Why do I feel like this?

[Upsydaisy1]

I'll try to keep this brief!

DH walked out almost a year ago, due to an affair he was having at the time. I was left absolutely devestated as we had been childhood sweethearts and together for 16 years with small dcs.

Fast forward to late November . I met a man through a well known dating site, and we have been out 6 or 7 times since. We have a great time together and he says he really likes me. (I like him too!). That's part of the trouble, as I am terrified of getting my heart broken again.

We both have busy lives and he has his own business and has his dc every other week. So that limits us time wise. We don't talk eveyday but text every couple of days and speak a couple of times a week on the phone.

You may be thinking what's the problem then! Well I am confused by the whole thing and I am just not sure how to read him. It's a very long time since I did this dating lark and I am just not sure if he is a player, whether I am just a convenience, or whether he really does like me, as he has asked me to go away with him for a weekend soon. I suppose I don't want to let myself fall for him and get my heart broken again.

Has anyone else been in this postition and how did you deal with it?

[aimeesmummy]

Lucky you meeting someone nice, I've been on a "well-known-dating-site" for over a year and have had only 3 pretty disastrous dates!
Have you thought to ask him how he sees your "relationship"? Do you actually go out or just "stay in"? 6 or 7 times isn't very much so it's probably still early stages, I'd calm down and enjoy it and see how it pans out; are you worried about a weekend away and things moving to the "next level"?.
I totally understand not wanting to get your heart broken again but if you don't try, you never know; I think he sounds totally genuine

[Upsydaisy1]

I think I may have to talk to him, albeit casually. I don't want him running for the hills thinking that I am some kind of control freak / bunny boiler. And although I would be happy for the relationship to remain quite casual and easy going for now, I don't want to waste my time if it's never going to be anything but that, or I get the rug pulled out from under my feet again.

We are both in the middle of divorcing our respective exp's so I don't want anything too heavy right now, anyway. We only see each other on average once a week or ocassionally twice a week depending on when we have our dcs are with their other parents.

I'm not worried about going away with him at all, in fact I think it will give us a chance to get to know each other a bit better and spend time together. Yes we do go out but we have stayed in a couple of times .

I suppose the problem is that I am suspicious of men and relationships. I could very easily fall for him if I let myself and I am so worried that I am going to get hurt. It's taken me a year to feel strong enough to ever consider being with someone else and I can't stand the thought of being back where I was last year.

I'm normally one for straight talking and being honest about my feelings. For some strange reason I just don't feel able to!

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

i know exactly what you're feeling and it is a very normal way to feel
i also to a greater extent expect the worst so am naturally wary
but like you have been thru a divorce which i think explains alot
obviously not knowing this man i cant really say for sure what his feelings are
i would just go with the flow and enjoy
if he wants to discuss the future then let him
but quite probably as you're both in same boat at the moment he is just enjoying things how they are

[citronella]

I think you may be taking things a bit too fast. Keep things light and expectations low.
You also need time to redefine yourself as 'you' rather than 'you in a relationship'. Enjoy the dates you have for what they are and take one step at a time. You may end up getting hurt and you may not but try not to let it worry you now. You have just come out of a very long serious relationship, probably the one you thought would be for life.
Take it easy

[N1]

There is a clever saying - if you don't know what to do, do nothing. I think that the saying could apply here.

You have seen the man less than 10 times, you have presumably emailed and phones for a while before that.

You could pin point things that you like about the man, but if you think carefully, there isn't much that you can pin on him that you don't like. Here is where the key is. You are more focused on the good things that any bad point gets ignored. Give things 6 months (at leist), emotions settle a bit then you start to get a better picture of what the relationship could be like.

It goes without saying that if you add sex into any relationship, emotions get stronger. In a good relationship (which your relationship seems to be) adding sex makes the relationship so much more meaningful and something more special to look forward to.

If you are unsure now, stand firm on where you are at, till you feel more confidence building inside you. Time, personal experience and history are the points that you use to help you progress. You have one bad experience to draw on and it sounds like little dating experience. Everything is new to you.

Whether this is relevant to all relationships, I don't know, but it's been said on relationship forums, that the quicker the "chemical reaction" is between you and a new partner, the quicker the relationship frizzles out. I can talk from personal experience on this. I met a girl and I was surviving on an hour of sleep a morning, just so I could spend the night talking to her. I used to work a full day (she slept during the day). That relationship felt intensely close in a very short space of time. The relationship didn't last 2 years. I think that the relationship would have been better of I (and she) took things slower or the relationship wouldn't have happened.

What I will say is that good happy moments are good happy memories and you should gather as many of those that you can. Close friends can be close friends for ages. Add sex into a close relationship - if things turn a bit sour, you loose a lover (not a big thing) but you also loose a close friend which is a dear loss.

[elmoandella]

i would take things slow and avoid a whole drawn out conversation. you are both still going through divorces. not a time to be getting into a proper relationship. it sound like your current arrangements suits your avaiable time.

relax

enjoy his company and it may last longer. i feel if you corner him about wether or not there is a future it will damage the newly budding relationship.

he probably doesn't know who he feels about you yet, as are you undecided about him. and if you ask for a relationship definition he will choose the "dont know" route or the "no relationship" route. as he wont be ready to commit himself yet.

slow down. enjoy this time. forget about the future with him and just enjoy his company!!! you found 1 man. if it goes wrong you will find another in the future.enjoy being alone and learn how to enjoy it!