Anyone fancy a moan (ok sorry a rant) about their ex? Join me here

[curlygal]

Feeling especially crap today, tearful and lethargic (not helped my reading "oh look I am having such a fab time as a single parent it's so easy" thread

My Ex is just such a twunt. I try not to let him get to me as I lost all respect for him ages ago but he can just get under my skin and make me feel crap.

He thinks he's so superior to me and everything I do, such as work hard and save for the future (just so bourgious (sp) apparenlty)

I try to maintain DS's relationship with him but he does not make it easy. He refuses to have him over night (when would he get a rest if he did ) and constanly turns up late or not all all (due to sleeping in - the bst one was for a 3.30 meet up - 3.30 pm that is)

Now I am part time at work he collects him from nursery then eitehr turns up at my house (last week I was still at work and he had to check to make me fell guilty as DS was cold and upset when I wasn;t in) or phones me to get me to go and get DS after a couple of hours so the one half day I have on my own to do housework (ok to collapse on the sofa) isn;t even working out.

He is crap with money so never has any credits on his phone so I have to phone him all the time - esp when he is due to pick up DS to ensure that he is awake (as for some reason the nursery take his latenes out on me and never to him) and is always late with money for maintainance so I have to struggle even more than usual.

Last week I almost screamed at him when he said he was unable to give DS the yogurt I had packed for his pack lucnh as you forgot to put a spoon in seriously a 35 year old man is unable to feed his son the pre-packed lunch provided due to the lack of a spoon.

Rant over I feel better now.

Thanks for listening.

[mamas12]

omg curlygal How many children do you have? Start treating him like and adult/recalcitrent teen (think Kevin). Always give him clear instructions e.g.
Time to pick up
Time to drop back
time to feed
time to play
time to change nappy
time to nap
time to bloody grow up
I know how they xh know exactly how to get under your skin and twist it just that bit more, but try not to engage. Just lists and thank you bye! at the end of visits.
Don't answer the phone on the time he is supposed to have dc, listen to messeages to see if its urgent if you need to. But he needs to learn how to do it on his own It sounds like maybe you are not allowing him (?) Hope that helps and not too preachy!

[curlygal]

Only one DS who is three.

Ex won;t ever grow up as he thinks he is prefect the way he is and it is me who has the problem.

If I don;t answer my phone he doesn;t leave a message - when I phone him back he will say "oh it;s too late now, I left DS's bag on the bus, etc but you didn't answer the phone so I didn;t know what to do".

He is just an overgrown teenager (one of the many. many reasons I left him)

Ex actually has another older child already but her sensbile mum moved abroad!

[Ivykaty44]

No you have two dc curlygal....

Stop please stop, stop looking after your ex, he doesn't have to even think or himself cos you are still doing it for him cos he is just totaly incompetent (how on earth can a man sooo incompitant make himself look superior!!)

Get nursery sorted so you do pick up and drop of and tell ex twunt features to either have dc on weekend over night or when it suits you.

if he doesn't turn up - do not telephone him and waste your money and mind getting wound up (he is an adult) go out and have a good time with dear child.

That way either ex twunt features has to get into gear and shift his fat arse or he doesn't get to see dc - ignore him and let him telephone you.

Please stop running around after him and if this means he doesn't see his dc well that is a shame but not your fault.

I am with you all the way

twunt twat needs to get a cage

[mankymummy]

trouble is its difficult. because trying to force him to be adult has an adverse affect on OPs and the DCs life.

dont answer the phone... he will lose things that OP has probably had to buy/provide

if he doesnt turn up then DC is upset.

If you can be prepared for the above and more I would def. agree... the less contact/facilitation the better.

I really think (after 3 years of this sort of behaviour myself) that they do it just so they can maintain some sort of dialogue with you.

I had my ex ring me to say DS had been sick all over himself at the supermarket. He rang me BEFORE cleaning anything, cleaning DS, calming DS... let alone anything else.

What on earth he expected me to do miles away I have no idea. I had to TALK him through what to do. Maybe they are just morons and thats why they are now ex's?!

[onlywantsone]

My XP is violent and abusive and I have moved in the last 6 months so the twunt doesn't know where I live -

and I found out today that he has been informed of my new adress and it made me literally vomit in boots.

[onlywantsone]

My XP is violent and abusive and I have moved in the last 6 months so the twunt doesn't know where I live -

and I found out today that he has been informed of my new adress and it made me literally vomit in boots.

[mankymummy]

thats really bad only... do you have a restraining order? how did he find out?

[curlygal]

Who gave your Ex your address onlywantsone? What is he likely to do now he has your address?

Yes it did feel like I had two children when we all lived togehter - a baby and a lazy "teenager" are a lot of work....

I do all of the nursery drop offs as DS lives with me and more importantly he starts nursery at 8.30 and the chances of Ex ever being up before noon are slim to say the least - hence DS is in nursery a lot while Ex is at home in bed and barely makes it up to see him for an hour or two after nursery.

I am planning to do all of the nursery pick ups as it is much more manageble for me to just pick up DS myself than for me to expect Ex to get him only to be told that he's not turned up or to get the call from Ex saying DS is "bored" or "cold"

Mankymummy I too have had to call to tell me that DS has been sick all over himself. I was ooooh at work and Ex expected me to drop everything and come and take over. I calmly explained htat the bag I had packed had plenty of wipes and clean clothes and to sort it out - Ex made out that I was a cruel and callous mummy for not coming to get DS immediately.

Today he regaled me with the tale that he was on time to collect DS from nursery today and that the staff were sarcastic as it was the first time he'd ever been on time. In THREE Years. Apparently the traffic is really bad in the afternoon which is why he is late. He has no idea what actual morning rush hour traffic is like (ie when I am taking DS to nursery and getting to work for 9am) or in fact rush hour traffic (when I am leaving work to get muyself to where ever Ex has taken DS so I can collect him as Ex "can;t be bothered" coming to my work to drop him off.

[mamas12]

If you don't run after him i.e. 'to get myself whever ex has taken ds' what will happen? He will have to bring him back to you or stay with him and it sounds as if he's not up to the overnights really so he will bring him back. Can you tell him your car out of action to start with then awhen he does it the first time a precident has been set ,,He CAN do it.

[mamas12]

Sorry pressed too soon
You are your own worst enemy at the moment. If you are gettin so exhausted with all this running around and thinkin for three, the stress will really get to you and you will make yourself ill. Look after yourself properly so you are able to look after your lovely ds and he as an adult can look after himself. Let him.

[curlygal]

Thanks Mamas12.

What is worse is I don;t even have a car! I have to get the bus, complete with my shopping to go to get DS. He claims that we will take it week about for him to bring DS to me but so far I think he has brought DS to mine two or three times (once when I wasn;t in, once when I threw a wobbly and once to my work)

I am going to try to stand up for myself a bit more as I do all the hard work with DS and Ex breezes in for his afternoon visits when he fancies it. Just having a crap time at the moment.

It will get better won;t it?

[onlywantsone]

a friend of mine - that I was seeing for a while (but it was stupid and bad for both of us so I ended it) bumped into my x last week and confirmed what X thought and actually told him the street name where I live.

It won't be long for him to drive around and see my car.

No restraining order, nothing - just hoping he doesnt contact me, my family or solicitor RE visitation for MY DD