my mum said not one of these's LOL i started giggling.

Yeah i hate one born every minute.

I haven't since we had an argument ages ago, stull struggle got paid £225 all i have to my name is 9p in one day.. i didnt look in baby shops i promise smile

Pickles77 Tue 14-Aug-12 21:07:15

Oh no Kate, do you think you have PND?

This makes me all nervy about birth! We have a midwives thread over on tv forum now smile

xmasevebundle Tue 14-Aug-12 21:10:31

Maybe its to much at once?

I think you might need to go see a GP?

Going work then uni and a 10 month? Might need a break from it all.

Pickles77 Tue 14-Aug-12 21:15:45

kate you need notgeoff & Skye

<HOLLERS for notgeoff & skye>

<waddles off to round them up>

stops for yet another widdle

Gosh I'm in a surprisingly good mood!!!

skyebluesapphire Tue 14-Aug-12 21:21:17

Thanks Pickles! Hi Kate!

Do you have friends with kids that you hang out with or could leave your DD with?

Is there a Sure Start centre near you? They quite often run courses and fun days etc.

KateSpade Tue 14-Aug-12 22:43:06

No, its not PND pickles even though it sounds like it. Im just fed up, i find it really boring, it just seems like an endless cycle of Changing nappies and feeding.

I does sound like a lot xmas and i have just gone from 12 hour days to doing nothing, when i go back to uni, ill be glad of a change of pace, really.

Hello Skye My good friend and DD's godmother asked if she could have DD for 2 days whilst she had annual leave (she's childless) + my dad had a day off during the week, so i had 3 days off last week + endless weekend support. I know how lucky i am to have that, which makes it better.

Im just moaning because I'm bored, i know how lucky i am and i have lots of things to look falward too.

skyebluesapphire Wed 15-Aug-12 01:01:45

It does get better as they get older, but be careful, you spend your time wishing that they could walk, then you cant wait for them to talk, then when they are 4 and running around talking nonstop and driving you crazy you wish they were a baby sat there doing nothing again, lol

Im glad that you have some support. Is there any work you could do while you are waiting to go back to uni?

Oops sorry! Was busy dealing with DD this morning who wanted to draw. Then she wanted to eat the crayons. Then she wanted her toy dog to draw and got really cross when he wouldn't hold the crayon. Then she wanted a drink. Then she got cross because she couldn't walk around the room with the drink. Etc.

Kate what are you going to Uni to study? It is great that you have a support network to help with childcare. I had to rely heavily on family to help out with childcare when I was in the last semester of my final year because the days the course ran were all lumped together. (The previous term it had been every other day which was more manageable). But it was do-able. And I got a good pass. And I'm going back to do a masters now. And I'm old.

So, I guess I am saying, it is possible.... smile

skyebluesapphire Wed 15-Aug-12 11:27:10

grin at notgeoff and the dog not holding the crayon. know it well. Mummy, Mickey Mouse keeps falling off the chair, make him sit up and eat his tea. Mummy, I cant fit my scooter through this tiny gap, so now I have to throw it across the room. Mummy I want a drink, no I dont want that cup I wanted the pink one (queue floods of tears and wails)........

Exactly, Skye. DD is only 18m and is already well on the way to being a diva. Today she is overtired and has been crying deliberately to get her own way. At the moment though she is sleeping, hence I am on here.

It was 'fun' trying to hold onto DD trying to climb on me (sitting on the sofa), stop the crayons being knelt on, hold the colouring book, and try to hold the dogs paw to get him to colour in.

Today's words have been 'Nooooooo' and 'Toast'. Endlessly!

Thankfully today DH is off work so we're out shopping a bit later for bits n bobs. Lunch first though, so hopefully after a long sleep and a bit of food, DD will be in smiley, cheerful mode, which to be fair, she usually is.

Kate I have just thought - if you're finding it tough at home with a 10m old, are there any local groups you could go to? Our local paper advertises a lot (though at present they don't fit with my schedule), and our local library runs different events daily during term-time for under-5's.

Pickles how're you doing today?

Pickles77 Wed 15-Aug-12 20:14:11

How is everyone today?

skye & notgeoff your days sound action packed, fun and tiring!!
I'm good today thank you smile had a lovely massage. Not easy with a bump but lovely though x

KateSpade Wed 15-Aug-12 20:35:06

Im feeling a lot better today, my DD had a 3hour nap and then i went shopping, so a combination of that has cheered me up. Its just nice to admit how your feeling even if its online.

Im going back to do my final year, this year was a Sandwich year. Ive been working in my 'Industry' and had a baby in between. I had 10 weeks off over christmas and went back to work. So its gone from being bloody exhausted to bloody bored. Thats quite a difficult shift for me. Im living in my Uni town next year during the week and traveling back at weekends, due to the fact i don't think I'd cope with my course + a baby (its final year and we have lectures in the evening) and all my family being so far away.

xmasevebundle Thu 16-Aug-12 20:49:54

I had a shit day yesterday had a huge arguement with my dad then he punched me in head? My mum isnt talking to him, nor am i!

Offically broke down last night, spoke to my MW going back when im 23w.

Fed up with everything, all the arguements and shit all from being pregnant.

sad

Feel okay today had a day in with my mum ate loads of chocolate and sorted ralphs room out.

Pickles77 Thu 16-Aug-12 21:17:41

Oh Xmas why did that happen?

Glad your feeling better Kate?

How are you notgeoff & skye?
I'm feeling for poor Lou today sad

Xmas that sounds horrible - poor you. Is this normal for your Dad?
I am glad to hear that today has been better, and that chocolate is involved.

I am drinking a gin & tonic (sorry), and eating home-made pizza. smile

I too am both angry and scared on Lou's behalf. I hope she comes back to post to let everyone know she is okay, and that she can find a legal solution to the current problem.

How are you doing, Pickles?

Pickles77 Thu 16-Aug-12 21:26:58

There's two threads on here ATM which are very distressing and I wish we could do more sad
Other than that I am pooped! Did far too much dog walking. Laid my mouse traps too.
Got asked on a date too but ran away in horror declined politely smile
Oooooh pizza yummy!!

xmasevebundle Thu 16-Aug-12 21:28:09

Woke him up at 8.30 at night downstairs he fell asleep and started having ago at me. He punched me with so much force ive got a lump..

So i called him a fucking cunt for hitting his pregnant daughter!!

Mums not impressed and called him a bully lost her temper, said he can fuck off now had enough. She didnt see him hit me but i showed her last night.

Was scraming match until 12am.

Feel sad now i want to meet my little man and to have a fag!!!!!

Pizza gone! smile

I like that you got asked out - proves there are some good guys out there.

xmasevebundle Thu 16-Aug-12 21:42:36

No my dad never hit me!!! Chocolate was todays topic!!!

Urghh i hate gin and tonic is to sharp for me!! Had russian vodka once ohMY lol.

pickles he could be 'the one' smile

That was nice to hear.. i dont even think men look at me!? Do my hair make-up down to perfection(in my eyes) soon as they see the bump they run a mile!!!

xmasevebundle Thu 16-Aug-12 21:43:04

*Hes never hit me before

Okay, we will stick to talking about chocolate and baby bumps! smile

When I was pregnant I really craved healthy foods and could quite happily ignore chocolate for days. However, it is now 'that time of the month' so chocolate is essential. Essential, I tell you!

xmasevebundle Thu 16-Aug-12 22:06:10

Im not like that im normally a size 10 before i meet my ex then ate loads of junk i use to be healthy.

Anything with grease or even sugar on it i dive in!!

I love parma voliets at the moment!! Milky way, galaxy is my fav!!! I keep 3 bars upstairs incase of midnight snack food crisis smile

I tend not to put cups on my bump last time he booted me and my mums lilac capert turned into cherryade!!

She soon forgave him smile

Okay I have to scoot as DH is waiting to use the laptop and I have some reading to do.
Have a lovely evening (what's left of it) all and we'll catch up tomorrow when you can help me with my mini-dilemma: I have got to get my dad's ashes back from the undertaker so we can scatter him where he wanted. Thing is they can only 'drop him off' two days before we're doing it. Where can I keep him?
(I am in a one-bedroomed flat with not much storage space and a toddler that tries to climb on and eat everything)

xmasevebundle Thu 16-Aug-12 22:14:44

Okay and you.

Sorry for your father, maybe in the kitchen?
When my nan passed, i got a rose bush and put a few ashes in there so when im sad or miss her i pop outside. Shes also in the sea traveling the world.

<runs and gets a tissue>

Thanks Xmas - I think I might clear off a space on the mantelpiece (which doubles as a kind of altar) and put him there. He liked the lounge and it's fairly near to the drinks cabinet.
<Unless I put him in the drinks cabinet next to the gin?>

He'll be reunited with mum soon. smile

PollyIndia Fri 17-Aug-12 10:03:55

Just found this Board and thread. Another one doing it alone. I am due the day after you pickles. So far, have loved pregnancy though had a bit of a wobble earlier this week. Still feel fine too. Off to a music festival in Wales this weekend though, not too sure how that will go!
Anyway, just wanted to say hi and introduce myself smile

Pickles77 Fri 17-Aug-12 10:56:49

Hi polly glad to hear your doing well.
notgeoff i think with the gin wink that's where I'd like to be.

Having a really good few days smile as nasty as twunt was to me I feel like I have closure now. (for the time being) I didn't even sob and reach for the Kleenex when a friend posted pictures of her OH cot building grin

Hope everyone else is good xx

xmasevebundle Fri 17-Aug-12 10:57:24

In the drink cabinet i think he would understand or dont mind smile

Thats lovely. Both together forever.

Hello polly welcome smile

Have fun this weekend smile

Welcome Polly! What festival are you off to? I hope you have fun.

Pickles -doing well, keep it up. xx

Pickles77 Fri 17-Aug-12 15:36:04

Have we many plans for the weekend?
My pooch is doing a dog show wink, watch out for us on the news at ten.
notgeoff may I also request a pm for Lous new thread
Xx

No plans here other than going to the library. I tell you, I live the life of a jet-setter, me!

Ooh, news at ten eh? I will see which dog goes and rolls in the fox poo, shall I?

I don't think Lou is starting a new thread, reading what she's written recently. At least, not until the one she's on has filled up. However, yes, will keep you in the loop if things change. smile

Pickles77 Fri 17-Aug-12 16:39:51

I love the library, read loads lately smile
Oh yes, we could win the fox poo covered dog class hands down wink

xmasevebundle Sat 18-Aug-12 11:27:20

Morning everyone smile

Woke up in good mood. Thought about my ex and ive had enough of hiding and not going out.

He pissed me off, saying stuff to other people im this and that. One day ill explode and think fuck it and thats today.

He can fuck off, he promised me everything. I wonder why i loved him because when i was with him he treated me so nice. But now when im pregnant with his son he turns his back.

When i see him and i have my son i wont even look at him and walk off with MY head held high.

Wanted to get that out smile

How is everyone today?

Pickles77 Sat 18-Aug-12 20:21:25

Hi all

Yes I'm feeling like I am just going to rely on me now too smile

Having a lovely night with my best friends little one. We are cutting and sticking grin she was allowed to stay up and play with me as a treat!

skyebluesapphire Sat 18-Aug-12 22:54:33

Sounds lovely pickles. I had a lovely day out today, taking advantage of a child free day and went shopping in a lovely seaside town about an hour away.

DD came back from twunt, overexcited as always, stuffed full of sweets and McDonalds and late again.

Hope you are all having a lovely evening

Pickles77 Sat 18-Aug-12 23:09:55

Uh oh is she bouncing off the walls?
Well I eventually managed to get her into bed, now I can't sleep myself. Too hot smile

Hi, I'm char, I'm 35 and 23 weeks pregnant, due 13th December.   Please can I join you on this thread?  

This is a bit of a long one I'm afraid.....

I have been with my exp for four years on and off. 
When we met he had just split from his wife and in the process of getting a divorce.  At the time he had a 3 yr old and his ex was 7 months pregnant.   He fought very hard in court to get access to the children. 
About six months into the relationship he started to grow more and more controlling and abusive - this was emotional and verbal at first. 
Over our time together we split up several times, lived together three times and got engaged twice. 
Each time we split up it was because I had broken some stupid rule he had set in 
place.  One such rule was that I wasn't allowed to talk to certain people he considered a threat. This included a guy who was just a friend in Scotland (I'm way down south and I wasnt remotely interested in him) and a 16 year old boy who was the son of a colleague.  Another time I had posted on here and he didn't like that.  That got me dumped.  Or I had disagreed with him over something stupid and unimportant.   Each time we got back together it was after much pleading and begging and promising I would try to change. 
I'd been living in my own rented studio for nearly 2 years and we were getting on really well.  He was stating with me most nights. By this time i had learnt the bonkers rules but still was on the receiving end of his emotional and verbal abuse and now he was trying to dictate how i spent money too.  I loved him and wanted to be with him so tried to ignore the controlling/abuse issue.  I continued to beg and plead forgiveness, promising I would change but also hoping he would change. 
I had issues with medication so stopped taking the pill in feb/march 2012 I told him is many times so he definitely knew. 
In may 2012, 3 days after my poor dad died I found out I was pregnant. He was so happy. He told his parents straightaway and he was over the moon. 
We found a place to live, got engaged again and moved into our rented house in June 2012.   He came to my scans and proudly showed all his friends and family the scan pictures.  
With the move unfortunately came a big change in his behaviour - the financial control, verbal and emotional abuse stepped up a gear and physical violence started.  
Things got very nasty very quickly and culminated in him abruptly packing some stuff and moving out temporarily.  Police were called many times and I'm left contemplating an injunction. 
He now claims that I duped him into the pregnancy by not telling him I wasn't taking the pill.  
He also claims to all who will listen that HE was the one who has been abused and is playing the victim card and telling everyone that I have severe mental health issues. 
His family and friends who were previously so excited for us now refuse to acknowledge my existence and want nothing to do with me or our son. 
My ex has said he hates me and also wants nothing to do with me or our son and never wants to see either of us again. He said he will also instruct his mother to never see the baby. 

So I'm left in the house Unsure when he's coming back and take the rest of his stuff. He's told me he's taking the bed so I will have to sleep on the floor. Great with my spd. 
I have told the letting agents to find new tenants ASAP but I have to pay the rent and bills until they find someone new to move in. The ex has refused to pay anything and I can't afford it on my own. 

As soon as I can leave I'm going to have to move and live with mum which I am really ashamed to do.  I never in my life imagined I would be pregnant or doing it alone with the father refusing to have any contact whatsoever. 
Moving back is going to be a nightmare as getting to work is going to be impossible and hugely expensive because of the distance involved. 

I'm not sure what is going to happen when I go into labour as I don't want my mum there. I think that is just weird.   I don't have any friends to ask to be there with me either.  Can I do it on my own?? 

It really hurts how he has turned so nasty so quickly and level of hatred that consumes him is terrifying.  
It hurts how he has made everyone else hate me by telling them god knows what lies about me and making them think I tricked him into the baby. 
But what hurts above everything else is that my son will grow up not knowing his father or his side of the family.  He will ever meet his sister, brother and cousins and will eventually know that his father wanted nothing to do with him. 

After all of this,  I still want to be with him,  i still love him and hope he will change and want to be with us, I know he won't.  

I'm so sorry for my long message!!

Pickles77 Sun 19-Aug-12 03:54:15

Hello hun, of course you can join us. I'm not very good with advice but I know this thread has got me up some mornings and gets me through.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and having the strength to go it alone. Make sure you enjoy your pg at the stage your at as I wish I'd enjoyed my earlier stages as I'm now 34 weeks and feel shite! Lol smile
Let the bastard have the bed, you should check out freecycle or Friday ad.
As for labouring alone I have a friend coming with me but I know what you mean about doing it alone. I'm thinking i want to do it alone, I've done it alone all the way through and I think I'd like my special moment to myself. I cooked smile I sweated I laboured. Also for those seconds where my LO is the newest person in the whole world, yes those, I want them to be mine. All mine!
How are you coping mentally? I found out I was pg, thought I was 7/8 weeks and I was 21. My ex left me homeless and jobless. And I moved back to my folks- very hard. But they've been great, don't be ashamed mine say they are prouder of me for being strong enough to do it alone. I have regular counselling and anti d'S so please ask for help from your doc if your struggling. smile
You'll find it really helps, notgeoffvader & skyblue will be along shortly. They are the fairy godmothers on this thread. Their advice is fantastic and if your having a wobble they are brilliant. Everyone on MN is great too this thread as you can prob see has its ups and downs, but we carry on smile.
I hope your okay (don't think I'm strange for posting at this hour- i haven't been partying wink I've got bloody insomnia)

Pickles, Bump & My amazing dog (who shall provide you with endless tales of fox shite!)

Ps, for anyone that watched the news for me and pooch we sailed through our dog show. No bloomin rosettes, what a con. They didnt appreciate the heavily pregnant lady with the physcic dog. The cheek!

xmasevebundle Sun 19-Aug-12 09:46:04

Hello datingthedevil

You seem you will be alot better off without him!!!! He wants to control everything and when he can't he gets angry/controling.

