who should final decision?

[bentneckwine1]

Hi

Been separated from my husband for two years...no formal arrangements in place for access/child support etc.

Just had a phonecall from exh telling me that he is planning on taking my son out of school for two days midweek. This is to allow him to take my son to visit his grandparents just over 90mins away. The reason for the midweek visit is that the grandparents are busy for the next few weekends and don't want visitors!
So my exh wants me to write to the school and tell them that as he works shifts over the weekend he wants to take my son out of school for two days.

Now I have never taken my son out of school for holidays etc. Before we separated my exh was very critical of relatives that did holiday in term time.

I just don't feel that shift work and busy grandparents justifies taking my son out of school. However my exh is telling me in no uncertain terms that is what is happening.
So in these circumstances who should have the 'final' say? My son lives with me and I am the parent with all the contact with school...so I feel I should be able to veto this. I don't have any friends in RL who are separated so no one to chat with. Hoping that your advice will help me make the right decision.

Many Thanks

[OverMyDeadBody]

Do you want your DS to see his grandparents? Will he enjoy going to visit them?

If I where in your situation I'd tell my exh he has to write to the school asking permission and giving his reason why.

I would be wary of digging my heals in just to prove a point or be difficult tbh, if your DS will benefit then let it happen.

I take it it's not a critical time in your DS's school life, no SATS, GCSEs this term? If so, it's not really a big deal to miss a few days.

[cornsilk]

It's a ridiculous reason to take him out of school. Tell him to sort it out himself.

[ChasingSquirrels]

agree with OMDB, depends on how old your son is.
BUT definitely would say that ex-h had to discuss and ok it with the school - that isn't your responsibility. Tell him there is a form to complete and ask to see a copy of the completed form signed off by the school (yay or nay - makes no difference really - just to ensure that they do know) beforehand.

[bentneckwine1]

Thanks for such quick replies!! To be honest if I thought it was just a one off I would be tempted to go along with it. My DS will have a ball and be spoiled rotten.

However I am worried about setting a precedent as exh is always going to be working shifts over a weekend. Whilst I don't mind so much this time I don't want it to become a habit.

His other suggestion was to take my son out and call in sick. I put my foot down over that as I felt my poor son would be being asked to lie to his teachers which I could not condone. They would be bound to ask if he was feeling better when he went back or my son might want to tell his friends about thigs he had done when he was away. I think my exh thought I was being difficult when I said no to that idea.

Thanks again for your suggestions.

[bentneckwine1]

Thanks for such quick replies!! To be honest if I thought it was just a one off I would be tempted to go along with it. My DS will have a ball and be spoiled rotten.

However I am worried about setting a precedent as exh is always going to be working shifts over a weekend. Whilst I don't mind so much this time I don't want it to become a habit.

His other suggestion was to take my son out and call in sick. I put my foot down over that as I felt my poor son would be being asked to lie to his teachers which I could not condone. They would be bound to ask if he was feeling better when he went back or my son might want to tell his friends about thigs he had done when he was away. I think my exh thought I was being difficult when I said no to that idea.

Thanks again for your suggestions.

[welshdeb]

You don't say how old your ds is as this can affect the situation.

I assume he hasn't had a lot of absences this year or that you arent planning a holiday before the end of term.

I would insist that he contacts the school to explain why your ds won't be in school. He does seem a bit hypocritical if he didn't approve of this in the past.

The reception he gets will depend on your school's view on this type of absence, some schools really don't like children having these types of absences.

Personally I think its a bit of a feeble excuse to miss 2 days of school, its hardly the holiday of a lifetime or a trip to the other side of the world.

But it is your ds gps and your exh and you will need to have an ongoing relationship with them for your ds sake.

[chamaeleon]

i would let school decide. tell ex you will go along with schools decision. that way he cant take it out on you if they say no and you have no guilt either way. i def wouldnt lie to them

[bentneckwine1]

Sorry...DS is nine and has not had any time off for holiday since starting school.

Yeah I think I am going to wash my hands of it and let Exh fix it with the school. I really don't think the school can say no but they might not be very happy with it. I just hope that exh words his letter to them in such a way that the school know it is nothing to do with me.

As I said I don't have any lone parent friends in RL so it helps to have you all here with such a wealth of experience and suggestions.

[Tinkerbel6]

bentneckwine1 fill in a holiday slip and take it as holiday if you want your son to do it, you are the parent with care so you have the final say and he cant just take your son out of school, I would be inclined to say no just for the fact that the granparents seem so selfish.