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[Lila07]

I apologise for posting something so insignificant compared with the issues written in here, but I need advice on something that has been bothering me.
I'm a single parent who has moved into a new naughtyarea less than 2 years now, my son is three years old, very sociable and happy little boy who is already going to reception this September. Recently I have meet a mum who has also a three year old daughter going to the same nursery as my son, and we started getting on as she offered to give us a ride in her car to home as we live a few metres next to each other. She usually goes to soft play and my son has started going with her and her daughter as I tough it would be nice as I don't get out much with my son due to lack of transport and sometimes extra money to do so.
But recently I started feeling a bit jealous as my son only asks for this mum, and talks about her constantly and even had a few temper tantrums when she comes around ignoring me and throwing toys around, and also making aces at me while this mum plays with him. She does play with him a lot, which I don't see her doing it with her daughter and the last time my son behaved like this she started going on about going to Macdonalds and at the end of the afternoon asked me if I wanted to let him go over to her house after he just spend all afternoon being really naughty and throwing things around the house, of course I said no! I feel in disadvantage as I don't have a car, I cant afford to take him to Macdonalds, (not to mention that I dont like it) as she does or to soft play and she has a family while I don't have any family over here. She offers constantly to have him around but despite offering to have her daughter around in my house too, she always smiles but does not say anything, as she probably does not need it as she has a partner, her mum and her mother in law who sometimes take her daughter. To solve my son's behaviour and the fact that sometimes she tries to take over, I decided he would only go to her house once a week, she offered to have him in the afternoon and they are going to her mum's who I don't even know, and after to Macdonalds. I talked to someone about this, and I do agree that it is good for children to have their own friends and go to their houses, as this is an important step in their life's, enhancing their social skills, but I find she has a great deal of interest in having my son over and going out with him.The other day we went to the park and she was cleaning his face a coupleof times and rearranging his trousers just like he was his child, and I felt completely useless and inappropriate,just like I was an outsider or just a family friend watching my son being clean by another person other than me. After that my son comes over with a I dont love mummy anymore I love x, which is this other mom in question.After that I had a chat with her and told her I felt a bit undermined and jealous of mu son asking for her all the time, and I wanted to give it a break for a while. I invited her to come over but she makes excuses, and now we barely see her. Am I being jealous and having a hard time letting him go, as he's been glued to my hips since he was born? Or do I have reason to be upset or suspicious that she is trying to take over?She is a nice person, but she doesn't say much about herself and this is clearly about the children, but I find myself thinking why so much interest?Im I just being paranoid as I am sometimes? Please some help as this is doing my head in!

[ANTagony]

Wow you have a lot of frustration and stuff you need to sort through. This is when its worst being single - no adult at home to rationalise these things through with when they're minor issues and then they smoulder and become bigger issues and less rational

Remember in priority order you're no.1 what is right for you is right for your son, no.2 your son is 3 and if it wasn't this other lady he'd be playing you off against someone else (my DS 2 & 4 try them all Granny, Grandpa, Aunty XYZ, even a little girl at playgroups mum and dad because she had a motorbike). I thought I'd play him at his own game and said it was her Granny and Grandpa that brought it. Next thing I new , he was 3 at the time, he told my parents he was trading them in because they hadn't brought him a motorbike! I had some explaining to do.

I'm not quite sure about the naughty incident were you at home, at 'her' house or on neutral teritory?

On the face cleaning and rearranging trousers thing, I'm new to the area I'm in also 2 years, people round here really muck in with each others kids and I'm slowly getting used to it and pitching in. I find the putting a dropped dummy in your mouth to clean it a bit beyond me though!

She is human and probably quite flattered by his cuboard love. Real love is that when he wakes in the night the sound of your voice settles him and puts him back to sleep and that he is provoking a reaction from you because it is your opinion that matters to him.

[Lila07]

Thanks Antagony and maybe you re right I a a bit frustrated if its just a bit!And its hard if have no one to talk to about stuff like this, as my single friends lack knowledge in matters like this. I continued this thread with a title this time,if you wanna read more about my frustration!
Thanks for your answer