The fine line between love and hate!

[spookycharlotte121]

And I know which side I stand on.
I have been split from my ex since Feb and Im still in love with him. He is a total arse and there is no question of us getting back together because I know he will never change but no matter how hard I try I cant get over him.
Ds is the image of his dad although he doesnt agree and dd has many of his features like his long eye lashes. Makes me miss exp alot when one of the children makes one of his expressions. They both have his naughty smile! I find it so hard when one of the children does something new because he misses out on most of it and I want him to share the special moments.

I never ever in my wildest dreams thought things would end up this way. I always invisaged a normal life. Meeting someone, getting married, buying a nice house together and then having kids. Instead they were unplanned (but the best thing that ever happened to me) and Im on my own with them spending my time and energy fighting with their dad over contact and money. Its not supposed to be like this. Im 20....but instead of going out shopping or clubbing with my mates Im at home being a mummy. I dont resent it, I just sometimes feel like I dont have an identity anymore, Im just mummy. Although the 3 of us are a family it so clear something is missing and I worry that its only a matter of time before their dad loses intrest. I dont want my kids grwoing up with out a dad like I did.

I dont even know what the point of this thread was..... I spose i just need to vent a bit of anger. Get some things out of my system. I have so much on my plate right now but all my time is taken up with looking after the kids and there are important things that are getting neglected. I cant keep up with everything.

Sorry like I said this thread is pointless...... just sorta needed to say it.

[solidgoldbrass]

You can 'get over him' and you will. Try writing a list of all the ludicrously yucky things about him you can think of - farting, picking his toenails, nasty underwear, tragic obsession with computer games, embarrassing taste in music - whatever you can come up with. That might help. Particularly when you think that in the future that will be what you mainly think of when you think of him.

At the risk of being a very condescending old bag - you are young. He has taken up a proportionately large amount of your life, but you have a much larger proportion of it left in which to not worry about him much (apart from allowing contact with DC). He is no big deal, obviously. Don't let him be a bigger one than a silly inadequate man merits.

[StubbleOnChin]

IMO its never pointless, you obv needed to let something out. I hope you work it out for whats best for you and DC. No words of wisdom but I have known people in your situation who have done well and coped through the hard times and come out ,unscathed, DC included.

[unlikelyamazonian]

Oh spooky, you will be fine. You obviously love your dc loads and you are, like solid says, still very young. Concentrate on being the wonderful mum you are and smile at the thought of all the lovely people you have yet to meet in life..the love you have yet to find, the laughs still to come, the kisses and hugs from your children..

You always harbour some love or at least feelings for the father of your dc I think, even if you know underneath that, for you yourself, he was an utter fuckwit wrong.

That just means you have good, thinking, heartfelt emotions. Cherish the notion that those good emotions will be lavished on others in years to come.

In the meantime, yes you are a mummy. OOOoo fab! Think of the women crying into their pillows tonight who can't/will never have children.

You are blessed.

Yes your dc have their dad's eyelashes. But your dcs are individuals in their own right too and need you to be the best you can be for them. You won't 'love' their dad forever. You ARE living a 'normal life' - like thousands of others of us.

Imagine the headline:
"Woman finds herself a single mum and still harbours thoughts for her ex..full story page 9zzzz"

er, that is normal. Whether we like it or not. Clubs don't shut though. Plenty of single 20 yr old mums at clubs!!

And you will be one well-cool young granny!