complicated story

[mummylou85]

i'm actually feeling gutted. It's complicated story. me and my ex have 3 year old daughter, when I was pregnant he abandonned us and didn't believe she was his which he knew it wouldn't been anyone elses he was looking for ways out then he changed his mind. we went through courts 2 years. he shown very poor father skills and is not a good father. he dont pay penny, dont give bday presents or xmas presents, don't provide anything to eat or drink at contacts, cant comfort our daughter, shows no emotion towards her or even communicate with her tidy. so contact still supervised and outof court now. there is no way I let my daughter go alone with him she would be traumatised and not looked after properly. anyway while going through courts my ex got together with someone new. I hadn't a problem actually i'd hoped he'd leave us alone now he got someone new. when courts ended, I agreed to give him my number and be mutal for daughters sake. major coinsidence the time he starts talking to me he says he split up with girlfriend. I always doubted him but no proof. last few months i've spoke to ex. actaully he hounds me with texts all the time asking for a date or us making a go of it. which I'm sure I don't I have no feelings for him and can't forgive him for all stress he put me and my daughter through. Icould never forgive him for not even trying to be a good dad. he keeps on telling me how much he loves me and how he has nothing to do with his ex, wonders what he ever saw in her. really been annoying me. anway after months of this I decided to do a little research. I never met his ex but I created a facebook account in a different name and added her and on her facebook all these messages from him saying he loves her etc.. on her profile they are apparently engaged. I actually feel hurt. I'm certain I have no feelings and even if he was single I wouldn't want him. But why lie? thats what gets me. how can I trust him with my daughter? I know I shouldnt f spyed. but I caught him in many lies before but he always talks himself out of lies. he has a problem, a compulsive liar. so now what would you do? would you confront him? he will probably have explanation which makes no sense. maybe his motive is getting close to me so I let my daughter go but he has no interest in her, I thought before he only took me to courts to get at me but that cant be case if he is happily engaged. I always have to creep around him as I have courts hanging over my head all time as I know he can do it anytime he likes. courts will give unsupervised one day. but shouldnt he share something major like that with his daughter and to me. If I don't know him, how can I trust him? where do I go from here? sorry if long. maybe i'm overreacting but why would he lie. if he came to me and said he was engaged i'd be happy for him but he is up to something. maybe I should contact her. I bet she has no idea of lies he has told me. but I wont waste my time. or I could keep this to myself and feel bitter and resentful at contacts espec when he keeps sending these flirty texts

[Littlefish]

Is there any chance that you could re-post this, with the text in smaller chunks. It's late at night, and my eyes are too tired to read it like this.

[solidgoldbullet4myvalentine]

Firstly, consult a family solicitor and make sure you fully understand the legal position (troublesome XPs frequently claim that they will take the children, have you labelled an unfit mother, etc: it's always bullshit). How much evidence do you have of his neglectful parenting of your daughter? Can you keep a diary of events, or have you been doing that (ie he doesn't turn up, is unkind to her, doesn't feed her etc).
Ignore his flirty texts. Or tell him (via letter or email) that you don't want to hear from him unless it's about your daughter. He probably is carrying on like this to annoy you, but if he doesn't manage to provoike a reeaction, he wwill probably stop.

[MinkyBorage]

Blimey, that was not easy to read, you should have a go at paragraphs.
The man is a nob. Use the information you have to help you keep well away from him. Ignore his texts, change your number, whatever, just don't let him back in your life.
Telling the other woman will only create a situation between you,. and there is no point.

oh yesh and

[MinkyBorage]

I meant at you setting up a facebook page

[mummylou85]

i'm actually feeling gutted. It's complicated story. me and my ex have 3 year old daughter, when I was pregnant he abandonned us and didn't believe she was his which he knew it wouldn't been anyone elses he was looking for ways out then he changed his mind. we went through courts 2 years.

