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It all feels out of control.

6 replies

Flightattendant27 · 25/02/2009 18:15

I'm so tired
Ds2 has been crying/screaming all day and feeding all night for a few days,

ds1 tearful and tired from school/lack of sleep caused by above

Got parking ticket the other day for dropping off ds1 at school, so walked both ways yesterday which emans up a big hill twice a day and I am UNFIT

Plus ds2 screams if I don't let him walk ALL the way very slowly picking up stones and trying to pick up cobbles and getting annoyed because they are stuck

and handing me handfuls of gravel from every garden we pass, then going back for more

and trying to run into the road, and screaming when I try and hold his hand AT ALL, and everyone we pass looks at me like I am severely negligent for allowing him to WALK as he is a very small 20mo. Or maybe they thought his coat was too big and he was dirty (yes, both true)

and I try and do gardening and the mad bloke next door comes and tells me his life story

and then the agent comes round to look at our heating, unannounced, while it is a TERRIBLE MESS and it makes him feel superior to laugh about that, despite knowing I work my guts out to make this place habitable.

Then this morning I dropped ds1 off at school and waved him into the playground, he was totally happy - because I was afraid of getting another ticket, and dashed back to the car, only to be told this afternoon by a concerned parent that he was really upset this morning after I had gone and tried to run out of the gate. So I won';t be trying that again.

I'm lost, my throat hurts, they are fighting over everything and there is no one to admit defeat to except my mother, who already thinks I am rubbish.

Sorry, I just needed to write it down. I wish I didn't feel so incredibly alone.

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Fluffybubble · 25/02/2009 20:53

Oh, don't feel alone .

We've all had really crap days and, tbh, it sounds like you are having a really rubbish week.

Being so tired magnifies everything. Can you get a break anytime, just to have a hot bath or read a magazine? Any kind of 'you' time? Or just go back to bed with ds2 when the school run is done?

As far as the school run is concerned would taking something from home for your ds2 to carry help? Would it stop him collecting if he already had his hands full? My ds has always had to take something wherever we go - we once left the rubber hoover attachment in the park and had to go back and search , but it works for him! Or else bribery?? If he goes in the buggy he gets a biscuit?? Anything that works!

Have you asked your ds1 why he was upset this morning? I expect if he is tired that it won't take much to set him off anyway. Can you take ds2 into bed with you so that you can hopefully jump on crying before it disturbs ds1? Do you get / could you get any help at all from your ex?

Don't speak to your mum if she makes you feel bad. Take some paracetamol for your throat and have an early night. Take care of yourself .

...And don't worry about what anyone else thinks, you sound like you're doing a great job.

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supervixen · 25/02/2009 22:15

Oh im so sorry i didnt want to read without replying, it sounds like youre having a rally bad time of it lately. maybe you should ask your mum for a hand just to get a break?

Do not worry about what people may think of you, screw them thy dont mean anything to you. and what child doesnt have a dirty coat ;)

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zookeeper · 25/02/2009 22:25

Hey flightattendant - I think all lone parents (and a lot of couples!) have days just like you describe , so don't be hard on yourself.

I think you need first to catch to on your sleep - go to bed at the same time as the dcs for a few evenings this week and I bet you'll feel a lot better and lot able to cope soon.

I really empathise with the parking/school run problem. I know it's a long shot and you might think I'm madbut are there any private homes near the school where you can knock and ask if you can park your car in their drive for five minutes at 9am,12noon and 3.30 so you can run into the school quickly. I did this last year - the first two people in the houses I knocked at looked aat me as though I was mad but the third person was lovely and agreed - it has made my life so much easier.

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Flightattendant27 · 26/02/2009 13:12

Thankyou, you are all really kind - just found your answers, today - thankyou for caring.

Will try and use some of your suggestions. I already go to bed when they do every night, and I co sleep with ds2.

lol at the hoover attachment

Tiredness does magnify everything.

Mum came up this mornign and I got on with the garden while she played with ds2.

It's just muddling through - she has a life to lead also but helps when she can. I think I miss having people to talk to, I spent a while chatting to builder next door, he was getting a bit as I couldn't shut up

I wish there was someone here.If I don't find a decent husband soon i might consider moving to a commune.

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Fluffybubble · 26/02/2009 20:40

I know what you mean about rambling on to random people - I sometimes get to the end of the day and realise that I haven't spoken to anyone, which makes you feel so lonely. If anyone happens to say 'how are you' (shop assistant / bus driver / postman etc etc) they get a full response, with recent history and a beaming smile and a slightly stalkerish-type enthusiasm!

I think we do mostly muddle through, and that can be soul destroying. I get to the end of the day and think 'well, we've survived the day' sometimes. Other days are great and all is well with the world. Having someone to share it with would make a huge difference. All we can do is hope that this will not be forever!

You are not alone though, I know exactly what you mean, and there's always MN .

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curlygal · 26/02/2009 20:49

Same here - I do worry that I have verbal dioreahha (spelling v bad sorry) as I am so keen to talk to an adult that I totally over share.

It is hard work, some days are lovely, some are never ending nerve wracking hell!

I've had a pretty crap week so feel your pain. A decent husband sounds great to me right now.

It is so hard coming home after a crap day at work with no one to moan about it to!

To add to my joy I was asked if I was "expecting number two" when I said no the person patted my tummy and said that I looked "a bit bulky"

Great, so I haven;t had sex for almost three years (see what I mean about the over sharing) so there is no chance of me being pregent, although I would love to me and it is hard when everyone else seems to be popping out babies.

Must start that diet properly and buy some spanks asap

Thank god for mn indeed

(and wine of course)

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