How often should I mention dd's absent father?

[Lizita]

My dd is almost 2, her father lives abroad. For the first time the other day I showed her a photo of him and told her he was her daddy. She took a long look at the photo, repeated "daddy" and his name, and then went off not interested any more! She hasn't mentioned it since and neither have I.
I had been so nervous about talking to her about him it felt like quite an anti-climax!

But my question is, I want her to know about her father and for it to be "normal" for her etc etc but I don't want to wind up harping on about him all the time. How often should I be mentioning him, esp at this early stage when I want to instil the knowledge in her, without turning it into a huge issue that he's not around, iyswim?

[Ladymuck]

WHat are the ocntact arrangements between dd and her father? And how much contact do you have?

Personally I wouldn't push the issue (esp at this age, 2 is still v little), but just wait for the questions to arise (as they surely will with preschool/nrsery/school etc). At this stage it is unlikley that she would be terribly interested in someone who isn't part of her life.

[Lizita]

We have very regular email contact, and birthday & christmas presents. As she gets older I'm sure he will be writing to her personally, and vice versa.

Yes I am very aware that she's very young to take an interest in anyone she doesn't know, which is why I left it this late, and also why I suppose I shouldn't've have been surprised at her reaction to being told about him! What prompted me to finally tell her & show her the photo was that she seems to understand the concept of a daddy - tv characters have one, animals in books, and her friend who she she has been spending 2 days a week with has a daddy. With her 2nd birthday coming up therefore a present from her dad, I thought it was time.

I am just wondering if that one telling was enough for it to sink in that there is a daddy out there, if I should tell her a few times now and then wait for questions after that? Or maybe the birthday present will be enough to instil the knowledge? Am i making sense?

[loupylou]

I think i would just follow her lead currently, but be aware the questions will come, my dd came home form nursery one day waffling about "going to daddy's house". Dad has never been involved and doesn't know where she is, or has ever seen her. Some of the other kids at nursery are regularly collected by dad, and all of a sudden i had to face these facts. DD wasn't bothered that he wasn't here, after all life is as it's always been no dad, but we talk about it when she mentions him and i try to mention her halfbrother and half sister when she raises the conversation so that he links to them, she doesn't see them either, but one day he might come out of the wood work. She's now 2yrs 8months and these conversations have started over the last 6weeks. The most disturbing for me, being "mummy and daddy are getting me from nursery!" she was joking!!i didn't think it was funny, but tried to hide those feelings.

[Lizita]

Loupylou, i'd like to have talked regularly with her before she goes to nursery and realises for herself, so that she already knows about her daddy and that he lives a long way away etc etc, iykwim. Otherwise if I had waited till she said "where's my daddy?" I would feel like I had been hiding something from her - by telling her now I'm being matter of fact about it and kind of setting up her situation for her so it's all in place before those questions arise.
Began waffling here, sorry...don't know if that makes sense.

[Amai]

At this young age it is good to mention her daddy so she knows she has one. As she grows older it may become more of an issue with her ie. when she goes to school, but the norm these days seems to be single parents and step parents anyway, at least here in london.

I was always told by my mum who my dad was and met him a few times as a child with her. You should arrange a meeting between her and his parents for when she is a couple of years older and can appreciate it. The father daughter bond may be weak but your dd will have a sence of where she came from- something she will need as she grows into an adolesent. I am speaking form personal experience so use your own judgement.