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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Am I ever going to be free from his threats?????????? He's got me scared.

19 replies

Toothache · 26/07/2008 22:35

Hi MN...

ex has been getting the kids every sunday afternoon for months now. He stays 20 miles away ( his choice we haven't moved)... and he's been collecting them.

I passed my driving test 2 weeks ago (WOOHOO!!) and now he says I've got to "do my bit" and I've to take them to him. naw. He's waiting for a financial settlement from me and is SOOOOOO bitter about it its unreal. He actually said to me last week that he'd only take the kids more often once I'd given him what I owe him. For the MNers that don't know... he was a kept man and is still owed money from the equity in MY house, cos we were married.

He texted tonight asking what time I was dropping them off and I said I wasn't. I'm not well and neither is dd (4) and he should let me know what time he's collecting them.

He texted back " I'll collect them but you're not getting them back" !!!!

Now I know I can just not be home... but I'm worried about what he means. he can't spend even 24 hours with him and he's always been unstable... I swear to god he's the type to do something horrible to get to me.

He used someone elses phone to text that...he always does when he threatens me.

I just need some advice and some support right now. He's pushing my buttons and I'm scared.

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LittleBella · 26/07/2008 22:39

Don't allow him contact.

He has threatened not to bring your children back in writing. Keep the text as proof. And ask a solicitor to arrange contact in a contact centre where he can't abduct them.

Most men are intelligent enough to make threats verbally so you can't prove anything. Thank your lucky stars that your ex is so stupid that he puts his threats in writing.

Toothache · 26/07/2008 22:42

Littlebella... he used a different mobile though. Police say they can't do anything... all his threatening texts over the past 2 years have been from either his best friends or his girlfriends.

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lisad123 · 26/07/2008 22:45

surely its clear it from him as no one else would be collecting the kids?!
I would tell him that he cant have them. If you really are worried dont risk it.
He sounds like a right arse. hugs

daffodill6 · 26/07/2008 22:48

Keep a diary - of every daily contact... phone , text, email etc. Speak to your solicitor to restrict contact unless non threatening.

Hope it helps - Post more - it makes for more evidence... as long as its kosher?? who knows

Toothache · 26/07/2008 22:49

oh it's clearly from him. His friends and gf ( who I get on quite well with) would never condone it.

I texted back "whatever". then got a text saying "are you dropping them off or what?"

I replied "No. and threatening to not give them back to me is about as low as you can go"

My phone is now off. i'll be out tomorrow.

I'm just so scared at the lengths he's prepared to go to to get his money. It is worrying.. It means more to him than anything else.

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Toothache · 26/07/2008 22:52

I've been keeping texts for 2 years now... but the police have told me that there's no way of proving he's sending them.

He assaulted me, that's why we're not together. He pled guilty... then was exonerating 6months later... for "good behaviour" even though he'd sent me threatening texts from other phones. He even left messages on my answerphone that the police said "weren't enough to prove it was him" ??????????????????????

The police have been a disgrace in all of this.

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tigana · 26/07/2008 22:56

Have you tol dhis friends and gf what he is doing with their phones? If they wouldn't condone it then they won't be impressed he is using their phone for this purpose. Plus it is costing them a text each time [£ emoticon].

ninah · 26/07/2008 23:00

hello, I've been offline for about two years but I remember you from before, I think you were still with him then, so just wanted to say hope you are well and happy and things are working out for you generally.
This sounds like a horrible situation, agree with other posters to archive the text, keep a diary. Even if it's from other phones it clearly adds up. Does he have a good relationship with dc when he sees them, aside from using them as a weapon to hurt and frighten you?
Well done on passing your test! good for you. Could he be threatened by the fact you've got your driving wings?

Toothache · 26/07/2008 23:00

I am tempted to text his gf coz he's clearly out on the piss with his friend whose phone he's using and she would be horrified.

But chose to leave it for tonight. Just put my phone back on and he hasn't texted back. Hopefully his friend got the last one and told him to get a grip.

He's unstable though! He's got a bad background. 21 years old and attracted to the bad boy.... 9 years on it's not so funny that i could bear the brunt of his nasty background.

Thanks for posting.. I need this tonight.

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ninah · 26/07/2008 23:03

sorry, slow here, you're clearly set up with all this.
Sounds like you're coping brilliantly, yes leave it now, no use if he's drinking.

Toothache · 26/07/2008 23:03

Hi Ninah.
Now i've got my license I'm completely independent... that was the ONLY control he had over me and now he's not.

Everything was civil up until passed.... now he's turned AGAIN.

Sad twat.

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ninah · 26/07/2008 23:06

yes, must be why he's got so narky in the last fortnight! unbelievable.

Toothache · 31/07/2008 20:45

Well exH hasn't seen his kids yet, since a week past on Sunday and I went to the Solicitor today.

He's getting a letter telling him to stop threatening me and also to state in writing that he has no intention of taking them.

He phoned last night from his friends house to speak to the kids..... I'm now assuming his gf has seen sense and chucked him out. That means he has no where to live and is probably back sleeping on his friends sofa. he is such a LOSER!

I've offered to pay him the £8k he's asking for. How ironic that I have to pay him.

Next man I go out with won't be a "bad lad".... time to give Mr Nice a chance! lol

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MrsRecycle · 31/07/2008 20:54

oh Toothache, I remember you from a few years back as well. Sorry to hear things have got so bad with exh but congratulations on passing your test. You are so right about the control thing. At least your solicitor seems to be on the ball but the police have acted really bad. I can't offer much more advice but just wanted you to know that you are remembered.

Toothache · 31/07/2008 20:56

thanks Mrsrecycle!

the problems with my exh have become a way of life. lol

My Solicitor said to me today that the next time i meet a guy I've to take him into his office. He's going to vet him and then let me know if he's the right sort for me.

Actually... my Solicitor is quite dishy lol.

alas... married!!!

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MrsRecycle · 31/07/2008 21:03

well at least your exh hasn't put you off men then! lol at dishy solicitor but he does sound a sweetie offering to vet your guys. Probably charge you for it though

Toothache · 31/07/2008 21:06

lol... might be an expense worth paying!

In fact.. this might be the way forward for all us single gals! get your potential new bf vetted by a Solicitor!!!!! Background checks etc.

ponders

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MrsRecycle · 31/07/2008 21:10

you're onto a winner there - if Paul MacCartney had done it, it would have saved him a fortune Actually I can just picture the web version of it www.vetyourpartner.com.

Toothache · 31/07/2008 21:14

off to patent website name

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