It will hurt for a while but what kind of man would leave his pregnant ex sleeping on the floor?

Its his loss and his familys. If i was you i would want my son no-where near him, he would prob bring your son up being a vindictive idoit like him!!

I thought about this for a long time my son missing out, its his family that will. They will always side with there son, when they dont no the half.

Keep strong smile

Hello!
Not sure about fairy godmother, more like fairy elephant, I'd say!

Dating - I think deep down you know you're better off without. Your ex-P sounds so much of a control freak, your life (and your child) will be better off without him. However, the law is a complex thing and I think that if you want him to provide financial support you need to name him on the birth cert. If you don't then don't give his name. However, PLEASE CHECK THE LEGAL BOARDS/consult someone with full knowlege of this!

Xmas how are you? I think that with families like the one your ex is from, they are best left alone. Who needs that sort of person in their life?

It makes me so sad to hear (on MN) about the number of emotionally and physically abusive men out there, and the amount of women who, because of no fault of their own, are subjected to being made to feel inferior, worthless, lacking in confidence, in self-worth, in self-belief, and (in some cases) to believe that they have brought it all upon themselves.

I honestly can assure you that there ARE good men out there. There are kind men. Men who do not see women as a commodity, as an ego-stroker, as someone to push and shove around.

However, you are not 'incomplete' as a person if you don't have a "significant other" - a boyfriend/husband/partner/lover. You are still you. You are 100% you, with no artificial additives. With no need to be anything other than you.

Pickles, sorry, I missed the news. Do you have a link to it on iplayer or something? DD is not enjoying the heat and is going through some sort of sleep regression thing at the moment....just think how much you all are going to enjoy THOSE stage! (evil grin emoticon needed). It took her about 2 hrs to settle down last night. On the plus side, once she was asleep she stayed put all night, which was an improvement on the night before.

Going to shut up and go away for a bit now. Horribly itchy eczema is driving me mad and DD is anxious to play with something messy.

xmasevebundle Sun 19-Aug-12 10:12:31

notgeoffvader

Feel like shit, had arguement with my mum. Think i will move out when ralphs here.

I think my ex is dead hes a waste of air and my time. Hes a sperm doner now lol. Son dont need him. Not here now when i'm finding it hard. His loss not mine smile

Pickles77 Sun 19-Aug-12 17:42:48

Hi all how are we? Gosh it's too hot isn't it?
Such a boring day today x

skyebluesapphire Sun 19-Aug-12 18:55:15

How we all doing? dating welcome to the thread.

I've been email arguing trying to sort things out with twunt like access, finances (he wants to cut maintenance). He is a prick of the highest order. He thinks he can walk out on me and ruin his daughters life then get away with paying me £37 a week to feed a d clothe his daughter and keep a roof over her head.

You girls are lucky if your twunts don't want access believe me!

Excuse me, I'm having a bad day! Lol

xmasevebundle Sun 19-Aug-12 19:01:32

That made me giggle. I think ex might join your rankings!!! I think some people with 2 balls and a willy think they are men? smile

I do feel lucky he said its yours not mine and dont want anything to do with it bar the money. Suits me to the ground.

He thinks he will pay 100 a month, i kept it to myself that would be a week with his wages!

<giggling and smiling>

crackcrackcrak Sun 19-Aug-12 19:02:12

Hi all - been absent for a while and name changed. Hope everyone is doing ok.

Exp being total shit at the moment and trying v hard to make life as hard as possible for me. I have a thread elsewhere wink

Pg is fine really though I'm v overdue for the midwife who is never there!

The only thing that makes me happy is dd1 being excited and buying baby stuff.

Otherwise I am v negative ATM and keep thinking the worst will happen. This week it's paranoia I will lose my job sad

Pickles77 Sun 19-Aug-12 19:27:04

Oh no sky what a twunt!
Clack- welcome back, glad your battling on and still on the bus. Trying to figure out your NC. Im overdue for a NC i think.

I'm having a bad evening too. My so called best friend is visiting this weekend, and I did know but according to <sigh> Facebook. She's been to see everyone but me sad, no calls since being pg, no response to emails, not much really. I must be a golden twunt myself eh?

Pickles77 Sun 19-Aug-12 19:46:06

Oh the guy that asked me on a date keeps calling and I just can't answer the phone

xmasevebundle Sun 19-Aug-12 20:50:07

pickles that sucks when 'friends' do that sad i don't think id call her friend.

Ooooo smile i think you should pick up and go on a date ;). A man could take me to get a big mac meal and id be happy!!

Pickles77 Sun 19-Aug-12 20:56:11

I can't even answer the phone... Don't think I'd make it out the house smile

No, I must be some cunt bad person for people to treat me like this though. Counselling tommorow though, might help. Sat looking at the antids on the side, wonder if taking a bucket load helps (not that I would)

ThoughtsPlease Sun 19-Aug-12 21:02:28

dating - just to share my experience, I went through labour with my 3rd child alone, I was perfectly happy with it. The first midwife asked me about the father, as my Dad took me but I didn't want him to stay, my Mum was looking after my other 2DC, I made it clear to the midwife that he was my Dad (to avoid any awkwardness). I told the midwife the father and I were no longer together, and all the midwives were lovely. I think most midwives would do everything they could for if you were alone, I am sure being alone got me an epidural at 8cm dilated with a 3rd child, otherwise I think I would have been 'encouraged' to go on without an epidural (that I desperately wanted)

If you are to be alone in labour, I am sure you would be just fine :-)

skyebluesapphire Sun 19-Aug-12 21:14:42

My twunt has been unbelievable today . He had the nerve to suggest that I could take DD to him for access! Because I live in a place that is "shit to get to" and that's why he is always late. The place that he chose to live in prior to meeting me, the place that he happily bought a house in with me 6 years ago.

The bloke is a prize knobhead. He won't answer my questions, doesn't say what he wants when I ask him then says that I dictate everything to him.... Complains that I don't tell him about school terms when I gave him the website address to look it up!

I hate the bastard so much!

Hope you girls are doing ok. The way I feel at the moment I'm off men for good!

Pickles77 Sun 19-Aug-12 21:18:16

Rant away sky! I know how much it helps! No he should come to you after everything he's done!!! I'm angry for you angry

xmasevebundle Sun 19-Aug-12 21:19:27

I think you will one day smile.

Hope that goes well, i think hes all every swear word i can think of.. <mind goes in overdrive>

No bad talk sad happy talk please.

I took my chinchilla out today fugde!! He looks like the inside of fugde the colour. He seemed happy to fall asleep with a snuggle then gave him a raisan and off he went back in the cage with his gf(sam).

I would try take coco out shes black but i dare not shes a little shit and her mum chinnie is too!

We had chinne first then got fugde to keep her company but chinnie was a girl and out popped coco on fathers day. Sadly we had to get fugde tied and chinnie regreted him so hes got a new gf called sam. They even have their own play room. Its bigger than my room hmm

Pickles77 Sun 19-Aug-12 21:21:53

I would be scared of them I think but I'd try to play with them.
One born is on- its a good one

xmasevebundle Sun 19-Aug-12 21:26:31

They are very cute and the fur is so dense!! Its so soft!!

Im in bed yet again.. feel tired and heartburns playing up.

Can also hear my mum shouting to my brother all i do wrong!

Pickles77 Sun 19-Aug-12 21:27:16

Earplugs!

Urgh too hot today with not enough shade. Had a blather on fb about my day (pleasant) but not about my aching back (not pleasant - I slipped in the bath yesterday and must've wrenched something).

Don't have any further 'words of wisdom' today - I used them up on my earlier post!
Try to have a good evening, all. x

Pickles77 Sun 19-Aug-12 21:52:58

wink take care of yourself notgeoff, get you DH to rub your back! Put your feet up!

I had a lovely lavender bath earlier, with someone's generous gift, I feel rather more relaxed now wink

Glad lou is doing well today, made me happy after a outbreak of hairy handed people on here today! angry

Aw, thanks, Pickles! smile

I am going to put my feet up and read a book. Back has eczema on it so rubbing it won't help, unfortunately - plus it's far too hot for any physical contact - I can't help admire you pregnant ladies for sounding so calm, I'd be ranting and raving if I was hot and pregnant! Although last night I dreamed that I'd had another baby (told DH and his face was like this shock) by C-Sec and that there was a hole in the floor that all my stuff kept falling down.

Turning off FB for the night as one of my friends has a stupid crush on some bloke off the telly and keeps on and on and on about him. Gah!

skyebluesapphire Sun 19-Aug-12 22:33:04

Hope you are ok NotGeoff.

Im sitting here eating Haribo Starmix again :-)

Best news I've had all day is fitting into a gorgeous maxi dress I got for my cousins wedding in October. It's FOUR sizes smaller than I was back in April!!!!

I'm so happy !!!

xmasevebundle Sun 19-Aug-12 23:13:00

notgeoff The heat is the devil. I settle down get comfy then and hour later, i wake up in a steam room. Back to sqaure 1.

I said i wanted my hair shaved a days ago its thick and halfway down my back!!

Your bath and book seems lovely smile had a bubble bath earlier with a face mask put it on my bump. He felt left out smile

skye <stares> what was this diet envy

I cant wait until i walk into a shop and buy a size 10 or 12 <thinks about january sales>

well done for the weight loss, i love weddings [grins]

skyebluesapphire Sun 19-Aug-12 23:15:22

It's the twunt diet. It's simple, your H walks out, your appetite vanishes, you exist on a banana a day and the pounds drop off...

See, he did me one favour!

xmasevebundle Sun 19-Aug-12 23:28:06

<ive put my foot in it>

Sorryblush

That is a plus!!

skyebluesapphire Sun 19-Aug-12 23:37:26

LOL. It's the only decent thing to come out of it, apart from me snd DD now being so close.

xmasevebundle Mon 20-Aug-12 01:15:35

I wish every women on this fourm could find her charming tomorrow for swaps for the ex's.

I think women are stronger than men in the long run when there 40+ they understand life. While we are like hello we did that 20 or less years ago LOL

I can only think his sperm was the only good thing so should i be pissed of that much with him the answer is still yes

Cant sleep too hot, uncomfy,heartburn, getting kicked and punched. I feel i could scream!!!!!

Xmaseve Gaviscon is your friend here for heartburn. I got it on prescription when I was pregnant. Gaviscon Advance - it worked really well.

I have the fans blasting on full at the moment, and all the windows and internal doors open. Not leaving the front door open as old kitty might decide to make a break for it, or next doors' might try to come in!

Anyway, if you don't lose baby weight immediately, I assure you it'll drop off once they start crawling/walking as you'll be chasing them all over the place.

It's a bit cooler today, so how is everyone?

crackcrackcrak Mon 20-Aug-12 11:07:58

I dunno how to explain who I was before he he - SBNB. Name change often now because exp liked to stalk me on mn. Like the thought police kind of thing wink

Booked in to see gp about going on mar leave couple of weeks early - doubt he will say no he was pretty horrified last time I told him what has gone in and it's much worse now sad
At least I am pg and I can go in leave!
Going to get dd1 to the health visitor this week to get some back up about something exp is axe grinding over-I have a thread in that too. Involves diaper removal (google conscious)

Wish exp would fuck off back to work then I could relax again. Not that this poor baby is going through anything like dd1 did in the womb but still - I would just like to spend the rest of the pg hanging out with my gorgeous child, making the most of her last days as an only child and sorting out baby things. There is that - dd loves choosing things for the baby and chats to anyone about her new sister - so glad she is happy smile

Hiya,

How are you all doing today?

Have any of you had any counselling about your situations?
Where are you getting support from?

I have loads of people telling me what a bastard he is and how I should be pleased to be rid of him, but no one seems to recognise that I'm still heartbroken and devastated and feel completely alone.

Thank you all for being there

Do you think we should start a closed facebook group so we can all meet and chat?

Xxxxxxxxxx

Hi Dating - I am not a lone parent but chat on here to Pickles and Skye a fair bit.
I think some folks on here are getting counselling.
The FB group sounds like a good idea as long as but I think you might want to see if you can get some consellors/people who've had successful counselling in it.... to ensure that there is an 'official' type of hand-holding.

Sorry if I skim-read your post but how long is it since your relationship finished? I think it's quite natural to have a 'mourning' period. To think about how things might have been, to be stunned with the enormity of it all...
friends of mine have been there, and, are now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you. smile

Pickles77 Mon 20-Aug-12 12:27:10

Hi dating i am on antids and have counselling too. It's been nearly 3 months for me and with the help of several threads, this one too I've started turning a corner in the last few weeks.
I mourn occasionally and wobble but I accept now I always will. I'm getting stronger.
It's little baby steps, tiny tiny things. I think aswell you have to force yourself out of your comfort zone.
I now go to a local sure start centre, I walk my dog for hours. I'm starting to rebuild
my life.
It's not easy, but please talk to people smile I know just how you feel.
Just remember anything is possible smile

skyebluesapphire Mon 20-Aug-12 12:46:12

Hi all. pickles glad to hear you feel you have turned a corner - I have been feeling the same too. dating Im not pregnant but STBXH walked out on me right out of the blue. I have been on anti d's and having counselling to come to terms with it all. Just ask away if you have any questions on it.

xmasevebundle Mon 20-Aug-12 12:59:42

notgeoff It makes me sick, i cant stomach it!! Its yukky, i did sleep well woke up in a star shape i though hmm

Its baking where i live dont help my mum has leather sofa's!!!

Was ment to be meeting my friend today, i dont get on with her boyfriend he thinks dead baby jokea are funny? Shes ditched me so fuck it!! Going cinema with my friend wednesday to watch the wedding video, very excited!!!!

dating the devil Ive had no help i try and take in on myself isnt the best idea. I left him so i guess im part to blame but it was over already.

I do have support from my family but we argue alot so i keep myself to myself. I watch alot of T.V programmes smile

It is hard at first, i use to cry all the time!! It was shit to be honest. Even him telling me hes more happier than ever and going for a new career.

But its his loss you will see that in a few months, i promise you.

Pickles77 Mon 20-Aug-12 13:05:25

We all sound like we're doing well today grin is it the weather?
You feeling better Skye and Geoff?

Xmas you're thinking of the liquid stuff? The 'advance' stuff I got was in chewable tablets. Much easier! smile

xmasevebundle Mon 20-Aug-12 13:59:04

Yeah it is liquid. I will go to the doctors!! smile

xmasevebundle Mon 20-Aug-12 15:50:41

Sat watching jeremy kyle makes my life seem so much better lol. Got an urge for baileys the drink.. Feel i could cry i can even taste it on my buds ohhhh sad

Ha ha - yes Jeremy Kyle will make you feel much better. I can't understand the people that go on that - I don't understand how they can live the lifestyles they do, how they can all shag each other, let alone fancy each other (have you SEEN their teeth???), and how they can go on TV and humiliate themselves and their families by being there. I would love to seal the doors shut and let a couple of tigers loose.

Thanks to those that asked - had an ok day - back still sore/itchy but painkillers have taken the edge off it.
I managed to get to the library today (didn't go the other day in the end) and popped into the charity shop but nothing useful in there. Just catching up on a couple of threads on here.

Could you try iced coffee, Xmas, I know it's not quite the same but if you made it milky and sweet, it might hit the spot.

Now am sitting here, reading threads, listening to DH chatting to DD, trying to eavesdrop on my neighbours who are chatting outside and wondering whether to have pie or omelette with chips tonight.
Off to the shops tomorrow to get some new cupboards for our lounge to partition a bit off into a study. We can then move the PC out of the bedroom and partition off a bit of the room for DD.

DD has just hit her toy bear over the head with some crayons. Apparently this helps him to stop crying (!). Hopefully she will tire herself out soon. smile

xmasevebundle Mon 20-Aug-12 20:20:28

notgeoff Me and my ex yet again was out shopping in bouremouth and i saw a man from the show. I wet myself with laughter :$ then had a fag to calm myself down. He was one with major buck teeth,got black hair, wish i new his name to send you a link.

I might try that, i dont even no where to get ice coffee from expect starbucks and cafe nero? Nero's a tad cheaper smile

I think your in the perfect place at the moment, my next door neighbours are chinese who have an english father. His wife talks cantanse? sorry i cant spell it :$ to her 2 children and he dont understand a word. But every morning its rwyannnnnnnnnn!! Her DS.

Get you with THE study envy

xmasevebundle Mon 20-Aug-12 20:22:39

Type in Youtube. Jeremy kyle- buck teeth. Its the first video. Can you see why i laughed so much??? I looked TWICE.

Pickles77 Mon 20-Aug-12 20:54:31

Hi all, glad everyone is okay.
That about the teddy bear has really made me smile after a traumatic antenatal class, thank you notgeoffs dd grin

crackcrackcrak Mon 20-Aug-12 22:17:15

I had counselling through work for 8 hours but I'm asking gp for that it CBT this week because I am probably going mental and I'm not risking mess.
The work counsellor was v helpful but I feel like I need another 100 hours!

