I'm so tired
Ds2 has been crying/screaming all day and feeding all night for a few days,
ds1 tearful and tired from school/lack of sleep caused by above
Got parking ticket the other day for dropping off ds1 at school, so walked both ways yesterday which emans up a big hill twice a day and I am UNFIT
Plus ds2 screams if I don't let him walk ALL the way very slowly picking up stones and trying to pick up cobbles and getting annoyed because they are stuck
and handing me handfuls of gravel from every garden we pass, then going back for more
and trying to run into the road, and screaming when I try and hold his hand AT ALL, and everyone we pass looks at me like I am severely negligent for allowing him to WALK as he is a very small 20mo. Or maybe they thought his coat was too big and he was dirty (yes, both true)
and I try and do gardening and the mad bloke next door comes and tells me his life story
and then the agent comes round to look at our heating, unannounced, while it is a TERRIBLE MESS and it makes him feel superior to laugh about that, despite knowing I work my guts out to make this place habitable.
Then this morning I dropped ds1 off at school and waved him into the playground, he was totally happy - because I was afraid of getting another ticket, and dashed back to the car, only to be told this afternoon by a concerned parent that he was really upset this morning after I had gone and tried to run out of the gate. So I won';t be trying that again.
I'm lost, my throat hurts, they are fighting over everything and there is no one to admit defeat to except my mother, who already thinks I am rubbish.
Sorry, I just needed to write it down. I wish I didn't feel so incredibly alone.
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It all feels out of control.
6 replies
Flightattendant27 · 25/02/2009 18:15
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