I just don't want him in my space!!

[citronella]

I went through a miserable time in the run up to and through the divorce process, I have made myself and the dc a new home and slowly rebuilt my sense of 'me'. He is trying so hard to be friendly again but it's all beyond that for me now and he is weaving himself into my space. Contact with dc is not prearranged or regular. It's not infrequent now (it was when we first moved out) just irregular. He seems to think seeing the dc should include me too. "Seeing everyone" he calls it. At my home. Tomorrow he has suggested he is bringing food. If I am less than enthusiastic I'm "making a big deal out of it".
But it's my space and I don't want it altered.
I have to grit my teeth and let it go for the sake of the dc.

Sorry - just needed a rant.

[tribpot]

Apart from unfair on you, surely it's confusing for your children to see you all together in your house? Maybe he thinks the opposite, that it will help if they see you can all be civilised, but I would disagree. Can you take them to his place?

[citronella]

That's the kind of contact I have tried to encourage and it was like that until the last month or so, then I had to rely on him when my childminder was off sick for 3 days.
He just manages to make it sound like I'm just being unfriendly or making things unnecessarily awkward. But I'm just doing self-preservation by detachment.
I just can't see why he just doesn't 'get it' and unfortunately I'm not the kind of person who will just come out with "just piss off I don't care if I never see you again" even if that's what I'd like to say and let's face it you'd think he would have got the hint by now. The dc need their dad.

[citronella]

Tribpot I think that is what he thinks.

His place is our old marital home and he believes that would confuse them (maybe) and also says thatbecause he is doing work on the house to sell it it is unsafe for them.

[tribpot]

But does he not think it will confuse them to know he still lives in what was their home? (Which effectively makes it still their home too) but they're not allowed to go there?

Although it might be weird for you, can you leave him with the dc at your house tomorrow?

[citronella]

I guess not. They are still quite young although ds1 hasn't only asked about going there once in the last year. But I think he does miss it.

I had to do leave him at mine when the cm was ill. I just really resent that idea because I am so fiercely protective of my space now even though I don't actually own the house. It's still my home with the dc not our home or 'the house' as he calls it.

I am grateful for your posts so I hope i'm not coming across as though i'm not listening to suggestions.

I'm just stewing

[oldraver]

Next time he comes round cant you do a "sorry I've gotta go out and leave him to it" he may get the message then