PollyIndia Mon 20-Aug-12 22:27:37

Thanks xmasevebundle and notgeoffvader. It was green man. It rained non stop until saturday lunchtime then the sun came out but the mud stayed very deep. It was a bit of a challenge in bits just because you couldn't really sit down and it was quite hard to walk in wellies, but I listened to lots of music, had good food, got to dance to metronomy doing my favourite 2 songs of theirs (then got told to take it easy by some elderly onlookers probably worried I was about to faceplant in the mud!), sat by the bonfire and chatted to randoms and got totally stuck in the mud and had to be pushed out. In the car I should add, not in my wellies!
It was loads of fun but I have been knackered today and yesterday. Guess it just takes a bit longer to get over things when you are hugely pregnant.

Pickles, why was the ante-natal class rubbish? I have to confess, I have totally wimped out on ante natal classes. Can't be bothered really and also can't face all the couples. I am being crap I know.
I've done hypnobirthing though and I'll do a breastfeeding class.

Are any other FTMs starting to feel a bit nervous? I am due in 5 weeks, and I've genuinely loved being pregnant, but starting to feel a bit wobbly about being a mum and all the responsibility being with me.

Is that normal??

PollyIndia Mon 20-Aug-12 22:31:50

Datingthedevil, I am sorry to read how down you still are. My situation is a bit different as my baby's father was an ex already - I didn't expect him to absolutely want nothing to do with us, but that's what's happened.

I have also heard good things about CBT - much better than psychotherapy my sister says - she works in this field.

It's just hard dealing with normal end of relationship grief when you also have pregnancy and the hormones to deal with. But I know we can all do the pregnancy and baby bit, despite the wobbles. In fact, I've been told that in some ways it might be easier to do it alone, as if the relationship isn't the right one, then your partner can be source of additional stress rather than a support. A few friends have told me they are in that position.

xmasevebundle Mon 20-Aug-12 23:30:27

polly sounds like you had a great time smile

Im worrying now and i have 18 weeks left lol, i guess its sooner the time you start to panic how much you gave up am i even ready to become a mum?

I do that daily, some day i wake up and think im a size 10 but i look into the mirror and it hits me!!

I am hands on person so when hes born he best be ready for some quick nappy changing.

<never changed a nappy in my life, looks around the room>

Im sure you will do great smile

mumschat Tue 21-Aug-12 00:44:30

That is so true u wont have feelings to spare for anyone else just ur little baby. Even tho i was wit my partner at the beginning i only had interest in my baby and u wont have to share them wit anyone else. I did all night feeds and everything by myself and although u wud be exhausted for the first few weeks its all worth as i felt i bonded wit her so much as there was no one else around. Good luck wit ur baby and stay strong :-)

Pickles77 Tue 21-Aug-12 07:46:29

Hi Polly glad you had a fab time, sounds like you had a hoot.
Yes I'm five weeks left too. I'm not worried about labour really now I'm worried about this little person. Like what do I do with her? I've always been a panicker though.
I opened a drawer of her baby clothes yesterday and nearly started hyperventilating smile.
I have turned a corner this week a few people have let me down so rather than get upset ive let it go and walked away.
I've come to realise how much I've never done anything like put myself first. Well nows the time. Me,, Dd and the dog, we're a family.
The antenatal was rubbish as one pompous bloke really got on my nerves and yes it was all 'daddy' you know 'daddy can do the ten pm feed whilst mummy sleeps' felt like saying something but decided to simmer away instead smile

Hope were all okay
smile

Ah yes, ok here thanks! Off to get the bits for the 'study' - you do realise that it is just a corner of the room, so making one room into two poky smaller ones?! smile

Excuse lack of names relating to any comments here, but am really tired and my brain is not cooperating with me.

I haven't heard of green man festival - it sounds good. If you're in the area (Midlands way) in July, get yourself to Barefoot - that is really good. Geared to hippy types and anyone with small children. Great value, and loads to do.

Ante-natal classes - I went because the mw at the hospital suggested I do. It was a bit rubbish really. We didn't get any horror real-life films of births but the mw running the class used a doll and a model of a pelvis to show us how our "lovely" baby would come out, where the epidural would be given, and how the placenta was attached/would detach.
The class was a mixture of couples and singles and most of them were annoying too, One woman who wanted her DH to cut the cord as soon as the baby was born and was really going all out to sound like an earth mother who didn't want any pain relief etc. I confess I am a bit of a hippy but I have a low pain threshold so I wanted to know ALL ABOUT pain relief! smile
I got by on a mix of TENS machine, then gas & air, then the birthing pool..... and then DD didn't want to come out so we progressed to induced labour, and finally a C-Sec. I can only say just be prepared, don't be afraid to tell them (hosp. staff) what you want, but also listen to their advice.
If you haven't written a birth plan, then do; it means that if you're feeling out of it on gas/air or too tired to speak, you can wave it at the staff. smile

DO NOT be made to feel that breastfeeding is the only way. It is a good way, and it works for a lot of mums, but not for them all. What IS important is that the baby is fed. The baby does not know or care whether it gets a boob or a bottle, it cares that it gets milk.
Personally, I found bf was relatively easy (once we'd sorted out latching) but I did occasionally supplement feeds with formula), and saved fiddling about, but that's just me.

Until DD was born I had no experience of babies so was pretty clueless fairly unprepared with regard to what to do, but most of it comes naturally. And i am not the worlds most maternal person by a LONG chalk.

I'll be back later today (hopefully, if I am not putting cupboards together) but just wanted to check in. Have a good day all. x

PollyIndia Tue 21-Aug-12 10:18:49

Exactly how I feel pickles. Not scared about labour, but feeling quite scared about what comes after! It's totally lifechanging though, so not that surprising, but sure it will all fall into place and very quickly I won't be able to remember life before!

Lots of good advice NotGeoffVader. I wasn't actually going to write a birth plan, mainly as I feel like if I write it down, then it will happen the opposite way. But I have a doula so I'll discuss what I want with her and she can be my voice if I can't speak. Hoping for a homebirth, no drugs etc but if I have to have induction/epidural/c-section, well, so be it.

Another friend said the same as you re supplementing breastfeeding with formula. I hope I can breastfeed, but I am not going to beat myself up if we really can't get it.

Hope you all have a good day smile

Pickles77 Tue 21-Aug-12 12:20:43

notgeoff take it easy!
polly glad your feeling supported too. I just had my MW and she was great at reassuring me about security and help after birth etx smile

Pickles77 Tue 21-Aug-12 13:44:27

I shouldn't be having this baby should I?

skyebluesapphire Tue 21-Aug-12 14:30:42

I didnt have a clue what to do with a baby and I was 36 when I had DD. It was terrifying but a lot of it is common sense and just seems to come naturally.

I tried bf and didnt get on with it. The midwives were no help at all, despite all their crap at antenatal. One even said " You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink " shock After nights of baby crying and me crying because she wouldnt feed, I switched to formula and never looked back, had a happy healthy baby and a happy mum. Hopefully you will all get on ok with it, but if you dont, then DO NOT beat yourselves up over it!!!!!

A happy mum and a happy baby is the most important thing.

Pickles - you will be fine. Just dont expect the dog to look after the baby grin

Pickles77 Tue 21-Aug-12 14:40:21

Having a down day, emotionally attacked <runs off to don hard hat, have chat with self and pull oneself together>

Never fear- dog is a whizz at sterilising and whipping up FF.
He's just outside in the car at the minute looking at how to put the car seat in. He's been fantastic- said to put my feet up and he'll finish the ironing later grin

skyebluesapphire Tue 21-Aug-12 14:54:20

Pickles - Im glad he's so supportive to you. If only I could train my cats to hoover, everything would be great grin

Pickles77 Tue 21-Aug-12 15:01:46

Don't want to be accused of stealth boasting but (whispers) he's a whizz with a dyson grin

xmasevebundle Tue 21-Aug-12 16:58:45

Also having a bad day, thought id be ready to wear the perfume i use to wear when i was with him. Davidoff cool water.

Oh it made me sad sad make me think of happy times... then i thought what a bastard!!! lol

Pickles77 Tue 21-Aug-12 19:21:08

Sorry to hear your having a bad day too Xmas sad

xmasevebundle Tue 21-Aug-12 19:56:39

Yeah it was shit sad made me think of the long drives we use to go on, me smoking away listening to music without a care in the world sad

Pickles77 Tue 21-Aug-12 20:04:35

Right... Hot bath for you. Tashy tv or a magazine. And a cuddle with your small furry ones! And hot chocolate!

xmasevebundle Tue 21-Aug-12 20:18:19

Ive drunk my sorrows with a glass of cherry coco cola. Makes it worse that its one of them perfumes that stay for hours..

I can wear my other 2 maybe this pulls my heart as a wore it on boxing day.

Feel so strange last year i was with him and excited to see him boxing day, had a lovely dinner together. Now im pregnant single and due to give birth to his son on christmas eve.

Even was listening to fucking perfect by pink then the tears came flowing sad sad

Pickles77 Tue 21-Aug-12 20:22:49

A cry Is not a bad thing, let it out.

I've just had a lovely revelation. Exes parents think its their sons right to be st the birth and to see his child whenever he likes even though he doesn't want a baby. He agrees.
Am i wrong in thinking of bashing my head against a brick wall is quite like communicating with this family? Well I haven't been communicating but you get the jist!

xmasevebundle Tue 21-Aug-12 20:32:15

I do cry maybe every 3 weeks just builds up most of it is anger, another is jessie j nobodys perfect is what ive done to him hes done it back.

That made me laugh... Tell them to f off smile he has NO right at all, its your choice who you want at scans and the birth.

He shouldn't have the privilege to be there when your daughers born.

That wound me up!! Hate men boys.

skyebluesapphire Tue 21-Aug-12 20:47:03

pickles as far as I know, he does not have a legal right to be at the birth. Anything medical is confidential and if you tell the labour ward that you do not want him there, he will not be admitted. You are not married. If his name is not on the birth certificate, he will have to go to court to get parental responsibility.

Choco may know more about the legalities of this - I will ask her - I know she didnt want her twunt at the birth.

xmas - do cry - my counsellor said it is a release valve and you should never try and stop yourself from crying.

Pickles77 Tue 21-Aug-12 20:48:55

Thanks Skye, he's not going to get it I can assure himgrin think mum and dad are a bit offended that I said I don't want them sat in the waiting room either. I said I'd rather they be at home... Until she's born. Is that rude?

Pickles77 Tue 21-Aug-12 20:55:48

Can you get any kind of mediation or counselling for us do you think? Sitting in a room in a controlled environment?
FGS why I am still trying I do not know

PollyIndia Tue 21-Aug-12 21:21:51

Pickles, NO WAY re him having a right to be at the birth. My doula said to me I should think very carefully about who I have at the birth as anyone who can make you more stressed will be totally counter-productive. I can't believe he would even suggest it after what he has put you through. And not rude to say that the parents shouldn't be there either. Tell them you will call them the minute there is news, but you need to do this bit without the added pressure of them being there.

Xmaseve, smell is very evocative. I can't smell comme des garcon as reminds me of my ex. Maybe stay away from cool water for a while. Hope you are feeling ok tonight x

SophySinclair Tue 21-Aug-12 22:17:40

Pickles. they will think what they think. They raised a fuckwit.

as they say on the relationship boards detach detach detach

they also say that twunt can fuck off to the far side of fuck. which I like more. He has no rights to be at the birth. Birth all about you hon.

skyebluesapphire Wed 22-Aug-12 00:09:23

Pickles - you could go to counselling if you wanted to. You could go to Relate. I wanted STBXH to go after splitting up, so we could go through the issues and move on a bit, but he refused.

But with the attitude that your ex has, I dont think it would be a good idea. You could go to mediation after the baby is born, to sort out contact etc.

Choco says that her H was not allowed at the birth and the midwives all knew not to let him in unless she said it was ok. Its your body and your rights, nothing to do with him or his family.

If they want to be involved in her life then great, but it has to be on your terms, seeing as their son left you

xmasevebundle Wed 22-Aug-12 01:15:30

As skye said shes 100% right. He has not rights.

Ive looked into this alot, if he takes you to court say you are not sure so will have to take a DNA, he will pay if as hes the dad.

He will be in a childrens centre with others around until he can be trusted to take her back but they put everything in accounts.

I dont want him to see the baby not to spite him it will muck the childs head up having 2 seprate parents.

He said he will take a DNA for our son. I laughed so much, i wet myself blush. Hes doing it to be a spiteful bastard.

I doubt they will ever let him have the baby alone after his mum threatend to stab the baby out of me, i dont even go out because of it. The court will take threats like that very serious.

Ive got a laywer wink

Anyway! Yeah i think i might chuck it such a lovely smell, going town tomorrow been looking for ages at a benefit perfume called daisy its lovely. New scent i think for a new me!

Stuffed my face with any edible chocolate. Frigde is emptygrin

xmasevebundle Wed 22-Aug-12 03:36:50

Wide awake again thinking about things.. Had such a shit day, i want to go buy a packet of 20 and just gave in to everything.

Will i ever find another man the way he treated me together so much warmth, love,laughter.

Now its replaced with so such betrayal and lies.

I am such a fool.

I had a MC in the new year and he wanted me to keep it, had everything planned. We was still living together.

2 Months later Im pregnant and hes not ready?

I stuck to what i wanted and he was right. If i kept it we will end up breaking up. I no for a fact if i got rid of it he would of ended it i kept it because its what i wanted. He resents me as i ruined his life. Hes 25 and has NO other children.

He did say 'this is the only child i'll have as i want them not this'

Thats tough to handle when your 18, your first love who you have done everything together says that.

Before him and him met he was a girl for 6 years fiance dog flat, even kept her rings. He showed me!? It felt she taken over our relationship, She messaged me saying you will never have what me and him had. She cheated on him with her ex and she finished it(he told me he ended it).

She was a stuck up bitch, she looked like a fat prositute, with yellow hair hmm.

It seems he wanted me to be her.. I moved into his house(he had a housemate) got a dog together.

I will never forgive him for what he has done, if he died tomorrow. Id be happy, another evil bastard off the earth.

I needed to get that off my chest/bump.

<going downstairs for ben&jerrys, yes i will eat the whole tub to myself!!!>

Pickles77 Wed 22-Aug-12 11:00:10

Hi guys, thank you once again for your advice. xmas im sorry your feeling rubbish, it will get easier.
I'll be back later to have a rant, and I've remembered several things I was shouted at for yesterday, but found funny! So we can have a laugh at his deluded mind.
Glad lou is positive today.
Can't do a long post now, been throwing up and suffering from severe nausea since half two, am exhausted now. Hope everyone has a nice day xsmile

xmasevebundle your ex's mother sounds delightful. How come someone be like that and say such things?

Having their family be awful too just adds to the amount of stress you are under. They should be ashamed of themselves.

xmasevebundle Wed 22-Aug-12 13:51:12

pickles I did have to rant it i was VERY angry and emotional.. We can indeed, if its anything like before please share. Its funny smile

dating Oh she never liked me, because she thought i wasn't good enough for him. I never cheated or did anything to hurt him but yet its still like that.

She came up to me at the bus stop and said your a c*nt to my son and drove off. Run home cryin and shaking.

Its such a shame because my son wont be losing out SHE will. Over my dead body will touch or hold him.

I didn't go town today sad on the plus my tongue bars came which i'm very happy about!!

Got the job centre tomorrow i'm 22 weeks and apprently i can get a job hmm

Pickles77 Wed 22-Aug-12 20:52:29

Are you feeling better xmas if it's any help I took early maternity at 24 weeks so I could be nearer home. I think it was 24 anyway.

How is everyone else?
I feel constantly sick/am sick. Can't sleep but managing smile

skyebluesapphire Wed 22-Aug-12 21:38:06

Pickles - hope you feel better soon.

Hope the rest of you are doing ok

Pickles77 Wed 22-Aug-12 21:39:13

Thanks Skye, how are you doing now? Better I hope smile x

skyebluesapphire Wed 22-Aug-12 21:43:19

had a little cry just now. mediation has stirred it all up again for me, plus the fact I could file my decree absolute this week. i just feel really sad again.

I keep thinking that I will never meet anybody else, but I really hope to one day....

Pickles77 Wed 22-Aug-12 21:52:52

You will, One day you will, you deserve too <massive hugs> x

skyebluesapphire Wed 22-Aug-12 21:58:19

I hope so. Trouble is I thought that my STBXH was my soulmate, have never loved or felt about anyone the way that I felt about him. I cant imagine finding that again. But I guess there are different kinds of love and maybe my Mr Right is still out there.

I think its PMT, I seem to have 2 weeks of being on top of the world, then 2 weeks of wanting to cry in a corner, lol.

Pickles77 Wed 22-Aug-12 22:03:16

It is PMT. Mr right is out there he just isn't mr right now. STBXH will be nothing compared to what you get, you deserve the best you know that.
So off you go, get that kettle on, get some chocolate and if you want to have a cry xx

Sorry I am very late to the thread today - after yesterday's DIY bonanza, been out today all day.

Shame about the wobbles and negative moments that are afflicting folks -hormones play a big part in making you feel shit - the enormity of it all can be quite overwhelming, but never forget that the men than have left you with bumps/babies have done just that - left. Left because they are not man enough to be in a relationship, to be a father. Men like that are NOT men that you need.

