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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

My ex as left me pregnant and is now seeing someone else

12 replies

choccypuddin · 08/09/2008 08:46

Im 34 weeks pregnant. my ex left me sayin he didnt want another child he already as one with his ex wife. I recently saw him with a new woman who as been staying the night at the house we used to share. I am living with my mum. I feel so fed up an hurt

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squigglywig · 08/09/2008 08:52

Oh you poor love. You'll get through it though - and your little one will have a Mum who stands by them no matter what rather than someone who can't face their responsibilities.

He sounds a lot like my ex, and if he is, you really are better off without!

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VictorianSqualor · 08/09/2008 08:52

Oh dear.
What a twunt.
Had you planned the pregnancy? Surely if he didn't want a baby the best thing he could have done would have been to use protection
Sorry you're going through this.
Do you have much RL support?

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Sawyer64 · 08/09/2008 08:57

Lots of sympathy,this is an awful time to split.

It happened to me when I was pregnant with DS.I was 3 months pregnant.

Although I knew my marriage was over,all I wanted was the security of a "loving" relationship,to bring our new baby into.

It was having the baby that "brought me to my senses".
I realised he would new be the father my baby needed,and I couldn't keep "covering up" the missing bits in our relationship anymore ,now I had different priorities.

Six years later I met and later married my now DH,and we went on to have 2 DD's.
It wasn't easy on my own,but I had a good reason to make a good life for us,my DS.

I am happier now,than I could ever have been with my ExH,and was surprisingly quite happy on my own.

Sometimes,as in my case,its a blessing in disguise,when you look back,as having a dependant bundle that needs you,helps you realise that you and dc are entitled to so much more.

Once your baby is born,you'll be able to look to the future,and meet someone worthy of you and your baby's love.

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squigglywig · 08/09/2008 09:04

Sawyer64 is absolutely right. It is devastating now - and the anxiety before the baby gets here is dreadful. Once they arrive though, and you get through the chaos of the first few weeks, you get a chance to really look at your life again and find a future worthy of you and your LO.

It gets better from here - honestly it does. I'm only a year down the line from where you are now and I couldn't be happier with my life.

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choccypuddin · 09/09/2008 12:20

Thanks for positive replys.He was happy about the pregnancy in the beginning and then one day just came home from work and said he wanted me to get an abortion. I couldnt go through with it and i am still lookin forward 2my baby but its lonely sometimes.

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Sawyer64 · 09/09/2008 12:27

I joined the NCT,and they did Bumps and Babes Coffee mornings(don't have to be a member though)May not be your thing though.

Some of the groups use a hall so its like a toddler group,but also with pregnant women.

It helps to make new friends at this time,as they will support you,and help you through the pregnancy.

Make sure you try the Antenatal group sessions the MW/HV may arrange,some people make good friends here,and some may be in similar situations.

My Postnatal group meet weekly and our "babies" are 4 yrs old now! Ages range from 28-43yrs,and we all give and take support when we need it.

It does get "lonely", but surround yourself with family and friends,and it does help.HTH

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TheNaughtiestGirlIsaMonitor · 09/09/2008 18:25

This is really sad, but in a way, you're getting all the sad stuff out of the way before you ahve to deal with the practicalities of childcare.

I split from my children's father when they were 2 and 4 and in many ways that was harder, as I had spent the first 4 and 2 yreas of their lives thinking that they'd have a Dad.

I couldn't stay with him, and felt guilty for a while. But whilst dealing with all the fighting and talking and tears and guilt I had children to look after.

Good luck to you. Enjoy your pregnancy and enjoy your baby! Don't let his lack of enthusiasm spoilt this for you. He's an idiot. He can't decide after a baby is conceived that he doesn't want to be a father again. He is a father again. So he can be a good one or he can leave you in peace to get on with parenthood. You WILL cope. It's sometimes easier to do it all than to have an eejit coming and going and letting you down or making you angry because he's lazy/spending all the money or whatever.

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squigglywig · 09/09/2008 18:49

I agree totally with TheNaughtiestGirl - it can be a lot easier on your own rather than having to try and manage with someone who isn't really on-side with you. When you're by yourself it is knackering but you've got no bickering, sniping or disappointment to worry about.

How are you today?

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Sawyer64 · 09/09/2008 21:05

Good Point TNGIM,it must be so much harder when the DC's are little and obviously have a relationship with their dad.

In your case,CP and mine,you will be your DC's whole world.Your grief at breaking up is easier to bear,when you realise your little one isn't "missing" anyone.

Its natural to feel guilty that you have "robbed" your DC of two parents etc. But your DC won't realise for quite some time that some of his/her friends have two parents!

My DS has had to "build" a relationship with his Dad,and he never "pined" for him when the visit is over.

It also makes him appreciate his Step-dad,as he is there for him 24-7.

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choccypuddin · 11/09/2008 15:24

Thanks everyone for your advice. I suppose its hard for me as i have always thrown myself into relationships and because of this havent got many friends. I know i still keep hoping he will change is mind but i dont think he will and i kno i deserve better

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mybumpsaboy · 13/09/2008 13:57

Hi choccypuddin sweetie...

it's horrible isn't it??

I'm 24 weeks pregnant now, my ex asked me to try for a baby because he felt he was getting older (he's 31)and I conceived really quickly - but it turned out that he'd been having an affair with a 17yr old the whole time He's now left me for her & although I know I'm better without him, it hurts so much & is even worse knowing she stays at the house where we lived together

Do you know how you & your ex will handle things when the LO comes along? Mine's trying to drag me into court ALREADY for a 50/50 residency split Feel like he just used me to have a baby because the girl he really wanted wasn't ready.

Where abouts in the UK are you from hun?

xx

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choccypuddin · 13/09/2008 15:52

I live in Derbyshire. He has recently told me he wants nothing to do wiv the baby and wont register the birth with me. I was devastated. I loved him to bits. But i will love my baby more