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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

how can he be so cruel? long sorry

34 replies

mrsmortenharket · 16/02/2009 11:39

x knwos the state of my budget, after paying out bills etc i have 35 month for housekeeping (including food). i have £1 spare a month. i took dd to get her feet measured yesterday it cost 18quid for her shoes as one foot is slightly bigger than the other. we had previously agreed that he would pay for ballet fees, school shoes and uniform as he has ft job and earns over 1500 month. after sending him a message telling him what her shoes would cost and that i needed 18 quid from him, he said ok, he has now turned round and said that he will only give me half towards the shoes. he is doind this becasue he thinks i am seeing someone and that i should ask him for money towards paying for his daughter. wtf do i do now? i was sobbing nearly all night after dd had goen to bed and am crying now.

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chainstitch · 16/02/2009 11:42

stop crying, and take him to the csa

and next time, get a quote for even more expensive shoes,so that evenif he only pays you half, you cant still give your dd some footwear.
he is playing mindgmes with you. dont let him

mrsmortenharket · 16/02/2009 11:42

please help i don't know what to do now

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SilverSparkle · 16/02/2009 11:46

Are you in receipt of all the benefits you are entitled to?

Coldtits · 16/02/2009 11:47

CSA. Pronto.

mrsmortenharket · 16/02/2009 11:47

yes i am in receipt of benefits (all as far as i am aware). i ahd to notify csa as part of is claim. it was stopped for a while down to 19p per week until i had.

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Coldtits · 16/02/2009 12:03

I am assuming he is PAYING the CSA and you are receiving it? Which, if you are on IS, should be £20 a week?

mrsmortenharket · 16/02/2009 12:10

yes and no. he is paying through the bank, which is what sol advised, tbh it was easier and quicker in cash, but hey ho. anyway, i have heard nothing (neither has he) from csa.
he knows that i haev to use maintenance to keep roof over her head and food in her belly and he was fine with that, and what was previously agreed wrt to other things such as clothing and shoes and schooluniform.
why oh hwy did i not get it in writing.

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VinegarTits · 16/02/2009 12:12

IMO CSA are a load of pants so dont rely on them for getting money from your ex (although do make sure you make a claim with them, you never know when they might get of their arses and do somthing for you) he sounds like he is using money to wound your emotional state, it is the only power he has left over you now, what you have to do is make him realise that this doesnt not affect you in the slightest (even if it crushes you inside)

The more he sees it uspets you, the more he will use money to try and control you, just accept whatever he gives you and say nothing, try and manage with what you have, or tell him its fine, your friends/family will help out with the rest, keep on at the csa and dont let him see you are upset

mrsmortenharket · 16/02/2009 12:14

he is control merchant. have to go as time on library pc is expiring. thank god for free internet.

will check back asap.xxx

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Lulumama · 16/02/2009 12:15

bastard

CAT me your addy and i will send you a postal order for the shoes.

see the CAB also to emsure you are getting evberything you are entiteld to benefit wise

and on your behalf

VinegarTits · 16/02/2009 12:41

Men like this really do need a reality check, i hope the CSA does start clamping down and taking away driving licences and passports from the feckers

I know they have threatened to take away my xps licence if he doesnt start paying up, they are now talking him to court, but it has taken me 2 yrs of being on their backs constantly

suwoo · 16/02/2009 12:54

Aww lulu, you are so kind- you really are a lovely person.

Sorry to hear your ex is being such a twat MrsMortenH.

Janos · 16/02/2009 16:01

I really feel for you MrsMH. He is doing in to be a controlling twat and because he knows it will upset you.

Is there anywhere else you could financial support from?

I appreciate you may not want to but another option might be part time working. Obviously that depends on your DD's age etc.

Play him at his own game.

Next time, tell him the shoes cost twice as much as they did, then when he sneeringly offers half, thinking 'ha ha, this will really upset MrsMH' you get the full price.

singledadofthree · 16/02/2009 20:43

hi - havent been here for ages. does the 'contact poster' thingy work?

i only ask as i spent ages on benefits and know how tight things can be.

Lulumama · 17/02/2009 09:42

Click on the envelope next the posters name, and if they are signed up for CAT, then you will be able to send a message that way.

good idea re the price, janos

thanks su , mrsmh has given me loads of advice in the past, so if i can help, i will .

Janos · 17/02/2009 20:09

Sadly I have experience of this kind of behaviour (not this exact situation, mind) and know precisely how upsetting it can be.

Hope you're feeling a bit better today MrsMH.

mrsmortenharket · 19/02/2009 16:24

am not on cat i forgot to renew it now i can't

am feeling slightly better, the twt dopey bugger has said he will stop maintenance now.

lulu thnaks very much it did cross my mind last week that it would be better if he didn't pay then he couldn't hold that over my head kind of thing. have sols appt on monday. he made big mistake now as that was how i kept roof over dd's head.

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MrsGokWan · 19/02/2009 16:39

Check on www.entitledto.org to see what you should be getting.

Hope the soliciters appointment goes well.

GetOrfMoiLand · 19/02/2009 16:47

MrsM - Oh bloody hell is there nothing else that can be done without involving CSA? I remember trying desparately to get money for DD through them, they were worse than useless. I gave up in the end, not a penny have I had from him in years, but that is my choice to give up on it, obviosuly you need and are entitled to it. Can the Citizens Advice help with regard to getting the CSA to impose an attachment of earnings order on him, so they take the money direct from his employer? Sorry, amd not genned up on the legal bit, am sure someone a lot more knowledgable will be along in a minute.

Lulu - you are usually the voice of sanity and reason on most threads, and the kindest. What a lovely thing to do.

mrsmortenharket · 19/02/2009 16:47

thanks. apparently my sol (have changed as old one was crap - saw her once!) is quite good with people in my situation.

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GetOrfMoiLand · 19/02/2009 16:48

Oh just seen you have solicitors appt. Good. The swine deserves all he gets.

mrsmortenharket · 19/02/2009 16:50

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mrsmortenharket · 19/02/2009 16:51

plus had to notify csa for is, as it was stopped - well effectively as it dropped to 19p. haven't heard from em yet and that was last summer.

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Fixx · 19/02/2009 18:27

What a total s**t he is. I can't believe he won't even pay for her shoes.

You should go to his house and chuck all his shoes out. Prob not very helpful in the long run though.

Hope it all works out x

mrsmortenharket · 19/02/2009 18:33

good suggestion tho fixx! but wouldn't want to go near his house.

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