By all means cry for the loss of the man you think you had, the relationship that you thought you had but remember why it broke up/why he left. Remember that you are worth so much more (echoing Pink).

Think of the baby that you're going to have doting on you. All the things you can do with him/her, how unconditional that love is. smile

skyebluesapphire Wed 22-Aug-12 22:10:47

I know. Its the advice I give to everybody, that you miss the man he was, or rather who you thought he was. That man is gone now. I even told my twunt that, that that man I loved had disappeared as he had changed beyond recognition. I just need to follow my own advice, lol.

Like most things, easier said than done smile

But every day is a day you have survived, and grown, and developed more the you that you really are. (Sounding very 'earth mother' there, sorry! - been a LONG day and I am footsore and tired).

xmasevebundle Thu 23-Aug-12 00:34:21

pickles i do feel a bit better, everythings just a reminder of him even down to hair products.

Think when my sons born i will go out for a fag and just cry. I think he will have his piercing green eyes and look his double.

I cant do that sad job centre are idoits, i do have a lovely women i see every 2 weeks just a shame its his best mate mum. Thats awkward to say the least!

skye thats very true!!

xmasevebundle Thu 23-Aug-12 00:53:24

Going to get a tattoo to relate to this part of my life.

Stand for something or you'll fall for anything.

The only way out is through.

Always look ahead, never look back.

I like the first alot but its going to go on my outer right arm. What do you like the most?

Pickles77 Thu 23-Aug-12 09:47:59

Good morning all, how are we? Very wise words notgeoff
Today I'm also feeling more positive, still what nauseous wink but better.

xmas I shudder at the pain of tattoos.
skye how are we doing? smile

xmasevebundle Thu 23-Aug-12 11:10:13

pickles glad you are positive today smile

I dont think tattoos hurt, got 2 already.

Off to town today, big mac mmmmm.

Pickles77 Thu 23-Aug-12 11:14:53

Thank you xmas <vomit> good job I
Am in the doctors for my sickness ATM wink
I'd be way too scared of the pain of a tatoo, however I am now more scared of looking after a small person than I am labour especially after all the news stories lately. sad

xmasevebundle Thu 23-Aug-12 15:59:41

I think labour will be a lot worse than a tattoo!! I can take any pain expect tummy ache i'm a wuss!!

I hate the doctors maybe me feel ikky lol.

Went town had a lovely day tried new marc jacobs dot today!! Im going to treat myself when i get paid.

Hope everyone is feeling okay today smile

xmasevebundle Thu 23-Aug-12 18:41:33

Went to the shop to buy fags i am so stressed one will be it. As i walked home my ex drove past and glared at me and my bump. I didnt even lool at him. Waited till i was home until i had a cry then i thought what a idoit!!

Pickles77 Thu 23-Aug-12 18:46:03

Put them down, you don't need them! smile

xmasevebundle Thu 23-Aug-12 19:28:47

I feel like everythings off my chest. I do feel guilty but i'm stressed out and its effecting him more. Just a bit shocked i seen him!! Was about to happen one day, haven't seen him since i was 13w im now 23w.

When i saw him my heart didnt even pound i thought scum and my son kicked.

Came to conclusion he agreed with me.

Pickles77 Thu 23-Aug-12 19:32:06

Weight lifted. I haven't seen mine since 10th June. I feel better every day.

skye how are you today lovely?
notgeoff how are you feeling now? Taking it easy I hope.

How is everyone else? smile

xmasevebundle Thu 23-Aug-12 19:40:30

It does feel that! I am happy that i've seen him so he feels guilty and he keeps his emotions in. Got a big bump. Hes thinking thats my child in there.

Feel proud that when i saw him i didn't burst into tears or was no emotion to him at all.

And i did look very nice today too wink

Pickles77 Thu 23-Aug-12 19:45:49

See confidence boost smile

xmasevebundle Thu 23-Aug-12 20:08:44

It was!!!

How was your day?

Pickles77 Thu 23-Aug-12 20:11:42

Not too bad, stopped being sick now thankfully. Had a mad cleaning day, walked the dog for hours, got bad back ache now so laying down now smile

xmasevebundle Thu 23-Aug-12 20:19:16

Glad the sickness has stopped smile he is a pamperd pet isnt he!!

Im in bed too blush

Pickles77 Thu 23-Aug-12 20:42:02

Very spoilt! smile
Ex said he wanted to call me to tonight and discuss things properly. Why I gave him the chance I don't know. Never rang anyway.

xmasevebundle Thu 23-Aug-12 21:24:20

smile i do love JR they are so cute, i do miss my little dog sad.

<laugh> Oh what a... I'd change your number i did, 2nd best thing i've done. 1st, dumping him.

You are and so much better off without him, seem more happy and not as much sad, if you no what i mean.

Pickles77 Thu 23-Aug-12 21:29:04

It's a good job I didn't get hopeful! Lol means nothing anyway. Was just intrigued smile

skyebluesapphire Thu 23-Aug-12 21:36:05

Pickles - By discuss things properly I hope he means that and isnt just going to tell you AGAIN how you have made a huge mistake and ruined his life!

and then he didnt ring anyway hmm

Pickles77 Thu 23-Aug-12 21:39:07

I don't think he was going to do that skye that would require a severe personality transplant, plus a brain transplant & a large miracle grin
<I'm doing good today wink>

How are you? smile

skyebluesapphire Thu 23-Aug-12 21:57:51

feeling bit brighter again today, trying to remind myself why Im better off with a twat like that.

Pickles and Skye - you are both sounding so much more upbeat today. I notice that you're really focusing on the good points.
Xmas I love that you looked good, and that the baby kicked in displeasure! smile

I can only apologise again for not being around today. We were back on the DIY blast and had to disconnect the computer to move it, so no internet until 10 mins ago. Best bit by far was when the floor was covered with books as we had to empty two bookcases to take them away....and replace them, and put all the books back. I got rid of loads, but the new bookcases are already full sad

If anyone on this thread wants a book called "The social baby" let me know. It's a slightly hippyish book, but covers communicating with your baby at a very early stage, so that you can work out what he/she is crying for, when he/she is bored, or overstimulated, etc. Found it very useful, but I don't need it now.

Just going to have a quick flick round the site, check my fb and I'm done for the night. Sweet dreams all.

xmasevebundle Fri 24-Aug-12 00:57:54

notgeoff That's why i do it, i want to look nice when i go out.

He lives around the corner so i just a matter of time. I think that was i needed!!

Had a busy day to had the job centre at 1 then went town had a big mac meal, sniffed a few perfumes( new me, new scent) I really like Marc jacobs dot, his new one. Treating myself.

Went to bingo needed 1 number for £200, i was getting so anxious and excited!! Went to shop saw the thing snuggled up in bed and at 11pm i wanted chicken tikka pie with chips and gravy so....blush

A busy day!!! What books do you like reading?

I like real life books, get sunk into them.
Some of the books and the abuse still make me think WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? <caps is needed>

I am amazed at serial killers, what brings them to kill. Ted bundy, Jeffery dahmer and John wayne gacy etc!!!

I still am trying to find who the Zodic killer is lol.....

I read an awful lot, Xmas - some of the stuff is 'dry' - I have to read ecology/scientific books for my course.

I have recently read 'Rivers of London' by Ben Abramovitch (might have spelled that wrong) and really enjoyed it. I like historical fiction, and well-written stuff, and cleverly funny stuff. In a nutshell that means that my bookcase is stuffed with 'classics' like Thomas Hardy, Charles Dickens, Elizabeth Gaskell and Emile Zola as well as more recent authors like Philippa Gregory, Terry Pratchett and Joanne Harris.
Like you I am really interested in the motivation behind heinous acts but I often can't bring myself to read these things - too horrible!

I'm also dabbling in reading stuff about British History over the last 60-80 years as a background to the novel I intend to write.

Today is a 'go to the library' day as I have a book to take back ('The Mechanical Messiah and other marvels of the modern age' by Robert Rankin), and several to pick up. Then it's time for heavily supervised play for DD as the lounge is still in a pretty child-unfriendly state.
At the moment one of my neighbours is having some work done - lots of drilling - hopefully it won't go on too long as it's very LOUD!

angelelle Fri 24-Aug-12 18:04:20

Hi, just checking in as I was posting a lot at the beginning and see that the thread has moved on massively, and thanks Pickles for getting in touch. I think I have just gone introvert and bracing myself for impending birth in a few weeks, yikes! Can't believe it is all happening. Seems like I have been getting worse emotionally again. Had an OK period for a few weeks and now just seem to be back at the beginning, also just found out ex has moved his gf into his flat after a few months which has just knocked me for six. Not that I thought we would get back together but I can't believe he is doing all this AND wont talk to me while I sit here about to give birth to his baby. It is hard to explain to others what the sadness is when everyone says, well he is just a complete twat. Yes he is but it is the denial that is so painful....you are carrying their child and they are going about their life as if you don't exist. I also think it is so unfair, I basically have had to leave my job 3 months early due to the fact that we were also colleagues for the past 3 years and he was pretty much psychologically torturing me while I was at work so I felt I had no other option for my sanity. As I then had no support from him I also left my flat and in the end the country to move back to my mums.

Sorry having massive moan here, just you know, feel like I have given up my job, my flat and my independence and going through the whole labour thing etc and he is getting shacked up with some new bird. It fucking hurts, excuse my french!

Well that is what is going on at the moment hence I have been silent, just dealing with things and trying to move on in my own way. Also worried about what he will do/say after birth. As he has refused to speak to me about anything practical during the entire pregnancy it is anyones guess what he plans to do! I changed my mobile nr today which feels empowering as I dont have to be anxious waiting for a nasty text!

Onwards and upwards, thankfully got wonderful family and friends for support smile Just the pain takes some time to go doesn't it? Also shitting myself about giving birth, ha ha.

xxx

xmasevebundle Sat 25-Aug-12 00:10:35

notgeoff You do like your books!! Those books i walk past blush

I love history!! Most people look at me when i tell him, its amazing how they use to do things same as us but differently.

Had an arguemnt with a man once saying god made earth. I said we came from fish then evolved. He then said no and kept on.
He pissed me off so i told him, if god was real why is so many? He just looked at me.
He was about 50.. lol i was hormonal too!!

angelelle He sounds the typical twat, maybe theres a species of twatshmm

I dont think he wants anything do with the baby and that hurts a lot. Good that you changed your number, he shouldn't be sending you texts like that its cruel and twisted.

This new gf, could be a jeremy kyle type... think of it like that!!

skyebluesapphire Sat 25-Aug-12 13:59:08

I like reading people's true life stories, biographies etc. I recently read War Horse and Jason Donovan's biography. I also like chick lit by Jill Mansell and Wendy Holden. I grew up reading Jilly Cooper , Virginia Andrews, Stephen King, James Herbert. I also love Sophie Kinsella. I've hot some classics as well, Vanity Fair, Tessof the D'urbervilles, Jane Eyre, Rebecca etc.

I'm going to reread some of my old books, maybe out them onto Kindle bit by bit as I can afford it. Free up some space in my house!

skyebluesapphire Sat 25-Aug-12 14:00:51

How we all doing today anyway? It's raining a lot here so I'm having a real lazy day while DD with her dad.

summerinthesun Sat 25-Aug-12 21:18:23

Hi there I'm just checking in too after ages. I'm sorry to hear how low you're feeling Angelelle. I understand how you feel about giving up everything to move back in with your mum. I left my ex and our wonderful (rented) house and my car and all my clothes and DD's toys to flee back to the UK in June. For a few weeks it was exciting, as I had proactively made a change. But now it is absolutely awful. I am basically homeless, and absolutely no one understands how hard things are for me. I've put my little DD through so much upheaval, and now I'm trying to frantically sort out somewhere for us to live for when the new baby is born in December. I'm lucky that I've got a job, but they were really angry when I turned up pregnant. They don't know I've separated from my husband and I haven't told anyone of the the whole story of having to break the law and flee the country in order to come back to the UK. They also don't know I'm now basically homeless. They can't fire me when I'm pregnant but it is really stressful, and not much of a security

I'm living with my sister, but it's not practical and I need to find a place for myself.

I think you mentioned you were going to do NCT. Is anyone doing that as a single parent? I want to make some friends, but I don't know if I can put myself through the smug couple hell.

Also, who is everyone getting to help them with the birth? I don't want anyone really, but I'm sure I will need some support.

Pickles77 Sun 26-Aug-12 07:55:48

Hi everyone sorry haven't been around for a few days.
angelle nice to see you are back. As bad as your down days are your still making progress. I know exactly how you feel.

summer good to see you back too. It sounds like your doing really well! And are nice and positive

skye ive been a busy bee went horse racing yesterday so it's a lazy day for me today now smile did you and DD have fun?

As for the reading I read lots too, currently reading a lot of dick Francis books but like you skye i love a good chic lit! Me before you by jojo moyes is a great book smile

PollyIndia Sun 26-Aug-12 08:37:25

Hi everyone

Summerinthesun, i swerved NCT.could't face it but luckily know quite a few people giving birth near me. I am having a doula for my birth and also my sister. I think the doula is a good idea though was quite expensive. But I feel like she will be my proper support and make sure I get the birth I want, if that's possible.

Angelelle, your ex sounds like a twat. Remember you are a thousand times the person he is.
A friend who broke up with her boyfriend just after she had her baby boy said to me whatever you do, don't put my ex's name on the birth cert. gives him rights apparently so he can tak your child abroad without telling you and it's not kidnap. I don't trust my ex so not going to take any risks, that's assuming he resurfaces and says he want to be on the birth cert! Hate the idea of saying father unknown when that is 't the case, but maybe lesser of 2 evils.
I love to read. Read and buy loads more now I have a kindle. Currently working my way through Edith Wharton. Going to download jonathan frantzen corrections as I read and loved freedom, and also the newish Jeffrey eugenides. Have to say I hate chick lit though I did use to love jilly cooper!

I am having a restful day today as managed to fall while out jogging yesterday and bashed the bump so was in a&e on the monitor for a few hours. All fine thank god, but my my knee and neck are killing me today. So no yoga, and maybe no painting of the spare room. I have a friend coming for lunch though which will be nice. I think I will stop running now, bit sad as have been enjoying it, but am nearly 36 weeks so time to rest up. So nearly there.

I had been having a few wobbles about the whole single mum thing but when I thought I might have damaged the baby yesterday, I was so gutted, made me realise how much I want him or her. Feeling excited about it again, and grateful

Hope you all enjoy your Sundays!

PollyIndia Sun 26-Aug-12 08:37:55

I also liked me before you pickles! X

Pickles77 Mon 27-Aug-12 16:41:53

Polly How are you doing after your fall?
I think we all have a few wobbles, but then you see a baby in a pram and melt. Its not our loss, we shall remember that!!
How are we everyone else? Weve gone a bit quiet!

skyebluesapphire Mon 27-Aug-12 21:43:03

Hope we are all ok today and have had an ok weekend. How are you Polly?

PollyIndia Mon 27-Aug-12 22:03:55

Hey Pickles and Skye. I am fine thanks. I was really shaken up, even yesterday, but feel fine today, and actually, more connected with the baby in a weird way. That horrible panic that I had done something serious and potentially lost him/her made me realise how much I want this.

Managed to paint the spare room too and while patchy, it doesn't look that bad, so that's made me feel smile too.

Another friend of mine who is also doing it alone has had her baby 3 weeks early. I can't believe it! Also makes it all feel real. Finally bought some bits for my baby and made a list of other things I need eg nappies and babygrows. One thing they said at the hospital is a fall can bring labour on early so I should get my bag packed. So got a bit to do this week!

I hope you've all had good weekends and are feeling ok.

skyebluesapphire Mon 27-Aug-12 22:10:33

Have you all joined the various "baby clubs"? Boots, Tesco, Sainsburys?

You get special offers and money off vouchers and Sainsburys do a great kit with a changing mat it, it's free with a pack of Huggies I think. You have to download a voucher via Sainsburys or Nectarcard? It's a great waterproof mat with pockets in it, great for when you are out and about.

Sign up online with Huggies, Pampers, Hipp, Aptimel, Cow and Gate, you can get money off vouchers and free gifts from all of them.

Pickles77 Mon 27-Aug-12 22:12:55

Glad you are okay polly
Have you had a nice weekend skye
I've joined loads of those clubs!
Sorry not been too chatty recently had bad morning sickness & now have a UTI. Very uncomfortable.
blush

PollyIndia Mon 27-Aug-12 22:17:52

That's a good tip, I will do that. Thanks!
Sorry to hear you are feeling crap Pickles. Hope you feel better very soon xx

skyebluesapphire Mon 27-Aug-12 22:22:31

Pickles - I've seen your other thread, hope you are ok, update us when you are able to. Look after yourself, if in any doubt go to A&E. xx

xmasevebundle Mon 27-Aug-12 22:26:10

That sounds scary id go into panic overdrive!

A busy week indeed!!

I had an okay weekend got loads of baby bits, 248 nappies? Lol spent abit on clothes for him.

Still thinking about when i saw my ex. Very strange, i no longer love him i hate him but i cry sometimes over it.

Even going out for the naughty fag i had broke me to tears as i was in the rain and it smelt like when we was together. I dont think hiding away from the problem isnt going to help.