he shown very poor father skills and is not a good father. he dont pay penny, dont give bday presents or xmas presents, don't provide anything to eat or drink at contacts, cant comfort our daughter, shows no emotion towards her or even communicate with her tidy. so contact still supervised and outof court now. there is no way I let my daughter go alone with him she would be traumatised and not looked after properly.

anyway while going through courts my ex got together with someone new. I hadn't a problem actually i'd hoped he'd leave us alone now he got someone new. when courts ended, I agreed to give him my number and be mutal for daughters sake. major coinsidence the time he starts talking to me he says he split up with girlfriend. I always doubted him but no proof.

last few months i've spoke to ex. actaully he hounds me with texts all the time asking for a date or us making a go of it. which I'm sure I don't I have no feelings for him and can't forgive him for all stress he put me and my daughter through. Icould never forgive him for not even trying to be a good dad. he keeps on telling me how much he loves me and how he has nothing to do with his ex, wonders what he ever saw in her. really been annoying me.

anway after months of this I decided to do a little research. I never met his ex but I created a facebook account in a different name and added her and on her facebook all these messages from him saying he loves her etc.. on her profile they are apparently engaged. I actually feel hurt. I'm certain I have no feelings and even if he was single I wouldn't want him. But why lie? thats what gets me. how can I trust him with my daughter? I know I shouldnt f spyed. but I caught him in many lies before but he always talks himself out of lies. he has a problem, a compulsive liar. so now what would you do? would you confront him? he will probably have explanation which makes no sense. maybe his motive is getting close to me so I let my daughter go but he has no interest in her, I thought before he only took me to courts to get at me but that cant be case if he is happily engaged.

I always have to creep around him as I have courts hanging over my head all time as I know he can do it anytime he likes. courts will give unsupervised one day. but shouldnt he share something major like that with his daughter and to me. If I don't know him, how can I trust him? where do I go from here? sorry if long. maybe i'm overreacting but why would he lie.

if he came to me and said he was engaged i'd be happy for him but he is up to something. maybe I should contact her. I bet she has no idea of lies he has told me. but I wont waste my time. or I could keep this to myself and feel bitter and resentful at contacts espec when he keeps sending these flirty texts

[mummylou85]

I am keeping diary.

why hmmm at facebook. I had to know the truth and now I have proof he is a liar?

I just feel so hurt I really do. should I tell him I know or just stick to talking about contact and pretend to believe all poo that comes out of his mouth. sorry weren't paragraphs to begin with just typed quick x

[gillybean2]

Ignore him. He's not worth it. You wanted to know he was lying and now you know he was. You knew he would be, yet part of you was perhaps hoping he wasn't. Or did you just wamt to know for sure? Don't give him the pleasure of knowing you were interested enough to go looking.

Just tell him clearly that you are not interested in having a relationship with him, you do not trust or believe him and that all that matters now is your daughter and that is the only reason you are still in contact with him at all.

If he continues with the texts get your sol to write saying you regard it as harassment and it should cease. If he continues to text change your number.

[mummylou85]

thank you. I will not say anything and keep it to myself even though I have to sit through contacts and I know everything comes out of his mouth is lies. but why would he lie? of he came to me and said I'm engaged we really happy etc it really wouldn't bother me and I wouldn't stop his contact just cause he is with someone else. I'd actually be happy he told me truth and secretly hoping she would get herself pregnant and leave her alone. but he's pretending he hates her and that she is threatned by me. looks like he is playing us off eagainst each other. I knew he was lying but he always has answers and excuses for everything. there is something wrong with him but now I know for sure. ok one day contact is going to have to move to unsupervised. I really don't trust him with my daughter not just the lies but his parenting skills. anything could happen and he wouldn't tell me. i'm not in good mood at all so angry. anyway must move on at end of day I have my daughter and we both deserve better. any more advice would be appreciated thanks x

