Very self indulgent thread, but will I ever meet a man?

[Pawslikepaddington]

I am very aware that when I used to be considered pretty, if not occassionally beautiful, I now look very careworn after having dd at 18, being an sp ever since, nursing my mother through leukaemia until she died and working serious hours. As I was pretty I never really learnt any man-snaring skills, as I didn't need to, but now I do, but as I haven't learnt any I don't know where to start. All the girls around me have dewy complexions, beautiful hair and make up and gorgeous clothes, and I am the one that walks in with my head down and walks out again unnoticed. I am no longer pretty, but due to nearly 5 years of bob the builder and jolly phonics I find it very hard to connect with those around me, as they are not in my environment, and the men that are are married, so off my radar anyway. Will I ever find someone? Or will I have to wait ten years until they are all married, then divorced, so I even up with all the other women in the haggard looks department and have things in common with the men, i.e. Bob the Builder? However, then dd will be 15, so I'll be on a different planet yet again! I am so worried that I will always be alone. Please tell me I won't!

[BarcodeZebra]

You'll be fine. I didn't meet my DW until I was 38. I'd been single for about 7 years prior to that. If you look for it you won't find it. Let it find you. Don't fall into the habit of sizing up everyone you meet of the opposite gender as a potential partner. It skews your outlook.

Seriously, try not to think about it. It will all come good in time. I promise.

[Pawslikepaddington]

[wails] but 38 is 15 years away [wails]. I don't want to be single for 20 years (have already been single for 5)! And I don't mean mums are haggard, but compared to the 21 year olds around me there is a sizeable difference!

[BarcodeZebra]

I didn't say you HAD to wait until you were 38. That was just what happened to me. I don't want to sound like your Dad but you're still really young and your DD will get more and more independent and need you less. It'll give you more time for yourself and developing your interests again.

This stage is really tough on an interesting adult. My two DDs are 17 months and 3.5 and I feel like I have nothing of interest to say to anyone - but it won't be like that forever.

[Pawslikepaddington]

He he I know, I was just being self-indulgent (as the title says) and thinking oh holy moly, what if I never meet anyone. It doesn't have to be my life partner or soul mate or anything, just someone that finds me vaguely attractive and fancies going to the cinema or a bottle of wine would be fine, but nothing seems to come my way!

[mummyfantastico]

Just smile at everyone and if they are really nice do come to bed eyes

[Pawslikepaddington]

Oh god I have forgotten how! (Eyelids make rusty noise as Paws tries to bat them!)

[FairyLightsForever]

"I am the one that walks in with my head down and walks out again unnoticed."
This goes a long way to explaining why you don't meet people.
It's not easy to do at first,but try to get used to holding your head up, standing up straight and smile! It's amazing how much difference that will make. Confidence itself is attractive and a smile will light up your face.
I know it sounds corny, but try it, it will make you feel better about yourself and people will notice. (all together now,)

[mummyfantastico]

I'd forgotten how, then I somehow found myself doing it at all manner of random people. Which was how I found myself a friend with benefits 7 years younger than me! That gave me sooooooooo much confidence

[Pawslikepaddington]

I want one! I am sick of getting into bed with dd each night because I'm lonely -it is not healthy! I will find someone, I will-I am going to do a face pack and nails right now-stuff the housework!!!

[mummyfantastico]

Face pack and nails will make you feel good, which will help you hold your head up high, which will help you get noticed, which will help you feel good etc etc
Enjoy the pampering!

[Pawslikepaddington]

And I just squeezed the most enormous spot (TMI-sorry!) and it felt so good-it properly popped and everything!!!

[OptimistS]

PLP, at the risk of hijacking what is so far a light-hearted thread and turning it too serious, I think you need to go for a two-pronged approach.

1. Learn to love yourself BEFORE seeking someone else. It is a perfectly natural and normal state to want to be in a relationship, but a relationship has its best chance of working when each individual is content with themselves. Until you really know yourself, are happy with yourself, and are happy with your life as it stands, you run the risk of seeking a relationship to solve problems that only you hold the solution to. Relationships started like this are doomed to failure or unhappiness. My first advice would be to start taking care of yourself - get fit and pamper yourself because it's nice for you, not because you're seeking a man. Emotionally intelligent people take pride in their appearance because it makes them feel positive and confident, not because they think it makes them more attractive to the opposite sex. Start getting involved in things that interest you or excite you. You might even meet someone through this, and a relationship with a common interest like this stands far more chance than meeting someone down the pub or whatever. Invest in your friendships and find emotional fulfilment from them. Enjoy your children and enjoy physical affection from them. Doing all this will make you a happier, more confident person, which will instantly make you more attractive to men.

1. After doing all this, you may find (like me) that a relationship no longer seems so important. Or you may find (like most people) that you still want something more, that friends, family and a fulfilling life, can't provide. If this turns out to be you, you'll have so much clearer an idea of what you need in a man and what will make a successful relationship for you, that you'll be far more liklely to choose the right person. I'd also consider a dating agency. The days where they were for the sad desperate types are long, long gone. THese days they are an intelligent way of weeding out the wheat from the chaff and creating a shortlist of people you are likley to have similar life-goals to. Of course you can never factor in physical attraction but if you are looking for attractive men among a group of men you know you are likely to have a lot in common with, you stand for more chance of meeting the right person for you than just randomly bumping into someone in the supermarket.

Good luck!!