I understand everything now, i can only blame myself for what ive done wrong. I admit i made mistakes but we are human. My mistake he accepted, i cannot accept his.

Was reading the previous conversation we had, it seemed clear since march he didnt want to be with me but still stayed with me? Not wanting anyone to no im pregnant, calling the baby a bastard and hoping it died.

I have come to a point from us meeting and him my first love from everything we did together, even was my first new years kiss. He took everything away from me, my bubbly personality and me.

I gained a son from it and if you asked me to change it id say no!

<runs and gets a tissue>

Pickles77 Mon 27-Aug-12 22:27:24

Thank you, i have to keep a eye on myself and if it gets worse go in sad

Jellykat Mon 27-Aug-12 22:47:16

Pickles, make sure you drink lots of water, don't get dehydrated if you're throwing up.
Hope you feel better tomorrow. x

skyebluesapphire Mon 27-Aug-12 23:12:41

Hi pickles- I found midwife and she's posted on your other thread

Pickles77 Tue 28-Aug-12 00:50:18

Thank you ever so much smile

Hey Ladies,

Just checking in to see how you all are.
Angel sorry to hear you were feeling so down, I do hope that today is a better day.
Xmas you're drowining in nappies! I think you're still in the 'mourning stage' for the relationship that you DID have, which got destroyed. I can only say that it sounds as though he changed/showed his true colours towards the end. Painful as it is, you're better off without. In time, there will be someone who appreciates you (and your DC) for what you are, not for what he wants you to be.
Polly - hope you're ok and the shock has worn off. Definitely worth signing up to all the clubs and freebie things. I got our changebag and mat from boots. You can use the advantage points on a lot of stuff too, so quite useful.
Pickles - likewise hope you're ok too. Definitely keep tabs on how you're doing and if you need to, go to A&E. No point making yourself suffer if you don't have to.
Skye how is your day going? Hope things have a positive spin to them as far as possible.
Summer - I didn't do NCT classes, just the free ones run by the maternity unit at the hospital I had DD at. They were ok. From my own experience of birth, when it came to it, I didn't care who was with me, as long as there were midwives on hand. I just wanted the baby out! smile

Am busy all day today so will check back in this evening. It's pretty sunny here but I am likely to be stuck indoors doing sorting and cleaning etc. Thursday I think I am going to offload my 100+ no longer wanted books to the charity shop.

Pickles77 Tue 28-Aug-12 16:25:08

Hello everyone, panic over have a nasty UTI and have been ordered to rest and MN all day grin
Feeling very sorry for myself. Doc scared me a bit when she said if it was my waters they would prob put me into labour. Too real!!
On the nice side, it's picklesdogs birthday and he's decided he wants a duvet day to celebrate smile
Hope everyone is okay and that xmas can still mumsnet under her mountain of nappies.
Hello jelly thank you for your concern, how are you doing?
smile

angelelle Tue 28-Aug-12 19:47:20

Feeling a bit better today, talking to lawyers tomorrow to get some stuff straight to avoid being bullied after dd arrives. I know what he is capable of! And no, intitially I plan not to put his name on the birth certificate. Had a good day though, midwife apt and everything A OK and coffee with friend who has 7 month old ds. I feel like I am moving on, to be honest, its not so much about me even, I can sort of deal with the rejection etc and time heals, its that he is rejecting his child! Oh well, just can't wait to hold her smile

Pickles77 Tue 28-Aug-12 19:51:28

Glad your okay angelle, would be really interested to see what your sol says. I hope it goes really well for you smile

xmasevebundle Tue 28-Aug-12 20:37:01

They was a bargin for £25 for 4 packs of 62. I even got excited for that!

Got my little one a pair of timberland boots today, my ex use to wear them and wasnt too sure to buy them but i did! Wanted a pair of boots for him, bought them out the money i saved up felt good!!

Want a lovely man who treats me a queen and a son a prince and if he has a twin or many brother's i will be sure to send him your way ladies wink

Going town tomorrow as my mums 50 in a few days, going to buy her something special and some flowers. Going shopping i think, said to my dad lets to pizza hut wink he agrees.

Hope everyone is okay and happy today!!

Pickles77 Tue 28-Aug-12 20:39:38

You sound lovely and chirpy today Xmas grin wish I was. Xmas don't forget midwives Is on at 9! smile

skyebluesapphire Tue 28-Aug-12 21:06:13

Pickles - glad you are ok.

The rest of you sound brighter too. We dont need a man, any of us.!!

Pickles77 Tue 28-Aug-12 21:11:18

smile no we don't

Jellykat Tue 28-Aug-12 21:22:34

Pickles I'm really good thank you..
After a year of looking after he graduated, DS1 started a well paid Internship today, and it went really well - hes really happy..

I'm a proud mum and it's the best feeling in the world, especially when you brought them up all by yourself and it seems you got it right, despite everything that was thrown at you.. This'll be you soon!!! smile

Glad the GP got to the bottom of things, make sure you take it easy.. and Happy Birthday Picklesdog.

Pickles77 Tue 28-Aug-12 21:23:57

Awww I'm thrilled for you and Js jelly celebratory glass/bottle of wine!! smile

Jellykat Tue 28-Aug-12 21:36:12

smile

I'm lost in time, how long now Pickles?

Pickles77 Tue 28-Aug-12 21:39:23

34 days to D day grin

Jellykat Tue 28-Aug-12 21:51:11

Ooooo you're getting there, thats so exciting!! grin

Pickles77 Tue 28-Aug-12 21:52:39

Ready to explode grin

Jellykat Tue 28-Aug-12 21:58:27

I bet you are!
Are you getting on better with your folks? and hows Picklesdogs' training going?

xmasevebundle Tue 28-Aug-12 21:58:40

It was buying a lot of stuff it makes me happy. Also eat so much food today... Ate 2 boxes of after eights..Smelt some baileys i have been craving it. Going to get some chocolates tomorrow the one's that taste of them.

I have one man and thats my future son [grins]

I tape it, i am upstairs cleaning my walls in my room. Dont ask lol..

Last weeks made me really upset... I didn't want to watch it. Going to eat even more chocolate later, think it helps?

Oh my 34 days! I have 17 weeks LOL. I bet your excited/nervous.

Pickles77 Tue 28-Aug-12 22:03:36

Folks and picklesdog have really shaped up. Pickles dog is a changed pooch grin ( alas fox poo)
Ewww Xmas after eights bad choice! Lol
17 weeks, Blimey.
I'm a bit fed up of waiting now, very huffy smile

Mmmm - after eights - love 'em.

I do generally prefer dark chocolate, and I still have some Green & Black's 'Burnt Toffee' crunchy stuff in the fridge. Saving that 'til tomorrow night.

Can't believe you have just over a month, Pickles - where has the time gone smile

Jellykat Tue 28-Aug-12 22:15:41

Oh i'm so so pleased that's been sorted! All that sounded really sad and stressful, and you sure as hell didn't need that..

Eeek, yes the last bit.. Sleep lots, eat lots and be huffy, its definitely allowed you know grin

xmasevebundle Tue 28-Aug-12 22:53:44

I love them so yummy..

I feel i have been pregnant all year(i have apart 2 months) but its realllyyyyyyy dragging.

I cant wait until single digit number weeks lol. How exciting!!!!!!!!!!! She could come any time now smile

Okay notgeoff envy i like those too. Umm i love coco chocolate its so yummy. Also like american chocolate, use to go TGI fridays a lot with 'it'. I love it there i eat so little much.

Brownies too i love, laying in bed with £ on the side thinking about domineo's.

Why me?

PollyIndia Wed 29-Aug-12 07:58:44

Glad to hear you have a diagnosis pickles. Enforced rest and after eights sound perfect. I hope your dog had a lovely birthday smile
Angelelle, sounds like a very good step consulting a solicitor.
Xmasevebundle, I really need to follow your lead. I am due in 29 days and I don't have a single nappy! I do have a big list of things to buy though. I have my 36 week scan where they will give me green light for home birth so once that is done, it's time to start getting the rest of what I need.
I realise I have actually been pregnant all year. Since 2nd or 3rd jan anyway. It has been a surreal year!
Notgeoffvader my friends brought over g&b burnt toffee on monday. It is the best chocolate I have ever had!
Good news on your son's internship jellykat smile
I am having a good week really - work good, joined local gym for last month as no more running outside but means I can still potter around on the bike etc.
Then got midwife today, scan tomorrow, first doula ante-natal session friday and home birth midwife assessment Tuesday! It is starting to feel very real shock
Hope wednesday is good to you all

MammyToMany Wed 29-Aug-12 08:28:14

Hello everyone, I hope no one minds me posting. I haven't read all the thread but I am 18 weeks pregnant with dc4 and a single parent since ex and I split up. We split up before I realised I was pregnant and now his family are demanding dna tests before they will accept the baby is his. We already have a child together (and I have 2 of my own) and ex was vile when I was pregnant with him (although adores him now) and used to tell me he wished he could kick me in the stomach or throw me down the stairs to get rid of the baby.

This time round he hasn't said much, he thinks his life is ruined but isnt really involved in the pregnancy as he isn't convinced he is the father. He still seems to think he can insist on the baby having his surname and being there at the birth though. I keep thinking really petty things like I won't allow his family round to see the baby when it's born and as ex won't be taking the baby anywhere without me then they won't get to see him or her etc or of getting the DNA results and framing them and presenting them with it.

I feel quite detached from this pregnancy, I have a 14 month old who is 'my baby' and needs a lot of my time and attention. The weeks are flying by so quickly. I have been to all my scans and appointments alone and it gets me down a bit. I'm scared of how I will cope, that no one will ever want me again with 4 children, that I'll be lonely forever.

I haven't told many people yet, Im not showing or anything so it's quite easy to hide.

Mammy sorry to hear your ex is being vile. I suppose you need to decide whether or not you want him involved, but seeing as you already have a DC together, you probably are not going to have much choice, as I presume he would wish to maintain contact.

Please don't think nobody will ever want you again with 4 DCs. A very attractive bubbly acquaintance of mine is newly single with 5 Dcs - I can't imagine she'll be "on the shelf" long. In her case, it was a harmonious split, which is something positive.

Everyone - please tell me - what is it about these men that are so 'Jeckyll and Hyde'? One minute they're all nice as pie, then the moment things don't go their way, they turn into aggressive, boorish, unpleasant (and sometimes violent) arses?

Polly sounds as though you have a great action plan there. smile

In case anyone still needs nappies, Tesco are STILL selling off Pampers 'Team GB' ones far cheaper than any of the others.

Back to chat later, but got to go and get dressed as the shopping is due to be delivered shortly, and I really don't want to be in my PJ's when it arrives. smile

PollyIndia Wed 29-Aug-12 09:57:49

Mammytomany that sounds really tough. It's hard to know what to say, but if his family are being horrible to you and he is disputing parentage then I would not be having conversations about him either being at the birth or on the birth certificate. Right now I think you should focus on yourself, this baby and your other kids, not him and his family. Have you got a sibling or a friend who could come with you to scans etc for support?

And as NotGeoffVader says, having 4 kids in no way means you'll be alone forever, though I kind of know what you mean. I will only have one but I can't imagine meeting anyone or having a relationship again either!

But actually, I am sure we both will if we want to.

Sending you lots of hugs.

Pickles77 Wed 29-Aug-12 10:51:01

Good morning everyone,

hi mammy glad to see you found us.
Hope everyone is okay, I just woke up so not too chatty.
notgeoff you have me craving that chocolate now.
polly you sound ever so organised.

Just so everyone knows should you need more nappies (before Xmas causes a nappy drought grin) asda have a baby event on too smile

PollyIndia Wed 29-Aug-12 11:42:03

Oh god Pickles, I was just sat here thinking how disorganised I am! I haven't bought any of my crucial baby stuff (eg nappies!), not got the first clue about packing a hospital bag (although am hoping for a homebirth). I've been given handmedown baby clothes, but not enough. I really do need to get on it. 29 days and counting, tick, tock....

What is an asda baby event?

Pickles77 Wed 29-Aug-12 11:45:32

Well you sound like you have a plan.

It's where all the baby stuff is cheaper and on offer more than normal in asda, great way to save money wink

skyebluesapphire Wed 29-Aug-12 13:49:39

We bought a high hair for £15 at Asda baby event, it was way cheaper than normal. I still get excited when I see it's on and she's four now, lol.

Pickles77 Wed 29-Aug-12 18:40:57

pickles has news. Twunt wants to meet me somewhere halfway next week.
picklesdog says no chance.
I asked why, he said 'we best meet before its born'

skyebluesapphire Wed 29-Aug-12 19:05:29

really. Before it is born. Thats nice isnt it. You can meet at a lovely motorway services and drink shit tea and talk about it.

Tell him to fuck off. Tell him that you are pregnant, with not many weeks to go, that you are ill and on rest. Tell him that if he wants to meet you, he comes to the house at a time when somebody can be with you (if thats what you want).

He cannot expect you to meet him half way there to discuss HER.

What a twunt. Sorry, but I am really angry on your behalf angry

Pickles77 Wed 29-Aug-12 19:08:41

skye you are mystic meg! That's what I was going to post but thought I should seek opinions first,
I am not angry- I am livid.
I am livid because he calls her: IT.
No other reason.
She is my daughter, I was a five week old baby by now so she is very much not an IT.

skyebluesapphire Wed 29-Aug-12 19:11:54

I am livid too on your behalf. It is your choice if you see him or not obviously. I think maybe you should as he does have a responsibility to your DD, but on what terms is obviously up to you. I do think that you should have your mum or dad with you or a friend (somebody fairly calm to kind of mediate, so that he cant railroad or intimidate you).

But remember - you owe him nothing after the way he has treated you and it your DD.

Pickles77 Wed 29-Aug-12 19:14:09

Oh i won't be alone. smile I'll see what he has to say, told him to plan something let me know and I'll decide. It's probably aload of bollocks anyway.
I shall not let it affect my progress or anything as I am resting wink

Hope you've had a good day x

xmasevebundle Wed 29-Aug-12 19:41:33

All this baby talk i like smile
polly I love nappies even the smell, loads of cheap nappies around now! Asda do some great deals at the moment.

Got my mum a willow tree thing she likes and some perfume from boots. Ones from me and bump. Even got a nanny card for her i am excited to see her face. Wanted a scan photo card for her but only thought of it yesterday. Spent all my money. Had my hair cut and feel ££££ going to get highlights in.

mammy i am sure you will be fine, let him do a DNA he will pay to pay for it and sit back and laugh when it its his smile welcome though. Maybe he should get kicked down the stairs!! What a bastard, sorry that had to be said.

Oh pickles picklesdog has more brain cells than HIM. I think he needs fall on his head to maybe knock sense in him. If that was me i would be! &%*?±?. He makes me sick.

Keep angry, Pickles, it's a useful energy. Up to you if you want to meet him but I'd suggest making it somewhere neutral (doesn't have to be too far from you), and have someone with you. Given that he is referring to the baby as 'it', that doesn't bode well.

I'm off to sort out putting DD to bed. She didn't want her teeth cleaned and nearly passed out, so she's off to bed with dirty teeth. And I am feeling woozy as I banged my head really hard earlier. And I want my dinner! sad

Shall sit and watch Who do you think you are with some comfort food and possibly a glass of wine. But then again, I might pass out!

PollyIndia Thu 30-Aug-12 10:14:44

I agree with NotGeoffVader - keep it neutral if you meet him at all. With so little time to go before the birth, I would almost ask if it's worth it at this stage, but I don't know. Just don't let him make you feel stressed if that's at all possible.
xx

Pickles77 Thu 30-Aug-12 10:27:12

I dont think ill be going anywhere to be honest, im out off puff going around the block now!
Hows the head Not Geoff?
How are you doing polly? smile x

PollyIndia Thu 30-Aug-12 16:42:42

I am ok thanks Pickles! Had my 36 week scan and placenta has moved, yay, but baby in a crumpled transverse heap, boo, so not really sure what that means for homebirth but guess there's no more slouching on the sofa and lots of being on my hands and knees in an attempt to encourage him or her to fix up and get into the right position!
Then I met a friend and her baby for lunch then another friend came over and helped me do the third coat of paint in my spare room and I polished off most of a large bar of green and blacks burnt toffee chocolate so feeling slightly sick now.
Off out for dinner tonight with another friend who has just split up from her husband and has a 2 year old.
Hope you've had a good day and you are feeling better than you did earlier in the week.

How are you feeling today notgeoffvader?

Finally bought some nappies with your encouragement xmasevebundle!

Pickles77 Thu 30-Aug-12 16:48:12

Wow you've had a busy day! I'm barely moving apart from dog walking.
Have u got a birthing ball? I love mine so comfy!
Feeling much better thanks, been looking into swaddling/sleeping bags today smile

Pickles77 Thu 30-Aug-12 19:32:00

Mum is wondering if I glam up, go and meet him and not give a shit? Give him the info on PR, REgistering her birth without him and the info on csa?

xmasevebundle Thu 30-Aug-12 19:45:10

Give him NO info on on PR hes an adult and if hes that bothered he will look into it!