[lucylue]

dear mummylou85,
this man knows you could check facebook.
he is very twisted, be sure of that.
dont bother about him anymore if he is lying or not, he is lying. he is compulsive liar with many other issues, and i think he has nothing else to do either.
if you still bother if he is lying or not you will get hurt more, i think looking at facebook had upset you as well, dont do it.
just take him out of your life, he will damage your lives.
deal with him for a while for only your dd issues, dont argue or talk about him about anything else, always cut it short.
keep a diary of his behaviours about contact issues, if he continues being unreasonable then you will have the opportunity to get rid of him completely.
good lucy

[oldraver]

Does it matter why he lies ?? he does. You knew he did, had it confirmed so dont waste any of your time on the whys and wherefors. Take it as confirmation your well rid. It sounds as if he is lying to get back in with you, is this something you were hoping for, as you didnt sound as though you were positive you had no feeling for him.

[mummylou85]

no I def don't have feelings for him but one day I will have to let my daughter go unsupervised with him etc.. how didn't I sound positive, I know i'm well rid but I can't help feeling hurt for some reason even though he is useless father, lying cheat and caused so much hurt.

realityismyonlydelusion thank you for sharing that with me. It's disgusting the way your ex has behaved it really is. your right if lips are moving they lying. really don't make sense to lie like that.

thank you everyone else too for advice.

well he sent me text yesterday saying "hi how are you? are you sure your ok? I really missed talking to you xxx"

I sent back "no not really ok at all. I have been offish only because i'm fed up being lied too"

he sent back "i've told you everything i've never lied to you. you and our daughter means too much to me, anything you want to know ask"

I sent back "oh right ok whatever you say. Iforgot to wish you congrats on your engagment I heard from a friend. why didn't you tell me? I have no problem you having a wife, house, more babies but you have to be honest espec where our daughter is concerened"

"he guessed instantly that someone had been on his facebook. said that he hadn't been on facebook in long time and hadn't altered his status" he says they were engaged but it ended while ago as him and his girlfriend wanted different things"

I don't believe a word but even though I know he still lying. oh well I know shoulldn't said anything but driving me mad. thanks anyway. lets hope he gets her pregnant and leaves us in peace x

[tessofthedurbervilles]

He just wants back with you but the reasons you broke up have not gone away and you would go right back to square one. You don't trust him and rightly so.
Don't dwell on the past, try to ignore him and when he sits there chatting crap just calmly say 'could you stand up please your voice is muffled'
You are lucky that you only have limited contact with this man, focus now on the future and you and your child x

[raggedtrouseredphilanthropist]

wow, your ex is just like mine! He left me for ow, and keeps trying to come back saying he isnt with her, he cant stand her etc, then 1 week down the lne they are back together.
I broke into his facebook in the end,and saw loved up messages between them, and tho it still hurt, at least it confirmed that he WAS still lying, and lying a LOT.
It is really hard - I would prefer him to be honest and just tell me he is with her rather than saying he wants to come back all the time. There IS no going back now. But at least if he stopped lying, I would be able to move on easier.
Mine comes out with the same lies as you - that he hasnt updated his fb, that SHE is the oe pushing for engagement etc. I really dont care anymore, just wish he would stop lying and let me go so its easier for me to move on.
Just wanted to let you know you arent alone in your situation... Just best to understand depp down that everything he says is a lie. Hard, I know, but true

[raggedtrouseredphilanthropist]

meant to say in that post that I dont want to go back with him either. But the lying just messes with your head..

[MitchyInge]

can you do things through a 3rd party? if my ex ever wants to get in touch with the children (it's about once every 3 or 4 years ) then he speaks to his mum who then contacts me, I drop the children at hers (or she collects them) or I suppose these days, at 18 and 16, they could organise things directly

[mummylou85]

raggedtrouseredphilanthropist I can't believe how similar your story is. I can totally relate if theres no lies be so much easier to move on and it does mess with your head. I hope your ok now though.

thank you for everyones opinions though.

suppose just concentrate on my daughter and ignore bullsh*t he comes out with, he's not worth it x