so h and I are separated. he had an emotional affair with sme woman 10 years younger, says she is still his friend so I said I cant be his friend anymore. we were together 15 years. he has run off and left me and 16 mo ds, so he can have his freedom etc etc etc
he is such an arse, I hate him so much for how much he has hurt me, and for whathe has done to ds's family. ds loved it when me and xh were together with him
but today I am feeling so sad. grieving for the life we could have had. I know there is no gong back, but every time I hear from him (to arrange contact with ds), I crumble. It would be so much easier if I never saw him again. I keep hoping he will see what an arse he has been, and regret what he has done (even though its very likely I wouldnt take him back). At his worst, he was selfish, unreliable, lazy and let me and others down etc etc. But I still hopee that together we could sort things out, that we would be a proper family.
I feel so sad that all of our past counted for nothing. That he wasnt willing to try. That he is being so selfish. That he has totally dumped me in it - after all he can get out every night, but I am stuck in while ds sleeps. That the future I was looking to has changed out of all recognition.
I keep looking back to the turning point - when he essentially chose work over our family by cancelling our holiday abroad when work asked him to come in. I keep thinking about what might have been, if we had just got away that week. We were trying for a baby, and moving house to accommodate a larger family. Then he decides he cant be arsed any more.
I feel so sad and confused.
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feeling very sad today :( Please talk to me.
34 replies
ratbunny · 10/06/2008 20:07
OP posts:
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