Im going to not going to register with him either there.

Give him no info on CSA either, it will piss him off even more if you dont tell him(not like its about that) wink

Yes dress to impress, if he says you look nice id say a plain. Thanks. LOL

Pickles77 Thu 30-Aug-12 19:50:16

Good idea smile

xmasevebundle Thu 30-Aug-12 19:53:52

Id tell him nothing as he will be more prepared!!!

I bet he will turn up sloppy, dont OTT it but look very nice and happy. Show him what he is MISSING.

Pickles77 Thu 30-Aug-12 20:01:55

If I go...

xmasevebundle Thu 30-Aug-12 20:44:23

Oh i like it wink. I would do that say place and time. Opps i forgot....

Pickles77 Thu 30-Aug-12 20:45:16

I doubt I'll hear from him about it tbh smile

skyebluesapphire Thu 30-Aug-12 20:54:53

I was going to say dont go OTT, but look nice. I had mediation today and I wore a nice top with trousers, rather than jeans and a polo shirt and the barest lick of makeup as I dont usually wear any.

If you go....

and certainly dont give him any info on anything, let him work it all out, so its his decision and not something he can accuse you of railroading him with. Dont let him push you into anything. If you dont want him at the birth, then he has no right to be there whatsoever and I have that on midwife authority.

xmasevebundle Thu 30-Aug-12 22:00:38

skye i hope that went well today, i think id do the same smile. Every man misses out on a great women!

I agree, when he takes you court if he does and you have arrange many times to sort it out/reason with him so to say. It will go against him and you can say hes unreliable(which he is anyway). I think he will bother for a while and when the novelty is wore off.

Sorry if thats seems nasty.

Thanks everyone, okay today.

Been really busy trying to clean up/clear out my parent's house. Still so much to do. And I've only been in about half an hour so rather tired.

Back with you all properly tomorrow for 'chat'. smile

skyebluesapphire Fri 31-Aug-12 01:46:23

Hi girls. Well I have been chatting to a really bloke online, same age as me and doesn't live too far away either. We've got a lot in common too.

It's brightened up my day, we have been chatting for several days a d no smutty comments at all! He knows some people that I know too.

I might go out for a date with him, I've got nothing to lose?!

xmasevebundle Fri 31-Aug-12 01:55:07

skye Go for it! He might really nice and will meet another friend or maybe more smile

Even better he nos your friends he could be some weirdo hmm

Went pizza hut today and it was lush can you go a date there because i would grin

Pickles77 Fri 31-Aug-12 12:08:21

Skye go for it!! you deserve it!!!
not geoff I hope your resting too!!
xmas you have me craving pizza now!!!

Thank you for everyones advice

Pickles77 Fri 31-Aug-12 21:03:17

Any update on Pof skye?

Twunt is now offering to drive to a pub near my parents. One where we had a
Lovely date. He's googled the area
And informed me that we could have dinner and take picklesdog walkies.

Picklesdog says he's googled the area and theres a big lake. He's only coming if he
can a) have fillet steak b) bite twunt and c) push twunt in lake grin

love how I have a sense of humour in this situation now

<rushes to watch midsomer murders for tips grin>

skyebluesapphire Fri 31-Aug-12 21:21:00

pmsl Pickles, I just spat ham roll all over my laptop reading that!

its funny how the sense of humour comes in. Im delaying filing my absolute in case twunt goes under a bus before the mortgage is sorted out grin rumours that Im going to push him under one are incorrect

Its up to you where you meet him. I dont know if a meal is a good idea? Will you be able to sit and eat with him and chat to him? A walk is fine and pushing him into the lake is even better

My POF has been texting me all day long! We became fb friends last night, so have looked at each others photos. He delivered near here today and asked them all about me!!!!!

Pickles77 Fri 31-Aug-12 21:25:53

Wow that's going well!!!! Really pleased for you smile
<off to buy a hat>
Well Skye you know when you want a bus they never turn up on time!! smile

Well I could eat a meal- if I swap the salt for arsnic! And they hide the steak knives!
I'd rather eat my own eyeballs actually

I'm getting to that stage of thinking 'why the actual fuck did I ever think you were great/sexy/amazing & why the bloody hell did I sleep with you

Ahhh yes now I remember- because I was destined to have a gorgeous DD smile

<promise not been drinking>

skyebluesapphire Fri 31-Aug-12 22:38:52

lol. I hope you've not been drinking madam! not in your condition lol

You do get to that point, where you look at them and WHY??!!

just having a nice chat with fish :-)

Pickles77 Fri 31-Aug-12 22:40:42

Lol defo not just in a really nice mood smile
Fish- that's sticking now- I hope you know that grin

xmasevebundle Fri 31-Aug-12 23:27:15

LOL!!! Oh hes googled it, i bet all the brain cells went in overdrive for that!

Picklesdog- Oh you sound a lovely dog, i think you should follow what you think.

As for this 'dinner' i dont think i could handle myself with a knife if i saw my ex, the fork would be enough for me to start thinking.

I still have not come to the point why did i sleep with you because i have no complaints in that area.

Maybe if he eased off the FAKE TAN and doing his hair and £500 tops.

He smelt of biscut for months. His eyebrows was darker and looked a state.

BUT hes only got one thing going for him and thats his spermgrin

<laughs to myself>

skyebluesapphire Sat 01-Sep-12 01:13:01

I have a date with Fish on Sunday.. haha - shoot me now!

Pickles77 Sat 01-Sep-12 05:28:00

xmas fake tan? Did he actually go to the shop and buy it himself? Please tell me no.

Picklesdog says thanks.

skye you fast worker! Well where's he taking you ? smile

PollyIndia Sat 01-Sep-12 08:43:00

Picklesdog sounds like a perfect chaperone.

Xmaseve, I have to say I am with pickles - fake tan would be a big no no! How are you doing today? I got a big delivery of nappies today too - looks like I am finally getting sorted!

And you go Skye! Are you pregnant?

I had a slight wobble yesterday just as the homebirth midwfe said I need to see the consultant about this baby being transverse. It made me realise how focused I have been on the birth bit, not the having a baby bit, if that makes sense as I felt so disappointed at the thought of having a c section. So in a way, I think it's good this came up now as it's forced me to think about the fact that it doesn't matter which way the baby comes out, as long as he/she is healthy.

Then my friend came round to give me her old buggy with her 3.5 year old who was like a tornado in my house and I thought argh, I can't do this!

Anyway, I slept for about 10 hours last night and I feel better today.

What are you all up to this weekend? I am going to try and go to the gym - just to sit on the bike and do some of the spinning babies exercises to move the baby head down. Then got lunch with some mates and meant to be going to birthday drinks in peckham. It's at this real hipster popup bar at the top of a carpark though, and I will just look enormously fat and pregnant so not sure how I feel about that! Then parents up tomorrow which will be nice.

Hope you all have nice stuff planned??? Pickles, hope it does all go well and not stressful with the ex xx

skyebluesapphire Sat 01-Sep-12 09:21:49

Polly, I'm not pregnant, I'm pickles stalker :-)

I'm glad you can see it doesn't matter how baby gets out, too many people beat themselves up over what is best or right and it doesn't matter as long as you and baby are both healthy and happy.

Going for a walk on the beach for my date. Spent over five hours chatting online last night again. He is very keen. Just hope I fancy him in real life lol

PollyIndia Sat 01-Sep-12 09:32:19

That sounds very promising!

Skye - have a nice time with Fish. (Must have missed how he got called that!).
Polly - absolutely focus on whatever is best for you and for the baby. If you can have a home birth fine; if you have to have a C-Sec, also fine. As long as you're both okay, that is the main thing. (I think I already went on about how my plans all went pear shaped but ultimately I just wanted DD out!). Enjoy the gym.
Xmas laughing at what you said: "He smelled of biscuit for months" - was that a side effect of the fake tan? Should he have been on TOWIE? Fake tan and doing his hair? With what, 'Just for men'?
Pickles - I don't think dinner is good - you might throw it over him, or hope he chokes! Have Picklesdog in standby mode by all means. A walk is good, though.

I am hoping to work through my 'to do' list today; managed to register for next year at college, got my parking permit. Got to sort out what I am wearing for our graduation ceremony, got to get some photos to my sister, and got a whole load of housework to do. And yet, I am MN-ing and FB-ing! blush

Pickles77 Sat 01-Sep-12 10:19:44

MN & Fb are the way forward in a morning and evening Notgeoff
Skye Im expecting a regular update!
Polly yes i feel like that with my friends 3 year old i think crickey, what am i doing?!
Your off to the gym? I dont have enough energy to heave myself of the sofa. That constitutes as most of my daily activities, sofa to bedroom!!
Have a nice weekend everyone :D

xmasevebundle Sat 01-Sep-12 12:34:37

Yes he went to the shop and bought it. Fake bake.

I wear fake eyelashes and got very long natural hair maybe he wanted to come to fake side?

I said to him this biscut smell needs to stop, he said im sorry but i look good hmm

He had his own hairdryer, more hair products than me, i bought him a brush to do his hair is cost £50 and i would love it back, he had to get his hair cut every 2 weeks. Me being nice i did it for free.

Hes got a nice face but hes abit stumpy(short legs) and had horrid feet.

Hes gone really skinny and wear tight tops its not a good look no offence to anyone but i said to him you look gay. More men looked at him than women.

Although i say all this he was good looking, but his ex fiance looked a jeremy kyle outcast.

<the one that got away>

polly bet you are nappies deep, im going to go baby wipe mad next grin

skyebluesapphire Sat 01-Sep-12 13:11:17

Xmas you do make me laugh about your ex.

I've got 5 kids here now lol, all the neighbours kids here too , it's mad.

Hope we are all having a good day.

Notgeoff - Pickles christened him Fish as I caught him on Plenty of Fish grin. I also call him spaceman as that's his facebook profile pic :-)

Pickles77 Sat 01-Sep-12 13:12:34

spacemanfish grin

xmasevebundle Sat 01-Sep-12 15:56:34

skye I am being honest, i am laughing because i forgot all this.

I thought it was abit hmm with the fake tan, he asked me to apply it once, i was giggling so much he said dont fucking worry. Even once it was raining and it went all dotty on his skin hahahahahah LOL.

Pickles77 Sat 01-Sep-12 16:12:05

xmas that is some lucky escape grin

I've just sat on the cat shock as she was on the computer chair. Both chair and cat are black.

And I made a disaster cake - dark chocolate and prune. It smelled and looked cooked after 30mins, but has sunk in the middle. Hopefully it will taste better than it looks.

Having a lazy evening now, watching the paralympics and considering how lucky I am. smile

xmasevebundle Sun 02-Sep-12 01:21:52

notgeoff I freak out when i see black cats! I seen one my birthday which was also friday the 13thshock

Umm cake [grins] i like making chocolate sponge, i didn't think anyone baked? Dont want to look abit odd baking at a young age hmm

Was thinking of a song that relates to everything, its happy ending by mika.

Cant believe on monday i'm 24 weeks!!

Can listen to songs me and him to listen to, big step as before it made cry..Makes me laugh all the lyrics i know, i have a thing for eminem. Hes very nicewink and i love american acsentsblush

skyebluesapphire Sun 02-Sep-12 01:30:13

grin at notgeoff for sitting on the cat, lol.

Ive been chatting to Spaceman Fish for the past 4 hours again! We are meeting in less than 12 hours now and Im terrified! We have been chatting fine, but what if we dont hit it off in real life?! LOL.

I hope you all have a good day and think of me being nervous meeting my spaceman...

xmasevebundle Sun 02-Sep-12 01:55:58

skye i think you will be fine smile we will all want to no how it goes!!

It would be very awkward if you don't? LOL.

Pickles77 Sun 02-Sep-12 08:40:48

Hey guys I'll check in properly later but I just wanted to say have a great day skye smile

PollyIndia Sun 02-Sep-12 09:30:42

Yes, have a good day Skye! Hope your spaceman fish is dreamy irl.
Notgeoffvader, my cooking always looks shit, but usually tastes good, so I am firmly in the camp of it doesn't matter what it looks like.
Pickles, I did go to the gym - I have been an exerciser for a long time and it makes me still feel normal. Plus it always gives me more energy, so even though it feels like an effort to drag myself there, I know I will feel good after. To be honest, I don't do much. Sit on the bike for half an hour and read my book then do some arm weights/squats on the swiss ball, but that's enough.
Xmaseve - it absolutely flies from 24 weeks in my experience! I cannot believe I am 37 weeks this week.
I am really going to miss being pregnant. I have really loved it - so unexpected.
Hope you all have a lovely sunday, especially Skye grin. I am having a quiet day, clearing out my shed, taking stuff to the tip, then going for the best roast in east london round the corner with my parents as a reward. Roast pork, crackling, stuffing, yorkshire pud, roasties and lemon meringue cheesecake for pudding. YUM!

Pickles77 Sun 02-Sep-12 16:28:30

Hi guys sorry haven't been around much for a few days. Been having a few wobbles and steps backwards.
I suppose polly I'm more active than I think as I've been using a pedometer to track the distance and time I do when walking the pooch and the gradient. Seems I've done a lot more than I think!

xmas and notgeoff I love baking too, just done a nice lemon drizzle cake- still warm smile

skye hope you have better weather
For your date than we have here.

Hope were all okay x

PollyIndia Sun 02-Sep-12 17:29:51

Oh my god pickles, lemon drizzle is my absolute favourite. Very jealous. Hope you are feeling ok. I have had the odd wobble. I think everyone does, even if they are in the 'perfect' relationship. Have a cuddle with picklesdog. I am jealous you have him (or is picklesdog a her???) xx

Pickles77 Sun 02-Sep-12 17:59:18

grin having a very very wobbly day but picklesdog is here, he is a he grin

xmasevebundle Sun 02-Sep-12 22:54:01

Oh that sounds yummy envy

Is it me it when someone mentions food you crave it? I go asda and pick out stuff id never cook.

He use to be able to cook amazing, i mean the cheese sauce, bacon and pasta even now makes me tongue wag!!!!

My fav are warm chocolate brownies(sometimes with ice cream)i eat them alot, even licking the bowl and spoon makes me happy!

polly it has gone very quick since my 20w scan, i cant believe im 24w! It dont seem real, i dont think i will miss it. I dont really like the sore boobs, my stomach muscles parted too causes me pain each week as he gets bigger, i just want to meet him. I said i wont put him down and give him lots of kisses and hugs. Never mind my dead armsmile

skyebluesapphire Sun 02-Sep-12 22:59:56

date went ok, he was really really nice, but Im not sure he is for me. Only time will tell. I think we will go out again and he is texting lots etc. trouble is, its nice to text and whatever, but its not real.

I enjoyed his company, but it also reminded me of days out with the ex. i just wanted to cry at one point and I did cry all the way home after collecting DD from ex. No matter what he has done, I still love him, Ive been trying to kid myself that I dont. Im not ready for another relationship while I feel like this.

But I had a nice walk on the beach in the drizzle and then did a clifftop walk of 2 miles. It was a nice day.

Hope you are all well

xmasevebundle Sun 02-Sep-12 23:13:10

skye I think you need give yourself some credit for going on the date!

Its hard going back into the dating scene after a child, i think you will always love(to some point) as you have a DD together.

I think you should focus on yourself for a while before jumping into anything. You will be ready one day and meet a lovely man. Times the best healer.

I give you hugs from me and bumpsmile

skyebluesapphire Sun 02-Sep-12 23:21:58

I know. Its proved that Im not ready. Spaceman is really keen too. gave me a hug when we left and we have had a chat again tonight.

But Im so not ready. I need to take some time out and get this divorce over with. and do some cosmic ordering...

xmasevebundle Sun 02-Sep-12 23:30:53

See how it goes then, he seems intrested in you. Id still chat to him as a friend, you never no whats around the corner smile

I think once thats sorted you might feel abit more free.

I wish sometimes men became extinct(the evil/heartbreaking/cheating/lying bastards only apply) which means 1% men will be upon this earth.

God I hate my ex. I'm 25+3 and suffering from really bad SPD. My ran back to his mummy for bitty and had a bed at his mum's (although I'm sure he still shares with her).
Just to upset me and spite me he took our bed today. There was no reason for him to take it, other than to upset me
What a bastard. How can I get back at him??

Sweetiesmum Mon 03-Sep-12 01:40:59

By being a total success at making a go of your life without him despite the nastiness of his stupid selfish actions.
Get help from whoever you need to make a new start, there is lots of help out there. Better off without him.

skyebluesapphire Mon 03-Sep-12 01:43:21

Hi dating - can sympathise with the SPD. I ended up on crutches and it's the main reason I only have the one child as I couldn't bear to go through it again.

Tips I can recommend is

Keep your legs together getting in and out of cars, sleep with a large body length pillow to get comfy in bed.

Take whatever painkillers your doctor will give you

It does go away almost immediately after the birth.

