Grr

[shelleylou]

Im just so fed up with xp. Sure hes trying to mess with my mind in one way or another since we split but in the last few weeks he's gone too far. Hes started to use ds as a weapon and tried making me tell him that he couldnt see ds. He outright asked me if i didnt want him to see ds anymore. I responded that xxxx deserves to see his dad and couldnt wait to get to you last night (ds was with his dad when he text me this). Now out of the blue hes text me (never does to see how ds is or does very rarely). To tell me that he doesnt know when hell be seeing ds again as hes lost his job. (Big effing surprise there its the 3rd 1 in a year and a half)He doesnt want to explain at them moment but i dont care about that. Its just the timing of it, to me it seams very convenient that hes lost his job this week when he was trying to get me to stop contact last week and due to have him on friday.
No replies neccerary all welcome though. Sorry for the rant.

[gillybean2]

If he's lost his job surely he has more free time to see his child at the moment? Why would loosing his job prevent him from seeing him? Was his only method of transport a work vehicle?

[shelleylou]

theres a distance between us. No he has been using his mums car to pick up ds. Hes forever playing the poverty card, he forgets that i know what the bills are for the flat so will be using that as the exucse. Lost my jobn so i cant afford it.

[AMAZINWOMAN]

Could it be another mind game that he is playing?

Some men would do anything to see their sons. How would he react if you told him;
"your son loves you and wants to see you, its up to you if you want to see him"

[shelleylou]

i did that last week when he tried getting me to tell him that he couldnt see ds. he was told that its his decision whether he sees ds of not xxx deserves to see his dad and he couldnt get to you quick enough last night. To which he replied he wanted to see ds, he then made comments about it when he brought ds back the following day. Hes forever playing mind games, i honestly think he doesnt want to see ds as its toomuch hassle cost his 2 much and mneans he cant go out and get pissed as he has his daughter and her 2 sisters the weekends he doesnt have ds.

[shelleylou]

this will probably sound quiet harsh but he doesn give a damn about his son for exactly that reason, 2 girls that arent his mean a hell of a lot more to him. IYSWIM

[chickenmama]

Do u mean he doesnt give a damn because he's a boy, not a girl? I've always wondered that about my ex - he would do anything for his son but has been awful with my dd. I can't understand how he can treat them so differently. My ex is also an expert at the mind games so I'm actually very glad he wants no contact with my dd right now. I know it's probably upsetting for your ds but if he's just going to mess him about maybe no contact is the best thing for him.

[shelleylou]

Fortunately my ds is too young to understand properly hes only 16 months. TBH its more upsetting for me on behalf of ds buthe hasnt surprised me or my family by doing this. Would much rather him come out and sy that he doesnt want to see ds rather than giving indications that he will at some point.
My xp doesnt give a damn about ds as he is his child and a boy. His daughter comes before our ds and my xp's ex's daughters come before her. If that makes any sense. Girls come first especailly ones that arent his then his own daughter then my ds. I know that might sound very harsh and that i have a low opinion of my ex but i have seen him put x and y before his daughter for the past year and a half and has put them before ds all the time.
I just want whats best for my son and i know if he doesnt see his dad he has a grandad and uncles that dote on him and will be strong positive male role models for him. Obviously my mum dotes on him to lol

[chickenmama]

Oh that sounds even more like my ex. Only his women come first. He used his son to try and sweet talk me on many occasions. He's never been bothered about my dd as she came along when he was involved in another relationship and I think blames both me and her for problems he had with the other woman once she found out.
My dd is young too, not yet 2, and I decided a while ago to forget him. He sometimes calls at odd times, usually when she's asleep, to ask how she's doing but never wants to talk to her - it was a 48 second call this evening and he could hear her playing. I'm past being angry and really do think what you said about having other role models is true. I don't think having that kind of father would be of any benefit, and I'm just glad my dd isn't experiencing any of the sh*t I know he's capable of.

[chickenmama]

Also, I wanted my ex to say he didn't want contact, but I realised that was never going to happen. He will always go against whatever I say. I spent a long time trying to get him to call her, and for months he refused. Now I don't bother asking, he calls, but not to speak to her. I have been wondering why he's calling but I think he's waiting for me to ask if he wants to talk to her. That's what I would have done in the past and I guess he expects it. But I'm not going to suggest it as I made the decision that I would only let him back into her life if he makes it consistant. And it's far from that right now. I think this kind of guy just likes to keep that connection going - they need the attention or something.

[shelleylou]

o no my xp took ds to some womans hous 'for a party' was just the three of them there. My xp wont phone to see how he is cant afford to ring a mobile so i need your house number. HELL NO!! dont fancy him giving it to his mum again for her to ring up giving me greif that was another thread. He gets so many free texts a month and doesnt even both to do use 1 a week to find out how ds is.
Your ex should have been straight with OW and told her he had another child on the way. Cant take responsibility for his own actions much easier to take it out on a defenceless child and her mum.
Its going to kill me tomorrow and friday as ds will be calling out for his dad, he was due to see him this weekend and im sure ds knows when hes going to daddys. Pisses me off even more as his mum has and probably will help im out so he can see the girls, granted we live further away but thats not the point.

[shelleylou]

It has to be consistant. I think especially with regards to mine and possibly your ex its so they can act the innocent and make us out to be the bad guy by stopping contact

[chickenmama]

Absolutely. My dd's father lives abroad with his mum. We visited last year and she used to call quite often. Then he and I had a falling out and since then his mum hasn't called. I found out so many truths from his mum and set her straight on a lot of things, but I'm sure he's told her otherwise. I've always been the bad guy in his eyes.
Hope things aren't too hard with your ds these next few days. If your ex is gonna keep acting like this maybe it's time to cut him out too. It doesn't seem fair that your little man will be suffering when his dad doesn't care.

[shelleylou]

They always do they want there family on there side, my ex made sure of that turnd his 2 cousins and aunty i was close to against me. She will be standing by her son whether hes right or wrong.
Im probably going to sound selfish here but i dont want to stop contact so i dont get made out to be the evil cow etc. Will be hard enough to explain to ds why daddy isnt here and why he didnt want to know, will sound so much worse if i tell him i stopped daddy seeing him. I used to phone them quite often but got fed up of iot always being one sided they never did. Ex is a mummys boy and shes an interfering old bag. Luckily my mum has agreed to have ds for a little while over the weekend so i can have a few hours for myself and get his bedroom straightened up. Thanks