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Lone parents

Do your children have contact with their dad?

83 replies

Katrina7 · 27/03/2009 22:37

Or do they receive presents, cards etc? Or does he phone them?

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Katrina7 · 27/03/2009 23:03

bump

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hotCheeseBURNS · 27/03/2009 23:07

My ds's biological father has never had any contact with him. Last time he spoke to me was to tell me he hated me, 8 months after telling me to have an abortion. Some men are not worth having around!

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Pinkchampagne · 27/03/2009 23:07

My children see their dad a good few times a week depending on his work shift.

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Spero · 27/03/2009 23:12

He's on the other side of the world, so not ofetn. He claims to love her very much, wants to be part of her life etc, etc, but apparently has no plans to move back in the near future. He tries to speak via web cam once a week, but that is a very recent thing.

He has sent cards and presents; he does seem quite keen to maintain a relationship. Not really sure why he won't come back to the UK. Sometimes I think he prefers the theory of having a child to the reality.

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solidgoldbrass · 27/03/2009 23:17

Yes, loads. But then DS was a totally unplanned event and his dad and I were not a couple when I got PG: we were old drinking mates, so we have not had to deal with any bitterness (and DS dad is a Good Bloke).

Sorry, that probably sounds very smug and isn't meant to.

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BigGitDad · 27/03/2009 23:20

I see my kids most days and I try to avoid them but it is difficult when I live at home with them....
I'll get my coat....

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Katrina7 · 27/03/2009 23:21

Hotcheeseburns
i think my ex hates me too. Why did he say he hates you? And how you cope with this when your child reeminds you of him?

Spero
mine is in another country too. Makes me sad that he will not be even in the same country with his baby

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Katrina7 · 27/03/2009 23:23

Solid
thats good of him
ours was also unplanned and we were not getting on well and he is using this as excuse. But i think there are men like your ex who see their children even if they dont love the mum

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ChasingSquirrels · 27/03/2009 23:47

split up a year ago, his decision.
ds's 3y and 6y.
They are with him Tue evening to Wed morning (he picks them up from me, and drops them at school/cm) and 24 hrs every weekend (either fri evening/sat evening or sat evening/sun evening).
He v v v rarely phones, and ds1 has only asked to phone him a couple of times in the year. I hardly ever phone them when they are with him - unless he is having them for a few days, in which case I will speak to them daily.
Present, cards etc - yes. In tesco today ds2 got a Roary racing car off the shelf and said that daddy brought him this at his house.
He also pays 20% maint as clockwork.

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Katrina7 · 27/03/2009 23:49

What is 20% maint?

20% of his wages?

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ChasingSquirrels · 27/03/2009 23:53

20% of net salary - 2 kids.

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Katrina7 · 27/03/2009 23:53

tnx

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ChasingSquirrels · 27/03/2009 23:53

oh, 20% reduced by 2/7 for the nights they are with him.

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Katrina7 · 27/03/2009 23:55

Ok. Well i m not going to ask for money but i only asked you because they ve told me it is 15% but prob yours is 20% because 2 children

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ChasingSquirrels · 27/03/2009 23:56

yes, old CSA guidelines were 15% 1 child, 20% 2 children, presumably increasing after that but we only have 2.

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Katrina7 · 27/03/2009 23:58

i like the word 'only'

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ChasingSquirrels · 28/03/2009 00:00

lol, I wanted 3, he wanted 1 (or none if he was truly honest about it). Getting to having no 2 probably broke the relationship.

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Katrina7 · 28/03/2009 00:02

sorry about this.
But at least he seems to be a proper man because he has contact and buys presents etc

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ChasingSquirrels · 28/03/2009 00:04

yes, he probably has more of a relationship with them now than before we split up.
Not all NR parents are bastards (though if you read the lone parent threads on here the majority seem to be).
Are you pg at the moment, or have you already got a child?

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Katrina7 · 28/03/2009 00:07

I m still pregnant. And already shitting myself. Some days i feel positive and read the stories here all these amazing women who are doing so well but other days i feel low and scared.

Also today i read the other thread about the boy who asking his mum 'why i dont have daddy like all the other children?' and this made me cry

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Katrina7 · 28/03/2009 00:09

because one day i ll have to answer this question too.
And his dad doesnt give a fuck about it. Just so hard to believe it sometimes. And this was the only man i loved so much in my life

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ChasingSquirrels · 28/03/2009 00:17

yeah, Lewis's thread made me feel like that. But from what I know of her on here she is amazing. She is training for a career, she has a wonderful boy etc.

I can't imagine what it must be like for the father of your child to reject them, but you CAN get through it and make a fantastic life for you and the baby.

When are you due?

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Katrina7 · 28/03/2009 00:19

yes she sound amazing womann. I didnt post because i didnt know what to say but it made me think again about my own situation.

I m still only 17 and half weeks

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Katrina7 · 28/03/2009 00:23

i could deal with being lone parent. I could deal with the fact that he doesnt love me. I could deal with the fact that he probably never loved me, that he was using me, that he was making fun of me...
But i cant deal with the fact that he hates the baby too. That he doesnt even want to know. He ll not even sent him/her a present or card on birthdays or chrismas. And the child will ask this question like that woman's child. This i cannot deal with

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solidgoldbrass · 28/03/2009 01:08

Katrina, there is always a possiblity that this man will start to behave more like a father once there is a child existing in the world. You are PG at the moment, so to him it's not really a baby it's a problem. While he sounds like a bit of a knob, the best thing you can do right now for you and the baby-to-be is put the man to one side in your mind, because right now he's irrelevant. Once your baby is here, let the man know and, every month or so, make polite contact and suggest that he meets you and the baby. He might turn doting at the point the baby starts to talk (and say'Dada'). He might well not prove to be any use, sadly, and you should definitely concentrate more on building a good life for yourself and baby, but it's not impossible to forge a co-parent relationship in circumstances like yours.

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