Avoid stairs as much as possible, if you must use them, do one step at a time

Thank you Skye blue. I meant to say he's left me sleeping on the sofa. That wont help the SPD one bit x

Pickles77 Mon 03-Sep-12 07:40:12

dating have you checked out freecycle? Or Gumtree or preloved. I hope you feel better.

skye I think xmas hit the nail on the head. You've made a massive achievement by going on a date! You should be really proud. You never know what could happen, he sounds like a nice guy that would understand smile

Dating that's awful - what a complete tosser. I don't thing 'getting back' helps though - moving on is far more effective and demonstrates that you are by far, the better person. I do hope you can find a bed via freecycle.
Funnily enough at my parents old house we do have some old beds - not in great condition, but not entirely decrepit. Don't know where you are, but if in/near London and of interest to you, please PM me and we'll see what we can do.

Skye - just think of what you have achieved by going on the date. You may not feel ready yet, but sometimes just testing the water is fine. If nothing else, you may end up with a new friend. Not all men have to be bastards or husbands (or sometimes both combined angry), I have some very good male friends.

Xmas, I confess I am lazy and will often resort to shop-bought things but with DD being so little, I try to cook healthy things we can all eat. (Or sometimes, not so healthy). And I quite enjoy baking/cooking. Although as an 'older mum' I guess baking is something I inherited from my mum, who herself was an older mum, from a generation when running to the shops for cake was no an option!

Polly and Pickles - I think wobbles are perfectly understandable, but do remember that HOWEVER SMALL THE STEPS YOU ARE MOVING FORWARD.

Probably back later, now need to go and shower. Have just been messaging my friend in the US about her forthcoming visit. Whilst I was doing that, DD has tipped her drinking water all over the high chair. Sigh.

xmasevebundle Mon 03-Sep-12 18:41:16

I dont eat healthy at allblush. I have a cheese bake in the ovengrin.

I do find it weird i have only put on 4lbs since being pregnant and i ate so much fatty foods and loads of chicken.

dating the devil What you said, a bastard. Hes scum, i mean your pregnant with his child and he does that? I dont think you need to piss him off as he will live with for ever the way he treats you. You dont need him niether your child.

xmasevebundle Tue 04-Sep-12 00:16:59

I think my baby is turning into gismo(the gremlins film) I am awake cooking chicken with carrots and chips.

Going to have brownies afterwards oh i best go grin

xmasevebundle Tue 04-Sep-12 00:50:27

He messaged me via facebook and begged for me back lets have a family etc.

I am not replying, keeping the message. As far as i am concered i am doing it without him so i dont need him or his help.

Guess his conscience ate at him.

Pickles77 Tue 04-Sep-12 08:12:13

Well done for being so strong Xmas xx

angelelle Tue 04-Sep-12 11:33:15

Hello brave and amazing ladies, still reading your posts but not posting so much smile Think I am going through the final hurdles now of emotionality!! I decided that September was going to be my month for being strong and looking forward but have already cried once this morning. Think it is finally hitting me that he is not even going to wish me luck before the birth...in a way I never want to hear from him again but my emotions say I want him to acknowledge that I am going into labour with his child in a few weeks and just say, hey, hope it all goes well.

Anyhoot, went to Olympics yesterday and managed to have a great day and not think about twunt hardly at all smile Also read in the paper that David Weirs gf did not see him at Olympics as she was 8 months preggo. So very proud of myself for going and seeing him get Gold!!

Had coffee with my NCT group last week and again this week. I feel a bit better about hanging out with them now all the dads aren't there, lol. YOu kind of feel a bit 'diseased' when you are the only one that is left holding the baby but I have told them the basics so they know and no one is making a big deal about it so its nice to have people to talk about birth fears and incontinence with, ha ha.

I think my biggest concern at the mo is that in an ideal world I never have to see or speak to her father again, move on and get over the pain. Reality is I will have to talk and probably see him again sad I felt a bit empowered after talking to a lawyer though. She said, esp. when baby is little I am in total control as to how much he gets to see her, he doesn't have to come to my home etc and he cant force me to move anywhere to be nearer him. I am sticking to where my family and friends are!!! So trying to regain some power now and thinking positively.

Anyway, sorry long rant there, I realise I am just hopping in and out and totally breaking up your trains of thought here. Ha ha.

xxx

skyebluesapphire Tue 04-Sep-12 11:40:26

Hi everyone. Hope we are all well today.

When I gave birth I was 10kg lighter than when I had got pregnant! I was so sick all the way through the pregnancy and my appetite vanished, so I lost weight instead of putting it on and I had cravings for Coco Pops, Wagon Wheels and Belgian Buns, it was carb city, lol. So dont worry about what you eat, the baby wants it remember grin.

xmas well done for being so strong.

angelle - I wish that my ex would vanish so I never had to see him again but because of DD that wont happen. I thought I was getting over him, but seeing him twice this week has brought the feelings back. But if you arent married then you have the rights and he doesnt, so he cant make you do anything.

angelelle Tue 04-Sep-12 12:12:01

I know, and that is what feels good smile I realise that he has tried to control me a lot of the time we have known each other and him saying horrible things to me throughout my pregnancy has just been another way of him trying to control me. Like he has wanted nothing to do with me/her but when I said I might go back and study again he threw out 'well you might not be able to do that as I want shared custody'!! Hello! You dont even know if we are alive or dead. I was crushed at the time but now I realise it is just another way of him trying to push me down and exert control. Making me feel better realising that I have the rights and power right now. Unfortunately like you I still have feelings however much of a dickhead he is and I am dreading having to meet him to present our child. I am sure it will be quite an emotional moment and if he just looks at her coldly well then I will feel like shit.

Anyway, nothing I can predict right now and it will probaby take him a few months before he sees her as he lives overseas which gives me time to adjust to being a mum and bonding. Solicitor said that has he told me to take a hike and has then been incomunicado, it is up to him to travel to see her, pay for flights etc.

I just bought Paul McKennas book, I can heal your broken heart, lol. Listening to the cd at night...fingers crossed eh.

xx

Flumpy2012 Tue 04-Sep-12 18:30:23

Hi,

Your situation doesn't sound dissimilar to mine but you sound soo much stronger than me!!

I'm 25 weeks pregnant with first child. Ex partner left on 23rd July and took his son who lived with us but left me with the dog and guinea pigs!
Originally wanted to be friends and came and helped when I went into renal failure but then had an argument and since then he has had no contact. Informed him when we went into pre term labour and asked if he would walk dog, he turned his phone off and changed his number.
We are meeting tomorrow at mediation an I'm terrified! I want to be the bigger person but am scared I'll just dissolve into tears. I'm not sure whether he's going to apologise, be formal about contact or tell me he wants nothing to do with us! I feel totally unarmed and a bag of nerves!!

Like you I still have feelings but I do have enough self preservation now that no matter what I would never go bck. To not be able to contact the father of your child in an emergency and to be left to deal with all this is just disgusting of him, however nice he can be, this is the other side of the coin which could flip at any time! Men!!
Single mums!! I keep thinking of the chant in about a boy 'single parents alone together'

Have you got support for the birth and early weeks? xx

xmasevebundle Tue 04-Sep-12 19:12:11

flumpy He sounds a twat, id let him go with his son. At least he left you the dog/pigs if you like them.

Be cival with the man tomorrow, smile wear something nice but no OTT.

If he askes to walk the dog again ignore him. He left you remember.

I dont even want to contact mine, if anything happened or i come into pre labour i would NOT even contact him. When he changed his number he didn't want you to contact him which is such a cowardly thing to do.

You sound you need to cut him out your life for the time being.

Got a lovely a bunch of ladies here who are very supportivegrin

skyebluesapphire Tue 04-Sep-12 21:35:47

Hi Flumpy, I'm glad you found the thread, i think it will help you. most of the posters are in the same boat as you (apart from me and notgeoff, we are here to support you guys). I just stalk pickles on whatever thread she is on grin.

I had mediation last week with my STBXH and it was difficult bit I addressed most questions to the mediators rather than him, so I didn't have to look st him too much. It was quite emotional for me though.

(he walked out on me and DD 4yo, right out of the blue saying he didn't love me any more, I was devastated

So I find it very hard to talk to him now )

Flumpy2012 Tue 04-Sep-12 23:19:00

Skye

Thank you for the advice, it helps to know that other people have faced the same hurdles. You all just sound much stronger than me!

I just keep focusing on the fact that this time tomorrow that first mediation will be over. Hope I feel better and not worse.

These men just totally shock me, to have a child and then leave or even before they're born in my case. Why agree to the child?!

The irony is he has rid me of all my confidence and self esteem telling me and my family that I was manipulative and controlling and he felt abused and trapped in the relationship. I'm no angel and I don't say there weren't times when I could be manipulative but I certainly wasn't abusive! And I suppose he thinks what he's currently doing isn't abusive?? The whole thing makes me so mad.

Thanks for all the support x

skyebluesapphire Tue 04-Sep-12 23:30:28

Flumpy. My H walked out with no prior warning. When I got him to talk to me, he said he didnt love me any more, had been unhappy for months, that I walked all over him, that the house was a disgrace, that we were never home, that I wanted holidays and he didnt (guess who is currently in Majorca? Clue, it isnt me hmm).

It is just a whole load of excuses that they give in order to justify themselves walking out. My H wrote me a 2 page letter detailing all my many faults. The only nice thing he could say about me was that i was a good mother. The rest of the letter detailed how I had never appreciated him (in 10 years), that i had hurt him many times over the years with my sarcastic comments, that I didnt let him see his friends, that he agreed to everything I said for an easy life (and then accused me of walking over him hmm), blah blah blah, the list was endless.

All of this was after I wrote him a lovely letter, telling him what a wonderful man, husband and father he was. (I thought he was having some sort of breakdown and wanted to reassure him that I did love and appreciate him etc). We even went on a date and had a lovely day and then WHAM, he hit me with his letter and that was it, no chance of reconciliation. He lied to his friends and family about me and told them that I was controlling and ruled his entire life. Of course they believe him.

He had told me many times that he would never be able to leave his child, to imagine her little face in the morning if he wasnt there would be heartbreaking etc. Yet he walked out rather than talk to me and try and fix our marriage.

Because of how he left and how he treated me afterwards, I find it impossible to see him or talk to him. I was totally dreading mediation and I cried a little before and afterwards. but I did feel better once it was out of the way

Sorry to go on, but sadly these men always seem to follow "the script", where they make you look as bad as possible, so that they had no choice but to walk away

Flumpy2012 Wed 05-Sep-12 08:03:21

Skye,

Sounds similar. He wrote to my parents detailing that he thought I had bi polar and that the emotional blackmail and mind games I played we're too much for him to live with. So having been shattered and then doubting my own sanity I started cbt and went to a psychiatric nurse only to discover that I don't really need any help, I'm perfectly normal and I have been living in a cycle where he makes me feel so low in order to exert control that I have hung on his every word and believed him. I've been totally devastated and desperate at times because this man has pulled the right strings to make me feel that way!

He wrote in the letter that he agreed to have a baby because he thought it would make me happy. Granted I've had no elation since conceiving after previously losing a baby at 20 weeks that won't come until she is born but he knew that.

He claims he was never enough and yet I was criticised if I worked full time, if I worked part time, if I didn't earn enough money, I adjusted working hours and plans to be there for his son, I was never good enough, ever! I didn't treat his son right, I was selfish if I wanted time with Sam alone, selfish if I didn't want to watch yet another boys film just for one night! Selfish if I wanted absolutely anything for me!! This was all drilled into me until I totally gave up my sense of self and had nothing left. I always wondered why his ex wife left - now I know. All he wants is his son, what will he have when he leaves home in a few years??

6 hours until mediation! I cannot eat! x

skyebluesapphire Wed 05-Sep-12 08:44:32

Flumpy - first thought is that you are much better off without him...

Mediation may make you feel worse straight after but it will make you feel better overall. You can address your questions to the mediators rather than to him. They will step in if it gets overheated or if you get upset. So you should feel safe and able to talk.

Flumpy2012 Wed 05-Sep-12 08:54:34

Skye

I'm not even sure whether I want him involved or not. To have to see him all the time will be awful but I'm not the sort of person who would ever stop him being involved but one false move and I wouldn't stand for it.

If he says no involvement at all ill be shocked I guess because the man I knew would never have done that but if he says yes I'll be terrified knowing I'll always have to see him. No idea which is the lesser o the 2 evils.

I hope I feel better, I hope I actually get some answers!

Wish I didn't have to wait all knotted up until 2pm sad

I have no idea how 2 humans go from so much love to this!? It's ridiculous not to be able to just sit and talk together without need for a mediator. As you can tell this is his doing, not mine. He simply won't speak any other way - so mature at 44!!! Grrrr x

skyebluesapphire Wed 05-Sep-12 09:53:17

I know. My STBXH is 48. My H called me childish and pathetic, but refused to answer any of the points that I put to him in email. We never argued when we were together, but all we have done since splitting up is argue over DD by text or email. In mediation he agreed to everything that I had suggested to him by email, but he wouldnt reply to email other than to say that I was dictating to him. When I said that in mediation, he denied saying it..... Ive got it free through Legal Aid, its costing him £140 for 1.5 hour session.......

I cant talk to him because I still love him. It hurts me too much. It is ridiculous that two people can go from one thing to the other. He claims that he stopped loving me some time ago and that I made his life a misery. The night before he walked out I can remember us sat in the lounge having a right laugh, before going to bed and making love.... we seem to be remembering two very different marriages.....

I wish that I never had to see him again, but he is DD's father and she loves him, so I have to grit my teeth and deal with it. You are a bit luckier in that you do not have a divorce to deal with.

The main thing, given your previous history, is that you look after yourself and do not allow him to stress you out. Take care xx

angelelle Wed 05-Sep-12 10:44:03

Hi Flumpy, if you were referring to me being strong then I don't always feel it but on this thread we are all strong!! I, like you, think I am at a point I would never have him back. What hurts is that I sit here going through the whole pregnancy stuff alone whilst he has moved in with a new woman and (in my mind) having the time of riley. He has refused to talk about anything practical the entire birth. Like Skye I also wrote him a lovely letter saying how much he meant to me, how I understood he was daunted by fatherhood, how I wouldn't pressurise him to do anything he didn't feel ready to do etc etc. Basically bent over backwards. NO REPLY. Nada, he has refused to discuss anything apart from basically telling me that he wanted me to go as far away as possible to give birth as he would not be able to give me any sort of support. This has been going on for around 6 months. I sort of feel I should be over it now and I do have good days but I have started to dream about him and her a lot...which does not help. Plus filled with hormones and cry at the drop of a hat!!!

Also I have been off work for the past three months so finances are shit as I am getting sick pay and have to move back in with my mum who is also my birthing partner! So at the age of nearly 40 I am not only facing lone parenting but also feel like I have lost all my independnence. On a positive note, coming back home means being near family and friends and I wouldn't be without them. My mums house is big enough that my daughter will have her own room and we are not ontop of each other. I plan to move out again after my mat leave is over. Also, I have longed for a child and if you asked me to chose between facing 9 months of shit and not having my child I would chose 9 months of shit anytime smile

I am totally cool with him not being at birth etc as I know he would sit there giving me the evil eye the whole time. In reality I would love to NEVER have to see his face again, however, that would not be fair on my daughter. BUt I will never chase him, I will never beg him to step up. At the end of the day it is his loss.

What has helped me on my really shitty days, of which there has been many, especially now at the end when it is all becoming so real that I am alone, is that everything that is in my head is just thougts and they cant harm me. I have survived the whole pregnancy with thoughts of abandoment, disappointment, hurt etc etc and I am still here! And in time these thoughts will lessen.

big hug to everyone

xxx

I am just sitting here cheering you ladies on (sorry, that is not meant to sound patronising, but 'girls' was worse!) - you are all sounding so much stronger in each subsequent post.

It is going to take time to repair the self-confidence and self-belief that has been chipped and chipped and chipped at until it's in fragments around your feet, but with every post, I see you all growing in both.

Flumpy2012 Wed 05-Sep-12 12:43:51

Hello all,

I do not feel strong right now, I'm sat in the dentist waiting room - I hate the dentist and haven't been for 5 years!! And will go straight from here to mediation. I'm biting back tears, I'm terrified at my feelings of seeing him. I have the worst heartburn and fear throwing up there!

All that gets me through is knowing I will hold my daughter in the coming months.

The only 2 roads I see are either awful animosity whilst we sort the house and then no involvement from him or the prospect of trying to be amicable parents and ignore the undercurrent of animosity! The road where we could be friends and good parents with separate lives has all but disappeared sad

I will update you on how the mediation goes.

Hello Flumpy - I used to dread the dentist too. It is only in the past three years that I have found a surgery that I feel reasonably relaxed in.
In general, they all seem to be far better with dealing with nervous patients. So, tell them before they do anything that you are nervous. Tell them that you have heartburn, and see how it goes.
I had an appointment with the hygienist a week ago, and she was quite happy to stop whenever I felt it got too much. smile

Hope the mediation goes well - just do your best to retain your composure and dignity.

skyebluesapphire Wed 05-Sep-12 14:46:19

Flumpy, thinking of you and your mediation. I hope it is going as ok as it can. Update us later.

me and STBXH communicate only by text or email at the moment. and then we end up arguing most of the time.

