the low life fucking shit head wank has just pushed me over the edge i think...

[juicychops]

got the letter i have been waiting for for days - the reply to the original letter which too my crap solicitor 4 months to send out - i knew what to expect but it has still hit me like a ton of bricks...

my ds's 'dad' if you could ever ever in a life time call him that has refused me permission to let me change my ds's surname to mine.

he has not had contact with ds for 3 years, he was the worst 'dad' in the world for the 11 months of ds's life that he was around, he actively made the decision to have nothing to do with my ds despite the millions of letters from my solicitor asking him to see his son, i walked past him with ds 5 times in sainsburys the other day - 5 times!! and he completely ignored ds didn;t acknowledge him at all!! and that isn't the first time in the last 3 years

And.... the reason he has given for not giving permission for me to change ds's surname is - because it was me that stopped him seeing his son, it wasn't his decision!

so now ive got to start the next stage of mediation then court.
i knew he would say no but just the fact that he said these words as his reason has just topped this whole last 3 years off.

I HATE HIM and i wish he was dead. i dont care if that sounds awful and i dont care if technically he is ds's dad. he has never and will never be my ds's dad .

i feel like packing our bags and moving a million miles away just to get away from this town i have to share with him.

i keep crying im so angry, stressed, upset, i just hate the fact he's causing me probs all over again like he hasn't caused me or ds enough.

i wanted ds to start school in September with my name. i know its only a name, but its what that name represents. ds's 'dad' doesn't deserve to share his name with ds

rant over

[juicychops]

forgot to say, he pays fuck all through csa as he quit his job purposely to he doesn't have to, and he owes me over £1300 in arrears

[LauriefairycakeeatsCupid]

rant away

and then be glad you're not with him any more

[juicychops]

thanks for replying

dont feel better yet but just eating a big plate of chicken wings and watching sex and the city. once ive finished the chicken and eaten the choc in the fridge il prob start feeling a bit better

had a stupid argument with my boyfriend just now and my plans for tomorrow just fell through too so i got all upset again! i feel so pathetic right now

[Dozymare]

what a twanker.....(really do excuse my french) can you not jsut do it anyway? Will be need to know????

[bratnav]

No Dozy, sadly if a 'man' has parental responsibility, you need his permission to change a DCs name.

[juicychops]

i always use my surname for things but on official forms for schools or his nursery etc or if i get ds a passport its all gunna have ds's 'dad's' name and just seeing it makes me feel sick

there is a whole load of procedures that need to be done and i need his 'dads' permission

[Dozymare]

juicy i know 2 women at my school (one married, one not) who use their maiden names for their DC's after the marriage broke down. can youhave a word with the head? Are you married???

[juicychops]

no not married -thank god.i probably can ask for ds to be known as my name at his school but not until he's already in. i just hate having to see his name written like that. it makes me feel so sad. when in writing you cant tell he's my son

[kidowner]

This anger is very very bad for you and your son. Just change his name. Do it, as Reality says, say you've had no contact and change by deed poll. Don't worry about it, think how much happier you will be. Why not pretend he isn't the father? What is more important, the money or getting him out of your life for good if he's ruining your life? I know what I would do. For both your sakes you need to let go of this anger and put it in a box and close the lid. Once you've detached yourself from the anger you can go back to the box for a good rant if it helps, but for the rest of the time you need to close the lid, and start making the most of your position. I wouldn't worry about boyfriends for now, (get them CRB checked before you let them near your son as the statistics make dreadful reading)you need to be kind to yourself and make yourself proud. Imagine that awful man is dead/mentally ill/whatever it takes for you to replace the anger with pity, and say to yourself from now on things are going to get better. Good luck. Tommorrow is a new day.

[MANATEEequineOHARA]

I cannot legally change my kids names either, BUT they are 'known as' the name I use rather than his.

VERY interesting what RealityIsMyOnlyChocolateEgg is saying though, that worked just like that did it??? I am kind of excited to read that!!!