I'm so confused and quite uneasy about this....I'm sorry if I go on and on.
During my pregnancy with my DS - his father, who is going through a divorce ( 4th year!!!) was constantly unsympathetic to any emotions I had - whether that was not being in a stable relationship with him because of his divorce or the worries of being a mum for the first time. I lived in 'his' house and numerous times he threw me out - I'd always head back, stupidly wanting him to be a part of his childs life from the start, even though he probably didn't want that. More times than I can remember, he would hurt me - dragged me down the hall by my hair, slammed me up against the fence outside and wrestle with me - all during my pregnancy. I always got blamed for his actions - he would say things to me that he knew would upset me and keep at it til I would break. I tried to slap him once, for a cruel comment he made and he hit back - because in his opinion if a female hits out then she should expect the same back!!?
I was 8 months pregnant when he threw me out - again - each time I would go to my parents so he knew I would be looked after. I tried for ages to get him to understand what he is throwing away and eventually I moved back in - to find out he had been in touch with his 'wife' and didn't think to warn me that she may call the land line!!! I tried to blank it all out with all my thoughts on the imminent arrival.
After a 45 hour labour my DS was born and his father was present, being quite supportive. The problems started again when DS was 5 weeks old and it came to registering the birth. As father wasn't divorced and the completion no further forward - bearing in mind the contact he had had with his wife only a few weeks previous, I had talked about giving DS my surname with the view of changing it to his surname once the divorce was done and dusted. I got a phone call an hour before the appointment telling me that if I gave DS my surname I can get the f**k out of his house - again. I gave him the chance to be with me and be on the certificate at least but he never turned up.
I got back to a locked house - no key and a screaming 5 week old hungry baby. Hence to say we moved back with my parents - again!!
Because of his actions he requested that we have a DNA test done to prove he is the father - no respect or trust for me and a very dramatic person indeed. I dented his pride and he just wanted to continue being hurtful. We had it done and the results proved to him what was obvious and a complete waste of money!
He gives me £50 a week and helps with a bit more £ but only has weekends and the odd few minutes a day with DS if I take him to his work place. As for being a 'father' thats only on DNA papers - he's more like a playmate. He knows nothing about parenting and only knows what I tell him about his own son.
What I would like to know if possible is.....
Does he have any say in where and what I do with my DS? Surely I have sole parental responsibility as he's not on the Birth Certificate? Would he need to know where I moved to if I was planning to?
I couldn't trust him with my DS on his own - would I have to leave him with his dad without me just so I can keep getting this £50?
Sorry for dragging this on but I feel so sad and upset - I just want to break all ties as its clear to see that this man doesn't want us as his family.
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DS's father ISN'T on his birth certificate - what 'rights' has he got???????
21 replies
justcantremember · 01/04/2008 22:35
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