Just try and remain calm and be the bigger person and let him show himself up.

angelelle Wed 05-Sep-12 15:47:25

Hope the mediation goes well, thinking of you, I am dreading seeing my ex again sad Went to Ikea this am and bought some stuff for the nursery. Made me sad though as a) lots of couples and b) me and the ex went to Ikea quite often. But feel a bit better now I am getting stuff in the nursery and it is looking OK. Just cant wait to have my little girl now and something new to focus on than sitting here like Ms Havisham, lol. That is the worst bit being alone and pregnant. You cant exactly go out and get pissed and pick up a bloke to make yourself feel better, ha ha. I think that is why it feels even worse when the ex is off galivanting with someone else....because they can, and they are not thinking of you!

Been watching that show midwives, last night they had young kids having babies and the fathers turned up for the births. I am thinking, what would make a 36 year old, proffessional (and unfortunately esteemed in his proffession) ignore a pregnant woman and refuse to talk to her and be at the birth. That is where I am at now, trying to understand what makes someone act like this...doubt I will ever get an answer though sad

angelelle Wed 05-Sep-12 15:53:13

Also, and I know there is no answer to this but isnt that what this thread is about, just spewing out random thoughts and worries, why the hurry to move his new gf into his flat after a few months? And I know she knows I am pregnant. That is the worst feeling, I have no idea what he is saying to her, probably that I tricked him etc, that I am a bad person, that is the worst thing. The person you confided in is now probably sitting there talking shit about you! Its just been such a whirl wind, you know, bam your pregnant, (unplanned), bam your friend and ex wont talk to you and then bam, he is shacked up with someone else. Oh now I just made myself cry....damn these hormones and emotions. I know in the long run I am so much better off without a person who can't even meet face to face and talk practicalities around his child but hey....I will get through this...sorry just had to spew that out!

skyebluesapphire Wed 05-Sep-12 16:22:47

aww Angelle. I know how you feel, but without the hormones.....

I say that the man he is now, is not the man he was then. I still and grieve for the person I have lost, but that is not the same man that I have to deal with now.

It annoys me that my ex is on holiday, all his friends and family probably thinking, aww Poor Mr SBS really needs a holiday after everything he has been through. Yes because walking out on your wife and 4yo must be sooooo upsetting for him mustnt it. and lets not forget the fact that he said he couldnt have holidays as his business had to come first, that he couldnt have DD in the holidays as business had to come first. But he can swan off to bloody Majorca.

Bitter and twisted? You bet I am!!!

grin I will let it go one day I promise.....

All you can do is try and see the man for who he is now. I know how hard it is believe me, I am still going through it.

But guess who gets to see DD in her school uniform tomorrow, all dressed up for the first time. Thats right, me. Not him.

xmasevebundle Wed 05-Sep-12 16:38:15

angelelle I tend not to go places where me and my ex went and thats basically everywhere! It has got a lot better i left my ex at 10w and i still feel the same but anger towards him.

As for getting pissed i agree! I use to smoke and got the point i bought a packet of 10 a few weeks ago it, smoked them all and i feel 100x better with all the stress.

Its not fair one bit but men have there own way of dealing with problems they can't handle most leave women(fucking bastards)

I wouldn't care what he says to her as i have always said only me and my ex partner know the truth same your ex.

He will lose out on loads seeing your daughter for time when born, first cuddles and kisses. He will regret one day!!

skye That sounds lovely start to your day tomorrow!! I bet you will hold them tears back!

angelelle Wed 05-Sep-12 16:57:00

Thank xmas, yes that is what I think. He will miss out on the wonderful bonding, the first smile, first words etc etc. And he may be able to live with that...or he may regret it. Not my problem. I know things will get easier, crying is a way to relieve the tension and I do feel better after it smile And like SKye says, we are grieving for the people we knew or thought we knew. Not the people they become. I know a friend of mine got left when her DS was one, hubby had an affair behind her back for the whole year prior to that!!! She felt that she had been a bad judge or character but sometimes it takes time for someone to show their true colours...or a crisis...or what they perceive to be a crisis smile ie a baby!! Anyway, just sorted out life insurance and am working on will now so being proactive which is good. Obviously he doesnt consider he has any responsibility to provide for child. Also spoke to a male friend who was very supportive and offered to have ex desposed off...ha ha. Was tempted but need to hit him up for money. Oh and Skye. I dont call it bitter, I think bitter is if you remain in this state for years and years and let it eat you up. We are angry, disappointed, shocked etc etc and rightly so...

xmasevebundle Wed 05-Sep-12 17:17:51

It seems like it cant get any worse, once you are at your lowest you cant got any lower expect rise upwardssmile.

Cry away if it helps, makes it worse when you keep in then have a big cry and end up with a migrane(ive done it many times)

Its even better when you dont have have a man all the choices are yours, e.g names! The name i picked he would of died and said no! I dont give a shit if he hates it! lol.

He seems oblivious to everything! My ex hasn't paid what i get in 2 weeks he gets in a day! Hes a bastard. But i am waiting, i will have my son and ring up the CSA.

He will no that money each month is going towards HIS son he will NEVER see. Oh i sound a right bitchgrin

angelelle Wed 05-Sep-12 17:23:54

Better to be angry and empowered and get cracking with things that will benefit your child. I had chosen a lovely name, made the big mistake when I was trying to get ex involved of telling him, he obviously had no opinion. But now I feel it is tainted as I told him and thinking of new names...lol, know it sounds stupid but I dont want him to know anything about anything right now, like you say, we can make all the choices about what we do which is great smile

xmasevebundle Wed 05-Sep-12 17:45:24

I dont either! I didnt even want to tell anyone, but he will get told by someone else he has a son, then again when hes born. My town is very small. How awful must you feel when that happens!!! I told him the 3 i had and picked one but he dont know anything. Its staying that way to, hes just a sperm doner in my eyes now!!!

His loss not yours, even though you might see it as yours not but in a few months you wont. Women ALWAYS make the best choicesgrin

skyebluesapphire Wed 05-Sep-12 18:32:18

Yes bitter and twisted is if you still feel the same in 20 years grin Hopefully not.........

Pickles77 Wed 05-Sep-12 19:19:37

Uh oh seven pm blues are arriving sad

skyebluesapphire Wed 05-Sep-12 19:22:24

no they arent. Why? Why 7pm blues :-(

Im trying to persuade DD to go to bed ready for school tomorrow.....

Whats up? Tell Auntie Skye all about it....

Pickles77 Wed 05-Sep-12 19:25:27

Oh just feeling a bit low.
Uh oh is the bedtime routine not working?
smile

skyebluesapphire Wed 05-Sep-12 19:30:21

haha, what routine, that went out of the window around 5 months ago, when STBXH walked out, lol. By the time I started to get a grip, it was the school holidays.....

But the routine starts tonight and must continue! Although she wants to sleep in my bed still...

Pickles77 Wed 05-Sep-12 19:37:04

Aww that's so sweet though- impractical I know but sweet.
grin

angelelle Wed 05-Sep-12 20:08:37

just to let you know that I just got back from the hospital tour, lucky me...8 other couples and every single one was holding hands!!! Now back home with cuppa and a few biscuits. Am planning to continue to pig out until dd arrives and then start my new routine, lol. Sorry to hear of the 7pm blues Pickles...I get the morning blues as i tend to have bad dreams about ex but by the evening I usually feel OK and quite content. Today has been quite a shitty day though and am knackered. And yes Skye, hopefully not bitter yet!!! >That is the worst thing though, when they turn round and call you bitter and you are like, no, I am angry!!!! Luckily mine has chosen to disappear so in a sense a blessing as i am not sure i could keep my mouth shut if he provoked me now, in the first few months i was so scared of pissing him off that i let him treat me badly and say whatever he wanted. WIsh i had stood up for myself then but did not have the strength sad

skyebluesapphire Wed 05-Sep-12 20:25:25

Flumpy - how did it go today? Xx

Flumpy2012 Thu 06-Sep-12 07:23:52

Hello all,

Well mediation was worse than I ever could have imagined. We were kept in deprecate waiting rooms and once in the room together made no eye contact for an hour! The guy explained mediation and then had a few moments alone with each of us in turn and then we had 25 minutes to mediate. We talked about his stuff from the house to which I said I hadn't stopped him having access, he threw the first punch by motioning to leave saying it wouldn't work if one of us was going to lie. I then explained I have simply said he can have access to the house so long as he gives me prior notice, which I think is fair! Any way we just basically argued and tore strips off of one another until the end. He couldn't say if he was going to be involved in his daughters life, he couldn't discuss sorting the house, he told me due to the abuse he wouldn't be giving me his new number - the moron doesn't realise I already have it!!!

So I left in a torrent of tears, saved for when I was out of sight of him. Sat in my car for close to an hour waiting for him to return to his. He must have known because low and behold he turns up with my friends husband in tow to walk him to his car to protect him from the evil that is me. I broached with an olive branch saying we should swap spare keys to our cars over so we did. I attempted another rational conversation which didn't go well with friends husband butting in!!! In the end I finally managed to get him to reluctantly agree to meet later on, just the 2 of us at 7.

So he turns up at 7:25 claiming we said 7:30 and I calmly say its ok even though I don't feel it!! We have a calm conversation about the house and he says he will raise me 5k if I can move out but he won't help me with physically moving. He says he won't help with the dog and that she's my responsibility or he calls the RSPCA, he's still unclear about dd.
We go round in a few circles and it gets quite emotional one min he thinks no contact would be kinder and the next he really wants to be part of her life. He says he'll see her for a couple of hours a fortnight and I say that's not enough to establish a bond and he actually says he's scared of too much emotional attachment!!!

I left reeling, refused to hug him, cried and shook all the way home. He says he'll call today but I'm not sure why. I didn't think it was possible to feel worse!!!

Some of me feels I need to totally cut him out and the other feels we need to find a way to be friends....... Help!!! xx

skyebluesapphire Thu 06-Sep-12 07:47:24

Flumpy - I'm sorry it was so bad for you. I barely made eye contact with STBXH at mine. Have you got another session arranged?

Regarding the baby, he may feel differently once she is born. I think all you can do is establish some basic ground rules for now and see how it goes.

You can have mediation in separate rooms if you want to.

Flumpy2012 Thu 06-Sep-12 08:03:08

Skye,

No more sessions arranged as even the mediator said it didn't look like it was going to work. Tbh I think we did better on our own last night than we ever will at mediation.
Neither of us are good at being in a controlled situation, especially when it's costing him £160 and I'm having to drive an hour to get there

I really really want to establish a friendship but I don't know how and neither does he. I just think we need to spend positive time together focusing on the baby but I'm not sure we're ready for that yet.

I'm still terrified of him and what he might do, the key to this seems to be learning to trust one another again. Perhaps counselling could be better than mediation??

We had an amazing friendship before we were together and I feel we could have something similar now. The trouble is there's so much bitterness, I'm bitter because he left, he's bitter because he's skint because he has to pay for the house etc, I'm scared because I'm all alone and he won't support me and he's scared of being too emotionally attached and too involved!!
The hardest thing is I miss his son, I raised him like my own for 3 years and loved him so much, the last 2 months have been unbearable with no contact with him but I think I'm starting to accept that I may never have that now.

I truly never believed life could be this difficult!!! Trouble is we can both still identify with all those strong feelings that make us want to hug and make it all ok again but self preservation and a realistic view stops us. So hard!! x

Flumpy2012 Thu 06-Sep-12 09:52:32

Anyone else think I'm mad for wanting to be friends??

skyebluesapphire Thu 06-Sep-12 09:57:14

Yes, it sounds like counselling would be good. I think me and STBXH should have had joint counselling to help me in particular and to make him face up to his actions, but he refused to go.

In your situation, counselling would probably be better.

When me and H were trying to reconcile (so I thought) but he was living elsewhere, we always hugged when he left, but then one night he kissed me, then said it was just because he didnt like to see me upset. It was too confusing for me. So when he wrote a horrible letter, I said thats it, you dont come in the house any more as its too upsetting for everybody.

Being friends is the best outcome that anybody could wish for, but there has to be clear boundaries so that you dont get hurt.

Pickles77 Thu 06-Sep-12 10:06:20

No I want my ex as a friend too- your not mad sad

skyebluesapphire Thu 06-Sep-12 10:11:59

I hope to be friends with my STBXH one day. Give it around 20 years and I might get there..... grin

In your situations, being pregnant, its a totally different thing. You need to be able to communicate with them about access, maintenance etc as I do, but they need to commit to the access and stick to it for the childs sake.

Just dont take any crap from them

Flumpy2012 Thu 06-Sep-12 11:15:41

Hi

It will be whether I can convince him to go to counselling though. He won't attend the infant parent perinatal service which I already attend because he says he's a bad dad and a bad person an he doesn't need someone else to tell him that!! I wonder when he will start realising its not about him it's about our DD.

I also think that his suggestion of a couple of hours a fortnight is unreasonable when his 15 year old son will have him 7 days a week! Surely he has to divide some of his time rather than squeeze her into the gaps!
How is 3 hours a fortnight going to benefit me or give us any support?!

The most frustrating thing is that I just know it doesn't have to be this way and that we could be friends if the boundaries can be set which suit is both. The issue comes in settling those boundaries. Ie not helping with the dog is not reasonable. No help in the initial couple of weeks when he's entitled to paternity leave is not on!

Tell me I'm being fair?! x

Flumpy2012 Thu 06-Sep-12 14:17:21

I just also need to say that of all the friends, family and midwives etc I have found you people on here the most supportive by far! I wish i'd had this sooner! Thanks all smilex

xmasevebundle Thu 06-Sep-12 14:56:10

flumpy I think if he wants to go counselling, he will.

Dont think im sounding a bitch here because i dont want to say he will do this and that.

My ex said he would and hasnt, i have got over it if he dont want to be there for his child thats his choice.

Its stressing you out because he spends all time with his 15 year old son and says only a few hours with his future baby.

You are being fair completely! I agree with all what you said. But from the way hes saying it he dont care that much about it.

Its sad to think that but sometimes children are better off without unreliable dad. I mean consistency is what your baby needs, if he dont turn up a few times you will be pissed off?

I think i have a different view on being friends with my baby's father. I dont want to even look at him. Nor do i want a family with him, he asked me back a few days ago. I just left him in the lurk like he did me!

It will get better, shopping for baby clothes and doing things by yourself makes you feel amazing!!

Flumpy2012 Thu 06-Sep-12 15:31:45

Xmas

Thanks for your reply.

You're right, the trouble is he's weak so although he wouldn't agree to counselling I could probably persuade him. He's v naive in that he wants to move forward but it's keen to do anything in order to achieve that so here we remain in this stagnant state!

I think deep down he does want to be involved as much as possible but he's torn with being too emotionally attached to her and not being able to deal with that and also with leaving his son out who has had undivided daddy time since birth!

The other part of me thinks that it's me, he wants to be around her but not me and the limitations are to limit the time around me because we argue and because he is weak and ends up giving in to doing more than he really wants to ie walking dog

We've had emails today and I offered him to all which he declined to even answer and jut continued to email. Trouble is its constant back and forth and it's ambiguous when a telephone call would resolve it.

The same as meeting last night, I had to convince him but in the end he felt it was positive but he never seems to be able to look at things this way with foresight, he sees anything I suggest as negative or that I'm being controlling.

Doesn't he realise that if it was about what I wanted then I wouldn't be a single mum at all!!!

There's no firm decisions on anything it's all wishy washy and he changes all the time and you're right I do need consistency for my daughter but I don't have it in my heart to cut him from his daughters life!

I think I will end up feeling how you do and not wanting to be friends if he continues this charade!

It's been a really tough day :-( X

xmasevebundle Thu 06-Sep-12 15:57:39

I understand what you say, he wants to sometimes but only when he want?

I think you should leave him and let him make the next move? It will be hard to not, will want to talk to him.

He would cut you out his life without a doubt, i mean when i saw he would raise 5k but not help you move out? I see it from an outside view and i was quite shocked when i saw that. Hes just a bastard.

You love him still and find it tough, any mum don't want to be single!

If anyone would tell me last christmas day, you and your bf would not be together, and next year i would be due on christmas eve, single and him not helping. I would of laughed in there face!

I wouldn't saying your cutting, he needs to fucking sort his priorities out!

I hate my ex if he died i wouldn't flinch. I loved him and thought he never would but he shown what hes like. Me and my son are and will be better off without him!

I think you need time for yourself as this is all up in the air and so raw. Going out for the day or having a pamper day for yourself?

I bought a new bag, shoes and top i feel so much better!!

skyebluesapphire Thu 06-Sep-12 16:05:52

I think that contact with a baby needs to be built up anyway. My DD is 4 and sees her dad for 8 hours on a Sunday (and will spend one whole weekend a month with him when he moves into his own place).

But if she were a baby, I would not want to let her out of my sight. If your ex has a child already, then he should know how to look after a baby. If you get on Ok with breastfeeding, then DD wont be able to be away from you for long anyway

I would say a couple of hours a week, in your house, if you are comfortable with that, is probably about right to start with, but obviously as DD grows up, you would expect him to spend more time with her.

Flumpy2012 Thu 06-Sep-12 16:14:55

I wish I had the money to go and spoil myself to make myself feel better!

I